DISCLAIMER: I own nothing. This story is currently rated T, but this might be bumped up later depending on the violence that may occur. As of right now, will be no sexually explicit content and if there is suggestive content, content warnings will be posted in advance. Otherwise, I hope you enjoy.

PROLOGUE

Gendo entered the detainment cell and was embraced by darkness as the door shut behind him. The only sound of life came directly from him as he confidently stepped towards the day's quarry. The NERV logo that adorned the wall flared to life, washing the room in a bright red tint. Before him sat the prisoner, back facing him, shoulders straight and head held high.

"Insubordination. Personal use of an EVA. The destruction of infrastructure critical to the execution of Project E. And the murder of personnel equally essential to this mission. Do you have anything to say for yourself?" If the prisoner heard him, she didn't give any immediate indication. She seemed to let her response percolate before airing it softly.

"That's funny," she said, without a hint of humor in her voice. "I was going to ask you the same thing." Gendo would never let on how much her coolness irked him. Even now, she seemed completely detached from the gravity of her actions, and more importantly the repercussions they'd entail.

"Under normal circumstances, you would be persecuted to the fullest extent of your respective offenses. However, you reached an unprecedented synch rate of 243%. If you're at all aware of how you accomplished such a feat, now is the time to disclose it. Keep in mind that Yui is not here to defend you." She shook her head and threw up her hands, still refusing to face him.

"I couldn't tell you. Maybe Yui just isn't too fond of how you're remembering her." Gendo struggled with the weight of her words. She'd always been a brat, but he'd never be foolish enough to dismiss her as unintelligent. Was her delivery calculated? A feint to make him ignore the kernel of truth hiding behind her casual demeanor? Either way, it was clear that she didn't care to divulge any more information than she just had.

"Very well. You will be held here indefinitely so we can assess the long-term effects of piloting EVA at such high synch rates. We won't be meeting again."

"If you insist." So aloof. So insufferable. But the conversation was over. Gendo turned to exit the room.

"Gendo." He paused, refusing to turn. There was a vulnerability in her voice that wasn't there before. "If you really intend to keep me here forever...you'd better throw away the key." There, a crack in her facade. Gendo felt the corner of his lip curl at the rage that seeped through her words.

"Fear not. Your actions today will not be forgotten...Mary Iscariot."

"Everything that happens once can never happen twice.

But everything that happens twice will surely happen a third time."

- Paulo Coelho, The Alchemist

EVANGELION REDUX: You Can (Not) Let Go

Part I: Iscariot

Chapter One: Eden Revisited

1998 | KYOTO, JAPAN

Mari expected to see Yui in the metaphysical biology research lab. The rigor of the work in their small department made the lab a home away from home, where they occasionally exchanged theories and data to complete their assignments. Though hadn't expected to catch her senior unconscious over her workbooks, snoring gently as the world passed her by.

For a moment Mari studied her, forgetting about the paper she'd come to leave with their professor. Her brown hair was just a few shades darker than Mari's and spilled across her notebook just enough to catch the drool falling from her mouth. Yui's glasses sat a few inches away, fogging up every time she exhaled. Mari's expression refused to betray any emotion she felt, but she felt something stirring.

Look at that goofy face. Mari's teeth grinded softly against her bottom lip as she gently pinched the girl's cheek. She let her hand hover for a moment before she brushed a strand of hair away from Yui's eyes. Dreading unexpected company or a possible shift in the girl's snores she retreated just slightly. I hate her.

"Hey!" Mari flinched at the call, grateful that her intuition told her to back up just a few moments earlier. She turned to see their mutual acquaintance, Kiko Maeda, enter the room. Mari felt herself tense up wondering how much she'd seen. "The dean's looking for you."

"Oh, okay." Just as quickly Kiko ducked into another corner of the lab and Mari felt her heart descend back to her chest. Mari looked at Yui one more time before leaving the room, paper still in hand, and something precious in her bag.

"Me, a special research student?" Sitting across from Dean Mori as he sifted through her personal records, Mari couldn't repress her surprise.

"Professor Alex's team at Saintford University in England is looking for exceptional researchers. It seems they will cover all of your costs to study abroad." He lifted his gaze towards her. "How old are you again?"

"Sixteen, sir. I enrolled here after skipping two years."

"Sixteen, eh," he said, looking back at her transcript. She'd gotten used to that kind of hesitation long ago. At her most boisterous, she simply called it the burden of being a prodigy. It captivated the other girls who heeded her beck and call in high school. In college though, it was all too real. The eagerness that she'd brought to Kyoto University had been eroded by the scornful glances thrown her way when she got a question right, as she'd rarely if ever gotten a question wrong. All her classmates seemed reluctant to acknowledge her beyond their group projects and even when they did, it was only to clean up the parts of the assignment they weren't sure about. Thankfully the professor didn't seem to stew over it too long.

"Based on your grades, I have no problem recommending you. That is if you're willing to go." Of course, she was willing to go. Right? Mari had been all too happy to leave high school behind, believing that she'd finally be embraced by a community she could call her peers. She could bear being the object of people's scorn as long as she got to enjoy their two-faced attempts to act like they enjoyed her company, but here it was clear that the students either had no patience or simply no desire to indulge her in such a way. The best option was to cut her losses and try again somewhere else. And yet…

"I think...there's someone more qualified than me for that position."

"Who might that be?"

"Yui Ayanami, sir. Why don't you recommend her? Her talent and achievements...far outshine mine." She turned her focus towards the window overlooking the campus grounds, slightly surprised by her admission. As if on cue Yui emerged from under a tree, likely headed to her own class.

"Ms. Ayanami, you say? She's special. The state won't let her go. She's already been asked to join government-run research institutions. So, it's not possible." Mari scoffed. It wasn't too long ago that those words would've filled her with indignation. Not just the thought of being second best to anyone, but the idea that she'd receive their sloppy seconds. On the grounds, Yui stopped to talk to a man she only cared to know through Yui's mutual acquaintanceship. His face was an uncanny combination of seriousness and emptiness. When Yui approached him, a sense of levity crossed his expression and made Mari's stomach lurch.

"Of course. I just need some time to think about it."

"Oh, no! I meant to get an orange juice!" Yui extracted the soda can from the vending machine with a groan.

"Still can't find your glasses?" Kiko asked from the bench with Mari, pulling a cigarette from her lab coat.

"No…have you seen them anywhere?"

"How should I know? Why don't you just switch to contacts? You're too pretty for glasses." Exhaling the smoke from her first drag, her eyes flitted across a group of boys who studied Yui as they walked by. All three of them averted their gaze when they realized Kiko's eyes were upon them. Spring had settled nicely onto Kyoto. The students who weren't in transit to different university buildings were splayed out on blankets across the campus grounds. Though the sun hovered unimpeded by any clouds, the weather was perfect enough to accommodate the lab coats that Yui and Kiko had on just as well as the t-shirt and shorts Mari wore.

"Anyway," Kiko continued, "All the guys in our department are in tears thinking that their angel, Yui Ayanami wound up with Gendo Ikari."

"Isn't Gendo cool?" Yui remarked, cheerfully.

"Er...you certainly have unique taste." There was no doubting Yui's brilliance within their field. But moments like these never failed to make it clear how oblivious she could be at times.

"Everyone says he's a total weirdo." Mari interjected with a scowl.

"He's so gloomy, and you can never tell what he's thinking." Kiko seconded, albeit with an eyebrow arched in Mari's direction.

"So, they say but...it's not true." A tenderness crept into Yui's expression that held Mari's attention. "We actually first met in the cafeteria. Gendo was in front of me in line, and he picked the same lunch set that I wanted. But he got the last one that was available for the day. I must've looked a little mopey because right afterward he just offered to trade with me.

"Everyone says he's so dreary and I guess I kinda just took their word for it. But when he offered to trade, I figured there might be more to him than he was letting on. So…I asked to eat lunch together.

"He seemed really annoyed...but I wanted to see what was behind that grumpy scowl of his. I talked to him about all kinds of things. And wouldn't you know it...he finally smiled. He was really cute." Dreamy wasn't the first word that came to mind thinking of ways to explain the look that came over Yui's face, but it was close enough to describe the satisfied expression that overtook her features.

"Disgusting," Mari sighed, her tone not quite matching the weight of the word. Behind Yui, Kiko's eyes threw daggers her way, but Mari was too distracted picking up her bag to notice. "I think...I might've been better off not hearing that story, Yui. I'll be off then. I've got class." She was glad that Kiko's voice was only a whisper as she strode towards one of the nearby buildings on campus. She was just as happy that she couldn't see whatever emotion crossed Yui's face after she made her comment. Internally, she kicked herself for her childishness, upset at the fact that she allowed herself to fall so low, but she couldn't help it.

She rounded the corner hoping to press forward until she could finally crash into her seat in her upcoming class, slowly letting the memory of what'd happened slip into the back of her mind. Until she saw him.

It was just her luck that they were walking in opposite directions. Because of that she had the time to take in everything Yui had pointed out about him. His stern expression never faltering, it was like walking past a living statue. She couldn't maintain eye contact for long, not that he'd bothered to look at her as the gap between them closed. When they finally passed, Mari raised her eyes from the ground and realized that she hadn't even registered to him. Her mind drifted back to Yui, who'd managed to break through his stoic exterior, and she unconsciously gripped the strap of her bag more tightly. The discomfort of her nails digging into her palm was just enough to ignore the ache that'd settled in her chest.

"Professor Fuyutsuki! Are you in?" Mari sighed as she knocked on the door to the research lab. I can't believe it, she thought. I was so out of it I forgot about to turn in my paper. I need to get it together. She heard rustling behind the door, but no audible response. She raised her hand to knock again when a crash broke the silence. Acting instinctively, Mari's hand darted for the door handle to wrench it open only to be greeted by the sight of Yui sat on the floor with their test rats running wildly around her.

"What are you doing, Yui?!"

"I was trying to get some papers that were on top of that shelf, and I couldn't reach, so I was standing on that chair, but it moved. I lost my balance and fell right on top of the rats' cages-"

"I get the picture," Mari had already rolled her sleeves and dropped her bag on a nearby counter. "Now help me catch them!" Before she knew it, Mari found herself flying around the room, scooping up the rats and throwing them back into their cage.

"There's one over there!" She said, pointing at the one darting towards Yui as she shakily held a plastic bag to trap them. "Quick, grab him!"

"I-I know," Yui said, yet she hesitated. She slowly approached the last escapee as it raised its snout to sniff its surroundings. As soon as she made to catch it, it darted off in a new direction.

"Oh, he got away! Come on! You're so clumsy!" As soon as the words left her mouth Mari's frustration was replaced by pure surprise as the last rat leapt onto her face.

"DON'T MOVE!" Yui yelled, her eyes racked with determination.

"Huh?!" While the animal struggled to secure its footing on Mari's nose, Yui charged Mari, ensnaring both her and the rat. Her vision obstructed by the bag draped over her head, they toppled over in a heap. Though her panic was eased when the bag was removed, it did nothing to quell her temper.

"Are you stupid, Yui?!" But her senior either didn't care about the jab or didn't listen. She cradled the rat gently in her hands, and part of Mari was reluctant to admit that she must've been tender to stop the rat from flailing about completely. "Oww...my contact fell out!" The new contrast in her depth perception did nothing to lighten her mood. While Yui dropped the final rat back in its cage, Mari studied the ground closely, hoping that her contact wasn't crushed.

She ignored Yui voicing her relief that all the rats were back in their cages and instead wondered if Yui really was the older one between them. It wasn't until Yui's hand was just a few centimeters from her face that Mari registered she was reaching out for her, and that was more than enough to make her violently flinch backwards, knocking her bag off the desk and spilling its contents on the ground.

"Sorry," Yui said, withdrawing her hands. "Your hair's a mess, I just wanted to-" Yui's speech drifted off when she caught the attention of something on the ground. Mari traced her eyes to the spilled contents of her bag, which carried the mixed assortment of goodies Mari lugged all over campus: her notebooks, a novel, a small bottle of nail polish, and Yui's glasses.

"Oh, are these my…" Mari wanted to reach for them. To snatch them up and reassure her that they were in fact her's, but she found herself paralyzed. She'd been caught in the act, after trying to help her no less. Yui retrieved the glasses and turned them over in her hands, her eyebrows beginning to crease as she did. "I was looking all over for them. Why…were they in your bag?"

The easy answer was to say that she'd found the glasses today. That she'd been on the way to the lab to drop them off. Even if was too lame to explain the fact that she hadn't called Yui to let her know where they were, it was a solution. And knowing Yui there was a solid chance that she'd believe it too. So why did the words refuse to come?

Tell her the truth. Just say it.

"I hate you, Yui." Gods, not like that! She inhaled deeply. "You're beautiful and cute. You have a brilliant mind. And you're always so damn…kind. You're everything that I'm not. And I hate…that you're acting the same way even after you realize…how I feel." She fought to raise her gaze, but she was afraid of what she would see. Her eyes stayed fixed on Yui's midriff as she forced her final confession out. "You get it, right? That I like you."

After a few moments Mari thought she would suffocate in the silence that flooded the room. This was a mistake. Stupid. How could she ever love you when you treat her the way you do? Her gaze fell further as she drowned in her embarrassment. She was only stirred from her stupor by the sounds of footsteps closing the distance between them. Yui approached her slowly and stopped just a few inches away from her, but even then Mari found that she couldn't meet her in the eyes until she saw her hand rise to cup her chin and lift her head.

When they locked eyes Yui drew her hand away once more. Mari couldn't say the look on her face was happy. It was more complex than that. Maybe the better word was tranquil with that soft smile tugging her lips upwards ever so slightly. The way her eyes gleamed in the afternoon sun reminded her of a constellation and taken all together Mari couldn't help but feel that whatever happened next, everything would be okay.

"Sit down," Yui said, breaking the silence. "Let me fix your hair."

Kozo Fuyutsuki sighed deeply on the way back to his department. The end of the semester was always difficult to hold the students' focus, and understandably so. He too longed to gaze out the class window at the people frolicking about the school grounds. Instead, he'd be spending the afternoon grading papers. Perhaps the only benefit of managing a department as small as his own was that he wouldn't have too many to grade, but the density of the students' work (gods bless them for their brilliance) made the task more daunting. He reached his department fully prepared to disappear into his office until he heard voices behind the door.

"I'm sorry. I can't return your feelings. Not in that way."

The words brought him to a sudden halt. He recognized Yui's voice on the other side of the door, which begged the question of who she could be speaking to. Gendo? Perhaps. Their relationship had always seemed highly unorthodox to him. His face reddened he reconciled what he was doing. He hadn't felt so young in a long time and was embarrassed to be listening on like a shameless gossip. But he couldn't help but wonder who the lost soul was that'd found their way to Yui's orbit.

"I'm sorry for saying I hate you." Not Gendo, it was a woman's voice. "I'm going to study abroad in England next semester." But the only student going to England was Mari Makinami. That couldn't be right. She rarely seemed able to stand around Yui in their classes. But then again, Yui had managed to break through the barriers that'd shielded Ikari's heart, a task that nobody else seemed keen to take up in her steed. Perhaps it wasn't so unreasonable to think that someone as reserved as Mari could also fall under Yui's sway.

"I see. In that case...you can keep those glasses if you'd like. I'm not sure they're your prescription, though. There we go. You look cute."

"...Stop it."

"You look like a high school kid."

"Of course, I do. I'm sixteen."

Hearing the sound of footsteps approaching the door, Fuyutsuki frantically wondered how he could play off presence there. He was alone in the hallway and could only pray that neither of the people inside noticed his shadow crawling under the door. With options sparse, it seemed there was only one thing he could do. And so, he reached for the door handle, timing his opening to match the approach of whoever stood on the other side. After hearing her voice more clearly, he wasn't surprised to see Mari standing on the other side. However, his mouth did part when he recognized Yui's glasses now adorning her face.

"Oh...professor." Mari mirrored his expression of shock and for what felt like an hour they merely stood there studying each other.

"Pardon me, Mari," Fuyutsuki finally said. "I'm just returning from my classes."

"Oh no, excuse me," she started rummaging through her bag for a few seconds before extracting a paper. "I meant to hand this in earlier."

Internally Fuyutsuki breathed a sigh of relief. He'd never thought he'd be grateful for homework, but at least now he could hope that Mari would be thoroughly distracted from the thought that he might've been listening in to them.

"Thank you. I'm looking forward to reading it."

"And I look forward to your feedback, professor. You have a nice day okay? And you too Yui," she said, glancing behind her shoulder.

"Have a nice night Mari," Yui returned that soft smile on her face. Had Fuyutsuki not heard the last few minutes of their conversation, he surely would've thought the blush on Mari's cheek was a trick of the light as she rushed out the office. But he turned to Yui knowing better than that.

"Well, that was certainly...interesting."

"How much did you hear?"

"Not much," he lied lamely. "It was just...the glasses."

"Ah. Yes, well...they were a parting gift."

"You know, I didn't think you too got along very well."

"Truth be told, neither did I. But I think it was just a misunderstanding. I know that I don't really have to ask you, but if you wouldn't mind keeping what you heard between us-"

"Of course," Fuyutsuki interjected, waving her concerns away. "I mean it's not as though I heard much at all.

"Imagine the boys on campus thinking that I have a type," she giggled. Fuyutsuki soon joined her for a quiet laugh with his thoughts drifting towards Yui's secret admirer as he wondered what could be.

A/N: Welcome and thank you for reading! When I first thought of this story and really started to commit to it, I only wanted to publish it once it was finished, on account of the fact that the world of Evangelion is massive and there are story beats that I'd still like to figure out. But I also realized that that would likely take years to come to life, and I wanted to share it now. The way the second chapter has been plotted out and drafted so far, it will be significantly longer than this one. So if you're hooked, thank you for the wait in advance! I'll be sure to try and make it worth your while! Like I said, EVA is lofty and this is my first fic. So I'm not entirely reproach to the idea of rewriting when this story is finished. But in the meanwhile, I hope you'll enjoy the ride with me.

09/19/2022

Hi all,

A quick update: I know the gods don't like chapters that talk about process, so I'm editing this chapter to include this piece as a kind of footnote. I wanted to create a side series to provide updates on my progress because if these sections are as long as I think they're going to be, they're going to be long. And I'm going to need sufficient time to outline and figure out characters in advance to make sure that I don't end up writing myself into a hole.

I've been on here really since earlier this year, and while I love the stories I found, I'm sure you all know the pain of coming across a piece that's been abandoned. Or worse still coming across a piece that makes you wonder what's happened to the writer in the time that's passed since the last update. I know I could probably do something using the forum but I'm really not familiar with that and this is easier because I really do want to talk process so that other budding writers might be inspired by my approach to this piece so here it is: Foundations. A tab that I'll update with progress reports, brief discussions of how I wrote the chapters without delving into spoilers, and a space where I'll answer questions from you guys if you have them.

For example: a few reviews asked "isn't this a copy paste of the chapter from the manga." The answer is yes. I thought about not doing that but at the end of the day that chapter was essential to this story for multiple reasons beyond the story itself. I conceived this story after my first reading of the manga which followed my second watch of the anime which marked the point where I actually understood what happened in the series and made more all the more interested in fleshing stuff out. I watched the Rebuilds last year and was really fascinated by Mari's character, but she got crumbs in that series. Dots started connecting in my head for ways that I could approach the story, but I'm so serious when I say that had I not read that specific chapter, I wouldn't have come up with this fic at all.

So it felt crucial to include, not just as a kind of homage, but as a way to establish the version of Mari I wanted to include in this story. Plus, let's keep in mind some people haven't gotten around to reading the manga, so this will provide crucial context for them to understand the background (if you haven't read the manga though, you absolutely should). I know it's very short, but future stuff is definitely going longer. I haven't even finished the opening scene of chapter two and it's already longer. Chapter two is taking a while because I'm flip flopping between the flow of events after the opening scene, so I'm working on stuff in chapter three that's more concrete. Aargh, why are you working on chapter three instead of giving us chapter two, you might be saying. Because long-term planning like that can help me figure out how events flow into those. Plus, making the stuff I'm sure will happen tangible now just means that you'll get it sooner in the future. So if nothing else think of this chapter as an extended prologue or a simple proof of concept. It's the foundation upon which this story will take shape, which is something that will hopefully become clearer as you get more of the story. So if you have questions or aspects of process that you want me to talk about leave them in your reviews, and I'll answer them soon. Next chapter I'll be including elements of the process stuff as soon as the chapter is posted. This place is a community after all. I've learned more about the characters in EVA from some of your fics than I have from the canon content, so this is a small way to give back.