Chapter 12 Sacrifice

When Solar got back to the Observatory, he leaned against the Terrace. His tears flowed at a concerning rate. He wanted desperately to be comforted, to be told that it was all going to be okay. He looked up to see if any lumas were nearby, but they weren't. They were probably at the kitchen dome, eating breakfast. That was when Solar realized that he wasn't going to get any comfort. Not today.

Solar sucked in a breath and punched the side of the dome. He didn't know why he did it though; perhaps his body had just taken over for his mind. Either way, his hand hurt afterward. He gripped the injured hand, the tears flowing even more. On normal days, his Mama would be there to attend to his wound.

But that wouldn't be the case today. In fact, Solar doubted that she would ever do that again.

Solar entered the Terrace and flopped down on his bed. With his face stained with tears and his hand throbbing, he didn't want to ever get up. His Mama was scared of him. She probably hated him.

Ohhhh….

Solar rolled over on his back. He held his hand, his glittery silver hand, in front of his face. This hand was composed of comet dust, just like the rest of him was. Comet dust that had decided to form into a human being, an actual, living person with a working mind and beating heart. Mama had always told Solar how special he was, how rare and unusual it was for someone to be born from the comets colliding. Had she really thought that?

Oh, who was Solar kidding. Of course she thought that! Of course she thought he was special!

But did she really? Or was she always aware of his potential to develop powers? Was she always scared of him for that? Did she only say he was special in order to make it so that he didn't get angry with her and try to hurt her?

Solar grit his teeth and turned over his side. What was he thinking? What was his mind going on about? This was seriously not cool. He had come to his bed to relax after all.

Although...honestly, he was starting to see all of his interactions with his mother differently. Every time she kissed him, she shook. Every time she hugged him, she cried. Every time she talked with him...she would do so with a shaky tone. She had been scared, scared out of her mind.

Solar dried a tear from his eye. That wasn't true! This wasn't true! His mother was not scared of him! If she was...his whole life was wrong! He knew that his life wasn't wrong! He knew that his Mama loved him and was definitely NOT afraid of him!

But at the same time, he had heard through the grapevine that she had debated whether or not to keep him when he was a little baby. Before, he had doubted those words, but now..he actually saw the truth to them. Was...was this because she was scared? Had she been scared even then? Had she been frightened enough to consider getting rid of him?

For that matter...why did she look so afraid when she told him about his powers in the Garden Dome?

Why else would she have a nightmare about him?

Why else would there be an air of apprehension tainting all of their interactions? Why else would his mother be quiet, reserved, always trapped in her own mind…

"SHUT UP!" Solar yelled. He instantly regretted doing so because when he did….

A shock wave escaped from his body. It bounced off the walls of the Terrace, causing the whole dome to shake. A picture that had been on the nightstand rumbled and fell, shattering as it did so. Solar picked it up and saw it was a picture of him with his Mama.

Solar stared at the shattered photograph with wide eyes. Did...did he do that? Was he responsible for that? Oh no. No no no no no. This….

He was a monster. It was no wonder why Mama was scared of him. He could kill anyone at any time! If he got angry enough, or sad enough, or crazy enough...what if he made another shock wave and hurt his Mama?

Thinking this, Solar gasped and bolted out of the Terrace. He had to get away from here. He had to be in a place where nobody could be hurt by him. He had to be in a place where he couldn't hurt his precious Mama.

But where was such a place? It was only when that question land in his mind that Solar realized that such a place didn't exist. Wherever he went, his powers would be sure to follow. He began to cry again. His powers had turned him into a monster, and he would be a monster for the rest of time.

Unless….he didn't use them.

Solar dried his eyes and thought about this option. It was a good choice. Some might even call it wise. After all, there was nothing in the rulebook that said Solar had to use his powers once he developed them.

But then again, he had already grown attached to his flying power. He wanted to use it to explore the Galaxy in a way that he couldn't do so before. Wouldn't it kind of be horrible, knowing you had the ability to fly and yet actively keeping your feet locked to the floor?

But then again, what choice did he have? He didn't want to hurt his Mama, or anyone else. He wanted to make sure that his Mama wasn't afraid of him, would never be afraid of him and his powers ever again. What better way to do that then by not doing the thing that she was afraid of?

With this thought in mind, Solar let out a breath. He slowly sunk to the ground, allowing his feet to touch it. After spending the last few days in the air, standing like this felt wrong. Uncomfortable. Awkward. However, Solar was willing to do it. It was a price he was willing to pay as long as it meant his Mama would be comfortable around him.

"I promise from this day forward," Solar said as he placed his hand on his heart, "that I will not use my flying power or any other power that I get ever again." He sighed. "For Mama."