Radio Show
Sector L Treehouse, Radio Station
Numbuh 10, aka Dalia Hart, has begun hosting a radio show since the start of the war. The purpose of the show is to boost morale in the KND due to the prolonged fights, which are more intense than anything they have ever done before. Her guests on the show include face to face conversations with operatives and call-ins from forces around the world. She has also been known to play music on the show. Though most times she discusses the war with KND operatives, she also talks to Villains who have since defected from their comrades at the start of the war. One radio show included a conversation with Stickybeard, Professor XXXL, and the Cat Lady.
"And welcome back listeners. This is Numbuh 10 on KNN Radio here with some VERY interesting guests. Today we have with us; Stickybeard, The Cat Lady, and Professor XXXL. Welcome to the show." Dalia introduces.
"Yaar. Thank you, young lass." Stickybeard says.
"Now I must say I was surprised to get your request to be on the show. Most Villains who have made statements on their own network." Dalia says.
"Well we don't want to associate with THOSE types." The Cat Lady says.
"Now by THOSE types, I assume you mean the other Villains. I guess the first question is how do you think this war is going to go for your former comrades?" Dalia asks.
"They're fucked." Professor XXXL bluntly answers.
"That's rather blunt." Dalia replies, shocked at his blunt response.
"He's not wrong. The only ones in this war who be having any chance of victory be the Kids Next Door or those Galactic terrorists." Stickybeard comments. "I been a Villian for years, and have NEVER seen such an exercise in futility. With Father gone into hiding and Mr. Boss not striking the same fear into the hearts of his underlings, there is nothing to motivate them."
"Speaking of Father, do any of you have any theories on where he is or what happened to him that day?" She asks.
"I thought it was a trap set by Chad Dickson initially, until he defended the Arctic Base. Nobody died there, and the Kids Next Door are not known for assassination missions. If anyone is gonna do that, it is the mob or government." Professor XXXL theorizes.
"You say that as if you have government experience." Dalia comments.
"During the Cold War, President Nixon wanted to use my research in the CIA as a way of making peace through intimidation.
"Wait… how old are you?" The confused girl asks. "If you've been a scientist since the Nixon administration, you look surprisingly young."
"I am 70. My experiments have had many effects on me. Apart from my animal mutations, they have given a high longevity. Once the Cold War ended, President Bush terminated my position in the CIA, and had my research destroyed. I've tried ever since to recreate my formulas for good." Professor XXXL explains.
"That… that sounds awful. I've seen some of your experiments and how incredible they can be. Hell my cousin even applauded your snow cones. You deserved better than to be thrown away like that." Dalia sympathetically replies. "Who else knows about this?"
"Just these two. They're the only other ones with a sympathetic life story." The professor explains.
"Is that so?" Dalia asks before turning her attention to the other two villains. "I've always been curious about why some villains do what they do."
"Well my background stems from when I was married." The Cat Lady says. "For years my husband and I had tried to have kids, and then we found out that I was infertile." She explains, doing her best to hold it together while discussing the painful memory.
"Oh my God, I'm so sorry." Dalia responds with genuine shock.
"That's not the worst part. The WORST part was when I suggested adopting, the bastard left me. So for over a year, I was depressed and alone. I wouldn't want to bring a kid into that type of environment, but I didn't wanna spend the rest of my life alone. I decided to adopt a cat. Eventually I got a few more cats, and they started to breed, and breed, and breed, and breed." She explains as Dalia looks at her in shock.
"Jesus. Have you ever considered taking a bunch of them to a shelter? I'm sure they could find homes there." She suggests.
"Not necessarily. It's a nice thought, but the reality is that a lot of animals in those shelters die there. Besides, they'd run away and come back to me. They've become too attached." Cat Lady explains.
"Well you can't sit home alone and wait to see who wins the war. Have you ever considered a deal with the Kids Next Door?" Dalia suggests.
"I kind I wouldn't have the authority to make. But I'm sure it's a deal any of you three would love. A pardon for past crimes in exchange for helping the Kids Next Door finish this war." Dalia explains.
"That be true? Old Stickybeard thought that was just a mere rumor." Stickybeard says with genuine surprise.
"This is something Numbuh 5 has talked about for some time. Though you would have to talk to her about it. It's a win-win. The Kids Next Door end the war with a victory, you three get your freedom and a new purpose for your lives." Dalia says to them.
"Though it sounds too good to be true, I myself am curious about this offer. You Kids Next Door aren't famous for being liars. Pranksters, but not liars." The Professor says.
"I am willing to help Kids Next Door. In all honesty, it wouldn't be the first time Old Stickybeard helped them."
"It wouldn't?" Dalia asks with genuine confusion.
"Lass, if you ever see your cousin again, ask him who saved him from the great white asparagus." Stickybeard informs.
"I will." Dalia says. "Though I do have to ask you why?"
"A candy mad man watching his enemies defeated by fucking vegetable doesn't right with me." He explains.
"I guess that makes sense? But can I ask what drove you to be villainous?" Dalia asks.
"When I was a wee lad. My pappy never let me have sweets, very "conservative" man. When I got old enough to move out I did, and went after everything that I was deprived of. Unfortunately eating all that sugar has, as the doctors tell me, rotted away at me brain." Stickybeard explains as he pulls out his medical record, revealing that he is diabetic.
"Jesus, Type 2. Is… is that why you have the peg leg and hook hand?" Dalia asks, with genuine concern and sympathy.
"Exactly. I would like to say to the kids listening in, eat candy in moderation. You don't want to end up like me. And to any potential adults, don't be afraid to let your kids experiment a little. If I was given that chance, maybe I could've led a happier life." Stickybeard states.
"Well this has certainly been eye opening for me. I would like to thank all three of you for being so open with me about yourselves. And would recommend you all talk to Numbuh 5 as soon as possible." Dalia says with compassion. "And speaking of Numbuh 5, this next song goes out to the Air Berets from the Supreme Leader herself." She puts on the song "Magic Carpet Ride" by Steppenwolf as she stands up to shake the hands of her guests.
"This may have been my favorite guest segment. You guys did amazing, thank you for agreeing to this."
Dalia says ecstatically.
"Well it was our pleasure, and it felt good to let those buried emotions out." Carl Lady comments.
"I'm curious to see if any other villains agree to do this." Dalia comments.
"Mathematically speaking, it is possible. Though that doesn't necessarily mean likely. I wish you the best of luck with the remainder of your show." Professor XXXL says as he and the other villains make their exit.
End of the Chapter. Hope you all enjoyed this chapter. I wanted a break from action sequences, and wanted to try to give certain villains a sympathetic backstory. The next chapter is going to be about the Basterdz and their reunion with an old comrade. Until then, happy reading.