PAT X IZZY
It was a beautiful night. Too beautiful to be wasted laying around using catnip. No. This was a night of dreams.
Pat knew time was running out. The love of his life, Izzy, was too special to let go, and he knew she was getting impatient with him. "When are you going to propose?" She kept asking. Izzy was worried, since cats only lived to see about 20 years- and time was short.
Pat saw the beautiful stars in the sky as a sign. A sign to propose to the beautiful Izzy. After all, what better sign than stars? Izzy even had a tattoo of planets and stars near her collar bone.
He clenched the ring in his hand. He'd had it for almost a year now but was too scared to commit. The ring was indeed beautiful… a mood ring with silver dolphins jumping along the ocean line.
A gust of courage comes over Pat, and he starts to barrel towards Izzy's room at full speed. She liked to sleep by herself since she couldn't stand the sound of Pat's insistent purring. He zooms to her door like lightning and gives the door a whimsical knock.
"What is it Pat?" Izzy asks with dismay. He's never going to propose, she thinks to herself. Oh how wrong she was.
Pat, practically busting the door down with his massive build, reaches Izzy in one swift swoop. He nuzzles her hand, getting her attention. His nose is wet, and it reminds Izzy of the nostalgic feeling of a wet rag.
"My beautiful Izzy, you know I've been dancing around this relationship for quite some time now." Izzy nods at this.
"Fatty-patty-the-frat-cat…" Izzy lovingly says his nickname, "you don't have to apologize to me." she starts to pet him. He moans.
"It's time for me to get serious." He digs his right claws into Izzy's thigh, then promptly gets down on his cat-knees and hacks up the ring wrapped in a fur ball onto Izzy's lap. The ring is hidden.
"What is it?" Izzy asks curiously.
"Search for it." Pat demands. Izzy begins to dig her hand into the moist furball. She pulls out the ring.
"Oh Pat, this is the ugliest fucking ring I've ever seen. Are you proposing?"
"yes"
"OH PAT I'VE BEEN WAITING FOR THIS DAY ALL MY LIFE!" Izzy pounces on him like a feral beast. Pat scratches at her eye. She bleeds a little.
"Sorry, force of habit." Pat apologized, burying his face into the ground.
"When are we getting married?" Izzy asks with wonder.
"Tonight!" He promptly bites her hand and drags her all the way out the front door and up a hill, through a river to a wedding ceremony that started fifty minutes ago. Izzy stares at the beautiful bouquets, starry sky, and friends and family all here to attend. She sniffles back in a tear that started to escape.
"I can't possibly get married looking like this." Izzy pouts, soaking wet, bleeding, and covered in tree branches. Pat nods.
"You do look horrible. But I know someone who can help." Pat calls over his owner Cici, who also happened to be a world famous designer. Cici gives him 7 treats, then draws her attention to Izzy's attire.
"Why don't you go for a run Pat while I fix up your soon to be wife." Pat nods and gallops off. Cici examines Izzy.
"I guess you're a good fit for my cat. Nice to meet you."
"I do love that pussy." Izzy states. Cici begins to work. She throws on some beautiful green fabric, and with some kind of crazy fairy magic, she twirls Izzy and she is in a stunning green dress seemingly out of nowhere.
"Oh my gosh, it's the dress of my dreams!"
"You look okay."
"thanks"
Pat prances on back, sweating like a beast. He dropped 30 pounds and somehow grew human arms and legs and sexy as fuck abs, and a 9 inch COCK.
"Hello Izzy, wow you actually cleaned yourself up for me." Izzy laughs at the fur-ball's joke. The two grab hands. Pat's claw accidentally pierces her palm and she yelps.
"Walk it off, walk it off, you're about to get married." Pat huffs. He drags her over to the podium. Noah, the priest, steps forward. Everyone sits down.
"Izzy, do you take this pussy to be your lawfully wedded husband?" Noah exclaims, wondering how the fuck he's the priest because he'd burst into flames the second upon entering a church.
"I do!" Izzy squeals.
"And Pat, do you take this bedazzling woman to be your lawfully wedded wife?"
"I guess."
"You're now pussy and wife. You can kiss yada yada- oh shit, before you do that are there any objections? Morgan, Izzy's best friend, rises.
"YES!? It's a human and a cat what the actual fuck!?" Morgan shrieks in pure anguish.
"What is that supposed to mean? Pat is leagues above Izzy." Cici gets up in Morgan's face.
"Are you kidding? Izzy is by far superior. Pat is a fucking cat." Morgan retaliates. Cici, outraged, throws a chair at Morgan's head.
"YOU TAKE THAT BACK!" A fight soon breaks out. It's wild. Noah pulls out a handgun and shoots everyone besides Izzy and Pat, who remain together at the podium. They turn to Noah in horror.
"What. The. Fuck." Izzy proclaims, very upset her best friend is dead (Morgan).
"Well now no one can object." Noah says. He was right. Pat and Izzy were alone at last, away from the harsh judgments of the world. It was sad Pat's owner and Izzy's best friend could never understand, but at least they tried sort of. Finally they could kiss, and it was the wettest kiss ever given and received.
This is a joke and will be deleted after the damage has been done :)