WISDOM
Author's Note: The Brooklyn and Bailey wisdom teeth video was not harmed in the making of this fanfic.
Kallus thought he'd done his time after Swain got appendicitis. Surely he'd paid into galactic karma enough to have the rest of the training assignment go smoothly.
And then, Swain started complaining that her teeth hurt.
And then they were at the dentist getting X-rays.
And then the dentist said the words that would haunt Kallus forever: "Wisdom teeth extraction."
Swain cringed and Kallus had to bite his tongue to keep from cursing. He remembered his own wisdom teeth removal … well, some of it, but it wasn't pleasant and he was really hoping he wouldn't have to relive the experience with his trainee.
"It won't be so bad." he told Swain, who was sulking in the passenger seat when they drove back from the dentist.
"I guess," she agreed reluctantly. "I can do some of my drug resistance training beforehand so I'm not totally loopy."
Kallus agreed. But when he talked to his colleague Andressa afterward, she shot the idea out of the sky.
"Teeth first, then training," she insisted. "Herman did things the other way around and gods, it was a nightmare."
Herman was Andressa's second trainee, a mouse-quiet woman who squeaked more than spoke. "How so?"
"Kallus, the medicine didn't work. I spent the night after surgery with her head in my lap, brushing her hair because it was the only thing that made her feel better."
Well that didn't sound like a fun way to spend an evening, nevermind he didn't know anything about doing hair. So he postponed drug resistance training, stocked up on soft foods, and drove Swain to the dentist on the appointed morning.
Kallus drummed his fingers on the arm of his chair while he waited for the nurse to call him back, his thoughts ranging from worry about Swain to thanksgiving that ISB was paying for this.
"Mr. Swain?" The nurse called one eternity later.
Kallus didn't correct her. He walked past the wall which bisected the waiting room and followed her back. "How is she?"
"She was a rockstar," the nurse said. "The surgery went as expected and she's coming out of anesthesia well. She'll probably be loopy the rest of the night, though."
She briefed him on appropriate diets and when to change Swain's gauze ("Trust me, you don't want dry socket.") during the short walk to the recovery room where Kallus spotted Swain reclined in a chair.
Swain smiled, wads of gauze sticking out of her mouth like tusks. "Hi Kalluth."
"Hello Swain. How do you feel?"
"I feel normal!" She reported, words garbled by gauze. "I can think fine."
"That's good." He didn't believe a word of it. "Well, once the doctor says you can leave we'll go back to my place and get you some ice cream."
Swain's eyes lit up. "Can we watch holovision?"
Kallus listened while she prattled on about how much she liked watching holovision with him. It was a little heartwarming, actually. And at least Swain was happy unlike the poor girl in the chair beside them who was an emotional wreck. Kallus wasn't really listening to her, but it was impossible to miss the crying.
"I can't feel my mouth!" The girl bawled.
And then Kallus' blood ran cold when someone replied "Sabine, I promise you still have your mouth."
He froze and turned his attention away from Swain's monologue to listen in on the conversation behind him.
"Should we record this?" Jarrus asked.
"Love." Kallus could hear the exasperation in Syndulla's voice. "We promised not to make fun of her."
"Who's making fun of me?" Sabine wept.
"Nobody, honey."
This was the chance he'd been dreaming of for months. The rebels were completely at his mercy. They couldn't run; they'd be going nowhere fast with Wren in her current state. And they couldn't possibly have brought heavy weapons to a dentist's office. He could have stormtroopers here in minutes and arrest them all!
Swain bopped him on the shoulder. "You didn't answer my question."
… Or he could have, if he didn't have to wrangle a loopy trainee. "I'm sorry, Swain. What were you saying?"
"I said, what do you want to watch when we get home?"
How could he think about holo shows when the rebels were right there? "I'm not sure. How about a nature documentary? We could watch the one about the whales."
She loved that one yet Swain wasn't listening to him. "What were you listening to?"
"Nothing. I just got a little distracted."
"By what? There's nothing going on."
Behind them Sabine cried again. "I wanna see my friends!"
"We'll be home soon and you can see Ezra and Zeb," Syndulla promised.
"I don't want Ezra and Zeb. They're just gonna laugh at me."
"No they won't. We told Chopper he could shock them if they did."
Kallus couldn't help but chuckle at the thought of the padawan and the lasat getting shocked. He didn't know how he didn't notice Swain get out of her chair and stagger over to the rebels.
"Don't cry 'Bine," she said and hugged Sabine.
At the sound of her voice Kallus whipped around and locked eyes with Jarrus.
"Look Sabine," Syndulla said brightly, her expression absolutely horrified. "Look who's here."
"Hi," Sabine hiccuped and hugged Swain back.
"Why are you crying?" Swain asked.
"Because I can't feel my mouth!"
"Oh honey…"
Jarrus looked at Swain and decided she was a non-threat. "Please don't fight us in a dentist's office," he said flatly.
"And how would I do that without causing mass chaos?" Kallus gestured to the recovery room around them. "What are you doing here?"
"What do you think? What are you doing here?"
"What do you think?" Kallus echoed and shoved past the rebels to grab the back of Swain's shirt.
"I think that considering we both have our hands full, our best course of action is to pretend we never saw each other," Syndulla said.
He hated to admit this but: "Agreed. Come along Swain, let's sit back down."
"Okay." Swain patted Sabine's hair in a goodbye and wobbled off after Kallus.
He put her back in her chair and positioned himself to keep an eye on the rebels. Unfortunately, Swain also required his attention. She wanted to talk to him, and to Sabine, and the rebels. It was all he could do to keep her seated.
Finally, the dentist said they could go and Kallus was ready to leave. He signed the discharge papers and bundled Swain into the speeder.
"Do you have your seatbelt on?" He asked and started up the engine when Swain animatedly proved she did. "I have my guest room set up, so we'll get you tucked in and then have some ice cream."
Swain looked out the window. "Look, it's Sabine!"
Kallus looked. The rebels had gotten discharged about the same time they had, but their transportation was not a simple speeder. Syndulla was trying to get Sabine to balance behind Jarrus on a speeder bike, but the young Mandalorian kept sliding off.
"Yes, that is Sabine."
"They can't ride bikes like that." Swain's brow furrowed.
"I suppose they'll have to call a taxi."
"We should drive them."
Kallus just … stopped. Then he sat there staring at Swain while he waited for her memory to reset.
"What?" She asked after a while.
"What kind of ice cream do you want?"
Wrong move. Swain's face fell and she cried. "We weren't talking about ice cream, we were talking about Sabine!"
"Swain, ignoring them at the dentist is one thing but I can't just –."
"She's gonna fall off the speeder bike!" Swain wailed and tears formed in the corners of her eyes.
Kallus cursed. As much as he didn't want to do this, he wanted to deal with a bawling Swain even less. So he put the speeder into gear and reluctantly, watching his life flash before his eyes, pulled up next to the rebels.
Jarrus gave him the stink eye. "Are you seriously going to fight us in the parking lot?"
"No, actually," Kallus said through gritted teeth. "Swain wants to offer you a ride back to your ship."
Jarrus and Syndulla looked at each other in suspicious disbelief.
Swain waved. "Hi."
"You're too good for the Empire, you know that?" Syndulla told her.
"Thank you."
"You're not seriously considering this?" Jarrus asked his partner.
"Do we really have a choice?" To demonstrate she let go of Sabine and the teenager slumped over again.
Jarrus growled. "Fine. But I'm going with her."
"Of course. I'll follow with the bikes." Syndulla grabbed Sabine. "Come on sweetie, you're going to go on a speeder ride with Kanan."
"I don't wanna speeder ride," Sabine cried.
Swain leaned out the window. "Do you wanna ride with me?"
"Okay." Sabine nodded groggily and stumbled toward the speeder in Syndulla's arms. She opened the backseat door and loaded Sabine inside.
Jarrus reached for the other door and Kallus glared at him. "Don't think I'm foolish enough to have you sit behind me." Nevermind I'm giving them a ride in the first place.
"Well then what am I supposed to do, strap myself to the roof?" Jarrus gestured to Swain in the passenger's seat.
"That's okay! I'll sit with Bean!" Swain unbuckled her seat belt and tottered out of the speeder. Luckily Syndulla grabbed her before she could walk smack into the open door.
"I think Sabine would like that very much." Syndulla gently assisted her into the backseat and Kallus watched with amazement while the Twi'lek helped both girls fasten their seat belts. "Remember sweethearts, you need to bite down on your gauze so the bleeding will stop. I'll see you back at the ship, okay?"
Sabine and Swain chorused "Okay" with radically different intonations.
With them taken care of Syndulla turned her attention to Kallus and Jarrus in the front seat. "You two alright?"
"I'll live," Jarrus grumbled.
"You'll be fine," Swain chirped. "Kallus is a really good driver."
Instead of answering Syndulla, Kallus grunted and put the speeder in gear. They pulled into traffic and Jarrus grudgingly told him which road would lead them to the Ghost's current location.
Kallus turned onto it, occasionally glancing at the girls in the rearview mirror.
Jarrus looked over his shoulder. "I think they passed out."
If only Swain had passed out five minutes earlier.
"Did not," Swain muttered a split second later.
"Kanan, my mouth," Sabine cried.
"Uh…" Kanan searched their surroundings for any distraction. "Look guys, loth-cats!"
"Loth-cats?" Sabine leaned closer to the window and tears filled her eyes. "Everything's blurry and I can't see."
"See, right there." Swain pointed. "They're so cute. I wanna pet one."
"Maybe there will be one around when we get home," Kallus said, with zero intention of letting her pet a flea-ridden stray.
"I wanna pet one now," Swain insisted and reached for the door handle.
"SWAIN!" Kallus slammed on the brakes.
Sabine slapped Swain's hand away from the door and blubbered "Stay in the car!"
Swain slunk back in her seat. "Okay…"
"Don't you have a child safety lock?" A shaken Jarrus asked.
"I didn't think I needed it for an eighteen-year-old!" Yet another decision he was regretting.
"Amateur mistake. Always get the child safety lock."
"Can't you distract them? Something that won't have them jumping out of the speeder?"
"Hera's gonna kill me, but…" Kanan reached into his pocket and produced a comlink in a vividly painted case. "Here Sabine. Why don't you and Swain play a game?"
Sabine took her comm with a sniffle. "I thought I wasn't supposed to have this until tomorrow."
"I'm making an exception."
"Okay." Sabine booted it up and soon enough she and Swain were tapping away at the screen.
"That should keep them occupied," Jarrus muttered.
"Thank the stars."
They continued the drive in blessed silence, save for the sound of loopy teenage girls playing their game.
"We're almost there," Jarrus said after a while. "Take the next right and it's about a klik from the highway."
Kallus could see the ship not long after he made the turn, the speeder bikes parked in front. It was almost over. Soon he could pretend this had never happened and he hadn't given the rebels a ride.
"High score!" Swain cheered.
Gods willing, she wouldn't remember this either.
"You're a really good friend," Sabine sniffled. "Please don't leave like Ketsu did."
"I won't." Swain patted her back.
Jarrus let out a long, slow whistle as they approached the Ghost and finally (finally!) parked.
"Alright pumpkins, time to say goodbye." He unbuckled his seat belt.
"Why?" Sabine hiccuped.
"Because we're going to go home and take a nap. Look, Hera's coming with your blanket now."
Kallus looked. Syndulla was hurrying toward them with a blanket held out like a net.
"How did it go?" She asked when she got to them.
"We're here," Jarrus answered and looked at Kallus. "Thanks for the ride. This thing –."
Kallus stared straight ahead. "Never happened."
Syndulla breathed a sigh of relief and then focused on Sabine. "Alright honey, say goodbye to Swain."
"Bye," Sabine said blearily while Hera wrapped her in the blanket.
"Careful," Jarrus said. "The other one's done a runner a couple of times and –."
"That's a fuzzy blanket." Swain scooted toward the door but this time Kallus was prepared. He grabbed her arm while Jarrus body-blocked the door.
"Yes, fuzzy blanket. Why don't you sit up front?" Where I can keep an eye on you.
Kallus watched Jarrus and Syndulla bundle Sabine away while Swain got into the passenger seat.
"The things I do for you," he muttered.
"I know."
"You do?"
"Of course." Swain smiled around her bloody gauze. "I love you."
Kallus felt himself smiling too. "Let's go home."
…
As soon as he got home, Kallus wrapped Swain like a sushi roll and deposited her on the couch with strict instructions to "Stay right here and don't move." Then he went to get her something to eat and make sure she couldn't wander out the front door.
By the time he got back, the sushi roll that was Swain was lying across the couch, snoring softly.
…
Swain woke up the next morning swollen, bruised, sore, and with no recollection of the previous day.
"Did I do anything embarrassing?" She asked.
"You were a bit out of sorts," Kallus told her.
"What happened?"
He stopped and thought for a moment. "I met you in the recovery room, you said some things, and then we drove here and you fell asleep."
That didn't sound terribly mortifying. Swain leaned back on the couch and tried to refocus on her holo show, to no avail. She was already tired of daytime holovision and Kallus was in the kitchen making her a scrambled egg. She protested that he didn't need to wait on her, but Kallus wasn't hearing it. Apparently he didn't trust her around the stove.
With a sigh she reached for her comlink. She hadn't wanted to use it for 24 hours after the anesthesia, but boredom had other ideas. There shouldn't be anything new except for … hang on, what was that?
Above the "get well soon" text from Cogon was a notification from a random number, which looked like it came from a thread. Meaning whoever this was, drugged-out-Swain had texted them back. What had she done?
Swain opened her messages and almost passed out.
The first two messages were holos. Badly taken, out of focus holos of her and Sabine Wren with glassy eyes and gauze tusks.
Then it showed Sabine weeping and Swain grinning.
Followed by a string of incomprehensible emojis from Swain.
And finally, a holo of a much more alert-looking Sabine staring horrified at the camera, timestamped half an hour ago.
Swain thought about it in the time it took Kallus to flip the egg, and decided the only logical response was to send back a similar picture of herself.
She captioned it What happened? And sent it to Sabine.
Sabine's reply came immediately: According to Kanan and Hera, you convinced Kallus to give us a ride home after the dentist's and we told them we were best friends.
What.
Also, you tried to get out of a moving speeder to pet a Loth-cat.
That explained why Kallus wouldn't let her near the stove.
Apparently I gave you my frequency at some point, she replied.
I don't remember completely, but think you just typed it into my comm, Sabine texted. You might have been trying to make me stop crying.
Swain decided she didn't want to know more about her drug-addled ramblings. The question now is what we do with this information.
What, each other's comm numbers? I already saved yours. You'd better believe I'm not letting an opportunity like this slide.
I won't either. Swain tapped a few buttons and saved Sabine's frequency to her unit under "Dentist." But we're both out of commission right now and if you're anything like me, you're probably bored out of your mind.
So?
Do you have Words with Friends?
Sabine's response was to send her an invitation link.
"Here's your egg." Kallus set the plate on the end table. "What are you doing?"
"Playing a word game," she replied and grimaced while Sabine annihilated her high score. They had expanded the word range to every language that they knew, and Sabine was vicious with Mando'a.
"Good for you, keeping up your skills." He smiled fondly. "It's alright to take a break though. Tell your friends you'll be back and enjoy your egg."
"Yes sir." Swain tapped out a message to Sabine. Gotta go. Play you again in a bit?
Good timing. K&H want me to come eat lunch. Sabine replied. But later, you're on.
"Who are you playing?" Kallus asked while he collected his own lunch and took a seat beside her.
"Oh, just a friend." Swain took a bite of her egg, and winced.