It's easy to fall into a trap of thinking you have to struggle alone...

Chapter Two: Misdirection and Avoidance

Angry, brown eyes stared into the flames in the fireplace and felt the urge to throw another legal document into their greedy, flickering fingers. Kathryn would try to stop her again but she might manage to get past the blonde, if she moved fast enough.

"Regina," the young lawyer warned knowingly. "Destroying it won't change the judge's mind." She watched her friend's glare turn to focus on her and met it head on. "It's only temporary – until the case is settled against your mother and Mr White. You are still Henry's mother," she added softly.

The brunette deflated and fought the tears that wanted to escape. "But I have no legal rights to him," she argued. "What if something happens to Emma? He'll be taken away from me."

Kathryn frowned at that. "Why do you think something is going to happen to Emma?"

"Kat, she nearly died!" Regina cried with desperation. Because of me. She nearly died because of me. "I was stupid; I listened to my mother's threats and signed my son over to a person I've known less than a year." Those weren't the words she wanted to say. Even if they'd not been together long, their history was rich with caring for each other and she knew that Emma was the best person to have responsibility for their son, but she hated the fact that he was no longer legally hers.

Trying to insert some reason into the conversation, Kathryn searched for the words to placate the irate young mother. "You signed him over to the woman you love and trust; to his biological mother…"

"Who threw him away when he was born!" Regina spat, her angry expression covering the hurt she felt deep inside.

The blonde sat back in her chair and stared at the crazed woman who'd taken over her friend's body. When she spoke, it was with firm understanding. "I know you don't mean that, Regina. What's really going on here?"

What IS going on here? What the hell are you saying? A sob fell from painted lips. "She took everything. He's all I have left."

"She?" Kathryn questioned, instinctively knowing that this wasn't about Emma. She remembered how hesitant and mistrusting 'Queenie' had been when they first met almost nine years ago. She remembered the soft smiles and dark humour that would bubble up to the surface at unexpected moments. She remembered the joy in those brown eyes when she shared the news of her pregnancy and the subsequent devastation when the baby didn't make it into the world. She remembered how Regina shut down after Daniel's death and disappeared from their lives with only Henry for company. This young woman had endured so much in her life, was it any wonder that she feared losing the things which mattered most to her now – her son? "Your mother?" she guessed after a moment.

Regina nodded solemnly. She couldn't look at her friend any longer. Her eyes fixed on her hands as she picked at the skin around her nails. They were already frayed; angry red marks decorated the edges around her cuticles and shot sharp daggers of pain through her fingers.

"I have to go," she announced abruptly, her demeanour shifting from the lost little girl she felt inside to the hard exterior she used to keep people at arm's length. "Is there anything else you need from me today?" She scanned the folders on the desk – all neatly lined up and filled with the details they needed to fight her mother. Why couldn't she just leave me alone? Why was I never good enough?

"No, I think we've done all we can for today. We're still waiting on the FBI to finish digging into your mother's doctor friends and for the identity of the man seen at Daniel's construction site the day he had his 'accident'," Kathryn answered matter-of-factly. "We're pretty sure we have a good enough case to convict without that evidence, but we want to do everything we can to make this air-tight."

"Right," Regina muttered emotionlessly. "Let me know if anything turns up."

It was the same week as the one in which Emma was released from the hospital that Regina finally lost her ability to hold in her overloaded emotions and broke. Emma stood in her kitchenette, a mug in each hand as she watched her girlfriend storm out of her apartment. From the guest bedroom, she heard rapid footsteps and then found her son's worried face staring back at her.

"What was that?" he asked, his gaze flicking between her and the door. "Where's Mom?"

"Erm…"

What the hell just happened? Emma asked herself repeatedly as she tried to calm the boy and reassure him that his mother would be back soon. She managed to keep him occupied for a while with the TV but after an hour, her own worries were too loud to ignore. Leaving Henry watching a movie, she shut herself in her bedroom and held her phone tight against her ear as it rang… and rang.

Voicemail. Shit. "Regina. I get that you need time for… whatever, but I need you to…

"… message me back so I know you're ok."

Tears streamed down Regina Mills' face as she sat on a bench and stared out at the river in front of her. Guilt and resentment clawed at her insides as Emma's plea bounced around in her head. Twenty minutes later, she felt her phone buzz again in her pocket. Again 'Emma' flashed up on her caller ID. She let it go to voicemail again and told herself not to listen to it yet, but curiosity quickly got the best of her.

"Seriously, Regina, where are you? Henry keeps asking about you. I can't do this on my own!"

Regina slammed her thumb on the call-end button. God, she hated how easily Emma irritated her these days. The bounty hunter constantly needed her – it was exhausting.

She thought back to when she'd first started working with the blonde, how independent and powerful Emma had seemed to her at the time. The young socialite's drive and influence had pulled her out of an awful situation and though she'd resisted any attempt to fix everything with the blonde's money, she couldn't deny that the lure of financial security was attractive. So, was it just money and power that had hooked her in? Was she really just like her mother when it came to the finer things in life? She liked to think not. After all, hadn't she resisted that pull for years in favour of a family and love?

Now that she was back on her own two feet, working and earning; keeping herself afloat and providing for her son; now that her mother was exposed and on the road to being deposed, she saw a future where the struggles of the past didn't exist. Did that change how she felt about Emma? She wasn't sure.

An image of her girlfriend's battered and bloody body being wheeled through the hospital, so close to death, kicked her heart into a panicked rhythm. She'd almost lost Emma and even now she had nightmares about standing on Leo White's sprawling property and watching her girlfriend run headlong back into danger. That irrepressible woman had teetered between life and death and in that moment, something in Regina's fantasy shattered.

For the last few weeks, she'd juggled Henry, Emma's recovery, Emma's businesses and the case against her mother and Leo White. Of all those things, she found herself resisting her girlfriend's recovery the most. Why? What had changed that made her such a horrible person on the inside now? She still felt that flutter in her chest when she walked into the blonde's hospital room and their eyes met; she still cared about her health and happiness, but the issue with Emma's heritage had become an obsession for her lately and she was afraid to look too closely at the reasons why.

Fat drops of rain patted her on the head and dribbled down the neck of her coat, dragging her from her confused thoughts. She shivered and pulled the material tighter around her body but otherwise didn't move. Another hour passed before she found herself back at Emma's apartment, soaked and with teeth chattering from the cold. In her haste to leave, she'd forgotten to take her key, so stood at the door for several minutes before she forced herself to knock.

She heard approaching footsteps and then felt eyes on her through the peep-hole. The door opened as if the occupant was trying to tear it from its hinges but no words were spoken as Emma stared back at her with a mixture of relief and fury. Without a word, she pushed past her girlfriend and wandered into the apartment.

"Mom!" Henry called from the sitting area and leaped over the sofa to fall into her arms. "Eww, you're all wet," he complained as the dampness from her coat seeped through his t-shirt.

Regina hugged her son briefly. She didn't want him to be cold and wet too but also, she was very aware of green eyes boring into her back and didn't want to hang around. "Sweetheart, I'm going to shower and change, and then I'll be back down to make dinner and play with you."

"Emma's making me dinner," he replied and looked at her curiously as if to gauge her reaction.

"Oh," Regina answered in a clipped tone. She straightened and turned to raise a brow at her girlfriend. "I see."

Emma's anger had already softened and at the boy's words, she fell back on the self-conscious bashfulness she'd displayed early in their acquaintance. "I just heated up some of your stuff for us."

"Thank you, Emma," Regina responded awkwardly. She held the blonde's gaze for a moment. Her brain searched for something to say but before she could settle on the right words, she sneezed.

A pained smile tugged at the blonde's mouth. "You'd better get in the shower and get warm. We can do something with Henry when you come back down."

"Yes, ok."

Emma watched her girlfriend wander off, noting the detached look in soulful, brown eyes. She felt her gut clench at the thought that something was very wrong and wondered what had triggered this sudden need Regina had to put some distance between them. Had she missed something changing, something big? As Henry ate and she picked at her own food, she tried to pinpoint a moment or more than one, when she'd felt alarmed by Regina's behaviour. There was nothing though. Nothing that had given her pause or made her think that their relationship was in trouble.

Then again, what did she know about relationships really? The closest she'd come was with Neal and that had been more about survival than anything.

She pushed some pasta onto her fork and tried to listen to her son as he chatted, his voice happy now that he knew his mother was safe. With Neal on her mind though, she couldn't help zoning out a little. The hair, the shape of his eyes, even the way Henry's ears stuck out slightly – that was all Neal. He had her eyes and chin. Time would tell on his nose – it was still very childlike, but once puberty kicked in, its genetic likeness would emerge. If not Neal's nose, it might look like David's, her inner voice piped up, surprising her. IF he's Henry's grandfather.

The results of the DNA test were due any day now. James had agreed to the test, which the FBI were prepared to organise and pay for – a way, she assumed, for them to take credit for solving a case if there turned out to be a match. Though Emma hoped that there was also an element of wanting to make amends for their screw ups. She supposed it was no wonder that she hadn't noticed a thing wrong with hers and Regina's relationship; her mind had been so wrapped up in her missed opportunity at adoption and the possibility of real, blood relatives. Parents, no less. Perhaps she had neglected to check in on her girlfriend as often as she had in the past, but since Regina had practically harangued her into agreeing to the test in the first place, she didn't think she could take all the blame for her preoccupation.

The awkward tension between her and her girlfriend didn't ease even as they played snakes and ladders with their son and laughed along with his sporadic giggles. Emma tried to catch Regina's gaze several times, but every moment their eyes met, brown orbs darted swiftly away. It hurt and by the time Henry was tucked up in bed asleep, the hurt sat tight in her throat and churned in her stomach. All the burning questions which had crossed her mind during the brunette's unexplained absence, were suddenly dust in the wind. New, fearful questions took their place.

It felt like Regina was pulling away; did she really want to know why? What if she'd decided that she no longer wanted to be with Emma? What if this was the end of them?

With these worries on her mind, Emma didn't follow her girlfriend when the brunette disappeared into the study to boot up the laptop. She shrugged into her jacket and crept out onto the balcony, a glass of amber liquid in hand. Her hand had shaken as she twisted the cap off the bottle. It was the same one she'd opened the day after Regina had rejected her apology. Other than when Ragnar was there to kick back and share a drink with her, she hadn't touched it. Like she'd told her girlfriend, she'd seen enough misuse of alcohol to make her wary, but tonight it seemed like she was the weak one – reaching for numbness instead of facing her problems.

In the study, Regina Mills typed numbers into a spreadsheet and allowed her tears to fall unheeded. When she could barely see the screen though the blurriness, she finally dropped her head into her hands and cried silently.

What is wrong with me? she agonised through each breathy sob.

Regina felt the weight of the blonde's absence the moment she stepped into the bedroom. The bed lay empty and the ensuite gaped darkness from its open doorway. Wondering where Emma could be and feeling a mini panic at the thought of the blonde running out into the unwelcoming rain as she herself had done earlier, her feet carried her back to the main floor of the apartment. Blood surged to her head as adrenaline filled her mind and dizziness gripped her momentarily. A hand reached out to grab the back of a chair and kept her from tumbling into the conversation pit.

Had she chased Emma away? Guilt tugged at her insides; she didn't want to hurt her girlfriend, she just felt suffocated suddenly and needed space. She didn't even know why the room had felt like it was closing in, but Emma's close proximity had just been too much.

Emma stood in the kitchen, her hand reaching up into a cupboard for two mugs. She was thrilled to finally be out of the hospital and wanted to make the most of having no doctors or nurses scrutinising her every move. Still, as she over stretched, a hiss of pain fell from her lips and her free hand flew to cover the area on her side where she still had stitches. "Damn it," she grumbled and huffed when a figure pushed gently in front of her and brought the mugs down. "I could've done it."

Regina rolled her eyes. The fondness that used to colour her tone was overshadowed by the frustration she no longer had the energy to hide. "If you say so," she muttered. "I'd have thought you'd be doing everything in your power to not hurt yourself further, to keep you out of the hospital."

Emma frowned at the tone but she ignored the tightness in her gut and tried to think of something to lighten the tension. She pouted playfully. "You mean, you don't want to play doctor with me later?"

A distant part of Regina's mind found the humour in that suggestion, but all that appeared on the surface was a scowl and a sideways glare. "Sure, why not? Hurt yourself on purpose. I'll wait on you hand and foot, shall I?" Inside she cringed at the sound of the words falling from her mouth but she couldn't seem to stop them. Neither could she stop the sneer that tried to pull at her upper lip.

Emma stared but didn't know what to say in response. She didn't like how this conversation was beginning to fester inside of her; she just wanted it to end, to go back to when they were happy together. Without knowing what had changed though, she didn't know how to proceed. Instead of facing the problem, she focused on the mugs in front of her and the tea she'd decided to make.

Watching her girlfriend from the corner of her eye, Regina felt her frustration reach a head when the fight she'd been looking for fell flat. Emma came towards her with two steaming mugs, her gaze full of confusion, hope, fear and love, and offered one with a crooked smile. Why does she make me so angry? She fumed internally as a growl reached her throat. She tried to hold it back but failed and the crushed hope in green eyes stabbed into her heart. All the anger she'd been carrying around fizzled and died. What is wrong with me? she thought for the hundredth time. "I can't," she breathed tearily and stumbled across the apartment towards the door.

Tears filled her vision again as she finally caught sight of Emma and she stood, staring out of the balcony window at her girlfriend. She could see the glass in the blonde's hand and knew that she'd pushed Emma past a pivotal point. Emma didn't like to drink. Not to forget at least, not to numb her feelings. Regina crawled into bed and lay with her back to the door. How could she face her saviour after her behaviour today? And why was she feeling so out of sorts with Emma when a month ago she'd wanted nothing more than to spend all her time with the bounty hunter?

She wasn't sure when she finally fell asleep, and she wasn't aware of Emma joining her until she woke up early the following morning and found the blonde lying next to her. With a heavy heart, she extracted herself from the cold comfort of the sheets and gathered her clothes to dress in the bathroom. There was no sign of anything out of place in the clean lines of the open plan living/kitchen/dining area, for which she was grateful at first, but as she ushered Henry from his bed and got him ready for school, she almost wished that there was some physical evidence of the widening dents in hers and Emma's relationship.

Coward, a spiteful voice hissed inside her head as she left the apartment before her girlfriend was even awake. She forced a smile onto her face as she lied to her son and told him that Emma hadn't been feeling well the night before, so they should let her sleep. His face scrunched up, reminiscent of his blonde mother when she was chewing on a particularly tough thought, but eventually he nodded and they both climbed into the back of the security vehicle.

Now that the excitement of the scandal had cooled off a little, the press was giving them room to breathe, allowing her and Emma to leave the apartment without fighting their way through several dozen bodies, but they were by no means out of the woods while the trial was pending, so there was always a car waiting for Regina whenever she needed to leave the safety of the apartment. These days, it seemed like she was never alone. After years of fending for herself, being shunned by high society, ignored by authorities and forced to fight her own battles when they arose, it was a claustrophobic feeling to be followed everywhere, but there was very little she could do about it. And she reminded herself daily that she needed to be grateful that so many people worried about her safety.

At least Henry managed to get a break from the chaos of their lives and enjoyed spending the day with his friends at school. She hugged him longer than usual before she let him out of the car and walked him to the gate. If he noticed her clinginess, he didn't comment and even tolerated the kiss she planted on his cheek as his teacher appeared to welcome her class in for the day. With a sigh, she slipped into the back of the car and told the driver to take her to her lawyer's office. Any hope of an uplifting meeting died within the first ten minutes.

"Regina, this is important," Mr Blaine said, his voice sounding irritated. "Are you listening?"

Dark eyes glared across the table at the up-tight little man. Emma was paying through the nose for this guy; surely, he could afford a personality. "I am listening," she replied through gritted teeth. "You don't want me to take the stand. You think I'll buckle under the pressure and give my mother credence for her arguments." How dare he! As if he would have a better chance against Cora Mills. Out of the two of them, who had survived a lifetime of the sadistic woman's 'love'?

Kathryn felt the argument building in the air like a storm. Her friend was increasingly irritable lately. "Regina, if you insist on taking the stand, we will support you and try to work it best to our advantage. We know that the FBI are hoping that you'll put your personal slant on your mother's machinations, and even Leo White's to a degree," she reassured the volatile brunette, "but we need to be cautious. Of course, it might not make a difference either way," she added with a pointed look at the other lawyer. "They'll try to pick you apart if we give them the chance, but they'll make insinuations about you if you don't. Either way, we know we're in for a battle. If you think you're up for it, then it might be best just to bite the bullet."

"Cora Mills takes no prisoners," Blaine injected his piece again. "You'll need to be absolutely certain…"

"I am done running from that woman," Regina cut him off. "If I don't stand up to her from the start, she'll assume that I'm afraid to face her. She'll be worse if she thinks she has me in a corner."

"She won't be the one questioning you though, sweetie," Kathryn reminded her gently.

"It doesn't matter," Regina insisted. "She'll have her lawyer wrapped around her finger and eating every sob story she can conjure. She'll find a way to twist things so that I have to speak about my pain in front of dozens of strangers - she'll want to twist the knife as much as she can. If it's going to happen one way or another, I want it to be on my terms."

Blaine sighed his defeat and nodded. "Yes, fine. Maybe you're right. I'll get back to working on that list of responses I want you to stick to…"

The morning continued in this fashion until both Regina and her lawyer had come to an agreement about how she was going to tackle any questions from the defence. Though he seemed to know that her mother was not an easy opponent, she knew that he didn't truly appreciate the depths of Cora's depravity. He wanted her to open up about her pain and hardships while hardening herself to the attacks she was likely to face from her mother's attorney. One didn't necessarily sit well with the other. She could be open or closed; she wasn't sure she could be both. But Kathryn had proved her salt as a friend and advocate when she suggested following each of the defence's questions with a mental image of her mother in an orange jump-suit, just to give her the strength to take a breath and centre herself before attempting to reply. As they began packing up to leave for the day, the blonde lawyer pulled her to one side and insisted that they go for a quick coffee before school was out.

"I have many more mortifying mental images to share of your mother, if you ever want to kick back with a glass of wine and discuss," Kathryn bragged at the gratitude from her friend. "She would be rotting in hell by the end of this trial if I could get Lucifer to return my calls."

"Hmm," Regina replied absently. It hadn't taken her long after leaving her lawyer's office building before her thoughts turned back to the other problem in her life. She wasn't aware of the buildings, pedestrians, cars and streets they passed as they walked to Kathryn's favourite coffee spot and grabbed a seat in the back.

"You're unusually laconic today, Queenie," the blonde told her friend after she'd finished putting their order in at the bar. Though of course she knew her friend's real name, she'd decided that Regina Mills had a regal quality and after joking about it, kept the moniker in use. "Everything ok?"

Regina's eyebrow rose in disbelief. "My mother tried to ruin my life and is suing me basically because I didn't kowtow to her abuse. How can everything be ok?"

"Sweetie, you know I'm not talking about that. Your mother and her associates are beyond reprehensible; that's not under question. I'm asking about life at home." Blue eyes locked on the brunette with compassionate interest and immediately noted the shift from angry and determined to guilty and lost.

Before she could compress the conflict she'd been harbouring, Regina felt her throat constrict and had to look away to hide her tears. "God…" she croaked softly and grabbed her napkin to dab at her leaking eyes.

Kathryn reached over the table and took one of the brunette's hands in hers. "Hey, hey. I thought you and Emma were made for each other. It can't be that bad. Did you have an argument?"

Regina shook her head. "No. I wish we had." She sniffed and then waited several seconds while a waiter brought their drinks to the table. "It would be easier to understand if we had had a fight, but I just don't know what's wrong."

"If she's been…"

"It's not her fault, Kat. It's me," the brunette confessed. "Sometime since she woke up in the hospital, I just haven't felt like myself with her. I don't understand it. I don't know what's wrong with me."

"Oh, sweetie…" Kathryn whispered in sympathy. She picked up her chair and sat it closer to the brunette so she could wrap an arm half around her back. "There's nothing wrong with you. If you feel out of sorts there's good reason for it, you just have to figure out what that reason is. God knows you've been through enough to be entitled to some pretty mixed-up feelings."

"But I've been absolutely horrible to Emma and I have no excuse for it!" she blurted, her distress bubbling to the surface. "Next to Daniel and Henry, she's the best thing that's ever happened to me!" Her words came back to her and she glanced apologetically at the other woman. "You and Fred have been amazing too, and Ruby… my father, when he was here. I don't deserve…" She trailed off, not wanting to sound like she was fishing for sympathy.

Kathryn sat in silence for a moment as she looked at her friend and wondered what she could do to help. "Did I tell you that Fred and I almost divorced last year?"

"What!?" Regina had had her cup of coffee halfway to her mouth and almost dropped it as she lowered it back to her saucer.

Blue eyes blinked with regret and a hint of melancholy. "No relationship is perfect. Things were tough after you left. I tried to stay on at the firm, but I was bitter about the way you were treated and my work suffered. When Dawson called me into his office to chew me out, I told him to shove his job."

Dark eyes widened in surprise though the brunette's expression quickly softened. "You always did have a fiery temper. I'm sorry I put you in that position."

"YOU didn't, Regina," Kat replied firmly. "They created the mess, not you. Don't forget that."

"I'm trying."

"Well, Fred supported me. He hated that place after what they did to you, so he was all for me leaving."

"But…?"

"Lots of things happened at once. We were expecting again, so decided we wanted a bigger place to live. Surveyors found rot in the ceiling, so no one wanted to buy and developers were only willing to give us a fraction of what it was worth. Jordan got ill and needed to spend a lot of time in the hospital…" she trailed off and ran her hands through her hair. "We got through it all but by the time we landed on our feet again, things were strained. We forgot why we were together and it slowly started to fall apart."

"What did you do?"

"Marriage counselling." She read the expression of distaste on her friend's face and chuckled. "Yeah, I had the same reaction. But you know what, it was actually really good. Dr Hopper saw things we hadn't even thought of - he got down to the heart of the problem and taught us how to find the spark we'd lost." She studied Regina's face and made a brash decision. "I'm going to make an appointment for you. As soon as possible."

"Kat, no!" Coffee completely forgotten, Regina shoved her chair back and grabbed her coat. "No way!"

Kathryn sighed and followed. She caught up to her friend with barely any effort and noted the lost look on Regina's face as the troubled young woman tried to figure out her bearings. When the other woman tensed at her approach, she held up her hands in surrender and waited for the brunette to realise that she wasn't going to hurt her. "If you really don't want to stick around for coffee, at least let me take you home like I told your driver I would."

"Home?" Regina parroted and seemed to shrink back at the thought. She caught more concern on the blonde lawyer's face and forcefully pulled herself together. "Let's go. I don't want to be late to pick up Henry."

Nodding, the blonde led them back to Mr Blaine's law firm building and to where she'd parked her car. Knowing how stubborn Regina could be when she was in one of these moods, she turned the radio on low and allowed them to sit in silence as she made her way to Emma's apartment. Slowing the car to a stop along the curb, Kathryn manoeuvred into park and reached over to gently grasp the brunette's arm. "Hey, Regina. Whatever you're feeling at the moment, you're not alone. I know it's scary as hell, but it's ok to ask for help. Believe me, it's much better to deal with the fear than to deal with the guilt after you've said or done something you can't take back." Kathryn retracted her hand and decided to leave it at that. She didn't want to hammer the point home too fiercely. "Give Henry a kiss for me. I'll call you tomorrow."

"Sure," the brunette replied absently, her gaze fixed on the building and its perfect facade. "Thanks," she added belatedly and wandered up to her girlfriend's apartment, her heart heavy in her chest.

Empty. She knew it before she'd even stepped from the entrance hall into the main living area - a heavy weight of absence hung in the air, tainting what had once been a sanctuary. Regina swallowed the lump in her throat and shut herself away in the study, burying her thoughts while preparing her notes for trial. Before long, she was out the door again, climbing into the back of her security car and greeting her son at the gate of his school. It was easier then, to push away the darkening thoughts in the recesses of her mind. Henry's enthusiasm for a day of learning lit his face and seemed to fill the space around him with warmth. She was still basking in its glow hours later when she pulled his bedroom door almost to a close and left him to the peace of his dreamworld.

Still alone with no idea where her girlfriend had disappeared to, Regina returned to the mess she and Henry had made in the kitchen and began to clean everything away. Spilt flour and bits of smeared sugar and butter were wiped away from the table; pots were cleaned, dried and put away; and the finished cookies were sealed in a bowl and left on the island, ready for whoever might pass by. It wasn't until she opened the cupboard with the recycling bin inside that she finally lost her hold on those dark thoughts.

Bottles. Not just the one Emma had partaken of the night before, but two others too lay in the bin. Three empty liquor bottles!? How was that possible? How had Emma drunk so much in one day? Or had this been going on since she was released from the hospital a week ago? Had her awful behaviour driven her girlfriend to drown her sorrows in secret for more than one night? Whatever the answer to those questions, Regina knew she was the reason for them being there. The tears she'd held back all day dripped through her fingers as she leant her back against the cupboard and slid to the floor. She wrapped her arms around her knees and pulled them close to her chest as she mourned the quiet demise of something so precious.

Because how could Emma forgive her now? How could Emma want to rekindle what they'd had now that she knew how heartless Regina was deep inside?

Her ass was numb by the time she managed to pull herself up off the floor and finish the last of the clean-up in the kitchen. Still sniffing back the last of her breakdown, Regina fished her phone from her handbag and curled up on one of the impractical sofas in the living area. There had never been anything particularly cosy about Emma's apartment, but without the blonde's warm presence it appeared even more impersonal and cold. She reached for a quilted blanket from the armrest and laid it over her lap. Instantly, the chill in the room subsided. More importantly, so did the chill in her heart. The blanket had been a gift from her father, an heirloom hand knitted by his grandmother. When she lifted it to her nose, she swore she could still smell his cologne.

Her fingers hovered over Kathryn's name in her text-list for several minutes before she finally bit the bullet and sent her friend a cry for help. She hated the thought of spilling all of her problems to some stranger but the more she thought about what she was putting her girlfriend through, the more she knew that she had to do something drastic to get her act together. Her friend's words reached to her from earlier in the day: it's better to deal with the fear than to deal with the guilt after you've said or done something you can't take back. If this Dr Hopper had pulled Fred and Kat back from the brink of collapse, maybe he could do the same for her, before it was too late.

She fell asleep with her phone in her hand and her head lolling uncomfortably against the inadequate backrest of the couch, which was how Emma found her shortly after midnight. Even in sleep, she was unable to rest and no matter how carefully the blonde tried to shuffle around, the sound punched into her subconscious. Regina jerked back into the waking world and met the apologetic and anxious eyes of her girlfriend.

"Emma," she breathed, tears biting into her voice.

"I'm sorry," Emma said automatically. "I didn't want to wake you but you don't look very comfortable there."

Regina cradled her neck with one hand and nodded gingerly. "I'm not. I hate this couch." Her scowl must have drained the blonde of her last ounce of confidence because she immediately backed away. Regina reached out and pulled her girlfriend back, guiding her to the seat next to her. "I hate this apartment," she added through the tightness in her chest and felt tears welling up again. Now that she'd begun, she wanted to keep going and say what she needed to say, in spite of the pain on the blonde's face. She needed Emma to know where her head was at right now, even if she didn't understand it herself. "I hate my mother and her selfish plans to make my life miserable." Her voice softened and she shuffled closer, keeping a firm grip on the blonde so that Emma couldn't run before she was finished. "I hate Leo White and his stupid, smug face. I hate that the judge refused my petition to re-adopt Henry. And I hate that you nearly died and how strained everything has been lately. But, Emma…" She brushed blonde curls behind an ear and sank her heavy head against her girlfriend's. "... I love you. Ok?"

The bounty hunter swallowed through the lump in her own throat. "Really?" she asked after a long pause, her voice small and desperate.

Relief filled Regina's chest. "Yes, really."

Another hard swallow. "Ok."

Regina had thought that she was out of tears for the day, but she couldn't seem to stop them from falling. Every time she got them under control, her brain reminded her of some horrible part of her life and they came all over again, until her head was buried between a pillow and a shoulder, until arms were wrapped around her back and her sobs filled Emma's bedroom.

... we are stronger with the right support.