WARNING: DISCLAIMER ALERT! DISCLAIMER ALERT!
Yeah, yeah, you know the deal. Don't ya? Animorphs don't belong to me, they belong to K. A. Applegate and Scholastic. The beginning has a little thing out of the show The Outer Limits. Yadda yadda yadda... Now, the moment you've all been waiting for! Welcome to-
**Computer screen turns black. An eerily familiar voice is heard.**
"There is nothing wrong with your computer... Do not attempt to adjust your screen... We are controlling the transmission... Yahahahahahahaha!"
**Screen turns purple, then blue, then green, then orange.**
"Hey! Something's wrong with the effects!"
"Okay, kill the lights!"
**Computer screen returns to normal**
"Now, as I was saying... Uh, what comes next?"
"I dunno, you're the one who turned off Outer Limits before the thing was over."
"Jeez, touchy, touchy... Anywho, you all know me by now. It is I, the great and fabulous-"
"Excuse me, dot girl?"
"Okay, it is I, the...uh, weird...yeah, the weird girl known as Starseeker! Yahahahahahahaha!"
"Don't you mean 'Bwahaha' or 'Mwahaha?'"
"I find 'Yahaha' more sinister."
"I think it makes you sound like a deranged pirate on drugs."
"Thanks!"
"Grrrrr...just get on with it!"
"You're only mad because you can't put me down!"
"Yo mama!"
"You're my brother, you idiot!"
"D'oh!"
"A-HEM! Now, as I was saying...
There is nothing wrong with your computer... Do not attempt to adjust your screen... We are controlling the transmission..."
"You said that already."
"Shut up!
----
DON'T BE ALARMED! YOU ARE ABOUT TO ENTER UNEXPLORED AND UNCHARTED...
are those synonyms?
YOU'RE ABOUT TO ENTER THE UNEXPLORED AND UNCHARTED REGIONS OF STARSEEKER'S CHAOTIC MIND. JUST A WARNING. BE ALARMED IF YOU WANT. IN FACT, I'D ADVISE GREATLY FOR YOU TO BE ALARMED.MAYBE PETRIFIED WOULD BE A BETTER WORD.
ANY INSANITY RESULTING IN READING THIS WILL NOT BE HANDLED BY STARSEEKER OR HERSELF. FOR SAFETY REASONS, YOU MUST SIGN THE FOLLOWING:
I, ___________________, agree to the above terms that forbid suing Starseeker for copyright infringement since she has a disclaimer and I won't sue her for the loss of my sanity.
__________________________
(Sign here---yes, write on the computer screen! DO WHAT I SAY OR BE DOOMED TO A LIFE OF ETERNAL CHIPMUNK DISTRESS SYNDROME!)
Good. Now you have passed all the tests required to enter...
"Hey, that wasn't what we planned!"
**Starseeker kills her brother**
"Yahahahahahahaha!"
The Insanity 6:
Lookie, Ma! A Classic Cliché!
Please read the note at the bottom...
----
Starseeker stood in the middle of her bedroom, staring out the window. She was in one of her moody moods. She just sat there, staring. Then she got an idea.
"I'll get him for sure this time!" She stopped when she heard a small panting from outside.
"Is there a dog outside the door?" She asked, recognizing the familiar breathing of her youngest dog. She opened the door to find not one doggie but 6. A wolf, a golden retriever, a poodle, another wolf, another wolf, and a bird.
You Starseeker?
"Yuh huh. Who wants ta know?"
We do! Why else would we have asked?
"Oh, duh, silly me."
Are you sure you mean 'silly?' Stupid fits the description more accurately.
"Aye! Respect my authoritah!"
"I must remind you, miss, that Ah have a copyright on that," Cartman said, stealing the words from Starseeker's mouth.
"Sonuvabitch!"
Now that we're out of the insanity...
"WRONG! You're in The Insanity! 6!"
6?
6!
6?!
24!
Huh?
"Huh?"
Huh?
Trying to make it interesting...
"Poorly." They all demorphed into their normal yet not-so-in-the-norm selves.
"Hey...Star? When're you going to finish those Dimension Chronicles?" Marco asked.
"Dunno. Why?"
"Because I want to give away the ending."
"DON'T YOU DARE! It's my story and I don't want you ruining the plot or I WILL kill you off in my next story! So get off the subject!" The crew started walking backwards away from the mentally ill Starseeker. "Why are you here anyways?"
"To take you to Animorph land."
"I am not going back to Ani-Land! I've got work to do!"
"Like what?"
"Like...uh...my stories!"
"ANIMORPH fics?!"
"No! I'm doing my first Buffy fic, my first South park fic, a Sliders crossover with..." She stopped to think. "First Wave! And I'm doing 3 Zelda fics, a Farscape story, and a few of the Dimension Chronicles. Then I'm doing 11 original stories -including one that's over 70 pages long already. My Millennia Project... Plus, countless works of poetic masterpiece."
"THAT'S an overstatement if I ever heard one!"
"You have time on your hands, huh?"
"Too much."
"Social life?"
"Barely."
"Boyfriend?" Marco asked. She looked over at Tobias and grinned evilly.
"Not yet," She said. Tobias backed away carefully.
"I'm...uh, going to go now..." And he vanished into thin air.
"Wait! Come back!" Starseeker cried.
"He's mine," Rachel said. They argued for a while on who Tobias should be with.
"You're only a book character!" Starseeker shouted.
"So is he!"
"Good point."
"That's enough! You're coming with us!" Jake and Marco grabbed Starseeker by the arms and they all went back to Animorphs land.
----
Starseeker and the Animorphs walked around, while Starseeker hummed the 'Zelda's Lullaby' song from Zelda 64.
"WOULD YOU SHUT UP!" Marco suddenly shouted.
"HEY! Do not insult Zelda! Zelda RULES! Zelda is the best RPG game ever invented! NO ONE disses Zelda while I'M around! Well, now what?" Starseeker asked.
"I don't know. What're you doing here?" Marco asked.
"You're the ones who brought me here!"
"It was the BFFACC!" Jake suddenly yelled, scaring the poor chipmunk out of its wits. "Sorry Super-Duper Chipmunk Man!" He then apologized.
"Where are Cassie and Ax?" Rachel then asked. Suddenly, Cassie and Ax entered.
"Enter stage left," Cassie said.
"Enter stage backwards," Ax added.
"No way! Ax has a sense of humor!"
"He's also a human!"
"No way!" The all cried at once, looking at each other in that oh-so-overused way. Starseeker took the moment to slip away and go find Tobias.
"Oh Tobyyyyy!" She called, looking all through the forest. But she soon found herself lost.
"Hello, little girl," Someone said from behind her. She turned around to see a wolf.
"LITTLE?! Did you call me LITTLE?! I'm taller than you!"
"What do you have in that picnic basket?" The wolf asked.
"Huh? Oh, you want Little Red Riding Hood. She's the next creepy looking dark forest over.
"Thanks! Sorry for the mistake!" And the wolf was gone. But then a weird looking witch appeared out of nowhere.
"EEE hee hee hee hee!" The witch cackled. Starseeker suddenly began singing songs from 'The Wizard of Oz.'
"I'll get you my pretty. And your little dog, too! EEE hee hee hee hee!"
"Uh, the yellow brick road's that way," Starseeker said, stopping in mid-song and pointing behind her. The witch flew away on her magic dustpan and was never seen again.
"I'll just...go back home how..." And with a little tap dance and a soda can in her hand, she disappeared from Ani-Land.
----
The Animorphs were back in the middle of the street.
"This doesn't seem right...everything's different than it should be," Tobias mumbled. A group of 5 teenagers started running towards them.
"NOOO! Not the Ani-TV characters!" Marco cried.
"RUN FOR YOUR LIVES!" And they did. They conveniently ended up near their Cassie's barn.
"How come we always end up at the barn?" Cassie asked. Jake shrugged and said,
"It's the order of the great and fabulous K. A. Applegate."
"Yeah, but this is a fan fiction."
"You sure?"
"No."
"Okay then. Fine with me." Suddenly an army of 103648.3 Hork-Bajirs popped into the barn. Cassie was surprised that they could all fit.
"Gee, this place's roomier than I thought!" About half of them disappeared and Visser Three stepped forward.
Ah, the And-
"Hold it right there!" Someone said from the doorway. She had long, silver hair and matching eyes. She held guns in both hands and more at the belt around her waist.
Good Lord! No! It's the only one in the galaxy who can ever defeat me!
"It's," The Animorphs all looked at each other and gasped. "Bweiyfeur!"
"The newest Animorph with every single morph in the galaxy! She can stay in morph for as long as she wants and she knows everything about us! She can instantly stop the entire war!" Rachel gasped. "My hero!" Bweiyfeur took that moment to disappear and was replaced by a whole group of new Animorphs.
"The Othermorphs! (I made that series up about 3 years ago. It was stupid, I know. Pointless, yes. But it was funny because I killed them all in the end. Heh heh heh...)" Cassie cried with delight.
"That's right," Jason shouted. "We're here and we're ready to-"
I killed you, remember? Visser Three asked Jason.
"Oh. Yeah. Right. Bye now," He said before jumping head first into a plot hole.
Jason go bye-bye now, The Visser said, laughing at his stupid joke.
"Oh Tobias! I-" Rachel said before Starseeker appeared.
"Aww, no! No sappy romance fics allowed!"
"But-" Tobias began.
"Ap up up up up!" All of the Animorphs looked up.
"There's nothing up there," One of the new Hork-Bajir seers, Heh-Didlog, said.
"But-" Rachel objected.
"ZIP IT!" Visser Three put his pinky finger up to his invisible mouth and said,
One mil-ee-on dollars! Mini-Three! Get over here!
"Uh, he quit if yers bees fergettin'." A weird stage person said.
Oooh, scandalous! The Visser said, acting like one of those Ashley girls from Recess.
"He's having an identity crisis! Quick, throw him into the wormhole!" Marco said as a blue portal opened and the theme from 'Sliders' began. (I like the show! So sue me. No, not LITERALLY!) They also shoved the four Sliders back in and the portal closed with them and the Visser in it. The Sliders theme immediately cut off.
"Oh, and I LIKED that too!" Marco whined.
"Uh...Marco?" Rachel pointed at his backpack. There was a huge, gigantic bug on it.
"Oh! Oh! Get it OFF! GET! IT! OFF! YAAAH!" Cartman came in and hit it with a big twig.
"Bad bug! That's a bad bug!" Then he and the bug disappeared into a plot hole and would never be seen again.
"Oh my God! They killed-"
"Haven't we already been through this?"
"Yeah! This is a low-budget production! I'm out of here!"
"Let's go back to Comedy Central where we get PAID to work!"
"Well, this is fun," Starseeker mumbled before disappearing to leave the Animorphs to their daily antics.
----
"Tobias! Tobias! Tobias!" Rachel shouted.
What? Tobias asked.
"Not now, Tobias! I'm trying to find Tobias!"
I'm right here!
"Oh, you're right there!"
Yeah!
"Yeah!"
Okay then...
"Okay-uh, well, meeting at Cassie's! Meeting at Cassie's! Meeting at Cassie's! Meeting at Cassie's! Meeting at-"
I GET IT ALREADY! Sheesh! Rachel started to cry.
"You hurt my feelings! WAAAAAH!"
Aw, I'm sorry Rach! Is there anything I can do?
"Uh-huh. Morph to human." He did. "Come here." He did. She knocked him over the head with a mallet that was conveniently placed in her back pocket for just such an occasion. She planned for him to be out cold for about 2 hours. "Perfect! Now, stay that way for 2 hours..."
2 hours later...
Tobias woke up. He looked at Rachel. "How long have I been knocked out?"
"2 hours and five minutes."
"YAAAAH! Now I'll be stuck as a human forever!" But then Bweiyfeur showed up again and gave Tobias the power to morph from his human self. He and Rachel immediately started making out, with Starseeker not there to stop them.
After they were done about 2 hours later, Tobias jumped up.
"Oh, I'm so glad that I hit you with a mallet so you'd stay in human morph forever and be with me!" Rachel said, jumping around.
"WHAT?! You mean you...oh, screw you! I love Bweiyfeur better!" And she appeared. She took Tobias's hand and they both disappeared, whispering vows of love to each other. Rachel, desperate for someone, grabbed Marco and started kissing him.
"Classic soap opera..." Jake mumbled. Just then Cassie and Ax (who was in human morph) walked up. Ax's hand was around Cassie's waist.
"Uh...Jake? I think we should see other people." Then she and Ax walked away. But then Ax came back and yelled,
"I AM NOT A FRIGGIN ANIMORPH, OKAY?!?!?!?!?!"
"Ax? Exit stage left, remember?"
"Just exit stage left...stage left...therapy is working!"
"So now what do I do?" Jake asked himself. Melissa Chapman walked up.
"Hi Jake. You gave me the power to morph and I freed Tom, my dad, and Marco's mom, remember? I also found Tobias's mom and brought Rachel's parents back together." He and Melissa walked off together.
Starseeker took that moment to walk in and check on her characters. She saw Marco and Rachel together planning a trip to Hawaii, Ax and Cassie talking about who-knows-what, and Jake with Melissa discussing which was the cutest couple.
"No, it's got to be us!" Melissa objected Jake's claim of him and Cassie. Starseeker walked over and knocked Jake on the head.
"Get over her! She's over there with Alien-Boy, can't you see?!" Jake trembled at the omnipotent fan fic powers of the author. Of course, Starseeker's powers were being held for questioning in the murder of Elvis the rubber duck. But she didn't tell him that...
"Where's Tobias?" Melissa asked.
"He's with that other alien. The one with the silver hair. You know, the one who can do absolutely anything and everything because she's so perfect and has every kind of magic power in the world and she's immortal? What's her name?"
"Bweiyfeur." Simply at the mention of the alien's name, applause was heard. Rachel, full of anger, walked over and dropped Bweiyfeur into a plot cage forever. She could never be in another story unless it was a cliche, a parody, a self-insertion, or an absurdist fic. Bweiyfeur screamed and begged for mercy. Tobias immediately forgot about the alien and went back to Rachel. After a while of declaring their love for each other, Rachel stole Marco's plane ticket to Hawaii and gave it to Tobias.
Marco and Tobias started fighting. Tobias grabbed a mallet from Rachel and bashed Marco on the head about 5 times.
"Mommy...I don't wanna go to school!" Marco moaned before showing a now-toothless grin as those little cartoony stars twirled around his head. He fell into a trench in the ground that was exactly his shape. "I take nappy-wappy now. Where Mr. Bunny?"
Rachel rejoiced. She ran around like an idiot until she hit the side of a building that had conveniently appeared. "Oopsy-woopsy. I sleep." Then she collapsed and started snoring.
"Rachel!" Tobias cried with abundance of drama. "Oh, I'm sorry! My sleeping beauty, I shalt givest thou a kisseth and we shalt liveth happily-eth ever after-eth." He kissed her.
"Prince Charming! I mean, Tobias!" Tobias dropped her.
"Who's prince Charming?" He asked.
"We're just friends. I swear!"
"Okay!" Tobias carried Rachel to a scary looking castle where they would live happily ever after...eth. Starseeker laughed at the scenes. Marco was sleeping on the ground, Rachel and Tobias were in the freaky castle, Ax and Cassie were...nowhere to be seen. Jake and Melissa had disappeared too.
"Everyone's gone nuts!" Starseeker said, throwing up her arms. "Well, guess my job's done then." And so she left, contemplating more fan fiction stories. "Oh, this'll be good...heh heh..."
The...End...?
"You will feel my wrath!"
"Marco, shut up."
NOTE!!!
Yes, I am hyper. What do you expect? I just had 2 Mountain Dews, 2 packs 'o Skittles, and somethin' else that I can't remember...well, I hope it wasn't as...demented as number 5. But I also hope that it was funny. Mail comments, pleas to be in the next Insanity story, threats, messages, anything else...send it all to Starseeker__1@hotmail.com okay?
Oh yeah...
I just want to say now that this will probably be my last parody...I'm running out of ideas because I was going to do a self-insertion thing and then a war...but D. M. P. got to it first. So I'm a slow writer, no big deal! Well, this'll be the last Insanity story unless I get reviews with people begging me to write another one. So this is probably my resignation from parodies...and sorry that it really has no plot at all.