Hi everyone. So I just binged the whole series and when I saw Homelander's birthday episode I just had to write this...

I know he's completely awful and a monster but let me have this lol

Disclaimer: I do not own Homelander or The Boys!

God this was stupid.

This was probably the stupidest goddamn thing you've ever done.

Or was it?

You didn't know, but what you did know was the fact that you were carrying a gift for a certain supe's birthday today. And not just any supe, but specifically the Homelander himself.

The gift was nothing special, since being a new-ish Vought employee didn't come with a big starting salary, so it didn't cost much. But you'd like to think it was somewhat thoughtful, always believing it was the thought that counted instead of how high the price tag was.

The truth was that you didn't even really know Homelander, well, of course you did- everyone knew who the Seven's longtime captain and America's favorite hero was, but you didn't know him personally. You don't think you've actually even really spoken to the guy, just passing him by in the hallways on 99th at best when your job took you there. You weren't a supe or even part of the Seven's legal, PR, media, crisis, or management team so there was no real reason you would ever cross paths with Homelander or any of the other supes.

However, when you first started, most of your coworkers had warned you to stay out of Homelander's way numerous times, if you ever did get an off-chance encounter with him, telling you to not even look his way unless you wanted to get on his bad side and have him rip you a new one.

And here you were carrying a birthday gift for him in your bag?

It was so stupid. You mentally cursed your parents for raising you right and teaching you to be polite.

How were you even planning on giving it to him in the first place? You barely saw him and when you did, you never spoke to him, scared to find out if the rumors of his infamous temper were either the truth or a fairytale. You hoped the ladder.

Well, good thing it was barely 8 am and you could think about how to deliver it the whole rest of the day.

Doing one final check to make sure the wrapped gift was for sure in your bag, and hadn't mysteriously disappear, for the hundredth time, you fixed your hair before stepping out of the women's bathroom on the 89th floor to make it back down to your office space.

You didn't know why you came all the way up the tower to use this specific bathroom when all of the bathrooms in the tower were more or less the same and you worked all the way down in accounting, but from your first day you had picked this one and stuck to it. It certainly helped that this was a quieter floor, being the floor right below the supe's training area, so no one ever really came here. This bathroom had also been a nice place of solitude when you needed a good cry when work or life got to you during the working hours of the day. This place had been your solid go to.

So, imagine your surprise when you stepped out of the bathroom to see the person you were looking for walking briskly in your direction.

Your heart leapt to your throat- shit, you didn't think an opportunity would come this quickly.

But something was off. The normally charming and easy going tv and interview persona he normally exuded were nowhere to be seen. You could see from where you were standing that there was no sparkle in his eyes or any trace of amusement on his face at all. It looked and felt like a black storm cloud was brewing over his head and you wondered if something must've happened this morning for him to be looking like that.

But then you remembered hearing the faint whispers of your coworkers about how much of a pain it would be to budget in Homelander's latest tirade and how it would affect Vought's bottom line. Or how uncomfortable people acted once they saw the small poster of Homelander hung up in your cubicle given to you by your niece and how fake their smiles got when you mentioned how much Homelander meant to you and her.

The phrase 'don't meet your heroes' was popular for a reason but there was no way Homelander could ever really be a part of that saying…right?

Expelling those thoughts from your head, you readjusted the bag straps on your shoulder and took in a small deep breath to steel your nerves and as you looked back up, Homelander was now only a few steps away from you.

"G-good morning Homelander, sir…" you trailed off, your polite smile dropping as you watched him walk right by you briskly, not even a glance in your direction. "Happy birthday," you finished quietly to yourself.

Now that got his attention.

Homelander stopped and stood in place at least 20 feet away, not facing you or even turning your way, still looking at the other end of the hall he had been heading towards.

"What did you say?"

Shit, you forgot he had super human hearing.

Your eyes widened for a split second before swallowing your nerves. "I said…happy birthday. Homelander, sir." You waited for him to look your way or to even just say thank you before walking away, but he didn't move an inch. "It is your birthday today, right?"

It was a dumb question, you both knew it. Of course it was his birthday, everyone knew when it was. There were posters promoting his annual 'birthday celebration' broadcast on all of the Vought television networks plastered all over the country and in the building. Once there was even a campaign to declare his birthday a federal holiday.

"Uh…yeah," Homelander finally replied slowly, turning halfway towards you with his hands on his hips, cape swishing slightly at the movement, and dipping his head slightly before looking back at the wall. "It is."

"Well, I hope you have a great day- sir," you finished lamely and mentally slapped yourself. You had no idea why you were struggling to hold up a simple conversation but part of you knew why. For whatever reason, he seemed pissed off, if his stiff posture was anything to go off of. The last thing you wanted was to disrespect the world's most powerful superhero.

"Huh?" He glanced briefly at you before turning away, looking like he had already forgotten you were still there. "Oh, thanks." He dropped his hands, moving to start walking away from you again when you called out his name, remembering the gift you had in your bag.

"Oh, Homelander, sir! Wait!"

He stopped again and huffed a curt sigh while putting his hands on his hips once more before looking at you with barely veiled annoyance. "What?"

You missed the look he shot you since you were too busy walking up to him while digging around in your bag. "I have something for you."

Homelander subtlety rolled his eyes. "Look, if you have papers for me to sign or whatever, take it up with Ashley. I'm kinda busy this morning," he lied, feeling his patience wearing thin the longer you dug around in your purse.

He didn't have anywhere to be, but he certainly didn't want to be spending all this time in a hallway with you. He'd much rather be destroying things and letting out his anger on some pathetic intern because Stormfront didn't even say happy birthday to him through a fucking blink. But here you were, a complete nobody, being the first person to wish him a happy birthday and simultaneously waste his time. If he wasn't so disappointed with his disfigured girlfriend he'd be soaking all this in, but he wasn't. He just wanted to be left alone right now.

"What? Oh no, I'm not with legal. I work in accounting," you absentmindedly replied as you dug around and finally found his gift, pulling it out. "I wanted to give you something. Here," you said while holding out a palm sized box wrapped in red, white, and blue paper, complete with a bow and a card. "This is for you," you smiled sheepishly and looked up at his face as you took in his expression.

As his eyes scanned over the present, you could see his irritation start to melt away and be replaced with confusion. He blinked a few times, jerking his head back slightly as his eyebrows pulled together. "What- what is this?"

Now it was your turn to be confused. Was he joking or did he not know what a birthday present was? No- you told yourself, he must be joking and must think the gift you're giving him is work related.

"It's a…birthday present," you started slowly, your voice tinged with confusion. When his expression didn't change you added, "For you."

A few quiet seconds ticked by as he stared at the box, before an easy smile appeared on his face as his whole demeanor changed like a light switch being flipped on. He chuckled breathlessly. "Of- of course it is," he sputtered as he took it and the card. "Thank you."

"You're welcome, Sir." You nodded once. "Happy birthday," you smiled sheepishly. An awkward pause filled the air as you looked down at your feet before looking back up at him and you saw that his eyes hadn't left the box. "Make sure you- uh, open the card first," you hinted. "It helps explain the gift."

Your explanation broke whatever trance Homelander was in because he then blinked and plastered on another smile he hoped was charming. "Sure thing," he chuckled and waved the card in his other hand as he then looked at you. "I'll be sure to do that…?" He trailed off, looking at you expectantly with a raised eyebrow, waiting for you to fill in the blank and say your name.

"Oh!" you exclaimed after a moment and told him your name, cheeks heating up slightly after getting the hint. You were a little embarrassed with yourself for getting caught up in his eyes. I mean in your defense, they were a really beautiful shade of bright blue. "I work down in accounting."

"Ah, accounting," he nodded, like he was reminiscing about his favorable interactions with the accounting department even though he's never stepped foot on their floor once his entire life. "I like the…work that they do," he quickly pointed at you, "that you do," he added in a joking manner before laughing politely.

You giggled and nodded, smiling, dipping your head a bit before looking back at him. "Yes, yes. Well, thank you. Knowing that you appreciate our work means a lot, Sir."

"Psh, oh please," Homelander waved off your thanks. "Now you guys," he pointed a gloved red index finger at you, "are the real heroes."

His words felt a little empty to you and while you didn't know if it was because they were insincere or because you heard them a thousand times before on TV, you couldn't help but say your thanks. If he said those words all the time it had to be because he meant them, right?

"Thank you. I really appreciate it."

"No, no I'm serious." He was anything but. "Without people like you and your team, Vought wouldn't be where it is today. So, thank you," he added with a bashful smile that didn't reach his eyes.

You didn't want to keep going around in 'thank you' circles so you just accepted his gratitude with a smile. Besides, it wasn't every day that the world's most favorable superhero was thanking you for your work. "Of course, Sir. Anytime."

"Ah, you can drop the 'Sir'. Homelander is just fine."

You couldn't contain the smile that broke out across your face. Being on a first name basis with the Homelander? Well, not really since you figured he had another name besides his hero name, but this was still a big deal to a you. You got goosebumps, this couldn't be real. Your heart skipped a beat.

"Well, Homelander," you said, feeling a little weird dropping the formal sir title but liking how it sounded, "I have to get going now. My shift starts soon." You looked into his beautiful blue eyes as you sincerely said, "I hope you have a wonderful birthday."

With that, Homelander watched you turn around and disappear into the elevator without another word, all while he stayed rooted in place. Using his x-ray vision, he watched as you got off on the 35th floor (so that's where accounting was? No wonder he's never been there before) and make your way to your cubicle.

Once you logged onto your work station, he blinked, breaking his vision and bringing his attention back to the gift in his hand. Letting out a breath he didn't even know he was holding onto, he gasped slightly as he felt these emotions wash over him.

But he held back his feelings, taking a deep breath. He couldn't let anyone see him like this. He couldn't cry over his first ever birthday present like this right in the middle of the hallway.

He had to get to his apartment in the tower. He had to be alone.

Staring. That's all what Homelander had been doing for at least an hour. Despite possessing all of the strength in the world, he couldn't bring himself to do the simple task of opening his present.

All he could do was stand five feet away and stare at the brightly wrapped box sitting on his kitchen counter next to his red gloves.

Sighing in annoyance, he started pacing back and forth once again and ran a hand over his face.

This was stupid. He was the fucking Homelander for fuck's sake and he couldn't even do something as simple as opening a present? It was pathetic.

But he felt those same emotions from the hallway creep back up.

Deep down, he knew why this was so hard for him. He knew why he could feel his eyes prick at the corner with unshed tears.

It was because this was the first birthday present he's gotten. Ever. Despite all of the years he's been alive and on this earth, he's never actually received an actual present like this. All these years he's been in the Seven, at Vought, even dating Meave back in the day, and not once had he ever received a gift on his birthday. Or on any holiday either.

Even fucking Stormfront, whom he loved, couldn't even blink this morning to wish him a happy birthday. Blink! He had made it so god damn easy for her to make him happy this morning by basically saying the words he wanted to hear from her and all she had to do was blink in affirmation. And she couldn't even fucking do that for him. After everything he's done for her!

The disappointment and hurt he felt leaving her room after that was ode to none.

But then after that, he had met you. And you had managed to catch him off guard and turn his morning around with just a simple conversation and an act of kindness.

And here he was being a coward.

"Alright- fuck it," he muttered. He just had to get this over with. Like ripping off someone's head. He just had to do this quickly and efficiently.

He closed the gap between him and the counter in a few quick steps, his star-spangled cape swishing from the sudden movement, and reach out for the present. He started taking off the bow quickly and removing the ribbon but stopped when his eyes wandered to the card that was lying next to it.

Oh wait- didn't you tell him before that he should read the card before opening the gift?

Slowly putting the present down, he picked up the card and carefully ripped open the envelope. Pulling out the card and reading the front, he couldn't stop the slight tremble in his hands as he opened it.

The front had a cartoon version of himself smiling with a thumb up and it said, 'Hope your day is special…' and inside had the words printed, 'because there's no one as SUPER as you! Happy Birthday!'

Then in the blank space on the left side of the card, a handwritten message from you said:

Dear Homelander-

Happy Birthday! I know you must get a lot of gifts on your birthday, but I hope my silly little gift helps brighten up your day. You've seemed stressed lately and given what you do, I would be too! So, I hope this helps. Have a great birthday!

-Y/N

P.S Was seeing your face on the front too much? I thought it would be funny…if you hated it, I'm sorry but if you loved it, you're welcome!

Homelander couldn't help the slight snort that escaped his lips along with a ghost of a smile. Little did you know how much he loved seeing himself in things…the card was perfect.

Placing it on the counter, he turned his attention towards the present, picked it up and opened it to reveal a box. What the hell could this be? He could just use his x-ray vision to look inside without opening it…but a part of him didn't want that.

So, slowly, he held the bottom of the box with his left palm and removed the lid with his right hand. He hated to acknowledge it, but he felt his heart rate spike as he peered inside and saw…a ball?

What the fuck?

He took out the ball and tossed the box on the counter haphazardly, realizing how light it was. A foam ball with a smiling sun printed on it? This was supposed to help relieve his stress? He blinked a few times and furrowed his eyebrows.

The fuck was he meant to do with this? Was it some weird sex thing?

He turned around to whip the stupid thing at the window wall on the other side of his apartment when Ashley walked in.

"Happy birthday-" Ashley started saying in her usual fake chipper voice but faltered when she saw Homelander ready to chuck the ball. "Homelander…" she finished lamely as she took in the sight before her. Her eyes immediately went to the discarded gift wrap and box on the counter, her eyes lingering on the card. "What's all this?"

Homelander put his arm down and moved to push the stuff on the counter away from her nosy gaze, ball still in hand. "None of your fucking business Ashley," he snapped.

But Ashley kept proding.

Her face scrunched up in confusion and she saw what was in his hand. "And why do you have a stress ball?"

Hearing that, he stopped. "A what?"

Ashley hated this part of her job: explaining things to Homelander. She never knew how he was going to take these things. She had to watch her tone and wording because if she said something wrong- he would think she thought he was stupid and it would piss him off, and she very much wanted to stay alive.

"A stress ball," she said carefully. "It's a squishy ball that people use when they feel stressed. You squeeze it and it's supposed to help you relax."

Homelander looked at the ball in his hand for a few seconds before squishing and releasing it, watching as the foam slowly regained its spherical shape.

"It's normally used by people without powers," Ashley quickly added. She swallowed. "Because a lot of people can't…break things with their bare hands like you can, Sir."

He could literally feel Ashley's annoying voice grate on his nerves and could hear her blood pressure shoot up the longer he stayed silent. Then he remembered your card: you've seemed stressed lately…hope this helps!

So, he squeezed the ball once. Then twice. Then once more. He'd be lying to himself if he didn't find the act satisfying and could feel his Ashley-related anger ebb away and he could hear her blood pressure return to normal.

"Ashley?"

"Yes?"

"What the fuck do you want?"

"Oh, right- yes!" Ashley shook her head and went back to business. "We have a full day ahead of us so I came to get you. We have to go to the studio first for your birthday celebration rehearsal and then we have to film your annual birthday save…"

Homelander tuned out Ashley's droning and instead focused on the sun printed stress ball in his hand. His first ever birthday gift was a little stupid, sure, but he actually found himself liking it. Being a hero of his caliber came with a lot of stress, so for someone to consider that in giving him a gift was…thoughtful.

His eyes flickered to the card and could see your name peeking out from the flap.

"Ashley," he interrupted her and she immediately became quiet. "Clear my schedule around noon."

"But- Homelander," she stuttered, "That's the time we have to film your birthday save."

Homelander blinked, turned his face towards her and cocked his head to the side. He stretched his mouth into an empty smile and chuckled humorlessly. "I'm, I'm sorry, but did I stutter?" He took a step towards her and saw her flinch away from him. His smile dropped as he leaned in towards her. "I said clear my fucking schedule." He stood back upright and let out a quick sigh, turning his back to her. "I have a meeting then."

More confused than ever, Ashley quickly pulled out her iPad and started tapping away on it, her stomach dropping to the floor at the thought of forgetting one of Homelander's meetings. "Uh, a meeting? What meeting? I didn't schedule any meetings for you today," she said frantically as she cross referenced her schedules.

"You didn't schedule this meeting Ashley," he explained exasperatedly like she was a dumb child. "You don't schedule everything I do." He looked down at the stress ball in his hand again and then glanced at the card, staring at your name. "I scheduled this meeting myself."

He thought it was time he finally stopped by the accounting department and see it for himself. After all, what kind of hero would he be if he didn't take the time to visit a group of hardworking Vought employees?

Not a good one. And he couldn't have that.

Not at all.