Author's Note: Can I at least get a review from one of you? I can see the view metrics on my story; I know several dozen people are following it. What do you think? You can tell me I'm disgusting and you hate it; I won't be upset.

-dnpe-

Month 2

"I didn't expect Collins and Murkowski to vote for Thomas' replacement," Ryuk remarked. Three months of living with Stephanie had given him an in-depth knowledge of American politics. It was so very, very interesting.

"I expected Collins, but not Murkowski," Stephanie replied. "I guess the former still feels guilty about Kavanaugh tattooing the word 'fiddle' on her head!" They both laughed together.

Ryuk more than just respected Stephanie. He was being to actually like Stephanie, and he didn't really have any close friends back in the Shinigami Realm. He sure as hell wasn't writing her name down anytime soon. This was the most fun he'd had in over a thousand years.

"By the way, Stephanie." He turned towards her. "I'll take my guess now: Vladimir Putin."

"...am I that transparent, Sir?" she replied, somewhat disappointed in herself.

"Stephanie, you've been talking to me a hell of a lot about Ukraine lately. Don't make it so easy for me!" He laughed, this time by himself.

To his utter shock, Stephanie started crying.

"I don't know what to do, Sir," she said, quietly sobbing. "I want to kill him so badly. I want to help the people of Ukraine. But I can't predict the consequences!"

The fact that she was absolutely torturing herself over her third kill in as many months summed up everything Ryuk loved about Stephanie. Tentatively, and somewhat unsure of himself, he decided to spring his trap into action.

"Stephanie Wong, I need to tell you something about the Shinigami Realm."

Surprised at the change of topic, she got her crying under control for a minute.

"Remember when I told you that it was a boring place to live?"

"...yeah," she replied, doing her best to regain her composure.

"That is mostly the case, but you have alleviated the boredom of all Shinigami," he said seriously.

She stopped crying completely and stared at him. "I'm sorry, what?"

"Allow me to explain, Stephanie." Ryuk sounded more serious than he ever had before. "You are the most fascinating owner of the Death Note in the history of the human race, and it's not close." She flinched at the unexpected praise. "Every Shinigami is watching you, constantly. It is almost inconceivable to us that you have used the Death Note only twice in three months. Our debates have become the stuff of legends. Not only will I not kill you by writing your name in my Death Note, Stephanie..." he paused.

"I honestly don't think I could," he finally said. "Not if I want people to like me anyways. If I kill you before your time, every single Shinigami will hate me and will refuse to speak to me for all eternity."

Finally, he stood in front of Stephanie, and did something he had never done for a human: stood at attention.

"Stephanie, from this day forth, I hereby pledge never to write your name in the Death Note. You have earned the right to possess it for the remainder of your natural life."

"I...I...thank you Sir..." she was speechless at the praise.

"And knock off the humility," he added. "You've earned a little pride."

Stephanie smiled, her dark mood completely gone now.

-dnpe-

Putting away her pen, she did not write any name in the Death Note. There would be no kills this month.

She needed a rest.

-dnpe-

Bet you weren't expecting THAT, were you? As Light would say in the Batman/Death Note crossover: BOOM, BITCHES!

Review please!