The rays of morning sun peaking through the windows of Granger Dojo. A navy blue haired teen sneaked a look at the gazing sun and walked back in. As if he doesn't want to be seen staring at sun. As if the sun would complain his existance and call him too clingy as well.
However, it should come as a surprise for anyone how The sleepyhead teen is awake so early. The reason is he never slept. Not last night. Not the night before. Truth to be told he can't recall if he slept at all for the whole week. Or ate anything. Sighing, he walked around the place.
The decade old dojo now looked much more beautiful with yellow Pascoli flowers and various roses. Some roses are white and the yellow nectar looks sweet. The petals fan widely over the area and sometimes when he passed it he can detect amazing fragrance. On the top is a very thin layer of dust. Gardening had been his grandfather's last hobby. Grandpa made these hybrid rose garden very passionately. Many times even forced him to water the plants and work here. until.. well... the old man finally left him alone.
Said teen wondered how many times he had wanted his grandpa to leave him alone. He chuckled never did he ever imagined in his weirdest dream how things would change in the old man's absence!! The man died in a heartattack. It hasn't been a week yet.
Tyson had taken him to the hospital.
Treatment! Well. That wasn't necessary. They said "SORRY".
Now everyone knew the meaning of that word when that come out of doctor's mouth. His grandpa was no more. There had been a small funeral. Ryu Granger has been simply buried without any exaggeration. Simply because he didn't arrange much. What would it matter if it was big. Even his father and brother was out of reach. Do they ever care!! Ten years ago, Tyson would have said they totally does.. They surely loved him .. But now the sixteen year old could only scold his inner child for thinking that way.
His mind went blank once again as he stared at the sharp knife in his hand. Just one scratch. A deep one in the vein.. It will be over... All the pain... will fade away...
He could do it... Can't he??
His eyes drifts to the yellow garden...
I have always loved the flowers and the birds, loved the sunlight and the clouds that drift by. I have always loved the way the leaves move in a breeze and that soft whispering sound they make, like nature loves to chatter too. Yet the tiredness that begun a while ago remains like a veil over my skin, grey and cold. And as I watch the petals and the twigs that sway outside the window, there is only a creeping sorrow where there should be joy. It sits like November rain on my skin, enough to chill what was once warm inside.
At any other time, I would have called a friend, asked for the warmth I needed to ward it off, just a little is enough. But they all left. I knew Kai lived somewhere near by. I met him once in a while. Once in a month. Or less. But hei!! At least he had bothered to show up at the funeral. He did not say anything there but then again he won't be Kai if he did. Hilary Kenny went to London after getting scholarship. Max and Ray joint their respective countries for school and other stuffs. They had left five months ago. I didn't bother to let them know about grandpa. I don't want to bother them at all. They are busy of course. Why I am always the only one left alone.. to deal with the pain... the pain of being abandoned.. cold...
..
I felt this pain for the first time ages ago, when mom closed her loving teddy eyes years ago. Her arm went rigid from holding my five year old form. Little did I knew those eyes were never going to open again. Then dad, Hiro... I was all. alone. Then I have learnt to clutch on my friends. As though, if I had many friends I would never be alone. What a fool I was!!
Cause everybody hurts
Take comfort in your friends
Everybody hurts
Am I really dying?? Is it that easy to Die?? It seems it is. Is it okay to die? Don't I owe anyone anything?? That means if I die, I am hurting more people than myself as well. I can never chill out in the beach, never annoy Kai, never play Xbox... But I gave those up ages ago. Yet, I don't feel right. I am freaking out. I...I .. don't don't want to die..
Now I know I had always been relying on my friends too much. Too much to lessen my own pain.. to shove away the darkness threatened to engulf me.
No longer. I had just let it come, drop by drop and I felt like it is an ocean falling upon me instead of rain - that the grief of years I carefully suspended has all condensed right above my head into a cloud large enough to block the sun.
They say it can't rain forever, that there will come a time when it must cease, that the last drop will have fallen. But the thing was, I just didn't care. I had still been true to myself, still helped others, but now, I was planning to just stay here in the cold, comfortably numb.
But after grandpa is gone. I just know.. This is my day of drowning, here again, the cold wash only I can feel. I don't want to get up. I don't want to move at all.
I can't recall the last time I reached out for that child-self I once was, the kid who loved sunshine and rain all the same. I started to see darkness around the lights instead of the other way around, and soon there were no more colours in my world. They say there is a rope ladder out of depression, one you can use to climb out of it, the problem is that I just can't find the person I will to reach out for, let alone try.
I know what I want to do. Knifes' Steel shined as the sunlight fall on it. I can't take it anymore... I am so tired.
...SLASH...
I watched in awe as crimson blood poured from the wound of my wrist. It felt kinda good!! As if my life is getting out along with the blood. I never imagined my life to end like this.
But what can I say.. I am a loser... Maybe in world's eyes I had always been a champion but only I had always known what a loser I am. My eyes are being blurr.
Is it is because of some unshed tears made their ways into my eyes? Or I am truely dying?? Was it always this easy to die?? Is that how my life going to end?? What would my friends say?? Oh.. Forget it. They are no one to me. They don't care. Don't I owe them??
Why my mind is drifting to those memories of Achievements.
You are so amazing Tyson"~Hillary
... We Love Tyson Granger.. The one and only Three Time World Champion!!!
'Way to go,Buddy!!'~Kai.
'Man up T-Man'
Maxiee, Ray.
I have so much to say to them. To share with them. I don't think I am ready to leave the world just yet. A painful throb in my wrist reminded me I am on my way leaving... Should I Go!!
Don't let yourself go
'Cause everybody cries
Everybody hurts sometimes
Everybody cries
Everybody hurts, sometimes
So hold on, hold on
Hold on, hold on, hold on
I am not alone, I am one of many in the world and the world is full of interesting things to see, to touch to feel, to keep my mind anchored in time and space. What the hell have I done?
But as the white flakes whirl around me in an angry vortex, I am as alone as I would be in the bleakness of space and cold, so cold. I reach out with gloved hand to guide my way but it is swallowed before it has gone even a few inches. To save my eyes from the blinding white I must narrow them until they are almost shut, and all the while the wind rages without end, only reducing its ferocity long enough to gather the strength for another attack.
All my heart can do is beat, warm blood around my veins as it flows mercilessly. I need to do something...
Don't throw your hand, oh no
Don't throw your hand
If you feel like you're alone
No, no, no, you are not alone
I needed to do something fast. As if in cue my phone caught my eyes. I stumbled finally to get my phone from the table. Why did I kept it there.. I don't know. I called the first name came in my contacts.
I don't even know whose number it was.
Ring.. ring.. ring...
"Hello!"
A deep manly voice grumbled as if too annoyed because of the call. But Tyson knew better.
Crap. Of all people he had to call Kai. "Hi, Kai!" He wanted to say but it come out just nothing but painful grumble.
"What?" He knew something was up and Kai hates to be kept in dark. Even though he keeps most of us in the dark all the time. He demands to know everything. "Either spill or I am hanging up." Modest as ever..
I have known for a long time honestly is the best policy when it comes to Kai. I tried to take a deep breath, which resulted in a shaky huff. A grasp left my throat before I can stop it. "Are you alright?" My eyes teared up for another time that day! Did I really hear concern in the most cold-hearted person I have ever meet for me!!
"I am. I am not. I..I ..I actually slit my wrist to kill my-myself." I shattered at the end. God I sound so sappy and weak. Why I am panting so much. Kai would probably hang up on me because of it. I don't think I can hear properly.
Kai is yelling something, "I am coming!!" He never asked if I faked it or not. I knew he didn't need to. He can sense it. We both can. I called it best friend bond. That bastard is my best friend!! And I was gonna die without even so much of a notice .. some friend I am.
Kai is giving me instructions," Try to stop the blood flowing. Apply direct pressure on this. Stay awake. Can you hear me?" I can only hear his desperation, hurry in those words. And in a distinct note a plea, a plea to stay awake. To stay alive. "I don't want to die.." words left my mouth as to soothe him more than myself. I was so sorry.. What a stupid choice to made. "You won't Tyson. I won't let you." His word shinning with determination and confidence. I would never know how they gave me confidence to stay alive as well, as if even death had to listen the orders of Kai Hiwatari.
But my mind didn't. I can fell my eyelids become too heavy to be kept open. It closes.
All I can do is plan the most logical path to warmth, safety and to something more tangible than light and snow.
I heard from distant thumb as the main door bust open. I was nearly breathing. I saw a figure baggy Blue jeans something white. The figure cussed something loudly. I knew who it was. I tried to flash a smile but I failed. I drowned into the endless darkness.
Hei guys! It's me but I am not back. My exams has been postponed because of flood in some parts of our country. As I mentioned this is called a board exam and everything student of the whole country would have to attend it at the same time for proper judgement. Can't say I am happy though. The authority cancelled the exam right before the due date of exam. All of my preparations were complete, so I decided to take a break until they announce the date again.
And should I write a second part of the story? And more importantly should Tyson leave or not?
