Me children: The story ye are aboot ta read is TRUE. I kin take no credit fer it. But I pass it on to ye fer yer education. Learn well, me children, and avoid doin' misdeeds with people who be as stupid as ye yerselves. 'Twill keep ye afloat through the storms o' life. Arrrr…..
Puddleglum Gets a Ship
Puddleglum and 'is pal Rootabaga decided to become mutineers. They said 'adieu' to their comrades and also the lassies that'd stolen their marshwiggle 'earts, and then set sail with a merchant bound fer Malaysia. Along the way, they overthrew the ship and ran up a black flag.
"Ahoy, Puddleglum!" sang Rootabaga, "Ye've got our Jolly Roger upside doon."
"Arrr, matey, that be because, we're worse than yer easy go lucky pirates. We be Marshwiggle Pirates, and this flag tells everyone aroond to be on their guard."
"Yarrrr, I think ye be correct in that summation. Now what do we do?"
"Well," said Puddleglum, "We sail the seas and sink and plunder ships."
The two mutineers sailed a while and then got bored with the game, since they 'adn't seen a single ship fer weeks. Puddleglum began searchin' fer land.
"oh, come-on, skippy, give me that telescope." Said Rootabaga. 'Ow 'ard can it bee ta find a little bit o land fer us to stop this ride on?" 'E reached fer the lookin' glass.
"Back!" cried the larger Marshwiggle. He pounded Rootabaga's webbed fingers with the device. "Back, I say!"
"Ouch." The smaller one sucked on 'is thumb. "That was uncalled fer."
"Oh, it gets worse than that!" said Puddleglum. He began beatin' Rootabaga on the 'ead with the glass. "Ye be goin' in me stew pot tanight, ar har har har."
But Rootabaga was brighter than the other 'ad expected and 'e also pulled out an oar to strike Puddleblum with. They battled and fought, and finally both fell to the deck, unconscious.
Along came a bit o driftwood and crawled up onto the ship with 'em. The driftwood walked around a bit on water-logged feet fer a while, checkin' everything out. "Squish, squish, squish." Finally, it shrugged and fell back o'er port. It 'ad thought it'd 'eard voices and came ta see what the comootion was all aboot.
Then along came a seagull named "Mr. Snufaluphagus" and perched on the gunwale, lookin' things o'er. But neither Puddleglum nor Rootabaga stirred. So the bird got bored and flapped away.
Finally, a 'ermit crab came along and, without delay, ate both Rootabaga's toes off, and then devoured Puddleglum's lips.
"Ahhh, a tasty treat," said the 'ermit crab, wipin' its rostrums, and it too went back o'er portside ta tell all its friends aboot the wonderful bounty the sea 'ad brought 'em all.
When Puddleglum and Rootabaga woke a few days later, they got back up ta fight and discovered that they no longer 'ad bodies and could do one another no more damage. It was a sad day fer 'em both.
"Ya see, Rot-a-begga? Ya see what comes a yer ideas ta be mutineers and pirates?" said the older and wiser Puddleglum.
"But this was yer idea," complained the beggar. The lad sat down and cried, fer 'e didn't much care fer bein' a ghost and such. A bit weird, it was.
And in the end, Narnia was better off without the two of 'em around, causin' trouble.
Arrrr….