Zane never really felt normal, even before he found out what he truly was.

A machine. A multitude of parts carefully constructed together by a father he was forced to forget.

Let's just say, it took quite a while to fully come to terms with himself. Even then, there was a lot he struggled with. The most traumatic thing being death. Being a nindroid, coming to terms with death was harder than he thought. With himself being on the list of deaths, it made it even more complicated. To anyone other than his fellow ninja, he would deny any hint of him being traumatized. Whether that was to strengthen the trust in the ninja or to save himself from talking about it, even he didn't know.

What he did know was that he needed help.

So he tried. He wanted to go to Sensei Wu and his brothers but they would dismiss it as "part of the job" or look at him with pity and worry. The rest of them had their own troubles and he would not burden the team with something that should be his responsibility to monitor.

Then there was Pixal, someone he cared for deeply and strived to never become a source of worry for. But deep down he knew the real reason why he couldn't talk to Pixal about his disturbing thoughts. Because of her background and travels with the ninja, he was scared that she would not understand why these things were plaguing him.

Before Zane gave her half of his heart, she knew nothing of emotions firsthand, only what she was programmed to understand in support of others. Even after giving half his power source, she tended towards the logical side of the argument while he, who believed himself to be human for a good chunk of his training, tended towards the emotional. They balanced each other out, that is what made them get along so well, they were two halves of a whole.
However, Zane knew that there were things they couldn't share with one another until the timing was right and now was definitely not the right time to share these heavy topics weighing down his mind.

Zane found himself taking time for himself more often these days. After the defeat of Wojira, the city of Ninjago seemed to settle down and days became peaceful once more. Recently though, victories always seem to come with sacrifices and this one hit all the ninja in different ways.
After only just losing his father and not having the proper time to grieve, Zane felt it was too much all at once.

He remembers a moment in the blur that was the days following Nya's sacrifice. He was looking at himself in the mirror, he doesn't know how long he looked at himself and definitely doesn't remember opening his chest hatch but he does remember focusing so intently on the switches controlling his emotions.

It was all so much, too much. Too much overwhelming pain that he, no matter how long he tried, couldn't find a fix for. He was a nindroid, for crying out loud! This much pain caused by wounds that weren't even physical?! He couldn't even tell what emotions he was feeling, just a jumbled mess of pain so tightly knotted together that it felt hopeless even attempting to unravel them. But then there are those switches, harmless little things in most machinery but for Zane, it seemed like the answer to all his problems.

He knew he shouldn't, he knew he should deal with it in a better way, to talk to someone! But he just couldn't muster the strength to. Too much, he was carrying too much and he felt like it would crush him if he held it any longer.

He remembers touching those switches, just ghosting over them with his fingers for an eternity or a second.

A small couple of clicks.

And the world was grey.