Here's a little comedy inspired by the movie "Dude, where's my car?"
For those who have seen the movie then you might have a good idea of what's to come and for those who don't then prepare to laugh your asses off.
"Mom, we're hungry!" Fourteen year old Danielle said.
"Everyone is, sis." Tawny retorted "You don't have to repeat it every five seconds, we got the message."
Anthony cooed in his car seat, apparently agreeing with his older sisters despite the fact that he had no idea what "hungry" really meant or that he couldn't eat solid just yet.
"Well girls, we could've been at any fast food restaurant by now if your mama wasn't driving like an eighty one year old grandma!" Jade said annoyed, giving her wife the evil eye.
"Boy, I forgot how mean you are when you're hungry." Tori muttered under her breath.
"What was that?!"
"Nothing... Nothing." Tori said quickly "I was just talking to myself, you have to respect the speed limit you know?"
"Ironic, considering you did anything but respect the speed limit when you were trying to get your Drivers license." Jade replied cheekily "How old were you when you finally got it?"
Tori returned the glare... ten fold.
"You know what mom?" Tawny said, inerrupting what could've been an all out wat between her parents "I don't think anyone in the car cares at this point what we're going to eat, so anyone's up for Chinese?"
"That's not a bad idea." Danielle agreed "There's a Chinese food drive in about five miles away from here."
"I could eat an ego roll" Tori said, her stomach growling loudly
" Or ten." Jade said jokingly, her own stomach rumbling.
"Looks like you're not far behind." The Half Latina shot back with a grin. "Ok Tawny, tell us where to go."
"Just keep driving straight and we should be good Mama."
A few minutes later, the West family arrived at the drive thru.
"About damn time!" Jade bellowed annoyed "Seriously Tor... I think a turtle out ran us like five miles ago!"
"Shut it!"
"It wasn't a turtle mom." Tawny corrected "I think it was a sloth."
The tree West women snickered while Anthony clapped his hands obliviously happy.
"That's it!" Tori snapped "The next person who makes fun of my driving gets grounded!"
"You should let me drive home Vega." Jade suggests "At the speed you been driving, it would take us three days to get home."
"It's West!" Tori snapped "And you just had to tempt fate didn't you?"
"It's what I do."
"is that so?"
"Yup."
"Well guess what Jade?"Tori asked with a sweet smiled that turned ugly just as quicly "You're grounded!... The Scissoring is banned from our house for a month!"
"You can't ground me!" The thespian yells out indignated "I'm your wife!"
"You want me to take away away your cuddle privileges too?"
Jade lowered her head "I'll be good."
The twins were snickering in the backseat, they soon stopped the moment they saw theor mother's threatening glare.
"I wouldn't have to treat you like a child you you acted your age Jade." The Half-Latina huffs as she drove to take their order "Seriously three children are enough, I don't need you to add more childish drama to my life."
A soon as the car made it to the intercom, which was shaped like one of those Chinese food takeout containers, it buzzed to life.
"Chinese food. How may I help you today?" A woman asked.
The married couple couldn't help but recognize the voice as Mrs. Lee's.
It seemed like she had fallen on hard times.
"Uh yeah..." Tori said nerviously taking a look at the menu next to the intercom, "I like two orders of garlic chicken."
"And then?" the lady asked.
"Four orders of white rice." Jade asnwered this time.
"And then?"
The Half-Latina looked at her daughters, "You girls want soup?"
"Yep," the twins said in perfect unison.
"Four orders of wonton soup."
"And then?"
"Oh and some fortune cookies would be nice."
"And then?"
"Umm maybe Anthony would like to try something?"
"How about if we give him some of our rice?" Jade suggested.
"Would you like that baby?"
Anthony just cooed back at his mothers.
"I'll take that as a yes." Tori chuckles.
She then scanned the menu one last time, just to see if there was anything else worthwhile to take home. "I think that's about it."
"And then?"
"Nothing more, thank you."
"And then?" Mrs. Lee asked yet again.
"No and then. That's all we want," Jade snapped, losing her patience.
"Be nice Jade." Tori reprimanded "I mean for all we know, the equipment is faulty and she couldn't have heard us very well."
"And then?"
"Nothing else." Tori said, trying to stay calm "All my family and I want is the order we gave you."
"And then?"
The twins chuckled a bit. They found the situation a little funny even if this strange woman was annoying the hell out of their parents.
They looked over at their baby brother who was not to far behind giggling away.
"Maybe you could put everything in two brown paper bags and put the orders in my hand because my family and I are starving."
"And then?" Mrs. Lee asked drawing out the words, almost as if she was getting some sort of sick amusement out of this.
"Hey. We refuse to play your Chinese food mind games any longer," Jade snarled "Just give us our damn food!"
"And then?"
"No and then!"
"And then?"
"No and then!"
"And then?"
"No and then!"
"And then."
"No and then!"
"And then?"
"No. No and then." Tori looked at her wife warily, she knew about her temper first hand and things were about to escalate really fast.
"And then?"
Rage was the only emotion the former Goth was feeling at the moment. Her greenish-blue narrowed dangerously "You're really starting to piss me off lady."
"And then?"
"And then," Jade said pausing to laugh a little sinisterly. "I going to come in there and put my boot or better yet my scissors up your sorry ass if you say and then one more fucking time!"
Her steely threat seemed to finaly made her point across as Mrs. Lee seemed to stopped with her annoying repetitive question.
The pale woman leaned back into the car, calming down a bit. Though the feeling was short lived because after about ten seconds Mrs. Lee started up again. "And then! And then! And then! And then! And then! And then! And then!" she shouted the question at the top of her lungs repeatedly.
Jade's eye was twiching uncontrolably, she had had enough.
"LET ME AT HER!"
She lunged from passenger seat to her wife's side, Tori didn't have enough time to close the car window since Jade was like a cheetah when angry, possessing fast reflexes and speed, quite the deadly combination.
Case and point Jade punched and hits the intercom in her blind fit of rage.
All while Tori frantically tried to get her to get back inthe car while some passerbys who were witnessing the whole thing started to record the incident from their phones until finally the intercom came crashing down after all of the assault it had just faced.
Later that night Jade made the news, her assault on the Inetcome becoming viral.
"DIE DIE DIE!" Jade said as she stabbed the device like a mad woman.
"Well, that's another chinese place we can't go back to." Tori said dryly, as she continued to watch her wife's assault on the poor defenseless intercom, amazingly there were people who praised Jade's actions, apparently they weren't the only ones who had fallen victim of the annoying Drive tru worker.
"Tori, come on! I said I was sorry!" Jade whined from the corner of the living room "I could really use some cuddles right about now."
"And I keep telling you, you're grounded Jade!"
"I dunno what's worse," The Thespian mutters "The fact that I'm grounded or that we didn't even get our damn orders."
Looks like Mrs. Lee hasn't forgotten about Jade and Tori, she can hold quite a grudge huh?
Anyway, your thughts?
Invader Johnny Signing Off.