"Hi, I'm Addison Shepherd."

"Shepherd?"

"And you must be the woman who's been screwing my husband."

Meredith's mouth gaped open as she felt her heart shatter. Husband? He was married? She glanced at Derek's pleading face and the look on his face chased away any hope that the woman was lying. She shook her hand numbly and mumbled an excuse under her breath before running in the opposite direction.

She could feel the tears coming and there was no way she would ever let him see her cry. Not when he had just crushed all her dreams. She hurried into an on-call room and locked the door behind her. She slid down the wall and held her head in her hands. How could she have been so stupid? She had been waiting for the other shoe to drop and in that time she had fallen in love with him.

'Take the rest on faith' is what he had said to her. Oh if her mother could see her now. She would've been shaking her head and saying something along the lines of 'the only person you can trust is yourself Meredith'. When would she learn that her mother was always right? She hadn't been good enough for her mother and she wasn't good enough for Derek either.

The tears were running down her face and she brushed them away angrily. Crying was for the weak and that was something she did not want to be. She stood up and took a few calming breaths and once the tears had subsided she exited the room intent on finding her person. She saw Christina leaning on the desk at the nurses' station clearly avoiding finishing the charts in front of her. She approached her with conviction in her step.

"Hurry up with those. We're going to Joe's."

Christina looked up at her with surprise. "I thought you already left with McDreamy?"

Meredith rolled her eyes. "Long story. One that's going to need a lot of tequila."

"Okay I've still got like an hour here but I'll meet you over there when I'm done."

Meredith sighed dramatically. "Fine, I'll go home first and shower. See you soon."

She made her way outside to her car and numbly drove herself home. By the time she arrived at her front door, her mind was thousands of miles away and she could barely remember the drive. She climbed up the stairs and took a deep breath before opening the door. The house was exactly the same as it had been but somehow it felt different. She looked into the kitchen and all she could see was Derek's muesli, sitting on the shelf, taunting her. In the lounge, she could see his Bowdoin hoodie slung over the couch. She knew if she went up to her room she'd find little reminders of him littered around the place. Just yesterday she had noticed the same things and it had made her happy that he felt so at home here. Now the house couldn't have felt further from a home.

She felt the tears start to fill up her eyes and looked up to the roof in an attempt to stop them from falling. Once they had subsided she grabbed a bottle of tequila and let herself into Izzie's room. Although the room was a little bright and shiny for her, it didn't contain any memories of Derek. She collapsed on the bed and took a big swig of the bottle, closing her eyes as the liquid burned down her throat. That burn was one of the only things she could count on. That and the knowledge that everyone in her life would let her down in one way or the other.

She couldn't be bothered going to Joe's anymore. But she definitely still wanted to get drunk. She texted Christina to tell her about the change of plans and for her to come over instead and started making a solid dent in the bottle in her hand. She would regret it in the morning but anything was better than feeling like this.

"You're staying with her."

"Yeah, she's my wife."

Meredith broke eye contact and turned her head. She couldn't even look at him. She heard him leave the room and she let out the breath she had been holding. She took her time scrubbing in despite the chaos in the OR. She needed a minute before she could put her walls back up.

She couldn't think about this right now. She couldn't let herself feel the shame that was threatening to overcome her. God, how could she be so stupid? She wasn't even sad right now. She was angry. She was so angry that she had let herself get here again. He had made her believe that despite everything they could still work. She should've known better.

"Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, shame on me." Meredith muttered under her breath to herself as she entered the OR.

She was immediately called over to suction next to Derek and she signed internally. She didn't even want to be near him right now. Just standing next to him not even looking at him made her feel sick to her stomach. She pushed it aside to do her job and focused instead on the patient. After only a few minutes Burke declared the patient unsalvageable and everyone moved to help the man who had been on the other end of the pole.

Meredith felt her heart sink for the woman in front of her. How could they just give up on her like that? Why did they get to decide when to stop trying? She desperately tried to stop the bleeding by herself but she was too far out of her depth.

"What about her? We can't just abandon her!" Meredith yelled out but everyone ignored her.

George finally noticed that she hadn't moved and called her name. Bailey tried calling her over but she was frantic.

"We have an obligation to her as well!"

Bailey moved to her side and tried to stop her but there was nothing she could do while trying to remain sterile.

"George, get her out of here."

George was immediately at her side and led her out of the OR. "Come on Mer. There's nothing more we can do for her."

Meredith let him drag her out but as soon as she was in the hallway she pulled away from him and started running. He didn't attempt to follow her, which she was grateful for. She needed to be alone right now. She finally reached her destination, the basement, and collapsed onto a gurney. Her head in her hands she finally let the tears fall.

She was used to feeling not good enough, her mother had made sure of that. But this felt different. With her mother, she knew to have her walls up at all times. From a very young age, she had learned not to let her mother's words affect her. But Derek had torn all her walls down and now this feeling of not being good enough was overwhelming. She had shown him who she was and he had tossed her to the side. It hurt more than anything her mother had done to her. Maybe it was because her mother never once hid who she was. Meredith knew on a logical level that to some degree her mother couldn't help her actions. Derek on the other hand knew exactly what he was doing.

At the end of the day, she was the only one to blame. How could she expect anyone to pick her? Her own father didn't pick her. Didn't even fight for her. It was her fault for thinking anyone could love her. There was a reason that Derek had been her first serious relationship. Usually, she would cut things off long before either party caught feelings. He slipped through the cracks and she was determined to never let it happen again.

"You don't get to call me a whore. When I met you, I thought I had met the person I was going to spend the rest of my life with. I was done. All the boys and all the bars and all the obvious daddy issues, who cared? I was done. You left me. You chose Addison. I'm all glued back together now. I make no apologies for how I chose to repair what you broke. You don't get to call me a whore."

"This thing with us is finished. It's over."

"Finally."

"Yeah, it's done."

"It is done."

Meredith was furious, she stormed out of the stairwell and immediately slipped into a supply room. She grabbed the nearest tray and threw it against the wall. The loud bang was therapeutic so she did it again and again. How dare he call her that? How dare he even get jealous? She owed him nothing. He had multiple chances to be with her and every time he had chosen to break her heart instead. She didn't know why she had decided to try and be friends with him. He was a jerk through and through and she hated his guts.

Despite all of this she still couldn't help but feel the familiar pull on her heart. The shoddy repair job she had done on her heart was unraveling and it made her even angrier. She hated that she cared what he thought of her. Was he really so blind to not realize that the string of men that had followed him was her trying to get over him?

The only reason she had even met Finn was because of a dog she got to try and forget about him. Besides, it wasn't like he wasn't getting any. The phone call she had received the previous week had confirmed that. Even if it was bad. The more she thought about it the angrier she got.

She cleaned up the mess she had made and continued the rest of the day in a ball of rage. She finally finished and made her way to the locker room slamming any door that got in her way.

Christina took one look at her and raised her eyebrows. "Joe's?"

Meredith looked at her gratefully. "Definitely. You ready now?"

Christina nodded and they fell in step, walking in silence out of the hospital and into the bar. They brought their drinks at the bar and made their way to an empty booth.

"Okay, the silence is kind of scaring me. What happened?"

"He has some nerve, you know. Assuming all these things about me. He has no right."

"Okay I'm lost, you're gonna have to back up a bit Mer, last time I talked to you, you were best friends."

Meredith let out a snort. "We will never be friends. He saw me at Finn's last night and then he called me a whore today. A whore! I didn't even sleep with Finn!"

"God he's a dick. Honestly Mer, you're so far out of his league it's not even funny."

"Not really. He's hot, smart, and has money. He's kind of the definition of a catch."

Christina rolled her eyes. "I've sat back and tried not to interfere but you need to wise up. He's a toxic asshole who's been gaslighting you since the day you met him. He's not a catch Mer."

A look of surprise flashed across Meredith's face. "Jeez, tell me how you really feel." She said sarcastically.

"Okay." Christina shrugged, ignoring her sarcasm and continuing. "You're hot, smart, and rich as well. But on top of that, you're also surgical royalty, young and way too good to be letting him dictate your life. Trust me Mer. You're out of his league and that's why he's been such an ass to you. All he wants from you is for you to follow him around the hospital worshiping him and doing whatever he says."

Meredith didn't reply and instead sat there pondering her words. Trust Christina to make her see it in a way she hadn't even thought about. She hadn't really stopped to consider how screwed up the way Derek had treated her had been. When she looked at it from an objective viewpoint her behavior made her cringe. She had been acting like some stupid lovestruck intern. She was Meredith Grey for fucks sake. It was time to bring the cold-hearted bitch back.

It had been a week since Christina's rant and Meredith was done being sad. She was done moping around the hospital while Derek followed her around like a hurt puppy. She wasn't the one who had done this. He had broken her heart over and over and he had the nerve to act like he still cared about her. She could finally see him for the manipulative ass he really was.

The old Meredith was back, the one who ate boys' hearts for breakfast. Only now she was a woman scorned and everyone knew there was nothing more frightening. She was out for revenge and she wasn't stopping until he rued the day he did her wrong. She just needed to figure out how to do it.

She felt a pair of eyes on her as she threw back a shot. She gestured for Joe to pour her another one before turning to survey the bar to find the source of the stare. A sly smile graced her face when she saw Addison's eyes quickly dart away from her and a blush spread across her face. A plan slowly started forming in her mind and once her drink had been refilled she grabbed it and walked over to the booth Addison was sitting by herself.

"Hey." Meredith said as she slid opposite her.

Addison looked at her confused. "Hello?"

"Busy day?"

"Why are you talking to me? I thought you hated me?" Addison blurted out, as an afterthought she added. "I would hate me."

Meredith shrugged. "You should hate me as well. I'm the one who slept with your husband."

"Maybe I do hate you." Addison said with her eyebrows raised.

Meredith just laughed. "You don't hate me."

"How would you know?"

Meredith leaned in and whispered. "Cause if you hated me you wouldn't be looking at me like I was a piece of meat."

Addison's face reddened again and Meredith just laughed and leaned back into her seat. Addison ignored her smirk and took a long drink from her glass.

"Anyway, I don't hate you. The only one who deserves hating is Derek."

Addison raised her glass in agreement. "What, so you're just over him now?"

"Definitely. It took him calling me a whore to do it but now I can see any relationship we had was just a lie."

"He's still in love with you."

Meredith snorted. "No, he's not. He's in love with the idea of me. But when I do anything that doesn't fit into the little box he's squeezed me into then he attacks." Meredith paused for a second before continuing. "If you think he's in love with me then why are you still with him?"

Addison sighed. "I don't know."

Meredith moved to sit next to her and leaned in to whisper in her ear. "Well, I can think of a thousand reasons why you shouldn't be.

Addison's breath caught in her throat and she turned to look at the other girl questioningly. Meredith replied by sliding her hand onto her thigh.

"Meredith… I can't."

"Your marriage is over Addie. Who are you kidding?" Meredith could see the indecision on Addison's face so she leaned in and whispered. "Don't you want to find out how I stole your husband?"

Meredith could see the exact moment when she changed her mind. Her eyes went from uncertain to determined and her body relaxed under her touch.

"Let's go back to my house." Meredith said softly.

Addison nodded and followed her out the door, checking behind her to make sure no one was watching them. She was so preoccupied she didn't notice Meredith pull her phone out and send a text, tilting the screen away from her so she couldn't see who was the recipient.

They drove back to Meredith's house in silent anticipation. The second the door was closed behind them, Meredith had Addison against it and was kissing her fiercely. When they both pulled back to take a breath, Meredith smiled at the lust that had taken over Addison's eyes. She reached for her hand and pulled her up the stairs and into her room where they continued their previous activities.

Thirty minutes later after plenty of teasing on Meredith's behalf, she finally heard the front door open. She checked to make sure Addison hadn't heard it and doubled down on her efforts. If she could time this right then it would be that much better. She heard the slight creak of the stairs and right as the door to her bedroom opened Addison let out a loud moan and came apart in her arms. Meredith turned to the intruder and smiled at the look on his face. She raised her eyebrow at him, daring him to say something.

As Addison came down from her high she looked at the door and swore at the sight of her husband. But it was like he didn't even see her. His entire focus was on Meredith and while she looked smug, he looked as though she had torn his heart out of his chest and stomped on it. Addison could see now she had been played but after that orgasm and Derek's reaction, she really couldn't bring herself to care.

"I can't believe you." Derek choked out.

Meredith laughed. "You called me a whore. I'm just living up to that name."

"How could you do this to me?"

Meredith ignored his question and instead asked one of her own. "You know I've put a lot of thought into why we were never going to work. Do you want to know what I came up with?"

Derek didn't answer her and instead continued glaring at her.

She ignored his glare and answered her own question. "You were the wrong Shepherd."

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