**Outside the restaurant**
Ron
Ron stood in the street beside Hermione, and waited.
"He's a complete arse, isn't he," She sounded resigned.
"Yes."
"Why didn't you-"
"You really don't like me sharing my opinion of your love life."
"True."
"He's very good at his job."
"Being an arse?" Hermione looked up at him, eyes limpid with anxiety.
Funny. Don't laugh.
"No, I meant his actual job. He's a brainbox. He's trying to do some good in the world. He understands all that memory damage microglia synapse pruning shit. You're on the same wavelength. Plus, he's got a sort of… sexy mad professor vibe. I get why you like him."
Hermione returned to staring at the pavement.
"Not any more."
"Can't argue with that."
They stood there for a while. There were trees and traffic, but Ron mostly noticed her. She kept tugging at the fabric of her dress, like it wasn't sitting right. The breeze was toying with the wild frizzy flyaway strands of her hair. Her worry lines were getting more pronounced.
Hermione heaved a sigh.
"I know it seems dodgy. I know it does, but I just can't- I- after, after everything I just-"
"Literally the one person you don't need to explain it to, right here."
It was as much for him as it was for her, the one night rule.
Silence again.
"Do you think we'll ever be able to have normal relationships?" Hermione's voice was a little higher than usual.
Ron stared out across the road. Trees and traffic. Traffic and trees.
"Dunno that there is such a thing, really."
They listened to the street for a while. Ron found he was acutely aware of the soft edges of the searing hurt in his chest. He'd become better at carrying it. In moments like these, leaning on her presence made it a little easier.
"I think he does really want you to move to Kolkata, if that helps. He's only an arsehole when he's feeling insecure. And Kolkata is a big deal."
"I'm not moving to Kolkata."
"I know."
A light breeze.
Nothing could take away that feeling of being torn apart. Nothing would take away the bad dreams, or the three a.m. despair.
"I think…" Ron paused, staring unblinkingly out across the road, "Everyone wants us to cheer up and get on with life, and I… I mean we are. That's exactly what we're doing. But it's like people want us to be unaffected by what happened. Like we should somehow be the people we could have been if everything had been fine… It's not fine, Hermione, and it was never fine."
Hermione blinked back the welling tears.
"I feel like a failure."
Ron couldn't help grinning at that.
"There are worse things to be,"
She sniffed and nodded.
"Dead, I suppose,"
She never goes as dark as I do. It's like she doesn't see that place. Too many books to read, too many things to do…
"I was more thinking along the lines of nine and a half months pregnant with Garth's triplets in Kolkata; or like, a Tornados fan; or cruel to animals or just, you know, really boring,"
Hermione snorted.
"Weasley!"
He turned to see Dani approaching, looking far too cheerful. She didn't get it either, that darkness. She was like a ball of light, firmly ensconced in the present, preoccupied with what tastes good or feels good or sounds good… a lighthouse on a dark night.
"Sorry, hun, didn't want to startle you," She laid a hand on Hermione's arm, "Look, I've settled up inside, and Garth's gone. Gone, gone."
"Kolkata?"
"Yeah."
"Right. Thanks."
"Any time. Look, I know it's absolutely none of my business, but I really think the two of you should give it a proper go."
"I'm not moving to-"
"No! God no. I mean you and Weasley." She cast Ron a slightly apologetic look. "Sorry babe, I think we'd better stick to quidditch and cooking for now. Not that I won't miss…" She tailed off and quirked an eyebrow at him, and he felt that tug of attraction, "But you've got a shot at something real here. Also," she glanced back at Hermione, "Seeing as I'm being a brat and overstepping today, you should really see my mate Chaz about your hair. She's a frickin' genius with frizzy curls, and she won't push you to use product or do anything fancy. Ah, see there we go, now you're both a bit pissed with me! Perfect, my work here is done. Bitch about me on the way home, and for the love of magic, disillusion that stupid door! Better yet, banish it!"
Dani beamed at them, immensely pleased with herself, and Ron felt awash with affection.
He was fond of her.
She made a killer cheesecake, gave excellent hugs, and was unspeakably rude to people when it suited her. She wasn't scared of Hermione. Her spelling was atrocious. She was the only person on their amateur quidditch team who could knock him off his broom. Ginny had said she had a low centre of gravity; Harry said she was a menace; and Dani said she was gloriously fat and immensely strong, and her arse was a gift to the world.
Which was true.
Perhaps in an alternate reality…
"You still coming to Sunday lunch?" It was out before he could think.
He saw… he wasn't sure what he saw in her face. Not hope. Maybe hope? But uncertainty flickered and she glanced at Hermione.
"Of course she's coming to lunch, Ron, she promised your mum she'd make that chocolate avocado mousse."
Dani beamed again.
"Hurry up and have sex with him, so we can swap notes!"
Uh oh.
"Ok, I think we're done here,"
Dani winked hugely.
"Go on, get out of here, you've created enough havoc for one day,"
"Take her to bed, Ron,"
"Piss off,"
"I'm just saying," Dani waved her hands in the air as she left, chortling, sunlight making her earrings glitter like gold.
I can't.
It took me years to get here, Dani, I can't.