Disclaimer: I own nothing except my imagination.
A/N: So here is a little one shot that was requested twice by a guest on two other stories. This one is for you, hope you like it.
Adam sits on the couch, his head in his hands, Makayla's head in his lap, fast asleep. His eyes are closed, and he tries to keep his breathing steady, to prevent his brain from going to dark places while he waits from some sort of news from Kevin. It was taking forever and that wasn't helping his fragile state of mind. He had to keep it together, if not for himself than for Kim and for Makayla, who he hadn't told too much as to not worry her more than they needed to until they knew more. His phone rang, startling him, his eyes still closed though, knowing it was Kevin, feeling it in his gut that the news wasn't good. He knew that when he picked up that line, that his worst fear would come true. It stopped ringing and then started again. Adam had no more choice than to answer.
"Kev, talk to me." Kevin's voice rang through his ears and his body numb, the phone slipping to the ground with a clank, Adam's body shaking with the loss. He didn't how he was going to explain this to Makayla when he couldn't even understand it himself. Makayla shifted in his lap when there was a knock on the door. Adam didn't know how long he had been crying, or how long the phone had been lying on the ground at his feet. All he knew now was that his world had just turned upside down and the little girl that was stirring awake was left without a mother, again, and he was left to raise her, like he had promised Kim that he would. Makayla sat up shakily and rubbed her eyes. "I'll be right back Mak; I'll just go see who's at the door. Adam was surprised to find Jay on the other side.
"Hey, Kev said he lost you, I wanted to check on you." Jay took a step back as Adam stepped in the hall, closing the door behind him to shield Makayla from hearing until he figured out how to tell her.
"What happened?" He knew Jay had found her with Kevin, but that was the extend of what he knew.
"We were canvassing the area, we were working the grid that Platt set up, we went through the open warehouse and to the other side and that's when we saw the blinking lights, hazard lights."
"How did you find her?"
"She was handcuffed, two gsw to the abdomen. We found her in the car, her nails were broken, she fought back man." Jay took in a shaky breath, leaning against the wall behind him, placing his palms down flat against the wall for support. "She clawed her way out, but her pulse was weak, she lost a lot of blood, too much blood."
"Tell me she wasn't alone; please tell me you didn't leave her alone." Adam begged.
"We were in there as long as they let us, they had to work on her, try to save her, but it was too late." Jay could no longer look at Adam. He had held Kim in his arms, handed her to Atwater and he had driven them to Med as fast as he could, his colleague's life in his hands but he had failed all three of them and now Adam was left alone to raise Makayla.
"I want to see her." Adam finally said after more than a beat.
"Adam, I don't think it's a good idea, not yet." Jay sighed, looking at the broken shell of a man Adam was now. "Does Makayla know?"
"No, I'm trying to shield her, at least for now." There was a shy knock on the door and Adam cracked it open. "Hey Mak, everything okay?"
"Yeah." She smiled. "Hi Jay."
"Hi Makayla." Jay tried his best to give her an honest smile.
"Is everything okay with Kim? How come the two of you are sad?" She questioned. Both men looked at each other, knowing they were screwed.
"How about we go inside and we can talk." Adam thumbed a tear that was threatening to spill, knowing what he was about to do. Jay followed behind, knowing that they would need some moral support.
Adam took a spot on the couch and patted the place next to him for Makayla to take, Jay leaning against the wall, still in his tactical gear.
"What's wrong Adam?" Makayla was usually loud, but now Adam could see the shy and scared girl she had been when they first found her.
"You remember what we talked about when I got home before?" Makayla nodded.
"Kim got hurt on the job and Jay and uncle Kev were taking her to the hospital to get fixed."
"Yeah, that's it. Well, it's bigger than we all thought." Adam choked up. "She lost a lot of blood, and they did all they could to help her."
"Is she going to be okay?" Seeing tears in Makayla's eyes was crushing Adam's heart in a vice like grip and his insides were threatening to come out.
"I'm sorry Mak." Adam went to pull her into a hug, but her small fist hit him violently in the chest, surprising both Adam and Jay.
"I hate you." She screamed, tears finally falling against her cheeks. "This is all your fault." She hit his chest his second time, and then a third before Adam came back to his senses and pulled her into his chest.
"We're going to be okay." She was fighting against his arms and he kissed her on the top of her head.
"We're never going to be okay again." She yelled as he released her, watching her run in her room and slamming the door behind her.
"She's right." Adam finally let his emotions out and sobbed in his hands.
"We're never going to be the same again." Jay laid a hand on Adam's shoulder. "But we're going to be there for the two of you."
"How am I supposed to keep going without Kim? She would know what to do right now to help her. She was always better with her than I am."
"What are you talking about? That little girl was wrapped around your finger. You will figure out what works best for the two of you once the dust settles."
"I don't want the dust to settle Jay, I just want her back." He choked up a sob.
"I know man, I know." Jay sighed. He had no idea what to say to him that would make this better because there was nothing. Kim was leaving a huge void in all their lives.
"I need to see her."
"What about Makayla?" Jay was done trying to convince his friend that seeing Kim in the shape she was in was a good idea. "What do you want to do?"
"I don't know yet, but I'll just get the sitter and then we can go. I can figure everything out after." Jay nodded.
"I'll just go outside, make a phone call, give you a few minutes."
"Thanks." Adam leaned his full body weight against the front door once it was closed behind Jay. "I don't know what to do Kim." He whispered, looking up at the ceiling. He took a deep breath and called the sitter, telling her what had just happened and how he could use her help. She agreed to be there soon, and Adam walked towards Makayla's room, sliding down the wall and knocking softly on her door. "Makayla, little darlin', open the door."
"Don't call me that, I hate that name." She was hurting, he knew it, because she usually loved that he called her that because she always said that she knew how much he loved Kim because of that pet name, which meant that he loved her just as much.
"Please Mak, can I come in?"
"No." Adam looked up when the front door opened and closed, Jay stepping back inside.
"I'm out here if you want change your mind." He didn't get an answer, but he knew she needed some space, and he couldn't force anything on her.
"She still won't let you in?"
"No, and I don't blame her." A knock on the door interrupted them. "That must be the sitter." Adam let her in and they spoke a bit in the front room before the two went to Makayla's door.
"Makayla, sweetie, will you let me in." She tried. They waited a few minutes before the door opened just a crack.
"What are you doing here?" She asked, her sitter the only person she could see, Adam having kept a step back.
"Adam called me so we could spend a few hours together."
"You're leaving mee too?" She finally opened the door fully and looked at Adam with more sadness in her eyes that he could stomach.
"Just for a few hours Mak, I'll be back after."
"Are you going to see Kim?"
"Yeah, I have to go to the hospital with Jay."
"I want to come with you." She suddenly took a step forward.
"I know you want to." Adam crouched in front of her. "But I don't think it's a good idea."
"I don't care, I want to go." She said with all the defiance she could muster for her age. Adam looked between Jay and the sitter and with a silent answer, she agreed to go with them in case it went south and Makayla needed to be taken away quickly.
They were ready to go within five minutes and they drove to med in two separate cars just in case. When Adam walked through the doors, his body suddenly felt like lead. He didn't know what to expect, scared of what the last memory of Kim would do to him in the long run, but he knew he had to keep moving.
"I'll take you to her." Jay placed a hand on Adam's shoulder.
"Mak, honey." Adam offered her his hand and after a few seconds, she took it, and they followed Jay to the second floor where the OR was. She was in a small room where family could see her before she was taken down to the morgue. They stopped in front of two glass doors and Adam looked down at Makayla before crouching in front of her. "I know you want to see Kim, but I need to see her a few minutes first, okay?" He wanted to know what she needed to expect before she was traumatized once again.
"Okay." She nodded. He hugged her tight and stood at his full height before the sitter took Makayla aside and Jay stayed close to him for moral support as he slid both doors open with his hands. The air was cold around him, a result of the sterile room devoid of life or just his own body heat lowering at the sight of the love of his life's lifeless body. She was covered in a white sheet, and he suddenly felt his hands shake lightly as he stood on the side of the bed.
"I've got you." Jay simply offered him a presence, a step behind him. Adam nodded and took a breath before raising his hands and curling his fingers around the sheet. When he lowered it from her face, his world stopped turning on its axis.
"KIM!" Adam woke, sweat dripping down his back and chest, trouble getting air in his lungs as panic set into him. He couldn't get his breathing under control, so he didn't register his environment.
"Adam?" Her voice was groggy with a slight hint of pain in it as she woke up from his outburst, placing a hand on his moist back. Hearing her voice snapped him out of his trance.
"Kim." His voice was soft but the embrace he pulled her into was bone crushing. "You're okay."
"You're squishing me, but I'm okay." She ignored the pain she felt if it could help him.
"I love you." He pulled away and kissed her. "I love you, marry me."
"Adam." She laughed at his sudden outburst. They were sleeping in the same bed, Adam a comforting presence in the days following her release from Med, but they weren't a thing.
"I'm serious. I've spent so much time being stubborn, but I don't want to live a life where you don't know that I love you and where I don't spend the rest of my life loving you and making you feel it."
"What happened Adam?" She was worried now.
"Please." He begged.
"Fine, I'll marry you." She said softly, a flutter in her heart only Adam could give her, no matter how he did it.
"Good." He kissed her again and pulled her down gently back in bed against his side. Kim's fingers felt Adam's heartbeat slowing down considerably with his deep breaths and his slightly tighter grip around her shoulder. "I love you darlin'." He kissed the top of her hair as he closed his eyes.
"I love you too." She whispered back, tightening her own grip around his waist. It was messy and out of the blue, but regrets weren't something she was feeling right now. If he needed to remind her how much he loved her, she would be by his side to remind him of the same.
A/N: Please take a few seconds to review before you go, I always love to read your thoughts - Sarra