So, I originally conceived of this before Post Covid, when it seemed like the broship would be broken for a while. This would have taken place early in the arc of them getting back together. So just imagine this taking place after Stan and Kyle have a new falling out, perhaps due to Stan's new friendship with Tolkien. I'm also imagining the Cartmans in their old house, though this is less important.
If you're hoping to see any of the ships that are popular in the fandom, then you'll probably be disappointed, but I hope you'll consider reading anyways.
Let me know what you think in the reviews.
Relationship Anarchy
Sharon has lunch with the ladies (Sheila, Linda, Harriet, maybe others). One of them mentions that a big power plant just got shut down, and that it's a victory for green energy. Sharon is too depressed to celebrate and complains to them about Randy. They suggest that she start seeing other guys. She says she doesn't want to divorce, but they counter by saying she can have an open relationship instead. They explain that adultery is less stigmatized than it's ever been, and that open relationships are becoming more popular, then note that Clyde's dad is available and sexy. Sharon isn't interested. Sheila suggests that she can come stay with her for a few nights to get a break from Randy. Sharon agrees.
Sharon and Stan arrive at the Broflovski's house (IDK what to do with Shelly. Might be staying with one of her friends). Sharon is then surprised to learn that the one guest room is being occupied by some of Sheila's relatives, and the place she'll be sleeping is on the living room couch. Stan and Kyle aren't friends anymore. They don't hate eachother, they just act indifferently towards eachother, even as Stan unpacks his stuff in Kyle's room.
Cut to montage of various affairs, swinger orgies, and lots of odd combinations of adults going on dates, then to Linda in bed with Roger Donovan. Linda comes home and Stephen tries to confront her with evidence of the affair. But Linda espouses the virtues of relationship anarchy and how it's empowering to women, then tells him if he's not okay with it then he should leave. Stephen leaves in shame.
At the Broflovski's, Stan and Kyle make awkward small talk before turning off the light. Sharon can't sleep as people keep coming in and out, socializing, and doing other noisy things, then just when it's over, everyone comes down for breakfast. Stan and Kyle are asked what activities they have planned for the day, and they both make a point of having separate plans with their other friends. Sharon is peppered with all manner of probing questions and unsolicited advice about her marital issues by Sheila's relatives.
At Cartman's house, Cartman comes downstairs and finds Butters there watching TV. he calls him out for being an intruder before going into the kitchen to find his mom and Stephen having tea. His mom explains that the Stotches will be staying with them for a while while Stephen works out his marital problems, and that Stephen will have parental authority while he's there. Cartman is pissed off about this, and Stephen responds by grounding him.
Sharon tries to do some work on her laptop, while Ike practices piano (poorly) in the other room. Sheila's relatives encourage Ike to keep playing. Sheila comes home and Gerald asks how her date went. She says it was terrible, and her date didn't like her body. Gerald says that it makes sense, and sheila and her relatives all start arguing with him as he tries to apologize. Sharon has a therapy appointment to get to, but finds her car is blocked by Sheila's car. She struggles to get a word in while everyone is arguing, then she decides to just reschedule the therapy for tomorrow. Sharon calls Linda and asks if she can stay the night at her house. Linda says yes.
Linda is at a restaurant on a second date with Roger. Harriet walks in and Roger thinks he's made a huge mistake and tells Harriet that he meant to text her to call off their date together since he decided he only wants to be with Linda. Harriet is peeved, and Linda gets peeved too. Linda says that Harriet is her friend, and that if he doesn't date her as well, then him and Linda are over. Roger says that that's crazy, and that Linda is the only woman he loves. Linda and Harriet storm off, leaving Roger confused.
Liane is about to go to work, and gives Butters a goodbye hug. Cartman wants one too, but she refuses since he's supposed to be grounded. She leaves. Butters says it's really cool that him and Cartman are like brothers now, and this sets Cartman off. He then gets scolded and regrounded by Stephen for using profanity.
The Broflovski household is having dinner. Stan and Kyle each brought a friend who neither of them really care about, (David for Kyle, and Dogpoo for Stan) for independent sleepovers. The Broflovskis discuss the new energy grid, and how the new system might be unreliable, but ultimately for the better. Stan and Kyle fame friendship with their new friends, while Dogpoo and David start hitting it off with eachother. Sharon says that she's about to leave to go to Linda's, and Stan asks if he can come too. Sharon tells him that Butters won't be there, so he should stay with his friends here. Sharon offers to help a little with the cleanup before she leaves, and she's immediately tasked with all the cleaning, including a daunting amount of dishes.
Stephen lists off chores that he wants Cartman to do, including arranging things the way that Stephen likes, never bothering to elaborate on what 'the way he likes' is. Cartman says he's barely eaten anything all day, and Stephen promises to feed him once his chores are done. Cartman begrudgingly submits and does a chore. Moments later Stephen comes to inspect and becomes irate things aren't arranged exactly how he likes. Cartman says it's an impossible order to follow, but then butters comes in saying that he's finished arranging the silverware drawer with the forks facing up, and spoons facing down, exactly how Stephen likes. Stephen pats him on the head and tells him he can have some candy, and that Cartman will do the rest of his chores.
Sharon goes outside to see her car is still boxed in, so she walks to the Stotch's house. Linda leads her into the dark living room as Sharon thanks her for helping her get away from the chaos at sheila's house. Just then the lights come on, revealing a huge surprise party. Linda introduces her to her various new boyfriends, and suggests she arrange a date with whichever one she finds the most attractive.
Cartman calls the cops and tries to tell them that he's being neglected. Sgt. Yates tells him he should just leave. Cartman asks if he can go into foster care. Yates says the lack of stable relationships has created a shortage of qualified foster homes, but that if he just runs away from home, he would find a new family eventually. Cartman argues that his problem is that his needs are not being met as it is, so becoming homeless isn't exactly a solution. Stephen hears Cartman's raised voice and comes in to revoke his phone privileges.
Sharon comes back to the Broflavski's after midnight, and is about to lay down on the couch, but she's startled to find Dogpoo already there. Stan says that they want to have the living room for their sleepover since Kyle and David are doing their sleepover in Kyle's room. Sharon ushers them upstairs anyway. Sharon's sheets are covered in dirt now, so she has to change them. In Kyle's room, Dogpoo and David are talkative with eachother, and Stan and Kyle each try to convince them to do activities with Stan and Kyle respectively. This results in unintentional, and increasingly uncomfortable gay innuendo, until finally David and Dogpoo decide to leave. Sharon is poked awake by Dogpoo and David who need someone to drive them home. Sharon finds that her car is still boxed in, so she calls an Uber. Dogpoo is afraid of not being chaperoned so Sharon agrees to ride with them. Stan and Kyle take turns trying to begin conversations but it's not working.
Cartman schemes to get Stephen in trouble by using his mom's makeup to make it look like he was beaten up. Stephen walks in and sees what he's doing, then proceeds to beat him mercilessly.
Sharon is asleep in the Uber as they arrive at David's house, and the boys get out. Moments later they scream and run back to the car, waking Sharon. They say there are strange people inside. David's parents and the Biggles come out, all in BDSM costumes, and they try to explain themselves. Harriet recognizes Sharon, and they invite her in. Sharon tries to object, but relents when they offer her a bed.
Liane serves Butters a giant stack of powdered doughnut pancake surprise when Cartman walks in, bruised and bloodied. He tries to tell his mom about the abuse, but she says Stephen already told her about Cartman using her makeup to do this very thing. Stephen is dismayed that even after "teaching him a lesson", Cartman is still misbehaving. Liane goes to comfort Stephen, then orders Cartman back to his room.
Sharon comes back to the Broflovski's well after sunrise, and relays a story of having to search for David and Dogpoo for the past 6 hours, after they ran away because of the traumatizing noises that came from David's parents' bedroom shortly after they all went to bed. She mentions that Harriet was there, and Sheila says it's crazy that Harriet is able to pick up guys and not her. Gerald indicates that it's not that crazy, and Sheila starts yelling at him. Sharon collapses on the couch, but moments later the doorbell rings. It's many more of sheila's relatives including the Shwarts, and Sharon is asked to get up so some of them can sit. Sharon goes to the basement and collapses onto the laundry basket.
Liane tells Butters that she knows divorces can be really difficult, and so she bought him something to take his mind off it. He unwraps a giant present, revealing a high-end gaming pc with every conceivable accessory. Cartman says "Weak!" from upstairs. Stephen yells back a warning. The doorbell rings and butters says that must be his mom coming to pick him up. He opens the door to find an old guy who says he's his mom's new boyfriend, and that he's ready to spend thousands of dollars on Butters today to win his approval. Linda waves from a Lamborghini behind him. "Weak!" Cartman says again, followed by the sound of Stephen beating him.
Stan is lazily kicking a ball around in the yard, waiting for one of his new friends to text him back. Cousin Kyle comes out and asks why him and Kyle aren't talking. Stan says they're just not right for eachother and that's all it is. Kyle is eves dropping from an upstairs window when he gets a call from Butters who says he can invite 2 friends to come to Casa Bonita with him, but he can't bring Cartman because he's grounded, and Kenny is busy with his 10 girlfriends. Kyle tries to think of friends he can invite, but fails to think of any good options. Butters suggests Stan, but Kyle deflects and suggests his cousin. Cousin Kyle is lecturing to Stan about the economic value of maintaining friendships when Kyle comes out to ask cousin Kyle if he wants to come, but cousin Kyle declines, citing all his ailments as the reason. Butters asks if Stan is available, and Kyle just says he doesn't know as he looks at Stan who is clearly bored. Butters calls Stan a second later, and Stan agrees to go before knowing the other person who's going.
Cartman has to do a giant list of chores under Stephen's supervision. Cartman asks why he has to line the basement walls with padding materials, and Stephen tells him it's for sound proofing so that they can have harsher discipline sessions without causing too much noise for the neighbors. Cartman freaks out and runs upstairs.
In the Lamborghini, Butters asks Stan and Kyle what fun things they've been up to, which neither has a good response. Stan's phone rings. Cartman is on the other end, hiding in a closet and whispering that he needs help, and tells Stan about his situation. Stan tells butters he has to go save Cartman, but butters reassures him that Cartman is just grounded and not in any danger. Stan relays this to Cartman and hangs up. Cartman calls Kyle, then screams into the phone when Stephen discovers his hiding place. Linda spots roger with another girlfriend and waves him down. Linda and him reconcile and she decides she wants to go on a date with him instead, and convinces the other woman to take her place. After an extremely brief introduction, the old guy and new woman start making out, and then continue taking the boys to Casa Bonita.
At Casa Bonita, all the adults in town are on dates with people who are not their partners. Butters brags about how great life has been since his parents separated, then asks Stan and Kyle if anything is wrong. Stan and Kyle both get defensive and argue that just because they used to be best friends, it doesn't mean they need to stay friends forever, and that the only thing that is upsetting them is that everyone else thinks there's something wrong with them just because they're not adhering to other people's expectations of who they should be friends with. To their surprise, butters fully embraces their falling out and equates it to his parent's separation. This suddenly inspires him to leave and find new kids to hang out with, leaving Stan and Kyle alone.
The large amount of late night activity drains all the solar and wind batteries and the power goes out across Colorado.
Cartman is fearfully doing chores when the power goes out, and Stephen creepily calls Cartman down to the basement to check the circuit breaker, and if he doesn't do it fast, he'll be punished. Cartman quickly finds a flashlight and starts down the stairs. The flashlight flickers out. He panics to the sound of rattling chains, then Stephen comes up behind him and turns on his own flashlight suddenly and tells him to hurry up. He finds the circuit breaker, but flipping it off and on does nothing. Stephen says Cartman is acting too scared and must be punished. He shines the light on shackles he installed on the wall.
Linda and roger show up at Casa Bonita and butters runs over to them, Linda asks where his friends are, and he brings over 2 random Denver kids. They leave together. Stan tries to call his mom, *cut briefly to Sharon passed out while her phone rings*, Kyle tries to use his phone but it's out of battery. Kyle sits back down at the table with Stan and says he can't find the couple they came with or butters anywhere, plus his phone is dead. A waiter comes over with sopapillas and candles. Stan reluctantly calls randy and tells him that him and Kyle need a ride. Randy says he'll be there in a few hours. Stan and Kyle start making small talk, then talk about how douchey butters was for abandoning them, and how this is worse than the time Cartman ruined Kyle's Casa Bonita birthday, then they talk about other memories, and become more comfortable. They both reach for a sopapilla and their hands meet, and after a long pause, Kyle says that this is kinda gay, and Stan pulls his hand back, but Kyle clarifies that he meant not being friends was gay. Stan agrees, and they decide to be friends again.
Linda, Roger, Butters, and his new friends come home to find one of Linda's other boyfriends making out with Betsy Donovan's ghost. A very convoluted argument breaks out between the 4 adults as butters is given contradictory orders about where he should go. Roger is shocked that Betsy is cheating on him, Betsy says roger cheated on her first, boyfriend says Betsy said that roger has STDs, and accuses Linda of spreading them, Linda gets fed up and breaks up with all of them and runs away. Butters is left confused as his apparent adoptive family continues to fight.
Sharon wakes up to the sound of Ike crying and sheila yelling at Gerald about Ike wetting the bed and that it's his fault. Gerald goes downstairs to start a load of laundry, and finds Sharon there. Sharon checks the time and realizes she slept through her therapy appointment. Gerald hears this and offers to listen to her problems. Sharon and Gerald relate to eachother's experiences, and it devolves into flirtation, then sex.
Cartman is gagged, blindfolded, and chained up as the lights come back on, revealing Stephen right next to him. He whispers creepily into his ear that the generators must have come on, and tells Cartman he has to be on his best behavior if he wants to earn back his freedom because Stephen wants to impress Liane with his parenting abilities in order to win over her heart. He pulls out a bouquet of flowers and says he's going to ask Liane on a date tonight. Cartman spasms in terror, and Stephen says he's to stay down here until he learns to be more supportive. The doorbell rings, and Stephen goes to answer it, expecting Liane. It turns out to be Linda who has come to apologize for everything. Stephen forgives her and they leave to go on a second honeymoon.
In the morning, Sheila and all her relatives come down, and find Sharon and Gerald in the basement. Sheila gets pissed off and screams at them and demands Sharon leave and never come back again.
Stan and Kyle are laughing and reminiscing as randy drives them back to the Broflavski's. Sharon runs out the front door with Sheila still yelling at her. Randy is oblivious as to why she was there in the first place. Sharon gets in and orders randy to drive. Kyle gets out and him and Stan wave to eachother, promising to hang out soon, as the truck speeds away.
Down town, Randy is stopped by a crowd that has gathered for a press conference. Roger comes out to make a public apology to his ghost wife, and makes a case against adultery that the whole town listens to. Harriet and many of Linda's boyfriends are there, all scratching their crotches. Randy is surprised to learn about the adultery fad, and disappointed at the cheers that come when Roger declares that it must come to an end.
Liane serves breakfast to her new guests; Butters, his 2 Denver friends, David, Dogpoo, Clyde, and the guy that was making out with Clyde's mom's ghost. Butters asks if Eric is still grounded, and Liane says she doesn't know where Eric is. meanwhile, Cartman is still where Stephen left him in the basement.
-THE END-
