Once upon a time, and simultaneously never, there was a super-theoretical physicists by the name Albert Schroedinger. The super-theoretical physicists were part of an elite theoretical crime fighting unit in an alternate timeline. These potential crime fighters were the Watchmen and Watchwomen. They all wore non-theoretical, physical, watches. They also watched people.
Anyway, shit was going to happened according to information stolen from the FBI. The new territories sworn to the ten tribes of the lost native American people and those requiring money from the wounded knee massacre was upon the tax payers justice systems. Supreme Court, filled with giant shitting people, concluded a small portion of stolen land be returned to surviving decedents of various massacres.
Supreme beef justice Koughenough concluded opening arguments with "fuck these people oppressing non-red skin people. We'll give them land cause they'll fuckin use liberal media to spread lies about how anal alcohol is bad for your health, IT'S NOT! Ah- and of course they'll talk other shit about everyone's mom, that's bad," he farted in pause, "the point is. Thus the point is. The point that which truluy thusly be must pointedly be that them that here bitches are not legally full united states bitches."
Hearing this the two elder Indian representatives, Chief Red Bull and Chief Spirit Fuck, shook their heads in quite sad agreement. They knew this was a shitty victory but a victory nonetheless, plus both needed to use the bathroom.
Second upon a time the story continued with native american new territories in the middle of the country. Most of this territory was carved out of Oklahoma and surrounding territories, just north of shit's creek. Pretty sizable chunk of shitty land.
It was shit land. SUDDENLY the new native American government found cocaine infused oil deposits that could conveniently be mined without increasing the territory's carbon footprint.
President Justin Bieber and Vice President Britney Spears were both super contorted by the recent news. Spears made announcements like "I did not become free to watch out nation held hostage by a new red dawn of communist oppressors."
Beiber agreed and addressed the nation with army people behind him. "The new native american state of Oklahoma has become an oasis for communism in america. We have sent diplomats to handle rising tensions and avoid reliving any tragedy in our nations history. I urge the nation not take any stupid action. Let shit play out. I specify don't want to suggest their isn't any problem only to provoke a problem and then have to clean up through military engagement."
Military general poked him "shut up" military dude whispered.
Chief Red Bull's wife, Honey Bacon, turned off the tv. "Do not worry yourself Bull. These white people, some of which are super pink, are childish and try and rule the world through unholy bureaucracy."
Bull frowned. "Nevertheless…"
Red Bull's eldest son, Bear Claw, moved into the room through an open window. "Hello mother, hello father. It is I, your son, Bear Claw."
Red Bull sighed again. "I'm tired. Do you bring good news my son?"
Bear Claw smiled. "Man waits for news is man who only acts on news."
Red Bull sighed again super fucking loudly. "I'm fucking old. When I was your damn age. Shit I said mystical crap like you, snorted coke, and drove hot rods."
"I…" Bear Claw was stunned. "Father, I. Well I have a plan."
To be continued...