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Pulling back her blanket, Nelly got off the camping bed, unzipped the tent and stepped outside. Her bare feet met the wet, cold and muddy grass but she didn't notice. The cool air hit her arms and legs – she wasn't wearing her jacket either. It was very quiet. The men were fast asleep. Feet wet and muddy, Nelly followed the man-made trail toward the latrines. Her hand grabbed a hold of the wooden handle, and she pushed the door open. Turning on the lights, Nelly suddenly froze – she wasn't inside the latrines built on the airfield. She was back in Mauthausen.
Small toilets were lined up, exposed, with no privacy. And they were all unoccupied. All except one. Only, the man wasn't using the toilet. He was hanging from the pipe above the toilet. He was slouched on the ground, struggling to breathe, while a belt around his neck cut off his air supply. Nelly made to go after him, but a loud voice stopped her.
"No!" The camp commandant yelled.
And then she tried leaving because Nelly didn't want to witness this. But as she turned to leave, she saw the camp commandant was blocking her way. Her fearful eyes stared up at the man and he grinned in return.
"I give him...ten minutes...". He said, "To kill himself...fun, ja?"
Nelly's hand reached for a cap on her head that didn't exist. And she bowed her head. "Bitte...". She pleaded brokenly. "Bitte...".
"Wo ist Ihr Kappe?" The man demanded. "Wo ist es?!"
Nelly's knees buckled with fear under his yell. She shook her head, "Bitte...Bitte...". She only knew the basics of the German language. Nelly had struggled to learn.
"Dummes Madchen!" He yelled. "Dumm!"
Behind her, Nelly could hear the man gasping, choking and coughing. She closed her eye. She wanted it to stop – she wanted the earth to swallow her up and take her somewhere safe. But there was no escaping Mauthausen, no matter how hard she wished or prayed, or dreamed – Nelly couldn't leave.
"Barrack...barrack...". Nelly whispered. "My...Kappe...barrack...".
"Sie warden bestraft". He said, "Und geschlagen".
Feeling a lump form in her throat, Nelly dropped to her knees.
The camp commandant thought she was going to start begging but Nelly didn't – she crawled between his legs, rose to her feet and ran. Screams for help were useless in Mauthausen – no one could help, not even if they wanted to. But Nelly screamed for help. She didn't want to die in Mauthausen. She didn't want to be buried in a mass grave or charcoaled in the crematoria. Nelly wanted to die in a warm bed, as an old lady. So, she ran – she ran thinking that would save her – that the camp commandant wouldn't run after her because he did. He was running right behind Nelly. And he was barking for her to stop. But she didn't stop running. Ahead, Nelly could see the fence and the guard towers. She could see the gate to freedom. Nelly had dreams of leaving through the gates of Mauthausen as a free person. All she wanted to do now was leave.
Upon nearing the fence – a shot was fired, and Nelly fell onto her knees. And on her hands and knees, she crawled toward the gate. It was electric – if she touched the fence, she would die, like so many other men. Looking behind her, Nelly saw the camp commandant was nearing. And in the towers above, she heard guards yelling and guns cocking. A defeated sob tumbled out of her mouth. Nelly sat up on her knees and held her hands up.
She was going to die either way.
But Nelly didn't want to be shot by a Nazi.
Tearful eyes staring at the fence, Nelly began moving toward it.
She could hear the electric buzz hum loudly in her head. Nelly had seen men use the fence as a way to end everything – one touch and they died. It looked like it didn't last long. Behind her, the camp commandant continued to yell – the guards were yelling. And Nelly reached out and took hold of the fence tightly.
She screamed and waited for the pain.
And then fell back, when a pair of arms went around her waist.
...
"Shh...shh...".
Nelly's scream died on her lips. Breathing heavily, she felt warmth against her back and a blinding light glaring on her face and body. Nelly's eyes closed – the light was too powerful. Around her, she heard men yelling. Nelly's hands went by her ear. She could feel strong arms holding her tightly around the waist – her back was pressed up against someone's chest. But Nelly was more concerned about the light and the yelling.
"Stop...stop...". She said, weakly at first. And then screamed, "Stop! Stop!"
"Shh...kiddo, easy does it – it's alright...". The soothing voice belonged to Winters. He was holding Nelly against his chest. And he had pulled Nelly away from the fence and out of harm's way. The guards were prepared to shoot her, thinking she was about to escape. Nelly was lucky Winters was around. And she was lucky he chased her. But in her dream, Winters was a camp commandant – not the kind and forgiving Lieutenant he usually was. He knew she was sleep-walking. But the guards didn't know that. Raising his head, Winters turned to look at one of the startled guards. "It's okay. She was sleepwalking".
"Jesus Christ!" He exclaimed. "We were about to shoot her!"
"But you didn't". Winters kept his voice calm, for Nelly's sake. "Turn off the lights and keep your voices down, please".
The guard called to the tower. "Hit the lights!"
And the light was turned off – the yelling stopped. It was quiet. Almost. Nelly's breathing was fast and hard, she was near enough panting. She did just run for her life, after all. Winters's hand was on the top of her head and his fingers ran through her short curls. "Take it easy, it's okay...". He soothed.
Nelly's hand weakly gripped his arm. "Sorry...". She mumbled. Her voice sounded close to tears. And it cracked, "I'm sorry...".
Winters knew why she was sorry, but the sleepwalking was out of her and his control. His only worry was combat. "It's okay, trooper". Winters assured her, "We're 'gonna fix this, alright?"
Her wide eyes looked toward the fence. Nelly could remember the dream all too well and like most of her dreams, it was partly true. She did witness that man in the latrines. But she never got chased by the camp commandant for forgetting her cap. However, the commandant forced Nelly to watch that man die. Eyes closing, she coughed out a faint sob.
"Hey...it's okay". Winters soothed her. "It's 'gonna be okay, kiddo".
Nelly opened her eyes and a few tears rolled down her cheeks. She soon remembered why the sleepwalking event took place – Nelly was heading for the latrines. With a sniff, she mopped the tears away with her arm. She touched the fence – in her dream, she touched the fence thinking it would end her life because she felt trapped. Just like that man in the latrines, Nelly didn't have much of a choice.
The only way out in Mauthausen, was through the chimney – Nelly remembered someone telling her that when she arrived. It still sent a shiver down her spine when she thought about it now. And Winters felt her shiver. "We need to get you warm, Murray. Let's get up, alright?"
"Okay, sir". She whispered.
Helping Nelly onto her feet first, Winters sent one of the guards a 'thumbs-up', assuring them that everything was under control. He kept a hand around her shoulders, while Nelly grabbed her Lieutenant's wrist. He noticed she was sticking very close to his side, but Winters didn't mention anything – he assumed she was still shaken up over everything that happened with the guards and the sleepwalking.
"Maybe...maybe I'm too...broken". Nelly whispered.
Winters felt a sad frown form on his face. "You're not broken, Nelly". He said to her, "You're smart, strong and brave. Just like every other man in this Regiment". He said, "Look at all that you've done in over a year with Easy Company. You made friends, you trained hard. And you deserve to feel proud of what you've accomplished here".
His words put a sting in her eye. "Thank you". She whispered.
As they neared the tent, a very anxious Malarkey was running around the area, trying to locate his missing friend. A fond smile reached Winters's face. "Over here, Malark".
Shoulders dropping with relief, Malarkey jogged toward them. "Nelly!"
"I'm okay". Nelly assured him quietly. And she let go of Winters's wrist.
Winters squeezed her shoulder. "Malark, get Nelly to bed – make sure she warms up".
"Yes, sir". Malarkey complied while his arm went around Nelly's shoulders. "God, you had me so worried, Nelly...". He began leading them toward their tent.
"Sorry, Donnie".
"Hey – don't be sorry, pal. You're okay, that's all that matters".
And as they reached the tent, Nelly was suddenly very aware that Winters practically saved her.
With a frown, she turned around and looked over at the Lieutenant.
He was still standing there, waiting until his two troopers were safe inside the tent. And he was a little confused when Nelly walked back over to him. "Trooper? Everything okay?"
And with so much fondness and admiration in her eyes, she told him with the utmost sincerity, "Thank you, sir".
Winters gave her shoulder a gentle squeeze. "You're most welcome, kiddo".
"You...saved me...again". She whispered.
Winters could feel a small lump settle in his throat. "Well". He said quietly, "You saved me too, trooper. You got me back with Easy".
Straightening her spine and standing at attention, Nelly saluted him.
Winters saluted her back.
And when the salute ended, Nelly walked to the tent.
Malarkey smiled. "I thought you were 'gonna squeeze the life out of our Lieutenant".
"Oh". She said, "Not before a jump, Donnie".
He clapped her shoulder, "After you, Bilbo".
"Thank you, Balin".
Huffing out a tiny laugh, Winters gave his head a shake and turned around to head back to his tent. And he couldn't help but think back to Lieutenant Meehan's words to him on Christmas Day – Meehan was right, Nelly was a sweet kid.
...
"What is that?"
"Yours". Toye mumbled.
With a frown, Nelly picked the strange item up. And then she looked up at her Sergeant. "Okay". She said, "But...what is it, Joe?"
"Leg bag". He said, "Thank your British pals for that one – they fucking invented it".
"Do I put...my things in there?"
"Yeah".
"How does it work?"
With a tiny sigh, Toye sat down opposite Nelly. "Store your ammo, rifle and weapons in there".
Nelly nodded. "Okay".
"The bags 'gonna be attached to your chute harness". Toye explained, "When your chute opens, hold the weight of the leg bag, pull its release and it'll separate from your leg and it'll drop down to the end of the rope – easy, right?"
"Yeah". She said and then asked, "The rest of my stuff?"
"Musette bag, webbings – usual". He said, "Keep your rations on yourself. And your canteen. Gas mask – jump knife. Grenades. The usual". Toye told her, "But your rifle, ammo and the likes – all in the leg bag". He said, "You'll get more ammo when you use the leg bag".
Quietly, Nelly asked, "Are we putting charcoal on our faces?"
"Shit...no". Toye mumbled. "No one from our Platoon is 'gonna do it". With a tiny smile, he joked to Nelly, "I want the Krauts to remember the face of the fella who's 'gonna kill him, kid".
They sat outside their tents, packing everything away and checking equipment. The jump was set for that night – the 4th of June. The build-up to the jump was nerve-wracking. But most of the men also felt anxiously excited. Toye lit a cigarette while he looked through Nelly's gear, double-checking she had everything.
"Where's your other pair of socks?"
"I can't find them".
Toye sighed heavily. "Come on, Nelly...where's your damn head today, huh?"
"I'll be fine". Nelly said.
Toye looked at her – his stare displeased. "So, you get wet feet – then what?"
Rocking back on her heels, Nelly frowned in thought.
"Jesus, kid!" Toye nearly snapped. "Right – I'm finding you another pair of fucking socks. After I check the rest of your damn gear...what the fuck is...". Toye held up the tie Alex gave her on the day they first met. "Why the hell are you bringing this?"
Frowning, Nelly snatched it out of Toye's hands. "For...good luck".
"Good luck?" With a sigh, Toye looked back down at her gear. "Alright...". He mumbled.
Her frown travelled to her Sergeant. "You're...making me nervous".
"Sorry, kid". Toye looked at her. "I just 'wanna make sure you have everything".
"I do...". Then her voice turned serious. "Except...the sock".
An amused smile crossed Toye's lips. "Except the socks". However, when he lifted up that leg bag, Toye found her second pair hidden underneath. "Here they are". He smiled and held them up proudly. "It's like finding damn gold".
"2nd Platoon!" Winters called, "Full circle over here!"
Rising to their feet, Nelly and Toye walked over to their Lieutenant and soon found another Officer standing next to Winters – General Taylor. Surprised by his appearance, the Platoon quickly stood at attention and lined up in Platoon formation. But Taylor raised his hand.
"At ease, Paratroopers".
Standing at ease, the troopers looked at the General – anxious to hear what the man had to say.
"Give me three days and three nights of hard fighting, then you will be relieved. And when those C-47s cross the coastline of France, I want you all to stand up. If your plane gets up, I want you all to stand up and take that flak like the men you are. Fight with knives until daylight and don't take any prisoners".
"Yes, sir!" The Platoon responded.
"Good luck, men".
And he walked off – away to give the next Platoon a similar speech.
"Alright, 2nd Platoon". Winters addressed, "Get back to checking your gear – make sure to store your extra ammo inside your leg bags if you have one".
Nelly looked up at Toye. "You take my leg bag?"
And Toye snorted. "Kid, I'm not putting on a damn leg bag".
"So...it's not even an order!" Nelly hissed.
Toye chuckled quietly and shook his head.
"I don't...fucking want it, Joe".
"Oh, you're wearing it". Toye told her, "I'm 'gonna make sure of it".
Once all their gear was packed away inside trucks, the men enjoyed a steak dinner and ice cream for dessert. Afterwards, they made their way toward the hangars to grab their harnesses and chutes up for the jump. But as they walked, a fierce wind picked up. Nelly sighed when she felt the wind. Typical British weather, unpredictable – she thought to herself. Taking a chute and harness, Nelly walked outside of the hangars to wait for the truck which would take them to the planes. And standing on the hood of a truck, Meehan called for his Company.
"Channel coast is socked with wind and rain...jumps been postponed for another night!"
Groans left the eager men.
But Nelly frowned – she didn't know what "postponed" meant.
"Cancelled". Alex told her quietly.
She let out a sigh. "Oh...".