bob
After two solid weeks on the main line of resistance, the 83rd Infantry Division took its place on the line. The 83rd was so clean looking, with a full complement of men in each unit. The impact of seeing such a dishevelled motley group, as was the 506th, was a shock to them. But the 506th was so relieved at leaving the line, they didn't care how they looked in that moment. Happily, they said a farewell to the front and climbed into open-roofed trucks which took them to the city of Cherbourg. Upon arriving in the city, their first order was to take off their uniforms. Winters found a dry-cleaning shop and paid for every man in his Company's uniform to be cleaned and dried. Nelly sat around in a vest and underwear, with a blanket wrapped around her body for over three hours.
With a clean uniform, the men wandered around the battered city, searching for food. But none was found. And they were hungry for something other than their rations. Alton More, Easy's most skilled scoundrel, located the main supply depot near Utah Beach and on his first foray, he returned carrying two cardboard boxes, one of fruit cocktail and the other of pineapple. The men were very happy and gobbled up a can each. And then promptly spewed what they had only just consumed. Alton More promised he'd get a more varied diet during his next trip.
Kicking stones along the partly destroyed road, the four friends walked aimlessly around the city. They were sleeping on streets and under roofs but not indoors. Cherbourg didn't offer the men much comfort, but they took comfort in not being on the line anymore. The city was right next to the beach. The four of them began walking along the pier, where they could see the vast fishing boats anchored and bobbing against gentle waves. When Nelly breathed in, she could smell fish and the salty sea air. The smell reminded her of when they left America.
They stopped, leaned against the railing and watched those boats bob on the water. Malarkey mentioned something about his days on the Columbia River. Skip talked about the Niagara Falls. And Alex took Nelly's hand. She tried not to think about what they did in combat. Nelly almost wanted to forget the whole ordeal. But there were some moments she'd treasure. Her first kiss with Alex being one of them. And seeing her friends and Speirs again after six days of being lost in Normandy. Even digging that trench with Winters was a happier moment compared to the rest of her time in combat.
Eyes leaving the water and casting along the pier, Nelly spotted Speirs by himself. Letting go of Alex's hand and leaving her friends, she went over to meet her cousin, who was standing not too far from them. Upon reaching Speirs, Nelly's side pressed against the railing while she looked up at him. A pensive look was glued to his face. Nelly's head cocked to the side with a frown. Speirs looked down at the girl. And he nodded.
"Maybe combat is shit".
Her frown deepened, as Nelly started to feel worried about her cousin. "Ronnie...".
"What?"
"Make friends".
Speirs's eyebrows twitched. "Why?"
"Lonely people...still get sad". She said softly.
Eyes leaving Nelly, Speirs looked back out to the water. "I'm not sad".
"You'll always have me". Nelly said, "And you need...a friend...a man friend".
His lips almost twitched. "A man friend, Nelly?"
"Yeah". Nelly confirmed.
"That sound's a little...".
"A platonic, man friend". Nelly explained softly with a tiny smile. But the smile didn't stay on her face for long. Her heart ached because her cousin was clearly miserable. Speirs felt awful after what he did. And the men could be relentless with rumours. A sad frown reached Nelly's face and she could feel her eyes sting and her heartbreak. "I'll defend you...forever".
Speirs rubbed his lips together and bobbed his head – much like the boats.
"Because I love you...". And her voice soon cracked on those tears.
"Aw, Jesus, kid...". With a somewhat sad sigh, Speirs looked back down at Nelly. At the sight of his cousin's face close to crumbling, his heart started to sink into his stomach. "Don't...". Speirs's voice trailed off quietly. His hand rubbed his chin and he then knelt in front of Nelly. "Don't cry because of me, kid...I...". Speirs's hand rubbed at his forehead. "I'm not worth that".
Bottom lip quivering, she shook her head. "You are...". Nelly argued. "And...and so much more".
A puff of air left his mouth and a hand hovered by his eyes.
"You...you just appeared into my life...like magic". Nelly whispered tearfully. "I never wished for family...I just...I just wanted someone...someone that loved me". She said, "And there's this dark bit in me and...and you help".
Speirs exhaled. And felt a lone tear escape from his eyes.
Nelly swallowed down the lump in her throat. "You feel bad now...but you'll feel better. And I'm going to heal your heart...because you heal mine".
Clearing his throat, Speirs sent his cousin a nod. Rubbing his eyes, he then opened his arms and said to her, "Come here, kid".
Nelly gladly accepted the hug – she liked hugs. Face pressed below his shoulder; Nelly wrapped her arms around him tightly. And he held her back. Speirs pressed a ghost of a kiss on the top of Nelly's head before he rested his chin atop her short curls. She pictured this dark cloud hanging over her cousin's head, constantly following him around. Nelly didn't think she could move that cloud away, but she'd try to brighten it for him. Nelly knew the feelings of guilt and regret all too well. Survival was a powerful feeling and men would do just about anything to live another day.
Maybe Speirs didn't have to kill him.
Maybe he did.
Nelly wouldn't question anything. She knew her cousin was a good guy and a fine leader. Her arms tightened around him, and her eyes closed with a pinched frown. Nelly just wanted him to know that he wasn't alone. She wanted him to know that she was on his side. And she wouldn't judge him in any way. Because Nelly knew despair. She had seen so much despair. And the thought of Speirs having those feelings of despair broke her heart.
"You looked after people's money before the war". Nelly said quietly, "And now...you look after your men".
A tiny smile met Speirs's lips. "I doubt I'll ever go back to finance".
Nelly sighed softly. "Yeah...". She mumbled, "I don't think I'll...look after cows again".
"You could do". He pointed out lightly.
"I've...been in war for so long, I...". Nelly's pinched frown softened.
Speirs's hold around Nelly tightened. "You won't be fighting forever, kid".
That frightened her a little. Nelly wasn't sure who'd she'd be without a fight. Because all of her life, she was fighting something. Her family, Father McDonald, Woodilee Hospital, SOE, jumping into Holland, Mauthausen. And now she was fighting as a Paratrooper. When it all ended, when there were no more wars to fight – well, Nelly feared that day.
The hug ended, and Speirs walked back to the centre of the city with Nelly and her friends.
...
After one week in Cherbourg, the men were soon trucked to a field camp near Utah Beach. Traffic was heavy on the road – it seemed all the allies were leaving Normandy. And the camp was very big. Nelly could see rows upon rows of tents and food stands. Nelly was the type of person who had to know where everything was before she could settle. But all the tents looked the same – large and green. Buck had a hold of Nelly's shoulder, worried he'd lose the girl among scores of men. The 506th had an area, therefore, 2nd Battalion and Easy Company had an area and Buck was awaiting orders. Nelly's eyes widened slightly when she saw a group of men crashing into one of the food stalls. They were clearly drunk. Upon seeing that, Buck involuntarily pulled Nelly back toward him.
It was like a circus. And the campgrounds were muddy and littered with bottles of beer and empty shells. Nelly's eyes continued to scan the area. She spotted the shower block, a Red Cross Centre and a theatre wall. Nelly assumed the majority of the tents were for sleeping. But she was missing one important place. "Where are the toilets?" Her friends had come to know, that the first query to tumble out of Nelly's mouth upon arriving at a new place was that question. "I only see tents...". She mumbled.
"We'll find them, just hold on". Buck told her.
Ten or so feet in front of them, a couple of drunken soldiers began to fight. But the fight didn't last long – one of the soldiers doubled over and started to puke. Nelly ended up shifting back to Buck, stopping when the top of her head thumped gently below his chest. "I don't like it here". She said quietly.
"Don't worry, sport". Buck assured her, "We'll get our own space just shortly".
The men who were already at the camp were set to leave tomorrow morning. And they were blowing off steam, releasing those nerves from combat by drinking a lot of alcohol. Just to the side of the 506th was a band and they were playing a song to welcome the soldiers to camp, only the band members were drunk and played sloppily. It seemed the unit's Officers didn't care what their men did – most of the Officers were too drunk to notice. Nelly thought getting lost in that forest was a more peaceful setting than the camp at Utah Beach. The camp was chaotic.
Someone pointed their rifle to the sky and shot.
The 506th flinched and almost hit the ground.
"What the fuck are these yahoos doing?!" Buck exclaimed.
Malarkey sighed and said sarcastically, "Resting".
"Resting my ass...". Buck remarked.
A stumbling soldier, singing badly out of key, walked right up to another drunken soldier and simply punched him. And then, another drunken soldier, upon seeing the fight, smashed a bottle over the other soldier's head. With two soldiers on the ground and bleeding, the bottle-smashing soldier raised his hands in victory.
Winters soon moved along toward Buck. And Buck looked at Winters, "Dick, it's like a damn circus here".
"No orders, too much booze and free time". Winters said, "I'm not sure where their Officers are".
Buck pointed toward a group of drunk Officers. "There they are...".
Winters said through a sigh, "Jesus Christ".
Nelly looked up at Malarkey. "Donnie...I want to leave".
"Me too, pal". Malarkey mumbled.
The two Officers cast a quick look toward Nelly and Malarkey before facing the field again. They weren't going anywhere, not until Winters had his orders to move his men. And they were stuck in the circus until boarding a ship back to England. Easy Company stood at the front of the 506th, basking in the camp's chaotic mess. A drunk soldier pulled a tent up from the ground, wrapped it around his front and started sprinting across the muddy grass with it.
"Oh my God...". Buck whispered. With an uneasy look in his eyes, he faced Winters. "I've 'gotta brave the storm for Nelly...she needs the bathroom".
As he said that, the man wearing the tent ran right by them.
Winters's eyes looked around the camp and he deliberately didn't look at the drunk disorderly men in the process. There was so much chaos. Winters shook his head. "Sure you don't 'wanna wait, Buck? It's like a battlefield out there".
"Is that a fire?" Malarkey questioned while he pointed at something glowing in the distance.
The two Officers followed his gesture.
Buck nodded. "That's a fire".
"Stay here". Winters decided. "Keep the men here, Buck. I need to figure out what's going on".
"You've got it, Chief". Buck complied.
Nelly's boot shifted against the mud, as her gut squirmed with unease. It was too much. Nelly had never been to a circus but after standing inside the camp for five minutes, Nelly decided she'd probably hate the circus – or anything similar. She couldn't handle all the noise. Nelly's hands covered her ears. The drunken men didn't laugh or talk, they roared like lions. The roars were angry, the drunk soldiers weren't a merry and happy bunch. Very slowly, Nelly's memories become the forefront of her mind. And soon, the roaring drunks reminded her of Mauthausen.
Nelly was reminded of a brutal night in Mauthausen where the camp Commandants drank a mass amount of alcohol. They were throwing a party. Nelly couldn't remember why but she did remember her entire barrack standing out in the freezing cold all night. She remembered a lot of men died, due to sick and disturbing games played out by the camp Commandants. They weren't allowed to sit, they had to stand. And they all had to witness terrible brutalities.
Her eyes glazed over with the memory. And it didn't help when the drunken soldiers began yelling and roaring in German. Nelly didn't want to have one of her "episodes". Although, she could start to feel her stomach churn with that strange nausea. Stepping away from Buck's hand on her shoulder, Nelly moved over to Malarkey and pressed her face against his chest. In return, Malarkey's arms went around her.
When Winters came back, he led his Company toward a section in the camp. Setting their gear inside tents, the men had a camping bed each. Nelly shared with Lesniewski. The men were soon offered a lukewarm shower and a hot meal. It felt incredible to wash off thirty-three days of combat, even if the water wasn't really warm and the soap wasn't soft. The roaring drunks were still around but orders were put in place. Apparently, the unit's Colonel had a breakdown in his tent – that's why his men went off the rails. Leaving the shower block, Nelly was met with the orange sky as the sun began to set. She could smell food being cooked. And it did nothing for her. Nelly's stomach was still in knots, acting as though she was still out on the line.
Walking toward the edge of camp, she peeked through the gaps between the fence and saw Utah Beach. The same beach she had wanted to reach when she got lost in Normandy. Nelly felt like an idiot for even coming up with that idea. Sitting in a holding pen not too far from her, were a group of German POWs. One of them was an officer, the other six were his men. The fence surrounding the camp was weak and Nelly easily pulled it up from the bottom, creating a tiny gap for her to crawl under. On the other side, Nelly stepped onto the sand and walked down a gentle slope toward the pen.
Upon reaching the pen, Nelly sat down in front of it and stared at the Officer, who, unlike his men, stood up with his hands behind his back. Whereas his men sat down, heads hung low, and morale completely gone. Neither of them said a word. Nelly sat in silence and simply looked at the prisoners. After a few minutes, the Germans stared back at her. And the Officer sat down to face Nelly. Then she did something that was probably a stupid idea. Nelly began unwrapping the bandage off her forearm, where she showed the Officer the tattoo on her arm.
"Ich war funfzehn". Nelly quietly told the Officer how old she was when imprisoned.
And she was shocked to find tears filling his eyes. Nelly nodded faintly and then wrapped the bandage back around her forearm. The Officer whispered in English, "Why?"
"Were you at those camps?" Nelly asked.
His head shook faintly. "I was...killing Russians with my men".
"You know about the camps?"
"You would have to be...blind not to know". He said with a soft sniff.
Nelly huffed quietly and said, "Churchill knows".
"Yes". He whispered. "They all know".
She looked up at him. "Pretend you don't know". Reaching into her pocket, Nelly brought out a packet of cigarettes and pushed them through a tiny gap in the fence. She saw a small smile meet the Officers face and his men's eyes brightened at the sight of cigarettes. Like any good leader, the man shared the cigarettes with his men. "It's been...a long war for us, sir".
Eyes softening with sadness, he nodded.
Pulling off her boots and socks, Nelly rose to her feet and walked along the sand. The sand was rough against her bare feet, her soles rubbed against the grains and small rocks. Gentle waves were there to greet her feet and soothe them. Nelly stood at the shore, allowing cold seawater to blanket her skin. It had been a long war for them, and she didn't want it to end. If the war ended, Nelly didn't know where she'd be, or who she'd be. It was nice to picture herself in a cottage, growing old and dying peacefully in her sleep. But Nelly missed an important part of that vision – she had to go through the rest of her life to reach a peaceful death. And Nelly didn't want to.
Nelly didn't want to go through the rest of her life, to reach herself as an old lady.
Because life had been tough for Nelly so far.
What if it got harder?