Rational Equation
by
Owlcroft

The morning had started off normally, or what passed for normally in the Juice household. Breakfast was over and Lydia was established in her tiny office behind the shop, next to the barely-larger kitchen. Beetlejuice was examining the contents of the pantry, making a gross-ery list. Then there came a call on the Yella-phone.

"Yeah, hello," Lydia heard her husband answer it in the kitchen. There was a lengthy silence after that and she started to relax, knowing the call wasn't for her. Then . . .

"What?!" After a short pause, again, "What?!"

Rising from behind her desk, Lydia went to the door of the kitchen and saw Beetlejuice clutching at his hair with one hand and holding the receiver a foot in front of him as he yelled, "Don't do anything! I'll be right there!" He hung up, turned to see her, and said distractedly, "Something's come up. I have to go. Tell you about it when I get back, okay?"

Lydia nodded and said only, "Can I help?"

"No, it's something . . . unexpected. Something . . ." He drew her to him and kissed her. "I'll tell you about it later. I promise, I'll tell you everything." He looked at her, distress plain to read in his expression. "I promise," he said again and vanished.

ooooo

Since Beetlejuice didn't return by lunch-time, Lydia indulged herself with a green salad. Her husband didn't mind her meal preferences, but there were some he'd rather not have to see. Business was slow at Scarabée that day, and Lydia was glad to have a chance to catch up on some designs she'd set aside to be finalized when she had the time. But by three in the afternoon, she was beginning to worry at not even hearing from Beetlejuice.

When a knock came at the back door, she hurried to answer it, hoping for some news at least. But she found only an attractive ghoul carrying a large wooden-handled wicker basket, holding a piece of linen to her face and weeping into it.

"Can I . . . help you?" asked Lydia.

The teary ghoul sobbed once, then handed the large basket to Lydia. "It's not fair to you, I know," she wept even as she was speaking, "but then nothing is ever fair. I just can't keep her any longer." She cried even harder, then forced out, "Tell Beetlejuice . . . tell him . . . tell him Midge is his." She buried her face in the linen square and whispered, "Never trust a ghost!" and fled down the alley.

Lydia stood in astonishment, wondering what had just happened when, to her further astonishment, a faint wail came from inside the basket and she opened the handles to peer inside at a tiny infant with distinctive pointed ears.

ooooo

Lydia spent the rest of the afternoon watching over the baby, trying to think and succeeding only in feeling. Fortunately, there were spare diapers and packages of formula tucked into the basket with the blankets and toys. The infant was no trouble, spending most of the time asleep, leaving Lydia to sit in anguished confusion, hurting so much that, at times, she found it hard to breathe.

Finally, she heard the familiar sound of Beetlejuice appearing. He had naturally gone to her office, but she was keeping the baby in the kitchen. "Lyds?" he called.

Lydia tried to answer him but her voice failed.

Beetlejuice peeked into the kitchen and sighed when he saw her. "Why are you sitting in here in the dark, babes?" He flicked on the light and then caught sight of the basket and the baby inside. He froze for a moment, then shut his eyes, shoulders slumping. "I should have thought of that. She came here."

"Beej," Lydia had to clear her throat, then tried again. Her heart had lifted at the sight of him and she realized that her love for him hadn't been breached after all. "Beej, someone I'd never seen before brought this baby to you. She said Midge is yours. Tell me . . . please, tell me she's not . . . that you didn't . . ."

"Lydia." He went to his knees in front of her. "What are you saying? That you think I . . . that I cheated on you? Had sex with somebody and she got pregnant? Lyds!" He took hold of her hands and pressed his forehead against them. "Is that what you think?"

"I'll believe you, Beej, I swear I will. Just, please, tell me," she whispered. "Tell me this isn't your baby."

He stared at her in anxious fear. "It is not . . . my . . . baby! Dearest!" and she fell into his arms, weeping with relief and love.

ooooo

Baby Midge had been changed and fed again and was once more sleeping soundly. Lydia was nestled on her husband's lap, emotionally worn out but entirely happy. Beetlejuice was relieved, exhausted, and utterly content.

"You believed me," he whispered. "You're the only one who ever believed me, who always believed me. Heart's treasure," and he kissed her hair.

Lydia snuggled against him a little more solidly. "I had to. I love you. Loving someone means trusting them absolutely, having faith in them. I do, my darling. I have faith in your love for me and I should have realized it long before you came home." She looked up at him, smiling ruefully. "I sat here for more than an hour, suffering, because I couldn't think straight. I couldn't . . . I don't know, get past the shock, I guess. When I saw you, I knew it couldn't be true and that everything would be all right again. I knew you would never hurt me like that. Oh, Beej. I caused myself so much misery by not being able to just think."

"Sometimes you hurt too much to think," he murmured. "A couple of years ago, when I found that test stick and thought you were pregnant, I couldn't think either. The pain in your heart won't let your brain work, maybe."

She sighed quietly. "So whose baby is it and what do we do with her?"

Beetlejuice looked over at the basket and sighed himself. "The phone call was from Ma, telling me Donny wanted to marry someone who'd had his baby."

"Donny! That explains the ears." Lydia shook her head. "But Donny?"

"Yeah, I know. Last person you'd think of, right? Turns out he's asked her to marry him for months now but she won't and today she disappeared with the baby. Donny was frantic and Ma wanted me to find her and the baby for him. So I found her and she and Donny talked for a long time, but then she left and wouldn't say where the baby was and she still won't marry him. Even her family can't talk her into it."

"But why? Especially now there's a child. Okay, Donny . . . he's certainly not everybody's cup of tea, but she did care enough to have his baby, so why not marry him?"

"Well, there's another guy in the picture, somebody she was involved with at the same time as Donny. The baby's Donny's, there's no doubt about that, but it sounds like she's torn between him, as the father of her baby, and the other guy who doesn't want to marry her but keeps her from committing to anyone else." Beetlejuice leaned his head on his wife's and rubbed his cheek on her hair. "It's something she and Donny have to work out between them and it's really nobody else's business. It's sure not my business anyway. I think we ought to just leave them to figure out what they want, but Lyds, we can't keep their baby."

"No, of course not. Poor little thing. And poor Donny, I guess." Lydia thought for a few moments. "Why didn't any of your family know about the baby before? Donny didn't tell them because he wanted to be married first?"

"Yeah, it's all about reputation with them. You can't have an unwed mother hanging around or the neighbors might talk." He rolled his eyes and huffed. "Some people!"

"But why would she rather you raise Midge than your brother? Is it just because we're married or because she thinks Donny would be a bad father or –" Beetlejuice's snort of amusement stopped her temporarily. "But why, Beej?"

He shook his head. "The other guy doesn't want the baby and seems to be jealous of Donny. Yeah, I know," he said in response to her look of surprise. "Goofy, huh? So I guess she figured we were the best alternative – we're the baby's relatives, a married couple, without kids of our own. Yet." He kissed her hair again. "She needs to figure out what she's going to do. It's her problem and she kind of caused it all anyway. But the baby – Midge? She goes to Ma right now. Ma got me into this, she can handle it from now on. As far as I'm concerned my family has caused us enough trouble for one day."

Lydia nuzzled the side of his neck. "Midge is really adorable. Of course she would be, with the family ears." She grinned at her husband and ran a finger along one of his adorable ears. "She makes me think about what ours will look like. In a few more years."

"When you're ready, my heart," he said. "And any baby you have will be more than adorable." Then he hugged her a little tighter and said softly, "Thank you. For believing me."

"It's simple arithmetic, you know." She kissed him. "Trust plus faith equals belief, and I will always believe in your love."