Author's Note:This one is still a work in progress. It was originally intended to be a one-to-two part story, and I'm currently writing the draft of part four! This is a whole lot darker than anything I have written before, and to be completely honest I am just along for the ride where my muse is taking me at this point. There will be some offensive language down the road, and possibly some trigger warnings. If and when it comes to that, I'll warn you ahead of time!
Sonny paused on the sidewalk outside of the building where he resided with his partner, stuffed his hands into his coat pockets, and gazed thoughtfully up at the windows to their apartment. In the Manhattan dusk, he could already see lights on, and in his mind could picture Rafael in the kitchen throwing something together for dinner. He smiled to himself, imagining the news playing on the TV in the background and the ADA muttering to himself in a mixture of English and Spanish over the broadcast while fragrant herbs and spices wafted through their home. Biting his lip, Sonny heaved a sigh, and a touch of longing filled him already as though preparing him for what was to come.
Heavily, he rode up the elevator and trudged down the corridor to their door where he let himself in with his key. "Babe?" he called, hanging up his coat.
"Kitchen," Rafael called back. "Working on dinner."
"I can smell that." Sonny paused in the doorway and drank in the sight of Rafael, stripped of his jacket and tie and shirtsleeves rolled up, expertly browning some pork chops on the stove. He studied him as though he wanted to memorize every detail of the man's face, the animated expressions and fast talking.
He smiled to himself as Rafael paused in his cooking to take a sip of red wine, then pointed to a bottle sitting next to the stove. "Grab yourself a glass."
Sonny shook his head. "Nah, I'm fine."
He tried valiantly to keep his tone upbeat, but Rafael knew him. He paused and looked up from the chops to study Carisi. "Are you okay?"
Noncommittally, Sonny shrugged. "Just work stuff on my mind." He closed the distance between them, stepped in behind Rafael, slid his arms around the older man and leaned down to nuzzle his neck. "That looks fantastic."
Rafael smiled as he turned his head to kiss Sonny. "Get something to drink," he said. "It's almost ready."
They sat at the table together to eat, though Carisi just picked at his food. Rafael told him stories about his own day at the courthouse, and Sonny listened with half an ear and interjected appropriately here and there. Finally, Barba put down his fork and studied his partner.
"Carino, what's going on?" he asked. "I can see something is bothering you."
With a sigh, Sonny pushed his plate away and folded his arms on the table. "Okay, but you're not going to like this." He paused to gather his thoughts. "You know the Ryan case SVU has been investigating for months?"
Rafael squinted, and Carisi could see the wheels spinning in his mind as he mentally sorted through the case notes Benson regularly sent him on their ongoing investigations. "The suspected sex trafficking ring out of Hell's Kitchen?"
"That's the one." Sonny's face fell into grim lines. "We're not getting far enough in that investigation to really make any headway, and so One PP has decided we need to send someone in deep undercover to gather intel to make the case."
Rafael's own face fell. "And you've been elected."
Tiredly, Sonny nodded. "This group is apparently racist, which means Fin would never be able to infiltrate, and it's too dangerous for Manda as a woman. That leaves me." Sighing, he reached across the table and took one of Rafael's hands. "We knew that a UC assignment was always a possibility."
Closing his eyes, it was Rafael's turn to nod in resignation. "How long?"
"I don't know, babe. As long as it takes." He hesitated. "Could be months."
"SVU is short-staffed, though," Barba argued. "Why isn't Vice taking it over?"
"Because One PP said we are supposed to," Sonny replied quietly. "Rafi, I don't like this any better than you do. But it's my job."
Rafael stared at the table in quiet contemplation. "When do you go?"
"I have two days to get my stuff in order." He blew out a breath. "When they say deep under cover, they do mean deep. I won't be able to contact you. Liv will be my only contact, and only at set times in secure locations. I'll be off grid." He squeezed Rafael's hand. "I'll pass messages to you through Liv, and I'll need you to keep in contact with my family and reassure them I'm okay."
Biting his lip, Rafael nodded.
Sonny stared at him for a long minute. "I'm gonna miss you so much," he murmured.
Without further word, Rafael stood and rounded the table. Sonny pulled the smaller man into his lap and held him tightly, breathing in the scent and soaking in the feel of him as though he could take it with him when he left.
Going undercover when you were involved with an attorney was decidedly different than it was when single. Sonny set Rafael up as temporary power of attorney just in case something needed dealt with while he was under, and as medical surrogate just in case. They took one afternoon and went to Staten Island so that Sonny could see his parents, and even had dinner with Rafael's mother.
Sonny went shopping at a local thrift store to buy clothes that would suit his cover. Rafael had turned his nose up at the flannel shirts, jeans, and combat boots, which made Sonny laugh. They relaxed together, laughed, and barely left one another's company.
And all the while was an undercurrent of tension and longing, both acutely aware that their time together was short.
Rafael sat on the bed dressed in lounge pants and a plain t-shirt the morning Sonny left. It was early–well before he needed to be ready to head to the office–and he watched Sonny finish tossing items in his duffel with a deep ache in his heart. "Are you sure you have everything?" he asked, making a valiant effort for his voice to sound neutral.
"I think so," Sonny replied. "My wallet, badge, and gun are in the safe in the office," he went on. "I have my UC ID for Dermott Quinn, clothes, toiletries…I think I'm good."
"Sounds like all bases are covered," Rafael said. He forced a smile and looked up at his partner.
Sonny was watching him, heart in his eyes. "Are you okay?" he asked quietly.
Rafael kept the faux smile on his face. "I'm really trying to be."
Sonny sat next to him and drew him close. Desperate to savor every last moment of connection, Rafael pressed closer and nuzzled into neck. "I am absolutely going to work my ass off to get this done as fast as possible so I can get home to you," Carisi murmured into his hair.
"Just be safe," Rafael replied quietly. He pulled back and looked up at Sonny. "Don't let anyone beat you with baseball bats this time."
"I'll do my best." Sonny kissed him deeply, hungrily, and they both drank in every last moment they still had together. "I'll send a note with Liv when I see her in a week," Sonny murmured against his lips. "I love you, Rafael Barba. And I will be home soon, I promise."
"I love you, too, Dominick Carisi. And you damned well better."
With that, Sonny picked up his duffel and strode out. Heartsick, Rafael watched him go, curling his knees to his chest and wrapping his now-empty arms around them.
Two weeks later…
"She's willing to cooperate and testify?"
Rafael looked through the case file Benson handed him, brow furrowed in concentration. It was a fairly open-and-shut case: a sophomore at Hudson University had been assaulted walking home from the library late at night. Independent witnesses–he loved independent witnesses in these kinds of cases, they made his job so much easier–could place the victim with the suspect. His brow raised as he scanned the next page in the file. And there was camera footage showing them walking together. Even better.
"She is," Olivia confirmed. "She is mad as hell about it, and she wants a chance to face him in court."
Grinning, he snapped the file shut. "I can make this case in my sleep," he said. "The grand jury meets tomorrow. I'll present it, and if I don't get an indictment then…" He paused, groping for ideas. "I'll kiss Tutuola."
"I think Fin might have something to say about that," Olivia said with a laugh.
Chuckling, he tapped the file on the edge of her desk. "I'll keep you posted on the grand jury," he said. "Let her know I'll be calling her this afternoon to prep her to testify tomorrow."
"Will do." Olivia paused and nodded towards the door. "Hey, Rafa, got a sec?"
He studied her as he reached over and closed it. "Everything okay?"
"Yeah, this is just not for public ears." She opened a desk drawer and pulled out an envelope. "I met with Carisi this morning—" she began.
"Is he okay?" Rafael interrupted, heart leaping at even a small bit of news about his partner.
"He's fine," Olivia assured him and held out the envelope. "He hates his temporary housing and in general finds the men he is investigating repugnant, but he's fine. He said to tell you he misses you."
Rafael took the envelope as though it were a treasured gift. His name was scrawled across the front of it in an achingly familiar handwriting. Rafi. "When you see him," he said thickly, "tell him I miss him too."
"He really is okay," Olivia said softly.
"I know," he replied, simply. "You would tell me if he weren't. But that doesn't mean I don't miss him." His expression turned grim. "And from the notes I have read on this case, these guys are known to be racist, xenophobic, and homophobic. I'm not exactly thrilled with the idea of my Italian boyfriend cozying up to them."
"Carisi is being careful," she said. "He's doing a pretty good job of passing himself off as Irish and straight as an arrow. He'll be home as quick as he can."
"I've been reading the case notes you forward to me." Rafael abruptly changed the subject and tucked the envelope in the inside pocket of his jacket for safekeeping. He would read it later, in private. "It looks like he's making progress."
"He's gathering intel," she agreed. "No smoking guns yet and nothing we can absolutely nail them to the wall with. He's gaining their trust."
Rafael pictured his brash, kind-hearted partner infiltrating a cold-hearted sex-trafficking ring and his heart twisted. "Just tell him to watch his ass," he said as he headed towards the door. "I'd miss it if something happened to it."
Three weeks later…
"Carisi, there's nothing you could have done," Olivia said, her voice soft.
They sat together at a greasy table at a seedy hole-in-the-wall bar on a backstreet of Morningside Heights. It was out of the way, away from Hell's Kitchen, and perfect for a clandestine meetup to pass information and discuss the progress of the case. They both sat where they could see the door in case any of Sonny's targets should happen to enter the bar and had a cover story ready just in case.
Sonny sat slumped in his chair across from Benson, cradling one arm against his stomach. He toyed with a slightly suspect mug of beer on the filthy tabletop with his other hand. "She was twelve years old, Liv," he said quietly. "I was trying so hard to protect her."
"I know, Carisi," she replied quietly. "Do you know who took her out?"
He shook his head. "I can't even get anyone to admit to who took the hit out on her, much less who actually pulled the trigger. All I can get anyone to say is that she saw too much and didn't know when to keep her mouth shut—" He paused and swallowed hard. "And when to use it for something useful." He looked up from the table, sorrow and anger brimming in his blue eyes. "She was twelve. Twelve. What the fuck am I doing on this assignment if I can't even protect one kid from these monsters?"
"Try as we might, we can't save them all," Olivia said. "You're gathering information, and that information is valuable. We will get them."
"Yeah, I guess," he replied, sighing. He shifted in his chair and grimaced.
"What's wrong with your arm?"
"Wrenched it in a fight with some of Ryan's men," he said dismissively. "It's fine." Carisi smiled wryly. "I kind of went ballistic on them when we found the body."
"Ryan was okay with you fighting with some of his men?"
"He doesn't care if we beat each other to death as long as we don't damage the 'merchandise,'" Sonny spat out bitterly. "Two of 'em got on me, and I twisted wrong getting away."
His CO studied him silently for several moments. "Carisi, I don't like to do this in the middle of a UC assignment like this, but…" She reached across the table and squeezed his arm. "I want you to take forty-eight."
Carisi stared at her. "What?"
"Let me make some calls," she said. "First, I want to take you to an urgent care clinic in Washington Heights we work with for some of our UC officers. The doc there had a dad on the job in narcotics, and she patches up our injured cops off the books so their cover isn't blown. Let's get your shoulder looked at and make sure nothing is broken. And then," she went on, "take forty-eight hours and step away from the case to get your head on straight."
"I can do my job," he protested defensively.
"I know you can," she replied. "But you took a hard blow today, and this assignment has been difficult. Carisi, you're exhausted. You've lost weight. You look terrible. Take the forty-eight, and come back at it fresh."
"What about my cover?" he asked. "If I disappear for two days, it could blow."
"We'll come up with a story. Say you got picked up for something. We can release you from central booking and plant evidence in there that Dermot Quinn was arrested and released."
He closed his eyes tiredly and blew out a breath. "Fine," he said. "Honestly, a solid forty-eight hours of sleep sounds amazing just now."
Olivia transported him to the urgent care clinic, where the doctor took him in through the back door and checked out his shoulder. While it wasn't broken, it was badly sprained. It was bandaged, and he was advised to take it easy for a few days, ice it, and take ibuprofen for pain and swelling.
"That'll make things easy when I get back into the field," he grumbled, sliding into the back seat of an unmarked car and hunkering down into the seat.
"With two days to rest it, you should be feeling better by the time you are back at it," Olivia said from the front seat.
"Probably." He pressed his fingertips to his eyes and rubbed them tiredly. Quietly, he peered out the darkened windows at the city. After a few minutes, he frowned. "Liv?" he asked. "Aren't you taking me to a safe house?"
"Not this time, Carisi," she said, glancing in the rearview. "The rules are you cannot leave, and you cannot use your own phone."
His brow furrowed in confusion. "Where are you taking me, Liv?"
"Home."
Sonny froze, not sure he heard her right. "Home?"
She nodded. "Like I said, you had a hard blow today. You're exhausted. You're hurt. You're frustrated." She smiled at him in the mirror. "Do you really think I would keep you from Barba right now?" Her smile widened. "Besides, he has been…" She trailed off, searching for a tactful word. "…prickly the last few days. You need each other."
He closed his eyes and let out a shuddering sigh of relief. "Thank you," he whispered, his heart already pounding with anticipation.