Your Prompt:
Patryk: I'm a reverse necromancer.
Paul: Isn't that just killing people?
Patryk: Ah, technicality.
Your Prompt:
Patryk: Change is inedible.
Paul: Don't you mean inevitable?
Patryk, spitting out coins: No, I did not.
Your Prompt:
Patryk: Here's some advice
Paul: I didn't ask for any
Patryk: Too bad. I'm stuck here with my thoughts and you're the only one who talks to me
Your Prompt:
Patryk: Don't worry, I know exactly what I'm doing. Everything is going to be fine!
Paul: How can you still say that?
Patryk: Because sometimes, when things get tough, denial is all we have.
Your Prompt:
Patryk: Welcome, fellow idiots
Paul: Hello, Patryk
Patryk: No, no, not you, you're not an idiot
Paul: You underestimate me
Your Prompt:
Patryk: Okay, help me please!
Paul: Got two words for you.
Patryk: I bet they won't be helpful.
Paul: Your problem.
Patryk: I was right
Your Prompt:
Patryk: You know, not every problem can be solved with a sword.
Paul: That's why I carry two swords.
Your Prompt:
Patryk: *Accidentally hits Paul in the face*
Patryk: *Trying to decide between saying 'I'm fucking sorry' and 'Are you okay'*
Patryk: ARE YOU FUCKING SORRY?!
Paul: What's wrong with you?!
Your Prompt:
Patryk: Do you think you'd actually notice if someone didn't cast a shadow? Or if their limbs were just slightly too long? Or if they had just a little too many teeth? like how many times have you passed Something on the street and you just didn't Notice It?
Paul: Stay woke monsterfuckers ur love is out there!
Patryk: Yknow what? Not my point at all in any way whatsoever, but I'm glad I could be an inspiration.
Your Prompt:
Patryk: Must be hard not being able to laugh
Paul: I do have a sense of humor you know
Patryk: I've never heard you laugh before
Paul: I've never heard you say anything funny
Your Prompt:
Patryk: English is a difficult language. It can be understood through tough thorough thought, though.
Paul: You need to stop.
Your Prompt:
Patryk: If there's going to be a big dramatic scene, wait until I get back.
Paul: Of course. I can't flip this table by myself.
Your Prompt:
Patryk, talking to Paul on the phone: Did you preheat the oven like I told you to?
Paul: You bet!
Patryk: At what temperature?
Paul: 535.
Patryk: That's the clock.
Paul:
Patryk:
Paul: 536.
Your Prompt:
Patryk: Violence isn't the answer.
Paul: You're right.
Patryk: *sighs in relief*
Paul: Violence is the question.
Patryk: What?
Paul, bolting away: And the answer is yes.
Patryk, running after him: NO-
Your Prompt:
*Patryk and Paul are doing something absurdly dangerous*
Patryk: I think Houdini did something like this once! Why, if I recall correctly, he was out of the hospital in no time!
Paul, deadpan: Well that's encouraging.
Your Prompt:
Patryk: What if the 'g' in 'gif' is silent?
Paul: Go the fuck to sleep
Patryk: What gif I don't want to?
Paul: Fuck You
Your Prompt:
Patryk: Hey Paul can I get a sip of your water?
Paul: It's not water.
Patryk: Vodka, I like your style!
Paul: It's vinegar.
Patryk: Wh-Wha-
Paul: It's vinegar, COWARD.
Your Prompt:
Patryk: I want to wake up with you every day for the rest of our lives
Paul: I wake up at 4:30 AM
Patryk:
Patryk: I want to see you at some point every day for the rest of our lives
Your Prompt:
Patryk: I prevented a murder today.
Paul: Really? How'd you do that?
Patryk: self control.
Your Prompt:
Patryk: *holding a bottle* Is this whiskey or perfume?
Paul: *chugs entire bottle*
Paul: It's perfume.
Your Prompt:
Patryk: A theif.
Paul: Thief?
Patryk: Theif.
Paul: I before E, except after C.
Patryk: Thceif.
Patryk: No.
Your Prompt:
Patryk, addressing the squad: And if you have any suggestions feel free to put them in the suggestion box.
Paul: But – that's just a trash can.
Patryk: It sure is!
Your Prompt:
Paul: Can you please be serious for five minutes?
Patryk: My record is four, but I think I can do it.
Your Prompt:
Patryk: How do I deal with my enemies?
Paul: Kill them
Patryk: That's a bit extreme, I was hoping for a more passive solution
Paul: Kill them only a little?
Your Prompt:
Patryk, struggling to keep upright in his 1 inch heels: Yeah, I-I don't really think heels are for me
Paul, pointing at them and walking flawlessly in sparkly golden 6 inch heels: WEAK.
Your Prompt:
Patryk: I'm incredibly fast at math.
Paul: Alright, what's 30x17?
Patryk: 47
Paul: That's not even close.
Patryk: But it was fast.
Your Prompt:
Patryk: I am not out of control! I'm a law abiding citizen!
Paul: Really? Name one law
Patryk: Don't kill people?
Paul: That's on me. I set the bar too low.
Your Prompt:
Patryk: Let's watch Sharkboy and Lavagirl.
Paul: Okay.
Patryk: And make out during the scary parts.
Paul: Th-
Paul: The scary parts.
Paul: Of Sharkboy and Lavagirl.
Your Prompt:
Patryk: Do you have any skeletons in your closet?
Paul: You mean literally or figuratively?
Patryk: Honestly, the fact that I have to specify...
Your Prompt:
Patryk: I know you're deflecting by making jokes about how hot you are.
Paul: It's not a joke.
Paul: *sniffles*
Paul: I'm a legit snack.
Your Prompt:
Patryk: Man, I only ever see you awake, do you ever shut down or stop running?
Paul: Oh, I'm always running
Paul: The question is from what
Your Prompt:
Patryk: What is your biggest weakness?
Paul: I can be uncooperative.
Patryk: Okay, can you give me an example?
Paul: No.
Your Prompt:
Patryk, standing with their back turned: I've been expecting you, Paul.
Paul: How did you do that without turning around?
Patryk: ... To be perfectly honest, the first couple of people I did that to were not you.
Your Prompt:
Patryk: Paul...
Paul: Oh no, 'Paul' in b-flat.
Paul: You're disappointed.
Your Prompt:
Patryk: Three words. Say them and I'm yours.
Paul: Three words.
Patryk:
Your Prompt:
Patryk, going over Paul's resume: Okay, so right here, it states that you're creative.
Paul: Yes
Patryk: Okay... may I know what you create?
Paul: Problems.
Your Prompt:
Patryk: *Gets down on one knee*
Paul: Oh my god, it's finally happening.
Patryk: *Falls over*
Paul: The poison is kicking in.
Your Prompt:
Patryk: So what's for dinner?
Paul, staring at the food he just burnt: Regret.
Your Prompt:
Patryk: Am I going too far?
Paul: No, no, no. You went too far about seven hours ago. Now you're going to prison.
Your Prompt:
Patryk: Paul... Why did you draw a pentagram on the floor?
Paul: Your text told me to satanize the house before you returned.
Patryk:
Patryk: I wrote sanitize, Paul.
Your Prompt:
Patryk: Paul, stop! This isn't you, you've gone mad with power!
Paul: Well of course I have.
Paul: Have you ever tried going mad without power?
Paul: It's boring.
Your Prompt:
Patryk: What the fuck is wrong with you?!
Paul: Wow, you could start with a 'good morning'.
Patryk: Good morning. What the fuck is wrong with you?!
Your Prompt:
Patryk: Okay, truth or dare?
Paul: Truth
Patryk: How many hours have you slept this week?
Paul:
Paul: ...Dare
Patryk: Go to bed.
Paul: I don't like this game.
Your Prompt:
Patryk: *Kicks the door down looking panicked*
Paul: What did you do?
Patryk: Nobody died.
Paul: WHAT KIND OF ANSWER IS THAT?!
Your Prompt:
Patryk: I was arrested for being too cool.
Paul: The charges were dropped due to a lack of supporting evidence.
Your Prompt:
Patryk: This is a mistake
Paul, enthusiastically: A mistake we're going to laugh about one day!
Patryk: But not today
Paul, still enthusiastic: Oh, no. Today's going to be a mess
Your Prompt:
Patryk: This is such a bad idea.
Paul: Then why are you coming along?
Patryk: One of us need to be able to talk the cops out of arresting us when this inevitably goes wrong.
Your Prompt:
Patryk: You're 'the second worst thing to ever happen to those orphans', what does that mean?
Paul: It means you were the second worst thing to happen to those orphans.
Patryk: but what's the first worst thing?
*Awkward pause*
Paul: Patryk, they...they weren't always orphans.
Patryk:
Your Prompt:
Patryk: i went through an entire character arc during quarantine
Patryk: i became more evil if you're curious
Paul: We're still in quarantine, don't worry, there's time for a redemption arc still!
Patryk: i'm going to get worse on purpose
Your Prompt:
Patryk: I made tea.
Paul: I don't want tea.
Patryk: I did not make tea for you. This is my tea.
Paul: Then why are you telling me?
Patryk: It is a conversation starter.
Paul: That's a lousy conversation starter.
Patryk: Oh, is it? We are conversing. Checkmate.
Your Prompt:
Patryk: I learned some very valuable lessons from this.
Paul: I'm guessing they are all horrible distortions on the lessons you actually should've taken away.
Patryk: Death isn't real, and I'm basically God.