Disclaimer, or whatever this should be
None of these characters belong to me.
Except for Starseeker.
Duh. You should know that.
The Animorphs belong to K. A. Applegate.
The Celebrity Deathmatch people belong to MTV.
I don't want to get flamed either, so I'll say right now that if you don't like parodies then don't read this!!! You want a dark fic from me then read either 'One Star, One Tear,' or 'The Decision.'
Okay, you can read the story now.
What, you're still stuck on this?
You're getting annoying...
*Takes out a gun* GET TO THE STORY!!!
~~~~
The Insanity 2: Animorphs Deathmatch!
The Animorphs couples were waiting backstage inside the Celebrity Deathmatch arena. Jake and Cassie against Rachel and Tobias.
"We're going to kick their asses," Rachel said to herself, revving up for the fight.
"And now on to the main event!" A loud voice boomed. She grabbed her hawk boyfriend and ran onto the stage. "You've read the books, you've seen the TV show, now see them beat each other senseless! The Animorphs couples fighting each other! In one corner, Jake, the leader, and his girlfriend Cassie. In the other corner, the resident hawk -Tobias- and his partner Rachel."
The Animorphs waved at the raging crowd and waited for their cue to fight. They had a special referee to be announced.
"And here comes the cameo referee, Marco, of the Animorphs!"
"Alright," Marco said. "You know the rules. Don't you? Okay then. Let's get it on!" The bell rang just as Rachel started to morph. Tobias sat perched on a rafter in the ceiling of the arena, out of harm's way.
"You're going down, Rachel!" Jake shouted.
"Not if hrrrm!"
"Huh?" Everyone asked simultaneously.
I said, not if you go first! Rachel was almost completely...what? She was morphing a goose!
"Rachel, there's not much a goose can do! You don't even have a damn goose morph!" Cassie snapped.
"Huh? What can't a goose do?"
"You're supposed to use thought-speech, moron," Marco told her. "Penalty of five points."
You don't get points here, Marco, Tobias said from the safely of the ceiling.
"Come down right now, Tobias!"
Can't...stuck to ceiling...ceiling won't let go... Shit! AAAHH! He shouted as the ceiling suddenly let go of him and he tumbled down towards the stage. He hit his head on one of the posts, making a loud 'BONK!' noise.
Tobias! Rachel cried and she flapped over to him. Then she began to demorph because she decided that geese suck. "Tobias, are you okay?"
"He's no worse than you're about to be!" Jake said, hitting her over the head with a chair.
"Jakey, where'd you get the chair?" Cassie asked.
"The nice man with the gun gave it to me." He told her. Tobias flew over to the nice man with the gun and took it from him. He then morphed to human and pointed the gun at Jake. He pulled the trigger and...
"Oh my God, you killed Kenny!"
"You bastards!"
"Bad aim, bird-boy." Jake sneered. Tobias fired again. This time...
"QUAAAACK!" Elvis the rubber duck squeaked before he died.
"You killed him! You killled Elvis the rubber duck!" Cassie cried.
"You spelled 'killed' wrong Cassie." Rachel said. Her head had been twisted to the side and she had a big bump on it, but she stood up and grabbed Cassie by the feet. She swung Cassie around and around, going faster and faster. She held the swinging Cassie up above her head, while everyone wondered how she could swing a person for so long.
Then Rachel let go of Cassie's feet and she flew into a truck of horse manure.
"Since you like animal poop so much, why not?" Rachel joked as she turned around and looked at Jake. Tobias was still unconscious from...something. Rachel took the gun from him and shot at Jake. She missed by inches.
"Hey, that's a little touchy isn't it? I mean, can't we just be friends again?" Jake pleaded. Rachel laughed.
"That's bullshit and you know it."
"Can I ask you something? Tobias said, waking up. "Why are we fighting in the first place?" They all looked at each other and shrugged.
"Because it's a chance to get on TV!" Jake told the once-bird-boy.
"Oh. Okay then." Tobias grabbed the chair that Jake had gotten and hit Jake with it. "Hee-YA!" He shouted as the chair hit Jake on the head. Nothing happened. Except for a loud 'clunk' noise.
"I said, hee-YA!" Tobias tried again. Jake didn't appear to be hurt.
"Damn! You're pretty hard-headed!" Rachel said in awe. Jake punched Tobias in the face, breaking his nose. Rachel got mad and pointed the gun back at Jake.
"Just..." A shot, hitting Jake in the stomach! "Fucking..." Another, right in the chest. "Die!" She fired the last bullet, hitting Jake in the heart. She kept clicking the gun until she realized that (a) Jake was dead. And (b) she had no more bullets left.
"The winners are Rachel and Tobias!" Marco said as the couple threw up their arms.
Rachel threw the gun, unconsciously hitting Cassie -who was now covered in manure- and waking the girl up.
Cassie silently walked up behind Rachel and Tobias.
"Hey, Toby? What's that rotten smell?"
"It smells like..." They both looked at each other.
"Manure!" They turned around and stared at Cassie.
"Time to take a nap!" Cassie said. But now she was wearing a pink bunny mask and holding a blinking wand. Rachel and Tobias stared at her. Cassie looked at the mask and the wand.
"Oops, wrong thing." The bunny mask was replaced by a hockey mask, and the wand replaced by a chainsaw.
"Timber!" She shouted as she swung the chainsaw at Tobias. But she missed. Even better, the chainsaw wasn't working. She checked the chain and looked around. Rachel saw that she had switched it to off and she carefully turned it on, and chopped Cassie's hand off with it.
Cassie, in her surprise, threw the chainsaw. It ended up hitting Brooke Nevin, the actress who plays Rachel in the Animorphs TV show.
"Wrong Rachel dumass!" Rachel said to Cassie. But then Cassie did something unexpected: she began to morph! (Oh yeah right, really unexpected!) Human features began to disappear and she morphed into a... bomb.
"A bomb?!" Rachel and Tobias screamed together. They began to run for the door. Tobias, afraid for his life, pushed ahead of Rachel. Then Rachel grabbed Tobias's arm and pulled him to the ground.
"If I go down, you go with me!" She shouted.
"Evacuate the building!" The announcer guy yelled. Everyone, afraid for their lives, trampled Rachel and Tobias on their way out the door. Soon enough, Rachel and Tobias were flat as pancakes.
"This...bites..." Rachel said. Those were her last words. Cassie never had time to demorph. She exploded approximately 5.6 seconds after she morphed.
THE END
What about me? Ax asked, but the credits were already rolling.
NO GEESE WERE HURT IN THE MAKING OF THIS FAN FICTION.
****
Starseeker sat at her computer, laughing maniacally. She laughed and laughed, even as the guys...what were their names again? Oh yeah, they were the- damn! She forgot again! The white people, as Starseeker called them, put her in a straightjacket and walked her to the white van parked outside her house. She laughed the whole way.
The end.