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Inside a once beautiful hotel sitting area, Nelly stood at attention while her Commanding Officer gave her some hell. But Winters never once raised his voice. He kept himself calm, and collected and tried to understand Nelly's reasons for staying put instead of pulling back. But he got them all wrong. Winters assumed she did it to appear brave, act the hero and get that medal. Because out in combat, a lot of men took risky moves to get a medal or a story in the newspaper. Whereas most of the men they knew, took those risks to save a buddy. Nelly figured a small portion of men took risks for the thrill – much like her cousin would sometimes do. And Nelly almost let Winters believe, that Nelly was another thrill-seeker or glory hunter. But she didn't want to leave that impression on a man she respected so much.
"Sir, I...I didn't do it for that". Nelly said to him quietly.
And Winters sighed. "Why did you do it?"
"In Holland...we did things that...that did nothing". She said, "That...didn't matter because...it never changed anything. And I just...I just...". Nelly could feel a lump form in her throat and tears reach the corners of her eyes. She broke eye contact with a blink. Nelly's stare landed on a wall, where she saw wallpaper peel and hang off. Quietly, she said, "No excuse, sir". Because as she said it out loud, it was a terrible excuse. "No, I...I shouldn't have done that". Her eyes left the wall, Nelly looked back up at her Lieutenant. "It was bad, sir".
Winters's hands pressed against the windowsill, and he leaned against it, to give his injured leg a break from standing. "I don't think it was bad, trooper". He said, "You should have listened to Lieutenant Nixon and pulled back when he ordered you to. Instead, you decided against his own order, and you lied". Winters frowned softly. "Private Hughes informed us you had the chance to get out of there when the second Platoon of Germans came". He added, "Private Hughes has got a big gash on his head, he wasn't in his right mind when he told us that. He didn't put you under the bus on purpose, Murray".
Nelly nodded faintly. She wouldn't have been angry at Hughes anyway, gash or not. The truth was important after all and Hughes had every right to be angry. So did Burges. Nelly closed her eyes. She kept thinking about how close they were to dying and how it was her fault. Now, Hughes and Burges were seriously wounded because Nelly wanted to stay when she should have just pulled back. Scratching her forehead, Nelly bowed her head. Toye was going to blow up when he found out. But Toye was pushed to the side while Nelly processed Winters's words deeply. Of course, only the worst parts stood out. "You should have pulled back". "You lied". "You had the chance to get out of there". "You decided against his order". For Nelly, those were hard-hitting.
Speirs was right, Officers were like parents.
Only, Nelly didn't respect her father. She didn't even love him because he didn't love her. And now Nelly was thinking about her father, on top of everything else. She felt as bad as him – she felt selfish for putting herself before her friends. Alan had always been selfish, and Nelly felt like she was just like him. Eyes opening, Nelly searched the ground – she needed to draw up a better conclusion because she couldn't be like Alan. But then again, Nelly did hurt those two Red Cross Girls back in America out of rage. Her eyes widened slightly – it was exactly something her dad would do. Alan lied. He cheated. He didn't care about the law. And he murdered his own wife and son. Nelly felt sick – she killed Dieter with a knife.
Two minutes stretched into three and Winters had allowed the silence to go on long enough. He wasn't sure what Nelly was thinking but he gave her time to think long and hard about what she did. Pushing himself off the windowsill, Winters walked toward Nelly. And once standing before her, his head tilted to the side. "Murray?" He called out to her quietly.
Coming out of her doomed thoughts, Nelly raised her head and looked up at Winters.
His features softened slightly. "Do you have anything to add?"
"No, sir". Nelly whispered. "Except...sorry".
"Apology accepted". Winters told her. And he added, "Your cousin wants to see you".
Nelly paled. "When, sir?"
"Now, trooper". Winters replied. "He's upstairs".
She grimaced slightly. "Okay, sir – thank you, sir".
A small and assuring smile met his lips. "It'll fine, kiddo".
Nelly wasn't so sure about that. After saluting Winters and apologising a few more times, she left the sitting area and walked up the stairs. Each step felt like a step toward certain death. Her insides twisted and her hands grew clammy with nerves. Walking by a few doors on the landing, she soon spotted one door wide open and Speirs standing inside. He was facing Nelly. And his head gave a sharp nod to the door when she stepped into the room. Taking the hint, Nelly closed the door and then turned to face her cousin.
Speirs got right into it. "What the hell were you thinking?"
Nelly's eyes blinked away from his angry stare.
"Hey!" He snapped and marched over to the girl. "I asked you a damn question!"
"Oh, dear...". She whispered faintly under her breath.
"I'm so...fucking pissed at you, Nelly". Speirs snapped again. "You could have died! You almost killed your friends!"
Nelly blinked a few times – somewhat shocked by his bluntness. At least with Winters, he told her in the nicest way possible. But not Speirs. No, that man got straight to the point. He left no stone unturned. Speirs grabbed a hold of her shoulders and Nelly sharply looked up at the man. Her eyes were wide and frightened. She had flinched when Speirs took hold of her. And he had to remind himself. He let go of her shoulders, took a step back and breathed in deeply to calm his anger. Nelly stood frozen in place – the only part of her that moved was her eyes, which looked down at the ground.
"I know you didn't mean for them to get hurt". Speirs's voice quietened. "But you should have listened to Lieutenant Nixon. He knows what he's talking about – he's an intelligence officer. And I get it, you've done recon missions before but not to that level. You were surrounded, Nelly".
Another part of her body unfroze – her hands. Nelly rubbed them together nervously. She let out the shaky breath she had been holding and nodded faintly to what her cousin was saying.
"You understand?" Speirs questioned, "Or are you too afraid to talk?"
"It's eh...". Nelly's voice croaked. She cleared her throat. "It's hard to...". And she hated how weak how voice sounded now. "To...". Nelly's brain was searching for the right words to use.
And Speirs stood there, waiting patiently.
"I...". Nelly's eyes closed again. "I feel...". And her voice cracked, "Bad".
Something pulled on his heart. Speirs nodded. "Yeah". He said, "I thought you might".
Face forming a sad frown, Nelly bowed her head. "I feel...bad". She continued, "And...guilt. I hurt my friends. And that...that's the worst feeling ever". She whispered, "I didn't mean to hurt them".
"We know that". Speirs assured her, "You're not a monster, Nelly".
When she exhaled, her face threatened to crumble. Nelly opened her eyes and stared down at her muddy boots. "I wanted to stay because...it had to matter".
Speirs frowned – he could understand where she was coming from.
"War it...it has to have...meaning and a...a purpose". She whispered. "Or else...we're just killing for no reason". Nelly added, "Just like them".
"Who?" He asked quietly.
"The Nazis...". She said, "They kill and kill and kill...". Nelly's breathing picked up. "And kill. And kill and – "
"okay, okay". Speirs cut her off softly while closing the distance between them. He knelt in front of her and placed a finger under her chin. Gently, Speirs raised her head. "The main purpose of this war is the Nazis and Hitler". He said, "Our job, is to put an end to them and save Europe".
Nelly placed her bottom lip between her teeth and nodded.
Finger leaving her chin, Speirs set a hand on her shoulder. "One thing came out of that". He said, "You gathered information and warned our Battalion of an incoming Panzer unit. Well, they all came but we were prepared and pushed them back". He tried not to smile. "That was a good thing". And he added, "You also...dragged your buddy back to Carentan. You're tiny. How the hell did you do that?"
Nelly shrugged one shoulder faintly. "Because I had to".
The conversation ended shortly after that. Speirs gave her shoulder a squeeze and they said their goodbyes. Leaving the bedroom, Nelly leaned against the door for a moment and allowed the knot in her stomach to dwindle. However, it soon knotted up again, when she walked down the stairs and saw Winters waiting for her at the bottom. Nelly reached the end of the stairs and stood in front of her Lieutenant. He gave the girl a soft smile.
"Okay?" He asked.
Nelly's response came very unexpectedly. Face crumbling with sudden tears, she pressed her palms against her eyes and heaved out a soft sob. Winters was somewhat shocked – he wasn't expecting that at all. But his heart did break. After all, she wasn't having an easy time in France. Placing his hand on the back of her neck, Winters brought the girl into him, and her covered face settled under his chest. Winters's other hand rubbed her back; he could feel her frame tremble and shake with each tiny sob and hitching of breath.
Eventually, Nelly cried out against him, "I'm so...so sorry...".
"I know, it's okay". Winters soothed. "It's okay, kiddo".
Tears weren't that uncommon out in combat. And they usually arrived after an event or a battle.
Winters had witnessed one Lieutenant drop to the ground and sob into his hands. And Winters was there for one of his own men, Albert Blithe, who cried quietly inside the aid station during the battle for Carentan. Winters guessed it came down to stress. Even after a day or so, stress could easily set in for a soldier. Because every waking moment, they were always on edge. The enemy kept them on their toes, twenty-four-seven. But as for Nelly, Winters didn't think stress was the only reason for her tears – she must have felt awful for what happened to her friends.
And despite Nelly not following orders and lying, Winters had to admit, she did a lot of good on that recon mission. She warned Battalion about a Panzer attack and she got her friend back safe – not in one piece but Burges survived. Winters also learned that Nelly acted very quickly while they were on the run. She set orders and kept the men moving and stopped them from freezing up. And she made Colonel Sink very proud. Even Winters was proud of her – of course, he would be.
After a few minutes, Nelly got control over her sobs and pulled back from Winters's jacket. She mopped the tears and snot away with her sleeve. The Lieutenant crouched in front of the girl and set her a kind smile. "For all the questionable calls you made...". Winters picked his words carefully. "You did a lot of good as well, Murray. And I'd be lying if I said I wasn't proud".
Nelly's breath hitched and her bottom lips trembled again.
Winters frowned. "Hey...". He set his hand on her shoulder. "I said nice things, right?" He joked to her lightly, "What's with the tears, huh?"
"That's...that's just it...". Nelly mumbled tearfully. "You're...". She sunk in a shaky breath as a few tears rolled down her cheek. "You matter...a lot...to me".
He felt a small lump reach his throat at those words. And he watched with an aching heart, as the girl tried her damn hardest to compose herself. Nelly swallowed, she took in a deep breath and then exhaled with a faint nod. A tiny smile met Winters's lips.
"You're the closest thing I've had to a dad in my whole life". Nelly managed to get out. "And I'm never going to let you down again, sir".
Winters had to set his jaw. He wasn't typically an emotional person. And he certainly wasn't sentimental out in combat. But a sting did reach the corner of his eyes. Clearing his throat, he gave Nelly a soft smile and nodded. "I know, kiddo". Winters briefly wondered if Nelly saw her cousin as a sort of father figure. "What did your cousin say?"
Sniffing, Nelly mopped the fresh tears away. "He said...he knew I didn't mean to hurt my friends and that...it did some good and bad, sir".
"Did he yell?"
"A little". Nelly mumbled.
Winters pulled a pretend grimace, "Was he loud?"
She felt her lips twitch. Nelly shook her head.
And he joked lightly, "He didn't pop a vein, did he?"
Nelly giggled quietly and shook her head.
With a small chuckle, Winters gave her shoulder a squeeze. "Alright – you should head on back to your Platoon, trooper. They've been worried about you – especially your friends".
And as he rose to his feet, Nelly looked up at him. She asked, "Is your leg okay, sir?"
Winters nodded. "It's fine, Murray". He assured her and then sent her a knowing smile. "It's healing".
Nelly smiled softly back at him. "Like my heart, sir".
"Exactly". He confirmed gently. "Just like your heart".
...
Leaning against Alex, he wrapped his arm tightly around Nelly. They were both sitting on a set of steps leading up to a café – of course, the café was empty and partly destroyed now. But it was just the two of them, watching the sunset together. Her back was pressed against his chest, and Alex sat somewhat sideways against the doorframe. His fingers drew circles on Nelly's arm, and she closed her eyes, feeling completely content with Alex. Her friends did worry the entire time she was gone, especially when they lost radio contact. But Alex worried as soon as she left the town. Now, he had the girl he loved back. Alex pressed a kiss on the top of Nelly's head.
Quietly, Nelly began to sing, "The moon and you appear to be...so near and yet so far from me...".
A faintly surprised smile met Alex's lips when she started to sing.
"And here am I on a night in June...reaching for the moon and you...". Pressing her lips together, Nelly pulled herself off Alex and turned to face him. "I wonder if we'll ever meet...". She sang to him quietly, "My song of love is incomplete...I'm just the words looking for the tune...reaching for the moon and you...".
Alex's smile softened. And he whispered, "You're beautiful".
Nelly's eyebrows twitched. "Beautiful?"
He nodded. "Yeah". Alex said softly. "You're beautiful, Nelly".
"No one...no one's called me that before, Alex".
"Well, I am". He almost sounded tearful. "Beautiful. Kind. Gentle...".
Nelly's head gently cocked to the side.
Alex pressed his hand against her cheek. "God, I love you".
She could feel her heart burst and melt into her stomach.
"Today. Tomorrow. Next week. Next year". Alex said, "I'll love you forever".
Nelly's face looked completely serious. But her eyes, were so soft and tender. "Can we kiss now?"
Alex shared a similar expression to Nelly. "Yeah".
Her hands went to the back of his neck, and she pulled their lips together. It wasn't like the first time – it wasn't one short peck. It was deep. Long. And powerful. The second kiss held a lot more meaning than the first. Nelly thought they were flying. She thought they were floating above the ground, where some force was taking them away from Carentan. From Normandy. And far away from the war. When they kissed, Nelly thought the whole war stopped. The world stopped, just for them. It was beautiful.
A tear rolled down Nelly's cheek.
Alex tried to pull away, meaning to check on her but Nelly pulled him back into the kiss. She wasn't ready for it to end, not yet. Breathing could wait – she didn't need lungs, she had Alex. However, Nelly soon learned that long and passionate kisses had to come to an end. And he pulled away first with a small blush. Alex shifted his legs away from Nelly. And let out a long breath of air.
He exclaimed quietly, "Wow".
Nelly appeared concerned. "Are you okay?" She asked because he was acting weird.
"Yeah, yeah". Alex replied almost breathlessly. "Just – uh – give me a minute".
With a tiny frown, she nodded. "Okay". And then asked, "Bad?"
Alex huffed out a laugh and shook his head. "No – no, it wasn't bad at all".
Nelly relaxed at the answer. She smiled small. "Okay".
And after a minute, Alex's arms went back around Nelly, and he guided her back into his chest. The pair looked toward the setting sun, each with a smile glued to their faces.