Yoichi didn't think of himself as a villain. He thought of himself as a "businessman" who had lots of "friends." These friends helped Yoichi out whenever had difficulties, often without him even asking. His friends adored and worshipped him that much—almost as much as he deserved.

Two of Yoichi's newest friends sat across from him in his office. One vigilante had spikey hair, the other pulled his back in a ponytail. Yoichi had already forgotten their names, probably because he'd been too busy drooling over their abs, but he vaguely remembered that spikey hair was the leader and ponytail was his right hand man.

Leader handed Yoichi a tissue. "We'll help you, I promise."

"Thank you." Yoichi dabbed at the small tears around his eyes. He had put on foundation today, so he had to be careful not to smudge it. As if feeling faint, he half-collapsed on his desk. With one hand over his brow, he reclined in a way that showed off his neck. "This has been so hard on me. All I want is to run a business employing metahumans who have been persecuted and unable to find jobs. Yet this All for Something blames me for his crimes!"

As bad with names as Yoichi might be, he did remember All for One, his main rival for power and a name thief. Both criminals had started their activities around the same time, but Yoichi strongly believed that he'd picked the name One for All for his company first. (The calendar would disagree with him but Yoichi ignored reality whenever it contradicted him.) One for All had been a reference to The Three Musketeers, a childhood favorite of both him and his brother. Yoichi's name meant there was enough of him for the entire world to adore. Then that rip-off All for One had copied his name and also started taking over all the criminal enterprises in Tokyo, frequently threatening or suborning Yoichi's people.

Yoichi's employees had recently robbed half a dozen jewelry stores. When the vigilantes had unexpectedly tracked the theft back to him, he'd pretend he'd been framed by All for One. That would show the plagiarist. It helped that Yoichi could cry on command.

"You're doing good work," Leader said, a stern expression on his face. "We'll stop All for One from bothering you. I solemnly swear it."

Yoichi sniffled. "I don't understand why a fellow metahuman would frame me. Surely this man knows how metahumans get treated by the police. I'll be assumed guilty even with scant evidence."

From the shadow that crossed Ponytail's face, he had suffered from past discrimination. What metahuman didn't? That had been an easy guess on Yoichi's part. Ponytail said, "All for One doesn't care about other metahumans. He's only in it for money."

Yoichi's shoulders heaved. He noticed how both men tracked his every moment, and resisted the urge to smile. "Someone has to stand up for metahumans! I'm so glad that you two heroes are on the job." He lowered his gaze, looking up from under his eyelashes. Every day, he dyed his eyelashes white. Those moments made it totally worth the effort.

Leader blushed bright scarlet. Ponytail was a bit harder to crack, but his pupils dilated. In a gruff voice, Leader said, "You're a hero too, for the people who you help. You've done good work for the community."

"Why, thank you." Yoichi beamed. In reality, his so-called charitable donations were hush money to locals. Also, his stolen money got laundered through fake charities. Yoichi was considered metahuman by at least some people, despite his lack of a power, because of his white hair. Therefore, he considered all the money he made to be going to a deserving metahuman—himself.

As the two vigilantes stood up and turned toward the office door, Yoichi winked. He timed it just right so both men thought he'd been looking at them. This time, he got two blushes. Score!

Alone, Yoichi leaned back in his chair and smirked. He was very proud of himself for turning a potentially troublesome situation to his advantage and carrying out two successful flirtations at once.

Yoichi had always liked heroes, ever since he'd been a child. Captain Hero had been his first crush. Heroes were muscular and noble and oh so naïve. Most importantly, they worked for free. His employees expected at least minimum wage. But those two would go off to fight the most dangerous metahuman in Japan in exchange for a few tears. If they made it back alive, then perhaps Yoichi would consider rewarding them for it. The heroic types were usually generous in bed, too.

Checking his watch, Yoichi leapt to his feet. If he didn't make it home in time for dinner, then big brother would worry.

By the time Hisashi arrived home, Yoichi sat in the living room reading a book. "Welcome home, big brother."

"I brought Italian takeout." Hisashi held up a plastic bag. Then he frowned. "You look flushed. How are you feeling?"

In fact, Yoichi had sprinted to keep from being late. Yoichi faked a cough. "I'm fine," he said with a brave smile, as if hiding a terrible pain. Yoichi had gotten in the habit of exaggerating his sickness ever since he'd been very young, because it always made his brother spoil him with presents. Even after he'd become wealthy and much healthier, he still kept up the act. He could never have enough presents.

Sure enough, Hisashi said, "My poor baby brother. I'll buy you a new watch if you go to the doctor tomorrow."

"But I hate doctors," Yoichi said, pouting. He faked another cough.

"An iced out diamond Rolex watch."

"If it will make you feel better, big brother." Yoichi raised up his book to hide his smirk. Even if he'd stolen plenty of watches during his latest heist, nothing beat free. That was why Yoichi continued living in his older brother's house and eating his food despite being one of the wealthiest people in Japan. Big brother had plenty of money, even if he probably wasn't as rich as Yoichi. Technically Hisashi had never asked how much money Yoichi had, so Yoichi didn't consider himself to have lied.

Yoichi's business was a strict secret from his older brother. Hisashi was convinced that Yoichi was fragile and in need of protection. He supported them both because he thought his little brother was too ill to work. Although Hisashi was the pragmatic type, Yoichi still assumed his older brother would disapprove of One for All's massive theft and fraud enterprise. In addition, Yoichi needed to maintain his image as the delicate and fragile one in order to prevent his older brother from ever leaving his side. Yoichi had been carefully cultivating their codependency since early childhood. Finally, if Yoichi was exposed as being wealthy then he might be expected to pay half of the bills. Just imagining parting with his precious money made him shudder.

"You paled just now, little brother," Hisashi said. "Are you sure you feel well enough for dinner?"

Yoichi coughed pitifully. "Food will make me feel better…especially if I have chocolate cake for dessert…"

"I'll have a cake delivered at once."

"Thank you! I'll set the table."

As Yoichi started to stand up, Hisashi waved for him to sit. "You're not feeling well, little brother. I'll set the table."

"Oh, but I want to help."

"I insist."

"Thank you, big brother." Yoichi kept a tragic, pain-ridden expression on his face long enough for his older brother to leave, then went back to reading his book. He also texted orders to his subordinates to take advantage of the chaos of the upcoming battle between All for One and the vigilantes. The vigilantes would be too busy to care about any robberies while fighting for their lives. Soon, Yoichi would corner the market on jewelry and designer clothing. Once it all belonged to him, no one else would be able to look as beautiful as him.

Hisashi served a helping of lasagna to his younger brother, then himself. It had been a tiring day. Hisashi felt happy to finally relax with his only family member.

Dear, innocent Yoichi beamed. "Thank you for the food, big brother! How was your day?"

Groaning, Hisashi said, "A business rival got in some trouble with the law, then dragged me into it. He framed me for his crime." One for All was a notorious villain who specialized in seeming like a charitable businessman. Also, the bastard had stolen the name that Hisashi had first. Most recently, One for All had framed Hisashi for his jewelry thefts. In other words, One for All had now copied Hisashi's modus operandi as a manipulator and puppet master too. The insult had gone too far. Soon, Hisashi would find the mysterious mastermind behind the organization and crush him.

Yoichi's eyes widened. "Oh, no! Surely you can prove that you're innocent?"

Hisashi doubted the vigilantes would listen to him. They were already a pain in his ass, so he might as well sink their dead bodies into Tokyo Bay. "It's nothing I can't handle. Don't worry your cute little head about it." Yoichi was far too delicate and naïve about the outside world to ever find out about All for One's business. Hisashi kept his little brother that way on-purpose. "How are you doing, baby brother?"

Yoichi's face scrunched up. "I've had so many problems at work. This horrible brute has been stealing from me, picking on my coworkers, and spreading nasty rumors about me."

Ah, yes, Yoichi did some sort of volunteer work that kept him busy. Hisashi preferred for his little brother not to have a job, so he'd stay pliant and dependent. The current Yoichi would never be able to survive on his own. Thus, he'd never be able to leave. Unfortunately, that sweet nature also left the poor child vulnerable to the predators of the world. Hisashi frowned. "Care to give me the name of this person?" As soon as Hisashi found out who was bullying his little brother, he'd add them to the corpses wearing concrete feet in Tokyo Bay.

Yoichi looked away. "There's no need, big brother. I think he's just jealous because I'm so much better looking. He's ugly as sin, balding, and looks hideous in a trench coat."

Hisashi filed away this description. Later, he'd order his minions to look for anyone matching those parameters lurking around his cute little brother. Even if Yoichi might be too kind-hearted to ask for help, Hisashi would never let anyone pick on his only family member.

While Hisashi was waiting for the cake delivery, he sent an email blackmailing an employee at One for All's headquarters. As soon as he knew the company owner was present, he would bomb the building. The extensive causalities would ensure no one ever plagiarized his villain name again.

After dinner, Yoichi faked illness long enough to get out of helping with the dishes. Big brother could hire servants for that; he had enough money. If Hisashi was too paranoid about safety to let other people into the house, then he'd just have to do all the chores. Yoichi's soft hands didn't suit manual labor. He might break a nail, and he'd just gotten a manicure yesterday.

Upstairs, Yoichi video-called Destro. The leader of the Metahuman Liberation Army was yet another puppet dancing on Yoichi's string, though one he hesitated to refer to as a friend even sarcastically. Ever since Yoichi's flirtation had worked a little too well, he only contacted Destro by video call. Last time, the Metahuman Liberation Army's leader had gotten too handsy.

Destro answered his call with, "Love of my life! I've been counting the seconds since we last met! Has your illness abated?"

"I'm afraid not." Yoichi faked a coughing fit. He'd even prepared a bit of fake blood in advance for his act. "I've been so stressed out from All for One's attacks on my business, I fear I might die."

Destro pressed a hand against the screen. "If only I could be there in-person to comfort you, love. You're so weak, you need someone strong to look after you."

"I can't risk you getting sick." Yoichi smiled and batted his white eyelashes.

Destro sighed deeply. "You're very lucky that I'm willing to wait for you. Normally I would discard you for having such a weak, barely metahuman body—it's survival of the fittest, nothing personal, dear. But you're the only person beautiful enough to be worthy of being my first spouse. I will need a couple females on the side to bear me children, of course. But you'll always be number one in my heart for as long as your looks last."

"You say the sweetest things." Yoichi barely managed to restrain what he actually wanted to say. He'd never consider letting Destro get a reward, useful or not. There was nothing wrong with Destro's looks, but his personality and fashion sense was repugnant. Perhaps Destro's use was at an end. "If only you took care of All for One, I know I'd feel better right away." Far more likely Destro would die, but hopefully he'd do some damage to All for One on his way down. Then Yoichi's vigilantes might have a shot.

Destro shifted in his seat. "All for One…is a tricky opponent."

"But you're much stronger." Yoichi widened his eyes. "I know you can beat him! I believe in you!"

Destro puffed out his chest. "Of course I can. I don't even need to defeat him myself. I'll assign a few of my employees to take care of him."

Yoichi restrained a groan. Destro would just send over some expendable pawns. They wouldn't even slow All for One down. "Surely you want the glory of defeating All for One for yourself? You're the savior of Japan. The most powerful metahuman."

Destro smiled. "Tell me more about how great I am."

Although he felt like vomiting, Yoichi delivered enough flattery to satisfy Destro and get him off the call. Afterward, Yoichi leaned back in his chair and screamed into his arm. If even that wasn't enough to lure Destro into launching a suicide attack, then Yoichi would murder Destro with his own two hands. It would be easy enough the lure the fool to an isolated location and shoot him. Destro believed himself invulnerable to people without metapowers.

Soon, Yoichi would finish off All for One too. If Destro let him down, then he'd see about feeding information to the government. Of course, Yoichi never even considered taking his older brother up on his offer to help. Hisashi was an ordinary businessman with a few shady connections. Yoichi kept his identity secret partly to protect his family. Unlike his pawns, Yoichi didn't consider his brother to be expendable. Hisashi was a good brother, but All for One was far out of his league.

Since Hisashi was the person who loved Yoichi the most, naturally Yoichi valued his big brother more than anyone else in the world. Yoichi craved being loved even more than he wanted money. Although he had many people who loved him, no one else's love was as perfectly and purely devoted as his big brother.

Hisashi opened his front door to find Destro standing there, holding a giant bouquet of roses. Had Destro somehow found out All for One's civilian identity? Hisashi nearly murdered the man on reflex, but the roses threw him off long enough for Destro to open his mouth.

Destro said, "I'm here to ask for your permission to marry your younger brother."

Hisashi's jaw dropped open. Could this be the bully who had been harassing Yoichi? How had his cute little brother attracted someone so dangerous? Hisashi should have insisted on bodyguards following him everywhere no matter how Yoichi complained and disposed of the tracking bugs!

"My darling uses a false identity for his company, but I followed him home." From Destro's large smile and total lack of guard, it was obvious he had no idea he was speaking to All for One. "Yoichi isn't a woman, but since he's weak and fragile like one, I decided to be traditional. Of course it's a mere formality since anyone would be delighted to have me in their family. I also want to discuss my takeover of the One for All business. I assume you're the true mastermind running the company, since Yoichi is far too silly."

"Yoichi…is One for All?" Hisashi whispered. His body tensed, confusion swirling in his mind.

Destro said, "He's the pretty figurehead, I assume. He doesn't have the brains to run a business."

No one insulted his little brother's intelligence except him. Hisashi picked up Destro and threw him in the air. Destro's scream faded off into the distance as his head penetrated the clouds.

Then Hisashi went inside and knocked on his little brother's bedroom door.

"Come in. Did you bring me my new watch?" Yoichi called. He lay on his bed, reading a comic book.

Hisashi crossed his arms. "Surely you robbed enough jewelry stores to have your own diamonds, One for All."

Yoichi dropped his comic. Paling, he said, "I can explain. This horrible villain named All for One has been framing me—"

"I'm All for One, my foolish little brother." Hisashi leaned against the doorframe. "You should have told me sooner! We could have joined forces."

"Seriously?" Yoichi laughed. "I thought you'd never approve of my criminal activities, but it turns out you've got a higher body count than me."

"Why would you think that I wouldn't approve? I've always been the bad one and you've been the good one."

"I'm the pretty one. That's not the same as being the good one, even if people think it is."

"If you're the pretty one, then I'm the handsome one." Hisashi's eyes narrowed. The ugly guy bullying his little brother had better have been Destro. If his little brother had been referring to his own stylish trench coat, then the fool was grounded. "That reminds me: I just got rid of Destro. We'll be the strongest metahuman force in Japan, together."

Yoichi leapt to his feet and hugged his older brother. "I can't wait! I'm glad that nuisance is gone! Oh yeah, I had a few assassination plans targeting you. Remind me later to cancel those."

"Ha, me too. Don't leave the house until I say it's safe." Hisashi hugged his brother back. "I'm so glad you're not being difficult about this. I was afraid you still worshipped heroes."

"I find it useful to spout ideals. I'm not stupid enough to believe them. That's why my reputation is better than yours." Yoichi released his brother with a smile. "Let's call our new organization 'One for All' since I have better publicity."

Hisashi frowned. "Excuse me? My organization is bigger."

Yoichi examined his nails. "Not if we count all my 'friends.'"

"I have plenty of unofficial allies too, little brother. Besides, I was born first."

"You can't keep lording that over me for the rest of our lives."

Hisashi raised an eyebrow. "You were happy enough to let me pay all your expenses in the name of birth order. From now on, we're splitting the bills."

A brief sheepish look flashed across Yoichi's face. "But your business is so much larger and more powerful than mine, big brother. Of course you'll keep paying for everything as the head of the family. I love you!"

"How about a split in proportion to our income?" Hisashi suggested.

Yoichi clasped his hand together. "Great! I estimate that I make 1% of what you make, so you'll pay for 99%."

Hisashi didn't believe that for one minute, but he'd rather keep paying than let his little brother's name come first. Yoichi had stepped into his trap. Hisashi smirked. "Then you admit that my organization is bigger and we should use my name."

"This and that are two different things. How about One for All and All for One?"

"The correct literary quote would be All for One and One for All."

The argument continued even as the two brothers conquered Japan, and later, the world.

OMAKE TIME!

Omake: The Artificial Shortage of Doctors

Doctor: There's absolutely nothing wrong with your younger brother. He's in perfect health.

Hisashi: Then why does he keep coughing?

Doctor: Have you considered that he might be faking it?

Hisashi: Making excuses for your failure to diagnose my little brother? How pathetic. Yet another doctor for the crocodile pit!

#

Omake: Behind the Fourth Wall

Destro: Yoichi didn't love me in Fear No Idiocy, but I'm sure an evil Yoichi will adore me.

Yoichi: You're completely right! So what's the password to your bank account? Do you have any life insurance? I find men devastatingly attractive when they have big life insurance policies.

#

Omake: Kill Theft

Yoichi: Did you record yourself killing Destro so I can fall asleep listening to his screams every night?

Hisashi: Nah, I just threw him through the stratosphere. He barely had time to scream.

Yoichi: Big brother! I wanted to kill him with my own two hands, or at least watch. The stunned look in his eyes as the life faded out would have been my reward for putting up with him for so long. What a waste!

Hisashi: I was in too much of a hurry to confront you to bother with torture. Want me to bring him back to life so you can kill him again? I've been working on the Nomu project to resurrect the dead.

Yoichi: You have zombie minions? How cool! You're just like a Demon King! You're the best! I love you so much! How much more do I need to stroke your ego to get a few hundred for myself?

Hisashi: Keep going, you're doing great.

Later:

Hisashi: I promised my little brother a hundred Nomu. How fast can you get them ready?

Dr. Garaki: Master! That's ten times the number of products I currently have in development. What were you thinking?

Hisashi: Look, he put on cat ears and called me onii-sama for a week. What was I supposed to do, not give him absolutely anything he wanted?

#Canon All for One: That could have been us if you'd been a little more compliant, foolish little brother #Canon Yoichi: DO YOU IMAGINE THAT TEMPTS ME AT ALL? NO ONE WANTS YOUR SMELLY CORPSES, P.S. I HATE YOU!

#

Omake: The All for Ones Club

Other All for Ones: If you want to join our club, then you're not allowed to boast about your perfect evil little brother who adores you. One word of bragging, and you'll be out before you can finish the sentence.

The Family that Slays Together Stays Together All for One: Cat ears. Oops, that's two words.

(Violence ensues.)

Later, nursing his injuries, All for One: Totally worth it.

#

Omake: Epilogue

Yoichi: Big brother, sorry about those two vigilantes that I sent to kill you. I've taken care of the problem. They're currently way too busy bedding me to assassinate you.

Hisashi: You did what now?

Yoichi: It turns out they're both amazing in the sheets. Heroic stamina is something else! I was originally planning to backstab them, just so I could enjoy the horror on their faces as they realized the truth too late. But now I've decided to keep them.

Hisashi: Even I can't twist my mind into enough pretzels to make you into the victim of this situation, so have fun and be safe. If they hurt you then I'll still sink them into Tokyo Bay even if you deserve it.

Yoichi: Aw, you're the best big brother ever!

Author's Note: Thank you to Gentrychild for giving me this cool Evil Yoichi idea and brainstorming with me.

I stand by my conviction that Evil First would be a manipulative bitch. No matter the universe, Hisashi always spoils his little brother. It makes a heroic Yoichi uncomfortable. Villain Yoichi accepts it as the natural order that everyone should love him and everything he wants should belong to him, and thus becomes a spoiled brat. Hisashi doesn't mind: in fact, he likes keeping his little brother dependent on him. These two get along so well because they are fulfilling each other's needs. Hisashi wants his little brother to never leave him. Yoichi will never let go of someone who treats him like the most important person in the universe. It's a mutual codependency.