Based on art by kommander_auric
(twitterDOTcom/kommander_auric/status/1536300773524611075)
If you see the art this fic is based off of, you'll notice I didn't stick with the original dialogue. I wanted to write this with Emilia taking a more active role in his recovery while Rem goes into the corner knowing what she did was bad.
'Sorry' ain't gonna cut it
(wind magic might tho, heyyooooo)
It had only been a few hours since Subaru had lost his leg at the hands of the Oni maids, being attacked on the suspicion of being some a spy for an enemy faction or some kind of cult. It was only because of the elder sister, Ram, that Subaru was still drawing breath. She had intervened just as Rem was about fed up with his cries of love and friendship, stopping her younger sister from inflicting any further harm. Ram deemed that her younger sister had made a mistake, and so the most they could do at that point without killing an innocent man was to cut their losses and come clean with what they did. For what little it was worth, they apologized as they healed some of his immediate injuries and collected him and his leg, to which screamed and yelled the entire trip back until he passed out.
After the sun had gone down, the twins had brought Subaru back to the mansion in two uneven pieces, much to the shock of Emilia, who had wished him safe travels earlier that very same day. The twins put him back in his room where they were immediately rushed out by a concerned Emilia, calling upon Beatrice and pleading with her to assist in his healing. Sadly, even with their combined efforts, the leg reattachment wouldn't take hold. It had simply been too long and their healing magic wasn't strong enough to fix a severed limb. Scrambling for a solution, Beatrice suggested putting his leg on ice, then use Roswaal's connections to contact a more proficient healer from the Capital who could arrive within a few days.
So for the time being, Subaru was to recover in his bed physically and mentally while the arrangements were made to reattach his severed limb.
There was no way the maids would be allowed anywhere near Subaru's room, a fact that the twins themselves acknowledged the moment they returned with the tortured, broken soul that used to be their guest. Though the maids promised to keep their distance, Emilia stayed on a chair outside Subaru's bedroom door that night just in case, something that gave them both peace of mind. While Emilia intentionally neglected her sleep to keep watch, Subaru tossed and turned in his sleep, plagued by his mind's vivid recreations of what had happened to him just hours ago.
Subaru woke up from his half-slumber the next morning, and the first thing he did was reach his arm down to his right leg. When his fingers touched over the bandaged stump that ended just below his knee, the light from his eyes quickly faded, reminded of the reality he was stuck living in. Though he was still angry, bitter, and scared over everything that had happened to him, he thankfully had a sole beacon of shining light that kept his mind from tipping off the deep end entirely.
After asking for and receiving permission to enter, Emilia stepped in with a tray of breakfast, one that she assured that she had prepared personally, boasting that she had received basic maid training. Seeing the haphazard slices of fruit and charred excuse for scrambled eggs, he believed her. It wasn't tasty at all and it was hard to keep down, but a hand-cooked meal made just for him put the smallest of smiles on his face… until he remembered the only reason why she was doing it to begin with.
She tried to make conversation with him, throwing out opportunities to talk about him, talk about her, talk about anything he was curious about, seeing how he was a foreigner who probably had lots of questions. But after he finished eating, she saw that Subaru lacked that certain light that was in his eyes when they first met. Now he looked as if he had lost all hope, as if his life had been so permanently altered by this that he would never be the same Natsuki Subaru ever again.
And Emilia felt partially to blame, bringing the boy who saved her life into an abode that would attack him so maliciously.
As much as she wanted to help, Emilia could tell that he needed his space, so she excused herself. She turned to him before leaving and apologized for what happened, but Subaru showed the first genuine smile all morning when he told her that she had nothing to be sorry about. Emilia did her best to smile for his sake until leaving the room, but after the door closed shut, both their faces relaxed so that their resting frowns could return.
Once he knew that she was far enough away, he tried moving his good leg so that he didn't get soft just laying around. Unfortunately, he found it too painful to move his lower body too much and cried out in pain, but silenced himself so he didn't worry Emilia. However, this was enough noise to draw out Beatrice, who was bothered by his wails and decided to fix the problem herself and saw to his pains. She was being a tsundere about it, but she was clearly unhappy with the way he had been treated and vowed to uphold proper hospitality.
After the spirit loli had left, Subaru rested most of the day, staring up at the ceiling he had come to hate and fear so much, but it was all he could look at while on his back. He collected his thoughts, reflected on his actions, and fell deeper into the pit of despair that was his own mind, lamenting over the horrid reality of his isekai adventure.
Before he got too lost in his own mind, his train of thought was cut short with a lunch visit from Emilia, touting another one of her hand-crafted meals. Similar to breakfast, Subaru ate a bad meal, listened to Emilia's day so far, then got that empty feeling again, like his soul was nothing more than a dried husk of what it used to be, to which Emilia tried to break through. He flashed her a weak smile this time, but he informed her that he just needed time to sort out his thoughts, to which she was happy about seeing him talking more after just a few hours. She took her leave and once again nodded in apology, to which Subaru once again told her not to blame herself.
The cycle repeated again for dinner later that night; Subaru got healing from Beatrice, he thought to himself for a while, and Emilia brought him burnt food which he shamelessly scarfed down. This time half the food she prepared wasn't even on a plate, so she shamefully admitted that between staying up all night and making meals between her studies, she was starting to feel exhausted. Subaru noticed the bags under her eyes and suggested that she go to sleep instead of keeping guard over him, but she insisted that someone needed to keep him safe. Even while down a limb, Subaru was still as considerate as she remembered him to be, telling her that he had convinced Beatrice into keeping a nearby door open to keep watch for the night, which both relieved and impressed Emilia.
Before she excused herself this time, she informed him that Roswaal had left for the Capital personally to fetch the nation's greatest healer, and that he would be here in just a few days time. Emilia expected him to be happier at her news, but his smile quickly melted away into a somber expression, which both confused and worried her. But Subaru wanted to rest, and she was in no position to press him on sensitive topics, so she wished him a good night and sweet dreams. On the way out, she noticed an open door with Beatrice sitting near the open entrance, nodding to Emilia as the only other person in this mansion who could look out for their guest's safety.
After night had fallen and Emilia had gone to bed, Beatrice looked both ways before crossing the hallway and rushing over to Subaru's room. After knocking the short five-note tune he had taught her, Subaru replied with two knocks on his headboard to let her know she could enter. Just like they had talked about after breakfast and planned after lunch, Subaru did his best to bite through the pain and sit himself off the edge of the bed, while Beatrice went across the room and started to drag the coat rack that was twice her size over to Subaru.
Just as Subaru didn't understand why he felt as if he could ask Beatrice for her help in something so concluded as escaping the mansion under the guise of night, it seemed that Beatrice herself was confused as to why she accepted such a bothersome proposal. Even though she argued how pointless it was considering his leg would be as good as new in just a few days, she could see the torment in his eyes, begging her to save him. Whether she really wanted to help him or she just wanted him out of her sight, Subaru couldn't say for certain, but Beatrice's help was a blessing.
Beatrice finally finished dragging the room's empty coat rack over to Subaru's bedside, where Subaru had just finished changing into the remains of his freshly laundered, tattered tracksuit. He reached out to open the end table drawer and took out the letter he had written earlier in the afternoon, and left it on the table's surface for Emilia to find. It read:
Dear Emilia,
Sorry if my penmanship is terrible, I haven't had much time to learn this country's language yet.
My time with you has been irreplaceable, and I will cherish the moments we shared as precious memories for the rest of my life!
Unfortunately, things didn't go the way either of us had hoped, and so it is with a heavy heart that I must say goodbye.
I don't want to waste your time more than I already have, so please don't come looking for me.
I will find myself a place where I belong, faults and all, so please don't worry about where I end up. I'm a resourceful guy.
You still have my support, now and forever, so look forward to my vote in the Selection!
I'll always remember you fondly. Please take care in this crazy, magical world we live in.
Your friend, with love,
Natsuki Subaru
P.S. You have an amazing smile, never let go of it
Subaru sighed at his definitive choice of words, knowing the kind of blow this would have to a sweet girl like Emilia, but he just couldn't stay here any longer. He grabbed the tall wooden furniture and used it to prop himself up on his good leg, nodding in satisfaction at his makeshift crutch. After a heartfelt thank you and a headpat for Beatrice, Subaru began the painstaking task of relearning how to walk with a coat rack for a crutch, first making his way out of his room then down the hall, where Beatrice couldn't bear to watch his sad movements any longer and retreated back to her library.
It was a piece of work trying to reinvent his walk pattern, but the stress of trying to beat the sunrise while not waking anybody up was a good motivator for him to learn on the fly. He eventually learned the motion of balancing on his one foot to bring his 'crutch' forward, then held onto the coat rack for dear life as he swung himself forward. It wasn't much, but it was still movement.
Subaru repeated his 'walking' motions, carefully not to make too much noise so he didn't wake anyone. He was doing well, moving at half his normal two-legged walking speed, until he met his first obstacle: Stairs. At first he contemplated taking hold of the railing with one hand so he could hop down step by step, but that would take too long and risk further injury.
Instead, he slinked down onto his butt so that he was sitting on top of the stairs, leaned onto his good side, and slowly let himself slide down the stairs one step at a time. He had to use one arm to keep his coat rack up so that it didn't knock against the stairs, and the constant bumping on the way down caused his stump to ache. He knew that he would have to get used to a life without constant access to healing magic, so he swallowed down the pain and kept his lips sealed.
When he finally reached the bottom of this flight of stairs, he pumped his free hand into a fist, silently celebrating his accomplishment. He stood the coat rack upright so he could stand back up, sighing to himself at the long way he still had to go to leave this mansion. Right when he finished propping himself up, ready to resume his slow escape plan, he came face to face with the second scariest person living in this mansion.
Ram.
Subaru had unknowingly crossed over the imaginary border that the maids were not to cross, and had mistakenly run into the elder sister fetching her late-night drink. Holding a piping hot cup of tea in both of her petite hands, the pink-haired Oni seemed to be equally surprised to see him as he was to see her, though her eyes lacked the fear and anxiety his had. He was too stricken with shock to say anything to her, so she took a few steps back to give him some space. While he tried to calm down and steady his breathing, it gave Ram the few seconds she needed to evaluate the situation at hand, and once she put the pieces together, she looked visibly saddened.
Ram asked him a single time to reconsider returning to his room, assuring him that medical assistance was on the way she and her sister would keep their distance. But as she half expected, he just shook his head, looking sad as if he wanted to, but couldn't. It made no sense to her why he would leave before his legs were fixed, not to mention the other deep cuts and bruises Rem had given him. However, what he said next would answer her question, though it also made her pride as an Oni wane down to almost nothing.
That he would rather spend the rest of his life missing his right leg than spend another night under the same roof as Ram or Rem.
That had hurt Ram a lot more than either of them thought it would. It was nothing compared to the physical pain Subaru had been going through, and it was completely deserved, but the knowledge that he was so desperate to get away from them made her feel like even more of a monster than she already was. She could only imagine what this news would do to her sister's already weakened will to live, not to mention her pre-existing inferiority complex.
But Ram knew her place. As much as she wanted him to receive proper treatment and stand on his own two feet before making his departure, she couldn't blame him for wanting to leave the domicile of his attackers as hastily as he was. She wanted to insist that he stay, but she knew it was not her place to try and stop him.
With a bow of her head and a wish of safe travels, Ram turned around and began to walk back the way she came, opting to take the long way back to her room. After a few steps, she paused to turn around and formally apologize to him for the first time since they carried him back to the mansion, but she saw the look he was staring her down with out of the corner of her eye.
He didn't want to hear it. So Ram turned back to resume walking away from the boy she had crippled, knowing that all she and her sister could do to make it up to him at this point was to never cross paths with him ever again.
Though she hung her head low with shame as she walked, Ram knew that this was her own doing. She may have been the one that stopped her sister from delving into outright murder, but it was her fault for not following Roswaal's orders and stopping Rem before she got too worked up. He had claimed that he was hiding out in the mountains to prevent some sort of attack, and based on the commotion she saw in the village during her resupply, he may have been onto something all along.
But it was too late for regrets. All she could do was head up the other set of stairs at the far end of the hall and return to her room, preparing what she would say to her sister the next morning when she discovers the news of Subaru's departure. It wasn't until the tail end of her peach-colored nightgown ascended the stairs and left Subaru's line of sight that he allowed himself to exhale his held breath. If he was lucky, he would never see her or her sister ever again.
But he was famous for being unlucky as hell, so he prayed in his head that this time would be different.
After a few more hallways, a couple more sets of stairs, and the constant struggle to keep his noise down, Subaru finally made it to the mansion's entrance, nudging one of the doors open so that he could slip through. Subaru took his first breath of fresh air for the first time in over a day, reeling in the sweet taste of freedom. It felt like it took at least a half hour to travel from his room to the exit, but it was all worth it to gaze upon the starry night sky once more.
Now that he was free of the murder house known as the Roswaal estate, Subaru was free to pursue his last bet for any sort of assistance in his isekai nightmare; Reinhard van Astrea. Though he hadn't known him for very long, Subaru felt a sort of kinship when they first spoke, as if they were the kind of people to be friends with each other right away. That, or Subaru's desperate situation was making him remember things through rose-colored glasses. Either way, Reinhard was the final straw Subaru could think to grasp, at the very least he should be able to point Subaru towards somewhere he could belong.
Subaru was down his favorite leg, had no idea where Reinhard lived, and was still broke beyond comparison. Still, he gathered the last of his perseverance and dredged forward, starting his long path to find the Sword Saint. He took his first few 'steps' forward, eager to put as much distance between him and the mansion as possible, but after he got halfway down the entry path, he stopped and turned around to look at the mansion one last time.
Roswaal seemed like an eccentric kind of guy, but he had horrible taste when it came to hiring. Part of him really wanted to spend more time with Beatrice, she was fun to tease and a relaxing soul to be around (when she wasn't being tsundere as hell). Puck was cute, and he was also kind of annoying with the way he did and said whatever he pleased, but he cared about Emilia so Subaru let his quirky behavior slide.
Emilia was of course the one he would miss most of all, and his last memory of her will be of leaving his bedside exhausted from taking care of him while trying to be a candidate for the throne at the same time. Subaru admired her commitment to take on two arduous tasks at once, but there was no way he could allow his sorry state to hinder her progress towards the throne. He closed his eyes, took a deep breath in, exhaled, then turned back around and resumed his quest to seek out the Sword Saint, leaving behind the first leg of his journey and the last leg he would ever hope to lose.
Subaru had no way of keeping track of time beyond days and nights, so he didn't know how long it had taken him to reach Arlam village, but he could tell that it had taken him at least twice as long than he remembered. He was exhausted, the only things still keeping him going was hope, determination, and three meals that were somehow both burnt and undercooked. He wanted to rest somewhere, just for a short while to let his remaining leg muscles relax, but he saw in the center town there was some kind of memorial service going on.
He didn't know what it was for, but there were torches and candles lit around a large group of crying people, so it must've been something serious. Subaru felt uncomfortable resting while everyone else in town was still awake and could spot him, then start asking him questions and maybe accuse him of being a spy too, so he snuck around the edge of town and snuck around the crowd that way. Subaru didn't stop his hobbling until he left the small town altogether, getting on the dirt path leading out of Mathers territory.
Subaru kept 'walking', ignoring the snarling beasts that seemed to be leering at him from just beyond the gemstone-laden treeline, until the sun came up. When he felt sunlight on his face, he turned around to see the distance he had traveled in one night, then smiled in accomplishment when he saw that the mansion was almost completely out of sight, now nothing more than a bittersweet memory. He kept pushing on as morning came around in full swing, birds chirping, temperature rising, and people waking up from their restful slumber while Subaru felt like a walking corpse.
Eventually he happened upon a crossroads, a two-pronged sign pointing to the left and right paths, leading to landmarks he didn't recognize. Subaru didn't know which one would lead him closer to the Capital, and he didn't have the energy left to think about it. Finally giving into the exhaustion, Subaru slid down his coat rack like an exotic dancer until he collapsed onto the grass, laying on his back to soak in some of the morning sun. The thought of one of those snarling creatures from last night coming out to attack him while his guard was down popped into his head, but a part of him almost welcomed that fate. At least that way maybe he could get his leg back and leave that mansion the moment he wakes up in that damn bed again.
However, what jabbed at his resting body were not the fangs of a bloodthirsty animal, but the pointed boot of a passing merchant. The man seemed to be in his early thirties, tall with sandy blond hair, a rugged jawline, and blue eyes that would've made him look handsome, were it not for the goofy top hat with what Subaru assumed was his family crest on the front in gold. He looked over to see a dragon carriage with a small boy up front holding the reins, looking like a younger version of the man in front of him, but with differently shaped amber eyes.
The man asked him if he was alright, and Subaru assured him that he was just a little lost on his way to Capital City. The man then pointed out that Subaru had a missing leg that looked freshly severed, was using a coat rack as a crutch, and was nearly passed out on the side of the road in the middle of a forest. Subaru struggled to come up with something that would make the merchant go on his merry way, so he ended up being invited onto his dragon carriage to take him as close to Capital City as his route would take him. Subaru agreed on the condition that he mend any of his clothes in need of repair, or perhaps organize his inventory in exchange for a ride, but the taller man just laughed at his proposal.
He wanted to show his son that money and bartering are important when being a merchant, but they aren't always everything. The man truly just wanted to help, reminding him somewhat of the very man he sought, the generosity being offered to him brought a tear to his eyes and helped lift his crushed spirits. The merchant helped Subaru rise to his… foot, and threw an arm over his shoulder so the tired boy didn't have to take another staggered step.
After situating their new guest amongst the cargo, the older man took the reins from his son, who stepped down from the driver's seat, reached into a backpack-like pouch on the carriage floor and offered Subaru a triangular half of a sandwich. Subaru's eyes lit up, and he carefully took the food from the boy's hands before scarfing it down like a savage, only realizing how depraved he must have looked to the two travelers. They just tilted their heads back and laughed for nearly a minute, their dragons seemingly annoyed with the frequency and volume of their cackles, then once they calmed down the son reached into his bag and offered Suabru the other half. He accepted it and nibbled it a little bit at a time while being flustered, earning a few snickers from the father son duo.
Seeing these two made him miss his dad.
…
The trip lasted all morning, Subaru regaled the father-son duo with tales of his homeland and his journey in Lugnica so far, omitting the origin of his injury of course. Not only did he want to avoid slandering Emilia's name, but he also didn't want to scare this poor kid who couldn't be more than 8 years old. They stopped at a trading outpost along the main highway, where the father hopped out and told Subaru to wait while he spoke with a friend that owed him a favor.
After a couple minutes of chit-chat, an elderly woman with a headscarf, overalls, and the physique of a professional weightlifter came over to help unload the blond man's cargo, then at the very end took Subaru and his improvised crutch into her wrinkly, yet beefy arms. The blonde merchant told Subaru that this woman was on her way to the Capital's main street market to sell her goods, and agreed to take the injured boy to his destination. He once again started to offer his services in any way he could, but the buff granny just held him tighter to shut him up, calling him cute as she carried him off into her carriage.
The rest of the trip to the capital only took a few hours, passing the time with the older woman's tales from her travels, keeping Subaru entertained the whole ride over with stories of action, mystery, and love. Subaru dwelled on her several love stories, amazed at how one person could have so many romantic stories to tell, until the familiar sounds of the Capital drew him out of his thoughts. Once they came to a stop in the central market district, Subaru was ready to hop out and thank her profusely before heading on his way, but the old lady put a powerful hand on his shoulder to stop him from leaving just yet.
Subaru had mentioned his intentions of visiting the Astrea's mansion while in Capital City, so the old woman handed him, along with a delivery of milk, eggs, and meat, off to the man she knew worked for the Astrea family's kitchen. The scrawny young man, who looked only a few years older than Subaru, preached to her the standards of the Astrea kitchen and that human meat was NOT an acceptable substitute, she explained to him this boy's story and his journey so far.
Vaguely recalling a dark-haired boy being mentioned among the Astrea household, the frail man dressed in the clothes of a cook allowed Subaru to be loaded into his wagon. He asked Subaru to use what little energy he had to keep any of the foodstuffs from spilling over on the ride over, a small task for the boy who apparently wanted nothing more than to be useful and prove his worth to someone. With his goal in sight at a fraction of the time he thought it would take, Subaru nodded in agreement and they were off within minutes.
The ride over was quiet. The squirrely man didn't seem to be much of a conversationalist, and Subaru was sleep deprived and running on the power of a lone sandwich, so they both seemed to take joy in the mutual silence, instead letting the noises of the bustling city around them do the noisemaking. As they traveled through the cobblestone streets, Subaru thought about how Emilia must have gotten his letter by now, wondering how she would take it. Knowing her, she would probably continue to blame herself in some capacity, and Subaru mentally kicked himself for not including in his letter not to feel bad. But being honest with himself, there was a good chance a sweet girl like her would've continued to feel bad anyways.
Subaru didn't know if it was his deep thoughts, him passing in and out of sleep, or just his dilapidated state that made time seem like it was passing by faster, because before he knew it the gates to the Astrea mansion were right in front of him. The carriage advanced past the gate and towards the mansion itself, tears of catharsis and relief flowing down Subaru's cheeks as they approached. The assistant chef was starting to get a little uncomfortable, so he swung around to the mansion's front door to drop Subaru off, then made his way around back to the kitchen.
Now that he was finally here, at the doorstep of the nation's most revered knight, part of him was beginning to have second thoughts. Would he be intruding during something important? Maybe Reinhard was out busy somewhere and wouldn't be back for hours, even days. There was a good chance that the guy meets so many people on any given day that he'd probably forgotten all about him. Subaru's starry eyes clouded, overcast with the time he wasted and the people he had inconvenienced by making this foolish journey. He turned away from the front door, contemplating to leave in favor of the slums, maybe see if Old Man Rom had any leads for him, but the sound of double doors opening made him turn back around.
Breathing heavily as if he had rushed across the entire building to open the doors, none other than Reinhard van Astrea himself burst through the entrance. His Divine Protection of Empathy had picked up on a vibe so scared and crying out for help, Reinhard's hero instinct drove him to seek the somewhat familiar aura, doubting his own Divine Protections as to who this person was. But to his surprise, not only was it the young boy who he had talked about with the mansion's residents, but he looked dirty, tired, and he was missing his right leg from the knee down, all attributes that he lacked the last time Reinhard laid eyes on him. Just as Reinhard was about to ask him what had happened and what he was doing here, Subaru casually lifted his hand not on his coat rack of a crutch and greeted him.
"Hey man, what's up?"
Reinhard couldn't believe his perfect hearing. This man was injured, exhausted, and on the verge of collapse, but he still managed to remember his manners and greeted the Sword Saint with the same fake smile Reinhard saw in his mirror every morning. The old trails of tears running down Subaru's face came back to life with a new flow, the adrenaline that had fueled his drive to seek Reinhard's aid was finally starting to dwindle, making him woozy to the point of falling over onto his bad side. Thankfully, Reinhard swooped in and caught his injured friend before he hit the ground, also catching his crutch from falling over with a swift movement of his free hand.
Reinhard held Subaru close, explaining that he didn't know what had happened to put him in this state, but he was free to stay with him as long as he liked. Hearing those words was the final thing Subaru needed to hear before his body allowed himself to pass out in the knight's arms. Reinhard almost wanted to stop him so he could ask more about his condition, but he couldn't bring himself to stop his desire to rest. He knew that his coworker Ferris had been called out on some emergency case, so it was in Reinhard's capable hands to see Subaru to a speedy recovery.
Reinhard didn't need any Divine Protections to tell that this boy needed a bath, a nice hot meal, a good night's rest, and a good shoulder to cry on. The Sword Saint hoped that he could meet those needs for him, it was the least he could do for both assisting in thwarting the Bowel Hunter's schemes and helping him locate the final Dragon Maiden. Speaking of whom, Reinhard hoped that his Felt-sama, who kicked and fought against him at every turn over the past few days, would find some solace in seeing the big-bro she regarded so highly, though she may only be more distressed by his extreme condition. Between her, and now Subaru, Reinhard had brought in two house guests in under a week. He would surely hear from his father about this at some point.
But right now, all that was important to Reinhard was Subaru's well being, putting his friend's impromptu crutch on his back like he was sheathing a sword as he carried the slumbering boy through the entrance and into his home.
I really wanted to get this premise down and out of my head, I'll try to come back to this when I've cleared up other projects. Some things to consider writing this timeline going forward:
-Village kids are dead (sorry Petra)
-Rem isn't head maid anymore, Frederica probably gets called in
-Roswaal lost his bet to Ram and knows he is stuck in a bad loop
-Emilia loses faith and drops out to return to Elior, Melty is at the Selection Hearing instead
-No Emilia in selection, no Witch Cult activity
-Subaru in the Felt camp, woo!
