As I walked away, I could still faintly hear her sobs. I turned my body around, checking if she had still stood there.

And for a long time, I stopped, looking at her face which was covered with both of her hands and head hanging low, tears still running down her cheeks.

I knew and I had already admitted that I was the most defective human being ever.

She spoke my name.

"Kiyotaka, please stay..."

How could I forget you after that?

Gray clouds filled the sky, but the moon was full; its light peeked yellowish, hardly penetrating the clouds, and only managed in showing the shadows of the branches of the trees that were withered since it was nearing winter.

We remained on the safe grounds of the hotel, within sight of the building. I could see the colorful lights of the ballroom spilling out into the garden in waves, occasionally broken by the shadows of people meeting and chatting with each other.

I sat on one of the benches in the garden, she sat next to me.

So much time had passed.

I shouldn't really be surprised. It was a charity gala and fashion show after all. Of course, as one of the rising fashion designers, she had to be there. I shouldn't count out the chance of seeing her again, even after seven years.

We were both silent, not looking at each other. But perhaps we both knew what was on our minds. Maybe it was a small reunion. Maybe we were reminiscing, about how we have now grown older.

I sighed inwardly. A pinch of tension crept into my heart even though I tried to deny it. We were just sitting there, neither of us opened our mouths after we decided to meet in the garden, an act that was completely beyond my comprehension.

What am I doing?

I wanted to get rid of her.

I wanted to get rid of her existence from my mind.

But that woman, yes, that woman with the clear violet eyes, never left.

"It's been a while."

I didn't respond.

I could feel her gaze on me. Her gaze was deep, making me uneasy as if she could see everything.

I spelled her name silently. Kei.

I cursed myself, as I realized it was suddenly on my mind.

The last time we saw each other was a long, long, long time ago.

But those little memories never disappeared from my mind. They might have been tucked away in a dusty corner; but once searched, they would come back. Because I never really forgot them, a fact I denied for years.

Perhaps the first thing that came to my mind was morning, not a night as dark as tonight. On a clear morning, with the sun shining unobstructed, she would always wave her hand to me as she spotted me waiting for her before interlocking our fingers, her eyes were sparkling as we went to school together.

A pair of eyes that were sincere and clear. Eyes that always intrigued me, because it wasn't as dull and gloomy as my own eyes; the eyes that seemed to ask people to stay away and leave.

"Kiyotaka ~"

When, when did that girl grow up so much? Just a moment ago, the girl would always cling to me, she would smile and laugh, hoping that someday the dark guy she always spent her time with would smile with her. Not knowing that someday that guy would leave her.

And suddenly the figure had changed; now it was not a blonde-haired girl with bright violet eyes who was next to me, but a beautiful, slender woman with violet eyes that seemed a bit tired, but still bright.

When did you change?

We grew up in different ways and chose different paths.

In the end, we would never cross paths.

We were different.

There was no way our relationship could ever return.

"Your face is still the same as when you left," Kei murmured. "You may have grown older, but your face is still as blank as it was back then."

"Please don't act as if you know me so well." My words made her gasp. "We are different."

Ah. I said it again.

I hurt her again.

I looked at the person next to me. It was wrong of me to think that there would be water in Kei's eyes. It was wrong of me to think that she would just cry. Because she was still sitting firmly, her gaze faint but confident.

Her lips curled into a smile, a smile that was still the same as all those years ago, sweet yet seemingly more mature.

"Then, does that prevent you from pursuing happiness?"

She never left.

"Kiyotaka always lies."

No, I don't.

You can't fix something that is already broken... right?

"That's not what you wanted to say, is it? You've never been honest, Kiyotaka. You've always said things halfway. When in fact you also know I will never run away from you."

My body stiffened.

It was fear; fear that at any moment, she would know what I was thinking. Because it had always been like that.

"You don't understand."

No, That's not what I wanted to say.

I kept it for a long time and didn't want to admit it. Kei was like a ghost. How I still remembered her figure, her slightly thin body, her big eyes, and her soft spring-like scent. A scent that made me feel warm, yet I didn't want to admit it.

"Kiyotaka has always been like that," Kei raised her head, her gaze still calm. "You refused to accept anything that wanted to come into your life. You made a room with a layered lock on it and didn't let anyone in."

Please, don't talk anymore...

Kei had suffered so much. A lot.

And I didn't want to hurt her anymore, that's why I chose to leave.

What exactly do you want, Kiyotaka?

She was so dazzling.

And that was the more reason I couldn't be by her side. I couldn't be next to her and tainted her. My face paled. I shook my head quickly, rejecting the strange thoughts that had been trying to consume me.

"Please leave!" I suddenly snapped, causing Kei to flinch, I wasn't supposed to be like this... But my mouth would not obey my will. "Stop acting like you understand everything."

"I told you I would never leave or run away from you."

"You never run from me." My words broke the silence of the night. "Even though I-"

There was a bitter tone in my voice.

"I'm tainted..."

If I had not chosen the path I am on now and accepted you in my life, what would have happened now?

That's the absurd illusion that sometimes arises deep within me.

Kei shook her head. "You said it again."

My body was frozen on the bench; this time Kei sat closer, breaking through the imaginary wall that had been created. I couldn't resist as her slender, cool fingers traced the lines of my face; forehead, nose, temples, cheeks, and lips. Staring at me with her eyes, for a long time.

The fear returned to me.

"How long are you going to keep yourself locked up, when you know someone is waiting for you? I've been thinking about that for years, Kiyotaka..." her eyes dimmed. "And without realizing it, I always forced you..."

No, it's not your fault. I was the one who never gave you the key. It's not your fault.

"I... even now. I was still trying to force you. Although I've realized that... I'm still hoping that you'll open that lock for me. And then tell me a lot of things."

My fingertips felt cold. "No, it's not your fault."

Who was exactly the stupid one here, Kei or myself?

The one who kept trying to reach out to me, but I kept closing myself off in return.

The one who kept trying to understand me, but I kept hurting her deeply.

Who really needs the other here?

Whose fault is it?

I didn't know who to blame. Maybe it was the events in my past that made me this way. Maybe it was the way I looked at the world that made me this twisted. But she always refused to understand.

So I tried my hardest to get the words 'hate' from her small lips, that enough was enough and forever, we would never meet again.

However, deep in my heart, I also kept hoping that she wouldn't give up.

The wind was strong, making small branches rustle in the breeze, leaves falling to the ground. The full moon shone magnificently, but its light failed to penetrate the dense trees above us, only a thin curtain of light remained, bouncing off the blonde hair that glistened goldenly.

Everything seemed so slow. Since when, I didn't know; our lips met in the darkness, blending with the night as if the world was ending.

I felt it. Her scent permeated my nostrils, her sweet lips made me want to linger. An old scent that reminded me of the past.

Her body was so thin and petite in my arms; it was. Made me think of why I once wanted to hurt her so badly. Because she was still the same as before, weak and fragile. No, I didn't want to let her go. Maybe this was my only chance.

Kiyotaka always lies.

I opened my eyes, finding Kei's face fully in my vision, her eyes clear in the darkness. I hoped she would leave this time. Everything had its limits. So did her, right? How much had I hurt her?

You never said you hated me.

You never ran away from me.

Why?

I thought it was the end. I hurt her deeply, pierced her, until maybe she could live without me, not thinking about me anymore.

How stupid I am.

"Say it." My tone was soft, my lips trembling. "Say you hate me. So that everything can be over."

Kei shook her head. Tears fell, running down her cheeks. "I won't run away." She whispered in my ear, her voice sounding soft in my ear, the wind blowing through her hair, tickling as it touched my face and ears. "How could I leave when I haven't heard anything from you? I won't run away..."

"Now tell me." A soft peck landed on my forehead. Then a gentle smile returned to her face. "Tell me what you want to say the most."

For a moment, my feelings were calm. Peaceful.

So different when I have decided.

Just like her, this time I won't run away either.

I'm broken,

Sinful,

Tainted,

But this time, I will choose to trust you.

Trusting you to be by my side,

The me who was this broken, sinful, tainted and didn't deserve your love.

.

.

.

"I want to be with you..."

Fin