Your Prompt:
Jon, texting Eduardo: Eduardo! Help I'm being kidnapped
Eduardo: Where are you?
Jon: I'm with some strange person. In a car. Help.
Eduardo: I'll call Mark.
Mark, answering their cell: Y'ello?
Eduardo: Where's Jon? They texted me that they were being kidnapped.
Mark: Jon? Whaddya mean, they're right next to me-
Mark:
Mark: I'll call you back. *hangs up*
Mark: THE NEW HAIRCUT ISN'T THAT BAD!
Jon: WHO ARE YOU?!
Your prompt:
Jon: HELP! I TOLD MARK I'D COOK DINNER TONIGHT BUT I CAN'T COOK!
Eduardo, pouring milk directly into the cereal bag: And you thought I could help?
Your prompt:
Jon: Hey, Eduardo? Can I get some dating advice?
Eduardo: Just because I'm with Mark doesn't mean I know how I did it.
Your Prompt:
Jon, negotiating with Eduardo: We have Mark. Give us ten thousand dollars and they will be returned to you unharmed
Mark: Whoa, whoa, wait, you think I'm only worth ten thousand dollars?
Jon:
Mark: MAKE IT ONE MILLION–
Jon: MARK STOP
Your prompt:
Eduardo: Naturally, we are on the cutting edge of technology.
Jon, amazed: Wow...
Mark, to Jon: Well what does that mean?
Jon: I don't know.
Jon, to Eduardo: What does that mean?
Your Prompt:
Jon, in a high voice, holding barbie: hey ken! I was thinking about going back to school and starting a career!
Mark, in a deep voice, holding ken: nonsense, barbie. you're staying home and having my kids
Eduardo: what the fuck are you guys doing?
Jon: playing systemic oppression
Your prompt:
Eduardo, to Jon: My life is in the hands of an idiot!
Jon, motioning to themself and Mark: No no no no no, TWO idiots!
Your prompt:
Eduardo: Please bring home PURIFIED water with NO minerals added for taste
Jon: We got spring water
Eduardo: NO.
Mark: with EXTRA minerals
Jon: it's like licking a stalagmite
Eduardo: DON'T COME HOME.
Mark: Mmmmm cave water
Your Prompt:
Mark: If Jon and I were drowning, who would you save?
Eduardo: You two can't swim?
Jon: It's a hypothetical question, Eduardo! who would you save?
Eduardo: my time and effort.
Your prompt:
Mark: Why are you on the floor?
Jon: I'm depressed.
Jon: Also I was stabbed, can you get Eduardo, please.
Your prompt:
The squad is trying to con some random guy
Eduardo: Um, Mark, why are you pretending I'm this guy's family?
Mark: We need money!
Eduardo: You're scamming him?
Mark: I was thinking more like flat-out stealing from him?
Eduardo: What?! No way!
Mark: Why not? We already stole Jon!
Jon: Hey guys
Eduardo: No, we didn't. Jon can think and talk for themself, they can do whatever they want!
Jon: I wanna steal
Your prompt:
Mark: I really like this whole 'good guy, bad guy' thing you guys have going on.
Eduardo: It's not an act, it's just that I'm mean and Jon isn't
Your prompt:
Jon: I can't believe you live nearby, and you won't let anyone crash at your place.
Eduardo: You people already know too much about me.
Mark: I know exactly three facts about you, and one of them is that you won't let any of us crash at your place
Your Prompt:
Eduardo: Jon, my old arch enemy.
Mark: ... I thought I was your arch enemy?
Eduardo: I have a life outside of you, Mark.
Your Prompt:
Eduardo: Hey Mark,
Mark: Yes?
Eduardo: Can a person breathe inside a washing machine while it's on?
Mark:
Mark: Where's Jon?
Your Prompt:
Jon: Mark, what do IDK, LY, and TTYL mean?
Mark: I don't know, love you, talk to you later
Jon: Ok, I love you too, I'll just ask Eduardo.
Your Prompt:
Eduardo: So, what, now I'm just supposed to do anything that Mark does? I mean, what if they jumped off a cliff?
Jon: If Mark were to jump off a cliff, they would've done their due diligence regarding the height of the cliff, the depth of the water, and the angle of entry, so yes. If you see Mark jump off a cliff, by all means, jump off a cliff.
Eduardo: You jump off a cliff!
Jon: Gladly. Provided Mark did first.
Your Prompt:
Eduardo: Sometimes I drink milk straight out of the container.
Mark: The cow?
Eduardo: What?
Jon: Mark, W H Y?
Your Prompt:
Mark: If you had to choose between Jon and all the money I have in my wallet, which would you choose?
Eduardo: That depends, how much money are we talking about?
Jon: Eduardo!
Mark: 63 cents.
Eduardo: I'll take the money.
Jon: EDUARDO!
Your Prompt:
Eduardo: We need a distraction.
Mark: Is anyone here good at jumping up and down and making weird noises?
Jon, whispering: My time has come
Your Prompt:
Eduardo: What's a word thats a mix between 'sad' and 'mad'?
Mark: Disgruntled, miserable, desolated-
Jon: Smad.
Your Prompt:
Eduardo: Mark, can I talk to you for a second?
Mark: Yeah, what's up? Lemme guess. You and Jon are having problems and you want me to teach you how to kiss?
Eduardo: What? No, stop that. I know how to kiss. I've read books.
Your Prompt:
Mark: Eduardo, keep an eye on Jon today. They're going to say something to the wrong person and get punched.
Eduardo: Sure, I'd love to see Jon get punched.
Mark: Try again.
Eduardo, sighing: I will stop Jon from getting punched.
Your Prompt:
Mark: Eduardo and I were crossing the street, and this dude drove by and honked at us
Jon: *Sighing* What did Eduardo do?
Mark: They chased him to the next red light, then reached into his window and...
Eduardo: Who wants a steering wheel?
Your Prompt:
Eduardo: Fitness tip: never stop pushing yourself. Some say 8 hours of sleep is enough. Why not keep going? Why not 9? Why not 10? Strive for greatness. Mark: Next time you're working out do 15 push ups instead of 10. Run 3 miles instead of 2. Eat a whole cake instead of just a slice. Burn your ex's house down. You can do it. I believe in you.
Jon: There were so many mixed messages in that I can't-