this is my piece for seeds of hope zine! we raised almost $600 for one tree planted. thank you so much for having me! this piece was finalized on 6/1/2022.
Tomorrow, We Have a Chance to Bloom
As soon as Komaru stepped out of the helicopter, her sneakers squelching on the damp dirt, she acknowledged the heat. Sweat clung to her brow, and she dragged her wrist across it. Sunlight filtered through the thick leaves of the rainforest, illuminating the lush foliage with a golden outline. She held her Hacking Gun to her chest, directing her attention to the clear sky obscured by the trees. Even with the shade stretching across the landscape, she felt the humidity, prompting her to heave out a sigh, realizing she would have to trek through the uncomfortably warm environment to find the target.
Footsteps pressed on the metal flooring of the helicopter. Komaru glanced over her shoulder, finding Byakuya and Makoto muttering to each other. Byakuya drummed his fingers on the Hacking Gun clipped to his belt. She sensed his impatience and quietly cleared her throat.
He leered at her out of the corner of his eye. "What else is there for you to say? We've already had our disagreement."
Komaru snorted. "There's no need to be stingy about it. I made my decision, and I'm not changing my mind."
Makoto tried to keep the peace. "Well, hold on, Komaru. Just try to understand Byakuya's perspective. This target is someone who harmed both of you pretty badly. While we are retrieving her for rehabilitation, maybe you shouldn't do this alone."
Komaru dug in her heels. "Not a chance, Makoto. I've seen her at her lowest."
Byakuya huffed out a sigh. "That isn't a logical retort to convince me overwise and-"
"Yes, Byakuya, I know it's a bad idea to go by myself," she interjected, throwing out her hand, "but I've seen her despair in person. I know the risks." She threaded her fingers through her short hair. "At the same time, I know her better than you two. I know her capabilities. I know how much destruction and death she caused." She narrowed her eyes. "I know because she did it all to turn me into a monster."
Makoto winced. Byakuya impassively observed her, and he crossed his arms. They shared a glance, Komaru rubbing her thumb along the worn hilt of her Hacking Gun. Her brother cupped his chin, his brow knitting, tell-tale signs that he was deep in thought. Byakuya simply waited, his attention shifting to the helicopter blades reflecting their distorted images across the steel wings.
"Please, you guys," Komaru entreated, "I need to do this myself."
Makoto lowered his hands to his waist. He took a breath and held it, seemingly lost for his words. His expression strained with reserved judgment. "Komaru, I just don't want you to be hurt again. Even if she's incapacitated, she could still play her mind games."
At his reminder, Komaru nibbled on her lower lip. The target was renowned for twisting casual observations in her favor. The heat and humidity of the rainforest reminded her of that vast space on the zeppelin that the children called home, and although floral scents wafted around her, the memory of copper mixed in.
She nodded. "You're right, Makoto, but I won't let her win. Now, we're on equal footing."
Makoto jumped down from the helicopter. Any traces of hesitation vanished as he gripped her shoulder. He rested his other hand on her Hacking Gun, saying, "That's right. You know what you're up against, Komaru. I believe in you." A chuckle ghosted past his lips. "Just make sure you call us in case things go south."
Komaru returned his smile with one that made her cheeks ache. She bobbed her head in agreement, ignoring Byakuya rolling his eyes. She reached into her skirt pocket and revealed a cell phone powered by Togami Corporations' satellite system, a device able to receive service even in the thickest of rainforests. When Byakuya noticed it, he sighed and nodded, his approval given, but he warned her to remain vigilant.
"I won't bring you back in a body bag," he said, and he retreated into the helicopter.
With his caution in mind, Komaru marched off in the direction where he gestured. The target was a quarter-mile west of where they had landed the helicopter. It had already been quite miraculous that they had discovered a spot in the deep foliage where they could park without clipping through the trees. And knowing where the target's rocket ship had crashed, Komaru could only hope the remainder of the mission sailed as smoothly as their arrival.
The evergreens stood tall above her head. Vines wreathed around them, and she spotted insects of all kinds crawling up the thick bark. She listened to the chittering of the animals coming from all angles. Monkeys and birds moved swiftly through the branches, not paying her any mind as she trekked, placing one foot carefully in front of the other. She heard a waterfall crashing into a river, the distant sound like a gentle whisper playing in her head.
But she couldn't enjoy the verdant sights and sounds of the rainforest. The odor of smoke lingered. As she tiptoed over wildflowers and frogs, she spotted scraps of metal. They were jagged and uneven shards, some with dead wires jutting through them. While hundreds of ants skittered over them, Komaru knew she was closing in on her target.
And when she did, Komaru bit her tongue. Destroying the serenity of the rainforest was a smoking husk of a rocket ship. Gray smog lifted from the remains like a signal. Electrical sparks flicked from the machinery before dying down. Empty plastic bags of junk food and candy wrappers flew off in the wind. As Komaru approached, her Hacking Gun raised, she noticed the wilted remains of once bright blue flowers where the ship had crashed. But upon closer inspection, she discovered the discarded stems with their petals scattered as if purposefully plucked.
Then, arriving in the middle, Komaru spotted her. Covered in a threadbare blanket was Monaca Towa. Her unbrushed hair was so long that it reached her waist. Old, dried food stains clung to her clothing. Her thumbs hammered away at her Game Girl Advance, its battery flashing red. Dead pixels dotted the cracked screen. Charred white petals surrounded her with even more stems than Komaru could count.
Komaru's heart rate quickened. It was worse than she thought. "Monaca?" she called, her reflection appearing on the screen.
Monaca monotonously hummed. She licked a dollop of chocolate off her chin.
"Monaca, I know you can hear me," Komaru said, rounding in front of her. She reached down and flicked the switch off.
The screen dimmed. Monaca's filthy face reflected in it, the circles under her eyes a shade of violet. She mindlessly clicked the shoulder buttons before dropping the Game Girl Advance, groaning and slouching on the wreckage.
Komaru shook her head. "Come on. You can't keep playing video games and snacking."
"Guess my NEET days are over," she growled, leering up at her. "Fine. I'll humor you. What do you want? Do you want me to summon a robot for another climactic battle? Or how about we have a cheesy heart-to-heart, and we can sob and hug in the end?"
Her insults hardly pinched. If she was still in Towa City, Komaru wondered if she would have taken the bait. Instead, she crouched and said, "You're coming with me to the Future Foundation."
"Oh, isn't that nice? My ship lost fuel just in time for them to get their execution machines running." She clicked her tongue, her sarcasm dripping in every word. "How despairing or whatever. Am I pleading my case to a judge, or are you whisking me away to death row?"
Komaru heaved out a sigh. "Okay. No. We're not doing this, Monaca."
A familiar, wicked sneer curved on Monaca's lips. "Oh, yeah? And what are you going to - hey!"
Komaru smirked to herself as she picked Monaca up by her gown. With a grunt, she hoisted Monaca underneath her arm. While Monaca's legs dangled, she flailed her arms, swatting at Komaru, but her attempts to fend for herself felt like pats to Komaru.
"Put me down! Put! Monaca! Down! Right! Now!" she cried, beating her tiny fists at Komaru's hip.
"I'll put you down when I fasten your seatbelt in the helicopter," she jeered.
Monaca groaned and slumped, ceasing her futile attempts. Komaru was unsure of what to make of the development. Monaca had once been so full of life like the forest surrounding them. Now, she was nothing more than a shadow of her former self.
But instead of pondering, Komaru decided it was in their best interest to return to Makoto and Byakuya as quickly as possible. The therapists at the Future Foundation would have a better time handling Monaca's behavior than her. Komaru estimated the trip back would take thirty minutes with the extra weight she had to carry and took her first step forward.
"I'm thirsty," Monaca announced as soon as Komaru's foot hit the ground.
"I'll get you a water bottle when we reach the helicopter," Komaru replied, trudging onward.
Monaca blew a raspberry and lapsed into silence.
Komaru wondered how long the quiet would last. She trekked through the forest once more, observing the trees that blotted out the sky. She breathed in untainted air, a faint, fungal scent wafting around her, and she carefully sidestepped over an array of scarlet mushrooms, walking with one purpose in mind.
Monaca suddenly threw her finger to the side. "Look at that."
"You're not distracting me," Komaru huffed.
"I'm serious. Something is next to us."
Her tone indicated as much. Komaru rested her hand on her Hacking Gun and turned in the direction where Monaca pointed. Immediately, the forest seemed denser. Thorns pricked along shrubbery, but what immediately caught Komaru's stupefied attention was the massive flower in the center of the bushes. It spread across the grass and crushed its competition. Smaller flowers wilted underneath its enormous blood-red petals. Buzzing flies swarmed around it, feasting on its nectar like they were vultures picking at entails.
Komaru recoiled. "What - what is that? Is that an overgrown mushroom?"
"Don't you know your flowers, Big Sis Komaru?" Monaca scoffed, dragging Komaru out of her confusion. "It's called a corpse flower. They're supposed to emit a horrible fume to attract bugs, but like my dreams, it's dead." She shrugged. "Eh, Monaca can relate to its struggles. It had to be ugly and monstrous to survive."
Komaru furrowed her brow. Self-depreciation seemed to have become Monaca's bread and butter. It reminded her of the other lucky student, but Monaca's words were a dull, blunt sword aimed at herself, never fully striking, yet always cutting.
Monaca endured a harsh childhood. Her laughter and smiles were met with disdain and blows to her body. Komaru couldn't imagine that agony, knowing it had warped Monaca. As she held Monaca, who continued dangling not by her own strength, Komaru wondered what could have happened if the mastermind and the concept of euphoric despair had never come into her life.
She couldn't fully forgive Monaca, but Monaca was like the corpse flower. She learned to become vile while growing up in the Towa household. And now, although back on Earth, she was already dead. She lacked dreams for the future and was sequestered in her self-imposed idleness, wanting nothing more than to cease thinking.
But as Monaca tried wriggling again, Komaru perked up. She tilted her head and squinted through the trees. She felt Monaca shifting against her, her irritation palpable. While she would have scolded her, Komaru squatted, carefully avoiding the thick petals of the corpse flower.
To the naked eye, there were only cloistered branches and leaves. The vines clung to tree bark, and delicate flowers bloomed from the tallest trees. Monaca elbowed her hip, demanding to know why she had gone still. But instead of reacting, Komaru sniffed the air, the scent of citrus tickling her nostrils. It reminded her of the lemons she used to pick from a neighbor's garden on her way to middle school, the smell so strong she smelt the fruit when she rounded the corner.
"Hellooo? Down here," Monaca called, her fingertips rapidly smacking Komaru's cheek.
Snapping out her trace, Komaru nudged the offending hand away. "Stop that. I think there's something straight ahead that's worth investigating."
Komaru sidestepped the corpse flower and pushed through the deeper woods. She shouldered her way through the branches and thorns, Monaca complaining about leaves in her hair. But she followed her nose, the pleasant, sweet scent enticing her to march ahead. Even Monaca muttered that she smelled it, nose-blind toward saccharine scents from living on a closed shuttle hundreds of miles in space.
Light bled through a shadowed clearing. Vigor renewed and ignoring the buzzing insects, Komaru hurried. She skipped over crawling lizards and apologized to skittering chimps crossing the jungle floor, her eyes wide in astonishment as she burst through the woods.
Monaca gasped. That was all Komaru needed to hear, reassured her detour had been the right choice.
Before them, there was a field of wildflowers. It stretched like an oasis with the trees standing guard. Kaleidoscopic petals glittered like stars under the sunlight, and their rich green stalks rose to Komaru's stomach. Orange, violet, and azalea hues decorated the bulbs, more vibrant than any color Komaru had ever seen before.
Komaru drew in a breath, inhaling that addictive citrus scent. She felt renewed as if new life had been into her. She broke into a cheek-splitting smile. It had been far too long since she witnessed a garden untouched by the Remnants of Despair, wondering if the density of the forest had protected the flowers.
"Wow! Monaca, are you seeing this? There must be hundreds of flowers!" Komaru cried, throwing her arms out.
She realized her mistake as soon as Monaca crashed to the ground. Heat coloring her cheeks, she nervously chuckled and crouched next to the girl lying flat on her stomach. Monaca drummed her fingers on the grass, ignoring Komaru's apology, and Komaru gently cupped under her shoulders, pulling her into a sitting position.
Komaru continued as if she hadn't just dropped her. She eagerly pointed at various flowers nestled together. "Oh, I know what these are! Orchids! Tons and tons of orchids! Monaca-!"
She bit her tongue. Her finger wavered before curling back into her palm. She lay down flat on the grass, unsure of why Monaca had grown silent, her eyes boring on something Komaru couldn't see. Propped up on her elbows, Komaru tried peering through the leaves and stalks, but whatever Monaca saw, Komaru didn't.
"You're as blind as a bat," Monaca huffed, cupping her cheeks. "Just look in front of us, and don't look too hard." She paused. "Actually, please do. Burst a blood vessel in your eye for Monaca's amusement."
"I'll make sure I won't just to spite you," Komaru grumbled, and she surveyed the flowers again only to hum.
Coiled and pressed down by the leaves and stems were a strange variety of flowers. Wispy, scarlet petals wilted. The orchids smothered them with their shadows; not a single ray of sunlight reached them. They were so small and wiry that they almost didn't exist, smothered by the larger petals and stocky leaves that coated the dirt.
"They're red spider lilies, another representative of death," Monaca said fondly. "I kept them in a jar in my room."
Komaru paled at her implication. "'In a jar?' That doesn't sound like it'd help them flourish."
A smirk curved into her unwashed cheeks. "In my room, I was only allowed to have blueprints and machinery. My existence was already a blight on the Towa family, so I needed to always be productive at home." She sighed, closing her eyes. "One day, I was bored with work, and I tore a few red spider lilies right out of my stepmama's garden. I stashed them in the jar and tried to hide them, but my family became furious with me. My stepmama said I destroyed her whole garden when it was just a teensy weensy patch I ruined." Cracking open an eye, she jeered, "Wanna hear the rest of the story? Adults love the disciplinary part."
Komaru shivered and shook her head. An uncomfortable silence fell over them. Not even the sweet smells or charming colors evoked any joy from Komaru.
Instead, she was left contemplating the lilies that succumbed underneath the towering orchids. They could have thrived if they had proper access to sunlight and water. But the orchids drank every last drop, becoming more exquisite by the day, leaving nothing behind for the withering, off-color lilies.
It was the same pitiful story in human flesh next to her. If Monaca had been in a loving environment, in a family like the Naegis, then Komaru wondered if the little girl who caused incomprehensible despair could have been different. Instead of a tumor, Monaca could have been a daughter beloved by her family. It might not have stopped Enoshima Junko, who had cultivated Monaca and let her blossom under despair, but Monaca could have lived an entirely different life, one where she was allowed to be a child.
Komaru drew in a breath. "You know, Monaca, if you want my opinion-"
"Which I didn't ask for."
"-then I can't say that you had a fair life. You were pretty much hurt every day, right? So, because of that, you had to become twisted to live to see tomorrow." When Monaca didn't answer, her nose wrinkling, Komaru continued. "Like these lilies, you weren't nurtured when you should have been."
Her voice tightened. "Monaca doesn't want to hear platitudes. Don't try to sound like your wimpy brother."
Komaru pushed upright, helping Monaca into a sitting position and kneeling in front of her. "I can't forgive you for what you did to me. Not yet, maybe not ever, but I do understand you." She pinched one of the lily petals, and with a quick tug, she plucked and held it out to Monaca. "This is what your family did to you."
Monaca's confidence dropped in one fell swoop. She tried to respond, but the words became trapped in her throat. Komaru supposed no one had confronted Monaca about the extent of her mistreatment, viewing it as an opportunity to continue when Monaca glared at the limp petal.
"No matter how hard we wish, we can't change the past or who hurt us, but tomorrow-" She swept her arm out through the orchids, breaking their hold over the lilies and allowing the sunshine to reach them. "- we have a chance to bloom. If you let me help you, then I think things will start looking brighter for us."
The little girl, small and delicate as she lay next to her, stared at Komaru with a face harder than any stone. Her lips pursed, and her pupils dilated. She trembled with an emotion Komaru couldn't place. Komaru grasped her shoulder, squeezing with gentle reassurance, hoping against hope that Monaca would understand.
Then, lifting her head, Monaca airily sneered, "Wow. You should write greeting cards."
Komaru spluttered. "Wh-? Monaca! I'm being genuine."
Monaca sighed, lacing her fingers underneath her chin. "Monaca thought - well, no, when I was blasting off to space, I plucked flower petals, too. Hope or despair, but I guess I was right. They didn't matter when I had nothing going for me." She plopped onto her stomach and seized a handful of lilies. Yanking them out of the ground, roots and all, she added, "But I guess I can consider your theory of future happiness as long as you entertain me and those Future Foundation brutes don't touch a single hair on my head." She scoffed. "Not like I have a choice. You're my ticket out of the woods. I might as well let this cheesy heart-to-heart happen, too."
As her words sank in, Komaru beamed. She grinned so hard her cheeks ached. They had finally connected as if they had linked pinky fingers together. She jumped to her feet and picked up Monaca, effortlessly slinging her onto her back. Monaca didn't offer a single complaint, merely sighing at what she asserted was childish treatment.
Leaving the orchids and lilies behind, Komaru jogged back to the helicopter. "Good thing you got those lilies! We can use their seeds to plant new ones! We have a garden all set up at the base and-!"
Monaca barked out a laugh. "These don't produce seeds. You use their bulbs to make new flowers."
"Oh, really? I didn't know that!"
"Yeah! Unsurprisingly, you don't know a lot of things."
"Hey! Quit being so mean to me!"
But as she continued running through the forest, breathing in the woodsy fragrance, Komaru looked forward to what would come next for herself and Monaca, who rested her cheek on the crown of Komaru's head. Like a budding flower, with its petals beginning to unfurl, whatever came hereafter looked radiant and vibrant.