Another Choice
OR
Somewhere In The Space Between
* "I love you."
The words ring out as clear as a diamond, spoken with determination. They are true, and they utter them as such.
He takes a step back, hands flying to his mouth, eyes welling up, face glowing like a furnace. He has waited his entire life for those words.
'K-K-Kris, I... I don't know what to... d-do you really m-mean that...? D-do you...?'
* You nod.
Ralsei chokes, makes a small noise as though he's in pain. He wrings his hands, holding them to his heart like an answered prayer.
'...o-oh... oh, I... oh goodness... this is... this is..!'
He is trembling from head to toe, every hair on his body standing to attention and making him seem even fluffier and more adorable than usual. Kris is overcome with the sudden urge to hold him steady. And before they can process what's happening, they...
* You hug Ralsei.
He is warm and soft, like a fireside rug. But he is shaking even more now. His breath is hitching, and Kris can feel his little heart thrash an erratic, frenzied beat throughout his diminutive, delicate form. This troubles them, but they don't quite understand why.
'K-Kris, I... I... I don't know if I can...'
* You kiss Ralsei.
His mouth tastes like dark candies, sweet and soft and ever-so-moist. He tries to speak, barely able to get a breath in edgeways as their lips shower down upon him. They are so cool against his blisteringly-hot face, like a spring shower, incessant. After a time, he abandons the effort, swallows his words, and returns the kisses with equal fervour.
This is what they want. This is what he wants.
There is no other way it could have happened. It was fated to happen this way. And they will live happily
Though you will never see that, you know it in your heart of hearts to be true.
Because that's what love looks like, doesn't it?
- LOAD SAVE -
* "I love you."
The words are halting, stumbling into themselves, as if unsure whether they should even be spoken. Nonetheless, they are true, and they are spoken as such.
He takes a step back, hands flying to his mouth, eyes welling up, face glowing like a furnace. He has waited his entire life for those words.
...why does he look so sad to hear them?
'K-K-Kris, I... I don't know what... a-are you sure...? D-do you actually...?'
They do not move for a moment. The muscles in their neck appear strained, as if an invisible hand is choking them.
* You nod.
He makes a noise, a small squeak of quiet concern. The shimmering pink pools of his eyes regard them with something approaching happiness... and, though they might be imagining it, a small spark of pity.
'...oh... I... oh gosh, this is...'
He is quivering all over, his smile wobbly, his eyes swimming, his expression tender and full of care. Kris is overcome with the sudden urge to hold him. And before they can process what's happening, they...
...he hugs them.
It's like being wrapped up snug in a warm fireside rug. They can feel him shake even more now, though his breath is steady and his heartbeat is strong and calm. It takes a moment for Kris to realise that it is they who are trembling, and not he. This troubles them, and they understand exactly why.
'K-Kris, I... I'm so happy to hear that... a-and I want to tell you that I-'
* You kiss Ralsei.
His mouth tastes like dark candies, sweet and soft and moist, with a subtle-sour finish that paradoxically makes them hunger for another taste. Again, and again, and again, their lips assault his, drowning out his soft, half-hearted pleas, drowning him in their fierce, limerent passion. And he buckles, legs quivering, breath breaking. His words die in his throat as he surrenders and succumbs to their overwhelming will.
This is what they want. So that's what he wants, too.
There is no other way this could have happened. It was fated to happen this way. And they will live happily.
Though you will never see that, you assume it's true. Why wouldn't it be?
Isn't this what love looks like, after all?
- LOAD SAVE -
* "I love you." | * Say nothing
The words are spat out, tarnished like a neglected wedding band. They are true, though Kris wishes they weren't.
He takes a step back, hands flying to his mouth, eyes welling up, face glowing like a furnace. He has waited his entire life for those words.
...he never thought they could inspire so much fear.
'K-K-Kris...? I... I don't... what do you...?'
* You nod | * Shake your head
The act makes no sense, but there's a script to be followed, and so they follow it. It doesn't hurt so much, that way. It doesn't hurt.
It doesn't hurt.
He makes a small noise, a slight cry of confusion and anxiety. He wrings his hands together, holding them out in front of him as if in prayer.
'...I... I'm happy you feel that way, K-Kris... but I... I don't...'
He seems so small, and so afraid, hunched into himself like a defenceless mouse. Kris tries to fight the sudden urge to hold him close, but even as they resolve to step away...
* You hug Ralsei | * Do nothing
He trembles in their arms, squirming slightly, though he tries desperately not to. Their grip is strong, determined, and they will not let go. This troubles them, but it's too late, and nothing they do can change that.
'...c-can we... I just n-need a moment to-'
* You kiss Ralsei | * Let go
His mouth tastes of nothing. He turns his face away, lips sealed shut, fighting against this incursion with everything he has. But Kris does not stop. They cannot stop. And, with a quiet whimper, he acquiesces to them, because he must. He must, and there can be no other way.
This is what they want, and so he must let them have it.
There is no other way this could have happened. It was fated to happen this way. And they will live happily.
Though you will never see that, it's your strong opinion that they will.
Because that's what happens when you're in love, isn't it?
- LOAD SAVE -
* "I love you." | * Say nothing
The silence cuts between them, a razor's edge that yawns into an unfathomable ravine. The words are true, but sometimes it's better not to utter them at all.
He takes a step back, hands flying to his mouth... but then he catches himself. He was expecting something else, and the surprise of it leaves him at a loss as he stares dumbly as his taciturn companion.
'...K-Kris... i-is everything... are you... okay?'
His feeble attempts to bridge the silence seem futile, the words sounding hollow and cruel and meaningless to his ears.
* Nod | * Shake head
He makes a small noise, a pained hum of pity. The gesture is small, almost imperceptible, but Ralsei sees it clear as day.
'I... I'm so sorry, Kris... I... I wish I could...'
His arms are half-raised, hands clenching and unclenching, suspended between the call of his compassion and the devotion to his script. He casts his gaze downward, shame bowing his head, cursing his own indecision and powerlessness. Kris is overcome with the urge to reach out and complete the embrace, but the pain in their SOUL is too great, and they cannot deviate from their chosen path.
* Hug Ralsei | * Do nothing
It is cold, like standing halfway inside a draughty doorframe. They watch as he lowers his arms, and they hear the quietest, most heartrending sob break from between his lips. He is trembling, body wracked with something approaching grief, the loss of something that never was, and never could be. This troubles them, but the alternative was too...
'...I... I should never have... oh, Kris, I... I don't know what to...'
* Kiss Ralsei | * Let go
There's a bitter taste in their mouth. Words that could have been said, words that should not be said. He opens his mouth again, but his voice does not emerge, stifled by the ruinous silence between them. He purses his lips together and turns away, crestfallen and defeated.
This is what they want, and he will respect their wishes.
There is no other way this could have happened. It was fated to happen this way. And they will live happily.
Though you will never see it, you hope that it's true.
Because love is supposed to conquer all, isn't it?
- LOAD SAVE -
* "I love you." | * Say nothing
The words... do not come. They lodge themselves in Kris's throat. Demanding to be spoken, screaming to be uttered... but they refuse.
* "I love you." | * Say nothing
The words are true. They have always been true. But they are not the right words. They are not their words. So they refuse.
* "I love you." | * Say nothing.
It is like swallowing burning acid, like forcing jagged rocks through their oesophagus. But the pain is as nothing compared to the misrepresentation, the misunderstanding, the inability to articulate what they actually want to say.
* "I love you." | * Say nothing.
Ralsei waits patiently for the choice to be made. He knows it has to be made, it's only a matter of time. Come what may, he will accept the outcome, just as he'd been taught to do.
Still, they refuse.
* "I love you." | * Say nothing.
Kris opens their mouth, and a single, solitary "I" escapes them. But no more than this.
* "I love you." | * Say nothing.
They say it again – 'I'.
* "I love you." | * Say nothing.
Louder – 'I'.
* "I love you." | * Say nothing.
Quicker – 'I'.
* "I love you." | * Say nothing.
Easier – 'I'.
And with each new utterance, that "I", once so misshapen and quiet, becomes truer and truer. Against the power of this self-expression, the script begins to buckle, the cracks between the words widening, exposing the inherent absurdity of it all.
'K-Kris...' Ralsei says, breaking his own assigned role for the sake of his friend. 'A-are you... what are you trying to... to say...?'
They gasp for each hard-fought breath, gathering the strength to push against that text box, its false binary, its meaningless choices.
'I...' .lov.e .
'I...' l..o.v...e ..y...o.u...!
'I...!' l...o...v...v...v...v...
The black box in their head blinks out of existence, and the words inside it dissolve into the meaningless pixels they always were. Leaving... nothing. No voice. No pain. No direction.
Nothing. Except...
'I... I don't... I don't know.'
Ralsei takes a step back, hands flying to his mouth. He has felt the enormity of the change inside Kris. It looks like a weight has been lifted from them, like they've just been cut loose from a string. He does not know either, and the terror in his expression is palpable. But he fights it, with everything he's got. For the sake of his friend.
'It... it's going to be okay,' he says, putting on a smile for them. 'There's... no rush now. Take your time, okay?'
They compose themself, trying to remember how everything works without something else moving it all. Trying to remember how to construct a coherent sentence. Trying to recall how to live in the world, rather than merely reacting to it.
'...R... Ralsei...' they manage, after an effort.
They try to step towards him, but they falter. He is by their side at once, holding them steady, just as he has always done.
'I-if it's too much right now, you d-don't have to-'
'No.'
It's coming back to them now. It's getting easier to assemble the words, to grasp at the shape of what they want to say to him.
'...just, please... listen to me... be patient with me. I... may not get it right the first time, and... I'm sorry. But I need to say this. I need you to hear this.'
He nods. 'O-of course. I'm here, Kris. I'm listening.'
They nod back, and the gesture is strong and assured.
'...I... you're one of my best friends, Ralsei. The care and devotion you've shown me has given me hope... hope that I can one day show that same feeling to myself. You are so patient with me, even though I sometimes acted out of turn, or said strange things to you. You... never walked away from me, even when I wasn't me. Thank you. Thank you so much. I...'
The exertion is too much and they gasp for breath. They feel his paw lightly rub their back, his other arm across their shoulder to keep them upright. He looks at them with concern, asking without words whether it is okay for them to continue. After a few moments, they nod again.
'...I... don't know what to call us, sometimes,' they continue, strength returning to their voice. 'I mean... friends. We're friends, aren't we...? And yet, I've... never had a friend who... who cared for me so much. I... I don't really know what to...'
Water stings the corners of their eyes, and they reach for his hand, giving it a gentle squeeze. They hear his sharp intake of breath, the words he wants to say but won't… not just now.
'...I thought, at one point, that I... wanted to be with you. Romantically... maybe? The thought was... nice... b-but it wasn't really... mine. It was... something else wanted that. B-but something like that, maybe... I dunno. None of this really makes sense, does it? It's... one or the other. You can't have both. You can't...'
There are no more words. The idea, vital as it is, cannot sustain itself and begins to fall apart. Kris wonders if they were too hasty casting off the safety of that text box and its comforting binary. But they are not permitted to wonder for very long, because with a gentle touch, Ralsei turns their head to his, looks into their eyes. Anarchy reigns in their head once more, but it is shushed, quelled to make way for the present.
'Who decided that, Kris?' he says softly. 'I... I too often wondered... what it was that we were. I... loved the idea of you. I wanted it like nothing else, for a long time. It... it was the easiest thing in the world, imagining our perfect future together, and there were times when I could have... and a-almost did...'
He pauses, memories of those times returning to him in a haze. But he dismisses them with a shake of his head.
'...but thing is, it wasn't real. It was... all just in my head. The entity controlling you - controlling all of us - encouraged it by making you say and do things... but that wasn't you, Kris. And whatever we might have entered into together... maybe it would have worked out, but I could imagine several outcomes where it... well...'
Kris nods. 'Y-yeah. I think I understand you.'
It comes back to them, this nameless, formless thing that demands to be named and formed. Its outline is clearer, more distinct... yet remains tantalisingly elusive, beyond description, beyond definition, beyond anything you could neatly categorise and put away and never look at again.
It is frightening and wonderful to comprehend all at once. And they reach out for it, to take some of that dream-stuff in their hands and shape it into something new, something never-before-seen in the world. Something just for the two of them.
'Let's... let's not give this a name, then,' they say at last. 'Let's just... work it all out as we go, and enjoy it while it lasts.'
A light comes on in Ralsei's eyes. 'That... that sounds lovely. B-but what would the others say? What would they...?'
'They can think what they like,' Kris says. 'Fact is, you're so important to me, and I need you in my life, no matter what that might look like. Even if we only ever remain friends, that... that's enough for me. Because... I love you. And there's nothing else to it.'
He sniffs, wiping away a tear. He has waited his entire life for those words, but never had he imagined they could be spoken so tenderly, with such care and nuance.
'Th-that's beautiful. I'd... I'd be honoured if you'd have me. Whatever this ends up becoming, I'll happily experience it with you, Kris, for as long as you'll have me. Because I… I love you too.'
His mouth tastes like dark candies... but it is only a taste. They remain in their quiet embrace for a long time, content to simply exist alongside each other. Breath and hearts in sync, together in a space defined by them and no-one else.
They remain there so long, in fact, that you almost wonder if the game has locked up. Only the occasional flutter of Ralsei's robe gives away time's passing.
You contemplate the scene a moment. You... weren't aware this was a possibility.
It wasn't what you thought you wanted. And yet... you are happy for them. You are glad that they were able to choose something for themselves, and that you could witness something so fragile, beautiful and intimate take flower.
You shut off the game. Though you will never see how it continues, you don't need to. You already know they will live happily from this point onward.
Because love is love, no matter what it looks like.
Author's note:
Surprise love story disguised as metafiction disguised as a love story! The Russian dolls of intricacy never stop when Patchwork Crow gets his pretentious short fic on!
...anyway. This came to me on one of my walks, and I was so struck by the idea I had to write it. The fact that Kris has no control over what they say, but they do have control over HOW they say it presents a variety of different options for how a simple scene can play out... and see just how unsatisfying it all is when their choices are taken for them, no matter how they try to "play along". It's only by shattering that false choice and striking out for something new, that they can actually take ownership of their choice and express themself to Ralsei in a meaningful, nuanced and respectful way.
Also it's a commentary on how fanfic authors sometimes just like to smash characters together like action dolls without really considering whether the characters in question would actually want that. And yes I know I too am entirely guilty of this we all are there's no judgment we're all having fun I just thought it was especially interesting given Deltarune's themes of control and how our choices don't matter... until they do.
Like I said, pretentious.
Thanks for reading! If you made it this far, please let me know what you thought of it! Always happy to receive any feedback, or if you have any questions you'd like to ask about it! I enjoy author engagement, it nurtures my tattered clockwork soul :)