Chapter 3: Empty

After that, Xehanort felt Empty. Like he was going through the motions, eating whatever his captors were giving him, yes, but it felt robotic. Vain. Empty.

Xehanort expected to be friends with Eraqus forever. Maybe when one of them would die, the other would be able to say lovely words about them, and commemorate their journey to Kingdom Hearts. He'd sometimes hoped they would both die in a blaze of glory, sacrificing their lives to save the worlds. But never, in a million years did he expect that he would be the one to cause Eraqus to die. The one who would swing his blade. End his life.

They would all would come in every now and then, and make sure Xehanort was doing reasonably well with himself. Terra in particular looked like he wanted to speak sometimes, with his mouth open, ready to speak, but yet no sound. Xehanort began to think that Terra was ready to start blaming Xehanort, start calling him so many names, but decided that he wanted to be nice, wanted to not add to his burden. But Xehanort knew that one of these days, Terra would speak, and a rush of anger and hate that he deserved would be laid onto him. Xehanort didn't believe that it was enough, not for him, and definitely not for Eraqus. He couldn't live with himself. But he doubted Eraqus would have wanted to be with his Killer too.

And that day where Terra spoke came faster than he could have ever imagined.

Terra opened his mouth, but this time, a sound came out. "Xehanort, I'm sorry."

Xehanort's eyes opened and he turned to stare at Terra. "Wha-?"

"I can't believe he's gone either. I still blame myself for his death. If I would have ran away instead of fighting him, maybe, just maybe, he could have fended off Master Xehanort. Maybe if I had gone down, this wouldn't have happened. I can't imagine how it must be to find out that sometime in your future, you would have killed your best friend."

Xehanort sighed. "Yeah, and I did, and nothing can bring him back. Not any method that Eraqus would have wanted me too. But WHY! I killed him! And for what? Why would I kill my only other friend in the universe, huh? I must have been a sad sad person, isn't that right? Tell me! Tell me that you hate me! Tell me that it's all my fault, 'cause it is! And tell me how you're just here to finally tell me that you can't STAND to be around me!" Xehanort panted.

Terra looked down in shame. "Xehanort, I forgive you. The others might not, but you, you're different. I know what you were really like, what you grew to be before this all happened. You took over my heart and body. I know what the old you would have done. He would have gloated about it. Even the Young Xehanort brought to serve in the Real Organization would have gloated. You haven't done anything to me, to us to anyone. Only the future you have. You aren't the old man."

Xehanort sobbed. "B-b-but I killed Eraqus! How could you forgive me?"

Terra shook his head. "Well, if you, the one who has done nothing wrong don't deserve forgiveness, then neither do I, and still they forgive me. Master Eraqus, in his last moments, wanted nothing but to make sure I would protect my friends. He forgave you, the old you, and you both ascended to Kingdom Hearts, together."

Xehanort could only gaze in shock. "Eraqus forgave that MONSTER? Heh. I'm not surprised. Eraqus could never hold a grudge."

Terra smiled. "I'm glad he could make you smile."

But at that moment, Aqua barged in. And he began to feel empty once again.

"Terra! Are you alright?"

Terra turned to face her. "Yeah, why wouldn't I be?"

"Didn't you hear the alarms? Someone's attacking the tower!"

Xehanort looked at Aqua. "What do you mean someone's attacking the tower? What tower?"

Aqua raised her eyebrow at him. "What, you don't know we're in Yen Sid's tower?"

Xehanort mouthed the syllables. "Yen Sid's tower? Never been here. Well, I mean except now. This is the only time I've been here."

Aqua looked away. "Anyway, Terra, have you gotten any headway? If not, we gotta take him to the Land of Departure. Yen Sid says that he doesn't want Xehanort to be captured with all his valuable info."

Terra shook his head. "He's just been mourning Master Eraqus."

Aqua did a double take on that. "Mourning… Master Eraqus? When he killed him? Does he actually feel remorse for what he did?"

Terra nodded his head. "What his future self did. I'm more responsib—"

"NO! It wasn't your fault, Xehanort goaded you into doing that." Aqua pointed to Xehanort. "He's been telling you that isn't he? That you're responsible, and he's not?"

That made him feel more empty because he probably had been. Corrupting everything he touched, made people doubt that they were good, and he was bad. But Xehanort knew better, and it made him feel so much more empty. Xehanort shook his head. "Maybe him being around me is bad for him. He's blaming himself for things I did."

Aqua nodded. "Yeah, exactly, what he did and… oh. You aren't the one telling Terra this. Well, Terra, either way, I don't want that talk coming from you at all! You are not responsible for his death, you were defending your friend! Master Eraqus said it himself, he got some things wrong! He's glad you stopped him from making a foolish choice! It's not your fault that Xehanort was able to kill him when he was weakened!"

Xehanort started breathing heavily as he processed those words so full, but yet made him so empty. "Y-y-you're wrong, Eraqus would never harm anyone if he didn't have to. He would try and save them from their fate anytime he could. I would be the one who acted too quickly, too rashly, without a second thought as to any other way. I did that with Baldr. I still miss them."

Aqua and Terra sighed. Terra spoke up first. "It seems that many things have changed in 76 years."

Xehanort shook his head. "It's only been a few days for me. I'm sorry I couldn't answer your questions about how to help Sora, as I simply don't know what has happened., and I wish I could help you find Sora. Cause that's what Eraqus would have wanted, right?"

Aqua looked at Xehanort. Her eyes lit up in realization. "Oh! I feel bad now. You aren't his vessel, you're him before he started planning to use Kingdom Hearts! I don't think I could ever forgive the Old Xehanort. He's ruined our lives far too much. But, I guess I can forgive you. You genuinely seem like you aren't the same man."

Xehanort met her eyes. "B-b-but I am, I grow up to be him, he said so himself."

Aqua flicked his nose. "That Old Xehanort is a liar and a manipulator, even to his own self. Don't you think he would have made a fourteenth vessel that was destined to be him when his vision was complete and the world was totally different? No! He would have made a new him! You aren't gonna grow up to be him if you don't go down a dark road, and even then, there will always be a way out, someone to shine your way back. Terra, can you go and prepare to flee? I need to talk with him one on one."

Terra got up and left the room. Aqua continued. "For me, it was Ven and Terra, after ten years in the Realm of Darkness, they lit my way back."

Xehanort pondered what she said. "Y'know, Eraqus said the same thing to me before I came here. That he wanted to be the light guiding people out of the darkness. I can see how much more right he was. Thank you, Aqua. I don't deserve it." Her words of comfort felt good, but he still felt so EMPTY.

Aqua shook her head. "The Master wouldn't want you to wallow in pity. Just don't make the same mistakes and start harming people." Aqua chuckled. "Heh, I thought I was protecting myself by being mean to you. I just saw you as just another Xehanort. But, you're just like us aren't you, a victim of that bald old man's designs. You weren't planning on resetting the worlds."

Xehanort sighed. "That's where you were wrong. I had started to consider trying to change the world order. Trying to stop the false light as I called it from ruling over people. Trying to prevent the weak from taking power from the strong and justifying it. But I see that I became weak, I stole others strength to solve this perceived slight against the strong. Aqua, I was planning on starting over. And that man in the black coat I met one time,he only spurred me on. That Lost Master…"

Aqua simply shook her head. "Sometimes we all think about burning it all down. You hadn't done anything yet besides protecting the worlds. It's hard to say this knowing what it brings, but maybe you were partially right. Maybe this world is dictated by False Light. But changing the worlds was not your call. And I guess you realized that."

Silence befell them, and the hole grew.

Aqua looked at the clock in the room and grabbed his wrist. "Oh crap, we gotta go! The people are breaking through the defenses! Hurry, and climb on Terra's glider!"

They ran to the courtyard where a shield encapsulating the whole tower was getting pummeled at all angles.

Suddenly, a small hole opened up in the defenses. Aqua quickly summoned her armor and her glider while he ran up to Terra's glider, and he summoned his keyblade armor. He saw that Ventus's glider was right beside them and that Ventus was ready to leave. "C'mon!" the boy yelled.

So as quickly as they could, they sped off out of the besieged world, towards a world called the Land of Departure. He could feel everything rush past him, but still, on the inside, he felt empty.

As they entered the World, they slowed down their descent till they were suddenly at the ground, motionless.

They all took their armor off. Terra briefly stopped and looked at him. "Stay here while we start the shields, you'll never know if they start trying to attack here." And then Terra and Aqua sped off. Ven stayed behind.

Xehanort gazed among the scenery. He wondered how such a world could come to be, how Eraqus found this place to teach his students, and from what he had talked with them, he taught them well. But they weren't enough to fill the void that Eraqus left behind. Ventus interrupted his internal monologue.

"I kept thinking about what you said, even though Chirithy interrupted you for 'my own good.' I really do want to know though, why'd you pick me as the one who you'd split in two? Why not fuse a heartless and a princess of heart? That would have been way more powerful. Xehanort, I'm tired of being lied to, tired of being not told things, tired of always being treated like I need to be protected. And I know that Xehanort wouldn't. So tell me, why am I so special?"

Xehanort sighed. He was tired of this, so tired of having to explain himself, having to relive that moment when he found out that he killed Eraqus. But he felt like he owed them all a huge debt, so he obliged. "I had dreams, really, memories of five people. Ever since, I've always wanted to meet them. I saw you, in my dreams. So if I was anything like I am now, I'd want to find out who they were. And I probably recognized you and took an interest in you. I don't know why I'd use you for my plans though…"

Ventus simply glowered. "I thought so. Don't worry, I believe you Xehanort, Terra and Aqua seem to trust you enough to leave you with me. But—"

Ventus summoned his keyblade. "I'm smart enough to be wary about you. Riku and Kairi think you're still at the Tower, and Roxas, Xion and Lea aren't too bothered. For now, you'll be staying here, so when Terra and Aqua come back, we'll give you a tour."

A dark and grating voice interjected their conversation. "Venty-wenty, went out to play. Venty-wenty should have stayed away. Venty-wenty met the dark, only to be stabbed in the HEART!"

Suddenly, a black blur flew toward Ventus. But Xehanort wasn't going to let that happen. So he rushed over and blocked the attack.

CLINK!

Keyblades met, and Xehanort could see the whole person. Black helmet, with a dark fleshy bodysuit.

"Trying to fool those lights with a show, eh? I'm sorry, maybe you don't recognize me. I'm Vanitas."

Vanitas. Empty. Just like Xehanort continued to feel. But as he realized that he was the only person between Ventus and Vanitas, something burned inside him. "I don't know you! Shut up!"

But out of the corner of his eye, Xehanort saw Ventus appear behind Vanitas as he pressed his keyblade to Vanitas's back.

"Wha-? How did you get behind me, Ventus? I could have sworn that you would have stayed behind him like the coward you are."

Ventus chuckled. "Well, I've learned a few things, had to face my fears, and stopped you once before, so you aren't that scary. Now, stop this, and go."

Vanitas began to laugh maniacally. "You can go Ventus, I don't care about you. I care about HIM. He ruined my life, so I'm gonna ruin his. Any last words?" Vanitas felt the keyblade move away from his back.

Xehanort's strength faltered and Vanitas pressed his advantage. His keyblade flew out of his hand and onto the grass below. "Go ahead, kill me. I just don't care anymore."

Vanitas raised his keyblade to strike, but it never came. Ventus's keyblade was now around Vanitas's neck, preventing him from doing anything.

"Y'know, Vanitas, I'm a big fan of not killing people for things they haven't done. He hasn't done anything, he's from before any of that even happened."

"You don't know what he did to me, for no apparent reason besides I was darkness. But, you know what, you got me Ventus. Let me just tell Xehanort a few words before you get rid of me. I hate you, I hate that you get a second chance, I hate that you're forgiven for terrible things and I hate that you look so okay like nothing changed. You might not like it, but you're the same as the old man, the same as his younger clone. So, just to reiterate, I hate you."

Xehanort could only stare. And he began to laugh. "Hehah Hehahah Heahhahahaahahha! Of course, that's what I've been feeling! Self-loathing! I hate myself too. I'm a failure, nothing but a scourge on these worlds. As I said, I don't care if I die. I killed Eraqus, the only hope I had for a future. Kingdom Hearts! Did I have a stroke? Did I get possessed by a fricking lunatic? Because even I know that I'm dark! Why the heck would I want to harm the darkness? Ha! I'm the biggest joke in the world. And you're the punchline!"

Vanitas raised his eyebrows and also began to manically laugh. "Hahahaahahhahah! I can't believe it! The old man had a fricking heart! Y'know me and Ventus were the same person till you forced Ventus against the darkness and split us in twain. Well, someone must have split your light away! Might have been yourself, seeing as you wouldn't have done half of the stuff you did! And me? I FOLLOWED THE OLD MAN'S EVERY WORD BECAUSE HE TOLD ME THE ONLY WAY TO BE WHOLE WAS TO DO WHAT HE WANTED! But now I realize, we're just the same, both empty beings, each with a different hole cut out of our hearts. Ventus, now, I can't kill him, and I'm not gonna let you kill me. I want to watch him feel what I felt for so long, that emptiness! So, ta-ta!"

And Vanitas disappeared into a dark hole.

Ventus sighed. "That…was my dark half. You, no, the old goat, split my heart in half and got me and Vanitas to clash to form the X-blade, which allowed us to almost summon Kingdom Hearts."

Xehanort put a hand under his chin. "Ah! Why would I harm him, though? I wouldn't torture my own willing soldier…unless it was because he was a true darkness. But I couldn't, not anymore. I don't want to hurt people."

"Well, I'm glad to hear that. Hey, can you do me a favor? Can you keep this on the down low? They'd just try to protect me more."

Xehanort nodded. And all he felt, all he continued to feel— was emptiness.

MEANWHILE AT THE KEYBLADE GRAVEYARD…

A dark portal appeared. Stood near it was a salt-and-pepper man, who began to speak. "Hello, Vanitas."

"Hi, Xigbar. He's really, broken. Which is just wonderful! But I don't think he's gonna follow any of the Old Xehanort's plans anytime soon."

"And did he say anything about me?"

"No, he was just empty. He blames himself for Eraqus's death. They might think I'm pure darkness still, but well, I've seen my heart. I know the light's there. And sometimes I wonder how much it will grow. Maybe I'll feel whole. Xigbar, did I really have to face him down?"

"Yeah, can't have you going back to the lights without making it known that you didn't follow Xehanort's plan willingly. It wouldn't work. But what do the lights think of him?"

"They are warming up to him? I guess he's not the same Xehanort yet. I'd kinda have to make up with him if I joined the lights… so I guess I'm not doing that."

"Nope, not getting out of this. You didn't just get revived to not be buddy-buddy with them. I need us to be on opposing sides, Vanitas. So, I'm sorry."

And then Xigbar struck Vanitas, fast as lightning. Once across the face, the other across his stomach. Black blood started leaking out, and Vanitas could only offer a paltry "Why?"

"Because, from now on, we're on opposing sides. See you, Darkness."

And Luxu summoned a dark portal and threw Vanitas in.

BACK AT THE LAND OF DEPARTURE

A large thump startled Aqua. It came from behind. She scanned around the room for the source of the noise, and what she saw startled her. A boy, so similar to Sora. But wait, he had black hair, and red eyes, no… it couldn't be. It was Vanitas, badly wounded.

She decided that even though they had bad blood, she didn't want his death to be on her consciousness. And besides, if Xehanort could be different, so could he. It would be good for the young Xehanort to have someone similar. It would help him feel— less empty.