Oh no, I watched The Bad Guys and I loved it and I wrote a little fanfic for pride month oops.

Enjoy!


"Webs," Diane said, coming up behind Tarantula, who was definitely working and not reading fanfic.

"What's up?"

"I know I'm kind of new to the group, do you mind if I ask you some questions?"

"Why of course! You can ask me anything over dinner tonight, is six okay?"

"Yeah, that sounds great- wait. Did you just ask me out?"

"Are you into that?"

Diane smirked, "Six sounds great. I'll drive, I know a really nice spot."

Tarantula squealed to herself and went to brag to Piranha about scoring a date with the governor.

At exactly six Diane returned to the Bad Guys compound (they were good now, but the name was catchy and hard to shake) and she and Webs took off.

"So what did you want to talk about? Us, I hope," Webs jokes when they'd arrived at the romantic dinner spot Diane had chosen.

"Oh, we can definitely talk about our relationship, but I do actually have a question about another relationship."

"Oh? Oh! You want to know about Wolf and Snake, huh?"

"How'd you know?"

"It's what I wanted to know when I joined the group. It's pretty natural to question what's going on between them when they clearly have chemistry. Just like you and me."

Diane grinned, a little flustered by Tarantula saying they had chemistry.

"Just like you and me."

"I'm glad you agree because otherwise, this dinner would be a bust. I can't tell you anything about Snake and Wolf."

"Sworn to secrecy?" Diane guessed.

Tarantula snorted.

"Nah, I don't have to keep their secrets. I just don't know."

"How can you not know?"

"They're pretty private about their feelings! They've never properly defined the relationship. Trust me when I say that all of us have tried to get them to open up to each other."

"I haven't," Diane said thoughtfully.

"Huh. I guess not."

"How much would you bet if I could get them to admit they have feelings for each other?"

"There's a betting pool. Throw a hundred in the pool and you'll get three hundred more if you get them to define the relationship."

Diane's eyes lit up, always loving a challenge.

"Deal. Permission to define our relationship in order to get them to define theirs?"

"Depends, how would you define our relationship?" Webs was trying to be flirty but she was practically vibrating from excitement.

"How would you like to be my girlfriend?" Diane asked.

Webs nearly fainted.

"I'd like that a lot. A lot a lot."

"Then I say we go for it." Diane leaned down and gently kissed the top of Tarantula's head, making Tarantula all the more flustered.

"Absolutely. Let's go for it."

"A girlfriend and three hundred dollars? This is my lucky week," Diane said with a grin.

"You haven't won the bet yet. Remember that if you don't get them to define the relationship then you just lose a hundred dollars."

"But I'll still have a girlfriend, so it's a win-win for me either way," Diane said.

Webs practically swooned, "Then I guess I win too."

"If I win the pot we can use it for date money," Diane said.

"Ooh, yeah, deal. I'll help you with the bet if I can, but it's going to be difficult to get those two to open up."

"I'm an expert at cracking difficult cases," Diane said confidently.

She quickly realized it wasn't as easy as she thought. She laid her plans in the living room when it was just the three of them, watching TV. Snake and Wolf were practically curled into each other but that didn't technically prove anything.

"Tarantula and I are dating now," Diane said casually.

"Cool," Wolf said.

"Why are you telling us that?" Snake asked.

"Because we're friends."

Silence for a few minutes.

"Hey, Wolf, have you ever thought about getting in the dating scene?"

"Not really," Wolf said.

"That's a shame, I know a lot of girls and guys who would be interested in going on a date with you. I could set you up on a blind date."

"I appreciate you thinking of me but I promise that I'm good," Wolf said.

"Snake? You want to go on a blind date?" Diane asked, getting a little bit desperate.

"Nope. Not looking for a boyfriend right now."

"Ah. Well, okay."

"Thanks for nothing," Snake said, which was her cue to leave. She left the living room and headed for Webs.

"Well, I didn't get a confession but I think I got confirmation that Snake is gay. Is that anything?"

"It is not. We all went to pride a couple of years ago so that was basically common knowledge."

"Dang it. I don't want to throw the towel in this early but… I can't see myself cracking them."

"Maybe there's nothing to crack. Four people have tried to figure out what they are but maybe they really are just friends," Tarantula suggested.

"Maybe. Not everyone can be in as solid of a relationship as you and me." They shared another tiny, gentle kiss.

"Solid?" Snake laughed to himself as he eavesdropped on the happy couple, "They literally just started dating. Lesbians always move so fast."

"I wonder when they're gonna stop making bets on our relationship status," Wolf said thoughtfully.

"Maybe when they figure out we know they're making bets about our relationship status. Do you want to steal the betting pool with me?"

Wolf grinned, "That's why I married you. They'll never even notice it's gone."

"We can use the four hundred on dates," Snake said.

"Brilliant!" Snake and Wolf shared a private kiss and then left to make off with the bet money, having no intention of letting the others know they'd defined their relationship a long time ago.