Shouto Todoroki

This was never supposed to happen, Todoroki remarked internally while Bakugou commanded him to empty out his pocket with the blade. Why did you stay? Why were you awake? No. I only ever seem to cause problems by living. Please let me die. That's what worthless things like me deserve. He's pissed. I fucked up. Show him. Cut. Slit your wrist. End it while you have the chance!

Todoroki eyed his left wrist. Unconsciously, he obeyed the voices fulminating through his throbbing mind, and he found himself plunging the blade through the air. A pounding insurgence of adrenaline caused his entire body to flare up with a pulsating sensation that benumbed and subjugated his senses.

A burning kind of pain like alarm bells clattering and screeching in his ears cut through Todoroki's wrist. Yet, he was astonished upon reaching the revelation that what had punctured his wrist was not his blade; Bakugou's nails dug into Todoroki's right wrist. His arm became taut with the pain scorching his veins, but he mustered up the embers of his strength in an endeavor to resist Bakugou.

"Icyhot, this is what makes you a fucking burden!" Bakugou growled while effortlessly pinning Todoroki against the wall by the wrists. "Yer refusing all the help you're offered, and yet, here you are in the U.A. Hero course, saving other peoples' asses from danger. You're making us fucking worry about you. Just because you're a Hero doesn't mean youdon't need to be saved. Right now, I don't give a shit about the others, because I'm gonna be number one, and it's my job to save those that're defenseless and in danger. You're the biggest danger to yourself."

Still with unwavering eyes, Bakugou cautiously revoked Todoroki's glistening blade. "I see…in your goddamn eyes how much you're hurting. You don't have to pretend to be happy. Throw away that facade… You're not emotionless and unbreakable. All you'll ever be is a human. Stop acting like you're not." He released Todoroki's wrists, but immediately, Todoroki collapsed to the floor. "I'm only fucking human too, Todoroki, and I feel the horrible pain in my chest whenever I see how much pain you try to swallow with a smile. Lemme save you, the one hiding away in a blanket of indifference." He knelt down and extended his hand to Todoroki.

Ever since he forced me into my breaking point all over again, I've been hanging on by a thread. It's breaking. This fucking feeling… I don't want to feel anything. What did you do to me? I feel like I'm going to break. Like an empty jar teetering at the edge of a balcony… I'll be broken again. Those days… No. No. Bakugou, it's too much to consider…

Todoroki slowly shook his head and sank back against the wall with his face planted in his knees. "I…can't let you." Frangible, ponderous, and yet so hollow, Todoroki's voice was soaked in self-reproach. "How do I deserve this? Bakugou, what are you after?"

Bakugou pushed Todoroki's head back from his knees and locked their gazes in a splintering hold of blazing ardor. "Do you still think I'm using you? Icyhot, I'm after you, you dumbass. And you imply that you don't deserve to be saved or helped, but you also seem to be so damn convinced that your current existence is just a burden to everyone. If you don't let yourself get better, you're gonna be more of a burden than you could ever be. You fucking hear me? If you're so sick of being a burden that fucks things up, make the effort to change. But I don't expect you to do it alone. I know it's fucking painful, Todoroki. But…" He hugged his arms around Todoroki.

I'm crying, Todoroki realized as he shakily gasped. No. Stop… Why… Why do I feel like this?! What did you do to me?! He attempted to stifle his sobs, but Bakugou simply began to rub his back in slow, delicate circles. Bakugou, I wanted to feel numb. I hate feeling anything. Why did you go through all this just to break me? The tears won't let up. I really am…broken again. Are you happy? Is this what you wanted? Your love and kindness dismantled my indifference, and now…it hurts so much. Stop shaking. Stop weeping once again over nothing. Stop showing him how pathetic you really are!

Pensive sobs were disgorged into the air as Todoroki's chest sporadically twitched and quivered with each unsteady gasp he took in. Crystalline rivulets of his tears snaked down his cheeks and cascaded onto the floor and Bakugou's shoulder. At times, he felt as though he was unable to breathe from hyperventilating. Todoroki's chest was gripped by grief as his unadulterated ululations swam through the room, and he thought that his head would certainly erupt from the nauseating, jagged pressure weighing it down. Even so, all his body would allow him to do was empty out the cries and screams he'd previously been unable to release.

Why can't I force myself to feel nothing like I've been able to do for so long? Todoroki rebuked himself while he began to feel the sensation of Bakugou's hands on his frigid, numb fingers. React the way I want whenever I want to… I can't be sad. I don't want to believe it's gone. Even when I'm like this, he's still holding me so tight. He's being so fucking patient and considerate. He's treating me like I mean everything to him… Enough. No more. With that, Todoroki managed to inhale deeply and suffocate any laggard sobs or feelings that threatened to burst from his chest or throat.

"Know what this means?" whispered Bakugou while Todoroki steadied his breaths into a regulated rhythm. "Things're gonna get better. Now that yer mask of indifference has finally broken, you're feeling something again, right?" He lifted Todoroki's head and sieved the latter's doleful visage tinged in a rich pink.

I'm not going back to those days of feeling so fucking sad and miserable every single day… "You don't…understand," Todoroki forced himself to utter with fractured words that oscillated between whispers and mere silence.

Bakugou gently brushed aside Todoroki's damp strands of hair that clung to his face from his tears. "What don't I understand? I'm never gonna know if you don't speak up, dammit. What, you still lookin' down on me?"

You pulled the chair out from under my feet. Now, I'm back to hanging in this desire to feel indifferent to everything again. Pressed up against my skin, and yet, I can't have it. I refuse to break again and again over everything. Get it back. Pull it back. Somehow…

Todoroki tilted his head away from Bakugou and muttered in a strained sigh, "The indifference you broke…held me together. That's why I'm still alive, Bakugou… I don't…" He swallowed his words, perishing the thought of inadvertently expatiating the truth.

Like a plume of smoke, Bakugou's voice was gritty and hefty. "Hey, you damn Icyhot bastard… Look up." His vicious smirk graced Todoroki's eyes. "There. Chin up, eyes forward. Don't take your eyes off your opponent. Yer indifference was also the noose making you dissociate from reality as you slipped further and further away. It was slowly killing you, Icyhot. What're you gonna do without that indifference shielding you from reality? Face it head-on. Fight, dammit. Because if you don't fight that part of yourself to the death, then you're just gonna have to die knowing that you were as weak, pathetic, and useless as you claim to be. You'll die a burden, and you'll be even more of one if you kill yourself. Is that what you want? Tell me."