Letters to Jack

by FaerieMyst

When a post-NCIS Tony DiNozzo is sent to Atlantis, unexpected changes are on the horizon.

The first thing Woolsey did after getting settled in Atlantis was to shift the weekly staff meeting to the morning after the weekly data burst from the SGC. This allowed the various department heads to read and digest the information then decide what needed to be shared. It also gave everyone a chance to decide what didn't need to be shared. This had led to his most recent restless night. The directive from General O'Neill was puzzling. How much to share was only part of the puzzle but as people started filing in for the meeting it was the most pressing. When everyone was seated, he still hadn't decided.

Woolsey had worked diligently to break the senior Atlantis staff of poor communication habits. The weekly department head meeting was to share information, not where decisions were made. It was where decisions were announced to keep everyone in the loop. Decisions that needed input from other people were held separately and privately. Nobody wanted to watch the sausage get made if they didn't need to.

As Dr. Keller finished her update, Woolsey made his decision. "Thank you, Dr. Keller. There is one other brief matter. As you all know, the Daedelus will be arriving next week with supplies. I have received a notice from General O'Neill that a new civilian contractor is onboard."

Woolsey waited for the chatter to die down before continuing, "The General has provided a name but has not indicated anything else. His only instruction is to let this individual 'do what he does'. Frankly, I have no idea what that means."

Woolsey waited again. This time the chatter was a host of similar questions asked in stereo from around the table. He held up a hand to get everyone's attention, "All I know is that his name is Anthony DiNozzo and he will provide any additional information we need to know about him."

Woolsey stood and simply left as the chatter started again. He'd found that it was the simplest and most effective way to end the weekly meeting. He headed to his office, confident that he would have a stream of visitors this afternoon wanting information that did not exist.

Dear Jack,

Wow. Just Wow. I'm not sure there is any language that can fully express my arrival and first week on Atlantis.

That said, I definitely have some words about my time on the Daedelus. No, nothing negative. It was a very Star Trek introduction to space. I struck up a solid friendship with Colonel Caldwell. I suspect that his few peers are pushed away by his brusqueness but underneath there is a solid warmth that is rarely expressed. Stephen will never be beloved but he is well respected - something I particularly appreciate. He has somehow turned the sterility of a ship into a home for the crew. He has a fine sense of when to require adherence to regulations and when to accept small eccentricities and expressions of individualism. I'm sure there are some lessons in that but I have no idea what they are.

Some of the crew were familiar with my work and word quickly spread. I had breakfast and lunch in the general mess and dinner with the officers. It kept the journey interesting to be able to help where I could. Nothing major. Mostly just tweaks to help folks adjust to what is shipboard life. While the marines onboard have some experience with that, it is still somewhat a novelty for the Air Force personnel. It is possible that I set up the outlines of a mentoring program that will encourage more experienced airmen to help the new transfers to more easily adjust.

No - I won't gush about Hermiod. I absolutely did not want to invite him to play Doctor to my companion and explore galaxies together.

Now back to Atlantis. Did you know she talks? Not in actual words but there is definitely communication. Apparently no one here realized it. Maybe it is simply that all the super special gene carriers are too stuck in their own technically educated heads. But seriously . . . I mean, five years and no one noticed. Poor Atlantis was in despair.

Tony sat back and stretched, remembering his first brush with Atlantis. Tony had beamed into the gateroom with Colonel Caldwell. Apparently people were trying to talk to him but his awareness was completely absorbed in the enthusiasm of Atlantis' welcome. As Tony finished greeting the city and spending some moments absorbing her enthusiasm, the frustrated expressions from the waiting individuals were balanced by the amusement Tony sensed from Colonel Caldwell.

"Oh. The city is very effusive. I imagine I'll adjust but right now it's a bit overwhelming to have someone chattering in my head." Tony did a full body shake as he brought himself back to the present moment. Stepping forward, he reached out his hand, "You must be Mr. Woolsey. I look forward to getting to know you as a person rather than a well respected reputation."

Turning to the person on Woolsey's right, Tony deduced that this was Colonel Sheppard. "You must be Colonel Shepperd. I've read your mission reports. I imagined that if they ever turned some of your exploits into a movie, the special effects alone would be spectacular. I hope you'll be willing to share some of your unofficial stories with me."

"-Before I forget," Tony held out a flash drive for Woolsey, "this has my work experience as well as education. It should help you figure out if there is something specific I can help with."

Tony turned to the man beside Sheppard, "You must be Dr. McKay. It is an honor to meet you. Your scientific accomplishments are beyond spectacular. Anytime you want to talk Science, I will be more than happy to listen."

Not even Rodney could get a word in as Tony turned to Teyla and bowed in the Athosian style. "Teyla Emmagen. I hope you will share with me the lore of your people."

Tony turned back to face the group and clapped his hands together. "Now I understand I need to report to medical for a baseline checkup and then see someone named Chuck about orientation. I look forward to getting to know all of you better."

As Tony strode out of the gateroom in the direction of Medical, he heard someone say, "What the hell was that?"

Caldwell chuckled, "You've just experienced Tony DiNozzo."

I don't know what you told people in advance but they didn't expect me to just stand there dumbfounded while Atlantis chattered away. I was so taken aback that I rushed through the greetings so I could move on to the required Medical check up. I figured the quicker I got through the basics, the quicker I could get back to Atlantis and her almost insatiable curiosity. Talk about overwhelming. It took a few days but eventually She and I came to an understanding.

My quarters are perfect. I suspect that Woolsey's intent was to keep me out of everyone's proverbial hair but the result is a suite out of the general flow of traffic with a balcony that provides a sunrise that is better than coffee for starting out the day. After the near constant company I had on the Daedelus and the distraction of Atlantis in my head, a few hours to just zone was a relief.

I spent the first evening in the dining hall armed with a tablet. I got a lot of poorly disguised curiosity in the form of a welcome. It's good that no one here is ever expected to go undercover. Subtlety is obviously not a required skill set. I suspect I caused more frustration than satisfaction but I don't want preconceived notions to constrain what I can contribute to this endeavor. You call it an expedition but what it is really earth's first colony in the Pegasus galaxy. I'm sure I'll have more to say in that regard as I get more familiar with everything

Although I'm still getting to know people, I was able to help Mr. Woolsey the next day. I asked Atlantis if she knew the best time to strike up a conversation and she very helpfully displayed his schedule. I'm sure it never occurred to anyone to explain security protocols to Atlantis but that definitely needs to be addressed sooner rather than later.

Atlantis also showed me recordings of Woolsey in his office when I mused out loud about finding a way to assist. I could see a lot of stress in his posture and expressions. So I worked with Atlantis to set up playlists based on the music he listens to in his quarters. I arranged both for him to be able to verbally request a playlist as well as for Atlantis to monitor his physical stress levels and select playlists based on the readings.

When I met with Woolsey later that afternoon, I explained what I had done. His reaction was priceless. He definitely appreciated having access to music in his office. He was dismayed at the evidence that Atlantis really has some sort of ability to interact with individuals independent of a known interface. He was disbelieving that it was the result of actual sentience. He did, however, thank me for my consideration in making his work environment more pleasant.

Woolsey obviously mentioned the music to others as I started getting requests from those with private offices for music during work times. I worked out a set of standard commands (complete with 'please' and thank you') for people to use to set up playlists with Atlantis. I also asked Atlantis to compile all the playlists into a master library that those without personal music files and access for their quarters and work areas.

Basically, I've spent my first week on Atlantis as a specialized DJ. I did remember to mention to Woolsey that various department heads will need to set guidelines for music in common areas. I certainly didn't expect my first idea to have such a broad impact but I am definitely pleased with the outcome.

Until next week,

Tony

Woolsey looked over the week's data burst and made a few notes for the staff meeting. He still had no idea what the newest civilian contractor to Atlantis was supposed to be doing, but the man had definitely made a contribution. Woolsey smiled as Sinatra sang in the background and did something he rarely did - he went with a hunch. Grabbing his tablet, the expedition leader sent a quick email to Tony asking him to attend the weekly department head meeting.

Dear Jack,

Another week, another . . . . .is there currency in this galaxy? There is no frame of reference for living in a galaxy with connected worlds (at least not for those of us who haven't spent forever in the SGC). What feels weirder is that there is so little interaction between those worlds. My earthbound brain wants to see the worlds as the equivalent of countries and the worlds themselves as one entity - especially since the population on most worlds is less than we have in most US states.

I also have a million questions - most of which I suspect are more suited to Daniel. Why is there only one gate per world? I mean, why create gates if you don't want interaction? Okay, maybe the Ancients didn't. It's hard to wrap my head around an advanced race that was so inherently self serving. I want to believe that advanced technology leads to greater social awareness but it seems like all the technology has only served to make these races more insular. I mean, think about it. If the Asgard were thinking about other races or cultures, would they have chosen the path of evolution that led to no sexuality? Would they have chosen a path that made them so distinctively different? Would the Ancients have sought a path to ascension so ardently if they were interacting with a broader universe?

Huh. I think I just answered my first question. There's only one gate because the gates were never about connection. The gates were for convenience. Seems kind of rude.

Okay, okay. I know you get enough of that sort of speculation from Daniel and you really want to know about Atlantis.

This is where I break out into song (think Maria from West Side Story)

Atlantis

I just met a place called Atlantis.

And suddenly I've found

How wonderful a place can be.

You will be happy to know I have refrained from singing and dancing in the halls. Yes, I have had the urge and no one is more surprised than I am. This place is just one amazing discovery after another.

Let me backup a moment. I'm sure you are aware (or maybe not) that part of the orientation is the repeated emphasis to NOT TOUCH ANYTHING. Yes, it really is said in all caps every time. Independent exploration is expressly forbidden. If it isn't identified on a schematic available on your tablet, you don't even glance its way. You just notify Chuck and he does what he does. (I have no idea what Chuck's actual job title is but I think of him as the MajorDomo of Atlantis)

With this understanding, you can imagine my surprise when Atlantis responded like an eager lover to provide me with spaces for meditation and yoga. Yes, yes, I can do both in my quarters but I wanted space that I could use with others. I wanted a space that would be in a common area that had regular traffic. I wanted space that was big enough for a small group (I was thinking about a dozen at a time). I also wanted a space that felt good. So Atlantis gave me a space.

It is possible I talk out loud when I'm thinking. I'm not used to a city that hears everything and then responds.

Atlantis was more than obliging. She found me the perfect space near the dining area. One side is transparent and overlooks the sea. It's not a big space but it feels open and soothing. The beautiful girl really outdid herself for me.

Of course, I'm talking the end result. Between my desire for a group space and using the space, there was uproar. Telling Chuck about the new place in a commonly used area led to drama. I won't bore you with details (or is it too late?) but it involved too many people and too much discussion.

Woolsey had already asked me to attend the next weekly staff meeting and my original thought was that I would sit quietly and observe. Instead I was the subject of much discussion. How did I find the room? How could Atlantis 'tell' me about it? Do I really believe that the city is sentient? If the city is sentient, why didn't anyone know? What made the city reveal itself to me? On and on and on. It was tedious. It didn't have to be but being fairly new I figure breaking out the popcorn and treating their ill disguised panic as entertainment would be rude.

I don't have answers. A few guesses, yes, but no answers. All I can do is what you sent me to do: be myself and do what I do. There is one question I can answer - why I want that room.

Atlantis is a work of art. It is graceful and beautiful. More than anything it resembles a modern cathedral. It is also a hive of activity (ironic word choice with all the Wraith issues). Everyone is always on the move. Always looking for the next task. I understand that. The entire galaxy is a war zone. Which is why I feel almost compelled to introduce stillness. People here have plenty of activities they do to relax but stillness and silence is uncomfortable. For the Pegasus natives it too much resembles the culled and abandoned worlds. For the rest, the mindset is that of a military base - except no one ever leaves the base.

Stillness was very hard for me to learn. My years as a cop and federal agent reinforced the early lessons that you always had to be doing. Everything had a sense of urgency. Sleep and rest was a necessity but more than that was unnecessary indulgence. It wasn't that I didn't know the value of stillness. It's that I didn't even know that stillness was a possibility for my life.

It is much the same here. Teyla Emmagen understands stillness. Ronan Dex understands stillness. They are exceptions. I can't help but wonder if there is a connection between their ability to be still and their prowess as warriors. I definitely want to know each of them better. Meditation, yoga and similar activities continue to challenge me. I recognize the benefits. I've experienced tangible changes as a result of those activities. I don't know, though, if it will ever feel natural. Regardless, I have a sense that it is needed here. So that has been my pursuit this week.

I don't know if Atlantis agrees with me but she has aided me. I've invited Teyla and Ronon to use the space and to share it with others. I'm using it for my personal practices and leaving the door open and some mats out when I do. I'm calling it the Calm Room. I always hate naming things but I didn't want it limited to any particular activity or practice. It's simply a calm space for calm activities either solitary or with others. I've gotten some strange looks but I've also gotten as many appreciative looks as I've invited people to use the space.

Shaking things up,

Tony

Dear Jack,

I'm starting to develop some routine around here. Before and after breakfast, I'm in the Calm Room doing meditation and yoga. Every day more people are showing up to participate and ask questions. Late morning I just wander around talking to people and getting to know them. I say talking to people but in reality I mostly listen and get a feel for things.

I've been spending my lunch time with individual department heads getting to know them. It's not only giving them a sounding board but it is helping me to understand the ebb and flow of the city. While a few I'll probably only get to know in a more professional capacity, there are others that are becoming friends. I admit to a bro-crush on McKay. He is a mass of contradictions - a hot mess of snarky love for the city and the people that live here. For all his intelligence I don't think he has a clue how much he is genuinely loved by so many people.

After lunch, I spend some time for personal fitness. Between all the outer walkways and the stairs, you can get some serious aerobic exercise. Then there is the sparring room and an amazing variety of styles. I can't imagine anyone not being able to learn self-defense here because there is just so much experience to learn from. I also hit the improvised range room a couple times a week to keep up my shooting proficiency.

I stop in the Calm Room late afternoon for more educational sessions of yoga and meditation. Most people really don't understand what they really are or how they can benefit. So I invite people to learn about them and try a small practice session. I can definitely relate to the skepticism because five years ago I would have scoffed at anyone who advocated either practice.

Dinner, like breakfast, is in the general mess. At breakfast I sit alone and let people come to me. At dinner, I join various groups of people. I listen a lot. I answer questions. When I'm asked what I do I just tell them I'm here to help in any way I can.

Yeah, that fills out the in between spaces of my day. I help wherever I can. Everything from taking messages to brainstorming a problem. Oh - and the occasional light switch duty. Shame on you for not warning me that my freaky gene would make me very popular with the science staff.

I've also become good friends with John Sheppard. It's good to have someone I can unwind with and let down my guard a bit. I've started popping by at the end of the day for a bit. No sports, no drinking. Just hanging out.

John stared as Tony flopped back in a slouch against his headboard, "What are you doing?"

"I came for a snuggle." Tony moved his feet over the edge of the bed and toed off his shoes.

"A snuggle"

"Yes, John, a snuggle. Keep up, man." Tony looked completely relaxed stretched out on the bed.

"Ooooooo-kay. Is something going on that I don't know about?" By this time John was standing on the opposite side of the bad staring at Tony.

"Sit down, John. I'm not going to bite - because, well, obviously, biting will never be part of our relationship." Tony continued his relaxed pose hoping that his unconventional approach would shock Sheppard into letting down some of his defenses.

"Uhhh . . . . .not that there's anything wrong with it. I mean, of course, there isn't but, ummmm . . . " John trailed off awkwardly.

"Yeah, yeah, I know. You're not gay. I know that. However, I didn't say I came here for sex. I came for a snuggle." Tony patted the bed and just continued to patiently wait.

John gingerly got on the bed and leaned against the headboard, leaving a good foot of space between the two men. He was stiff and clearly uncomfortable with the situation.

The two men were both silent, one relaxed, one tense. Both had minds going at light speed. Finally Tony let out a sigh, rolled over and cuddled up to John making sure there were multiple points of contact between them. If asked, Tony would have said that his friend couldn't get any tenser. He would've been wrong.

After a few minutes, Tony broke the silence, "Look, there is no non-awkward way to say any of this. I mean, I suppose, I could start off with generalities about how all humans need physical contact with other humans and how we are all social creatures. Blah, blah, blah. But this isn't about humans, it's about you, John Sheppard, and what you need."

"What exactly is it you think I need? The exasperation in John's voice was clear.

"Snuggles. Cuddles. Physical affection. Intimacy. Call it whatever you want but you, my friend, are in serious need of touch." Tony reached his arm out and draped it across John's mid section, drawing him a little closer.

"Fine. Whatever. I've been watching you, Tony DiNozzo. You're going to do what you want anyway."

"Yep." The smugness was clear in Tony's voice. "So how was your day, dear?"

John huffed out a laugh, "You are a horrible person. My day was actually pretty quiet. How about you? I didn't see you around today."

"I was in the Calm Room most of the day. People are starting to show up for meditation and yoga. One of the mess sergeants came in a few days ago to do Tai Chi and people are starting to join him. Teyla decided to use the room for her meditation time. Ronan decided to give yoga a try this afternoon."

"Ronan? Seriously?"

"Seriously. He wanted to see what it was all about so I took him through a basic routine that focuses on stretching and flexibility and using it as a body check."

"Body check?" John queried.

"Um hmm.," Tony responded. "I usually use a routine like that to help people who typically ignore their bodies but I figured with Ronan it would be a good opportunity to introduce him to a calmer way to connect with his body."

"You think it could help him?"

"If he lets it," Tony answered. "Everyone on the city has PTSD to some degree. Anything to help people look at things differently can help."

"You really think that? We all have PTSD?"

"How could you not? You've basically lived in a war zone for over 5 years. Yeah, it's your normal but it's still a combat situation. Reading through all the After Action Reports shows things starting to calm now that you've achieved peace with the remaining Wraith but there is still a lot of danger out there. Plus with the ambiguous feelings so many of you have about the city, yeah, there's a whole lot of stress not being dealt with."

John thought about it for a moment, "You think that's why the General sent you?"

"Honestly? I have no idea. I mean, he told me this was a place I could make a difference and I would find it more interesting than anything I had ever done. He was right on both counts."

Four days later, John saw Tony on the balcony outside the mess hall and went out to him. After standing beside him for a few minutes John blurted, "Are we dating?"

Tony burst into laughter and just looked at John with raised eyebrows, "No, John, we aren't dating. I know you've been away from earth for a while but things aren't that different here"

"Then what is it we're doing?"

Tony sighed. "I keep answering this question. We're snuggling."

"I really don't understand."

Turning toward him, Tony answered, "Everyone needs physical contact and affection. You need it. I need it. Hence snuggling."

"But why me?" John was genuinely perplexed.

"Why not you?" Tony answered. "Other than the occasional hug from Teyla, you really don't have a lot of close personal contact with anyone that I've seen. I figure it will take you some time to get used to it but you, my friend, are in a very serious snuggle deficit"

"Yeah, but that doesn't explain why you would want to. I mean, surely there are a lot of people willing to . . . um. . . snuggle with you."

"Have sex with me, you mean? Sure, I could meet my needs for human contact that way. I have in the past. I think maybe it's all the therapy but I'm no longer willing to trade sex for affection. I want something better."

"Snuggling with me is better than sex?" John was genuinely puzzled. He just assumed other people would always prefer sex. They certainly seemed to obsess about it enough.

"It's a more honest way of getting what I need. If you really hate it, we don't have to. You can always say no."

John was silent for a long minute. Finally he looked at Tony, "I think I'm fine with snuggling."

Dear Jack,

It's been nearly four years since the events that set me on the path to Atlantis. Of course, at the time, I had no idea that Atlantis even existed but it was still a definite turning point. Being reassigned immediately after returning from your director's funeral is a mind fuck. The whole team was reeling and expecting a stand down order. Instead it was an emotional massacre. At the time, my assignment as Agent Afloat felt like a punishment. I was a mess. Fortunately I had the sense to reach out to my frat brothers.

I've taken a lot of grief over the years for continuing the relationships I formed at OSU. Most have interpreted the annual vacations and weekend gatherings as a sign of immaturity - and yes, I have let others only see that part of the friendship but it is so much more. I know that you understand what it means to be part of a brotherhood. It is profound. So of course, my first call was to a frat brother and that's all it took to activate a support network that was needed even more than I realized.

Although I was ordered to report the next day, I actually had a week until the fleet left - a week that no one at NCIS knew about. In between shutting down my life, I listened to my brothers. I listened to their experience. I listened to their advice. I was numb so my usual defenses were suspended so all I could really do was listen but one message got through: I didn't have to do anything. My frat brothers all encouraged me to treat the assignment as a paid sabbatical.

There is the rare agent in NCIS that actually thrives as an Agent Afloat. For most it is simply a step on the career path. For an investigator, the AA assignment is torture. It is boring. It is dull. It is tedious. No one would ever describe it as life changing but that is precisely what it was for me. It took a while to recover years of absolute shit that I had endured at NCIS. My health had suffered (as you well know and Vala beautifully corrected) I was depressed. I was also lost.

As AA you actually don't do all that much work. There is rarely anything felony level. I would describe most of it as community policing. The environment is not hostile but it certainly isn't welcoming. So you just do it with little expectation. So most of my time was spent on myself. I ate well. I exercised. I painfully learned to meditate. Even more painfully, I journalled.

I know. It's every bit as awful as you think it is but one of my frat brothers, Evan, is a very well respected therapist and he is absolutely passionate about it. So first thing every morning and last thing at night I sat down to write. In the beginning it wasn't much but it became a habit and eventually it became a sort of automatic response to life's crap. Combine the journaling with a lot of recommended reading and I had set up a self therapy routine that was unlike anything I'd ever done.

Of course, I could not have done any of that without the email support. Not just Evan the therapist but Steve the attorney, Bill the career counselor, Mike the financial planner and, I kid you not, Bob the builder. Okay. Bob is actually a master carpenter with a masters in structural engineering but Bob the Builder is more fun to say.

Okay, I know you are wondering what Bob the Builder was doing in this mix. Bob was showing me what a happy life could be. While the others gave a lot of practical information and advice, Bob just wrote about his life - his wife, his children, his work, his garden. He bitched about parent-teacher conferences. He shared his internal debates about local politics. He showed that you could be accomplished and happy in an ordinary life. He was my living demonstration that what you do is less important than how you do it.

Eight months after I was reassigned, I left NCIS. My old team reassembled after several months and I had a few interactions with them regarding issues onboard. There was actually a murder that brought the team out. I'm sure they expected me to beg to come back to DC but by that point I already knew I would eventually leave NCIS. It was just a matter of figuring out what I wanted next and the AA position had proven to be the perfect place for that.

You know what happened next: more education, formal therapy and just being myself. That last was the hardest part but it was what all those months as AA had led to. Ultimately, through Daniel and Sam, it led me to you and a friendship I never could have anticipated. I'm not sure what you saw that led you to read me into the program and offer me a place here but a job description of being myself is not something I could have ever anticipated. . . . but I'm very glad it happened.

Every day brings more people in to use the Calm Space. I do a guided meditation there every morning at the same time. After dinner, I do a relaxing yoga session that has become very popular. Ronon joins me several times a week and has started encouraging his sparring partners to try out what I've started calling Warriors Yoga. The focus is on really connecting to your body so that you can give it exactly what it needs. Being in top physical shape is a necessity not only for gate teams but for everyone. The stressors here are not only extreme at times but for most people they are unprecedented. We really hit the bottom of the pyramid in what has to be focused on here. Food, shelter, security aren't guaranteed. They are hard won and it's a big adjustment for most who now call Atlantis home.

This week, I've started going into the labs every afternoon to encourage people to take breaks. McKay and a few others go out on gate teams but most rotate between their quarters, the mess areas and the labs. So I pop in and invite people to take a break. Some I get to actually take walks. Others are willing to stop and take ten minutes to stretch. Baby steps but it's a start.

I've also started talking to people about the hobbies they had BA (before Atlantis) and how life here can include those activities. It seems like it didn't occur to many of them that they could have those activities here - like somehow this is a 24/7 duty station. I'm amazed the injury count isn't higher but I'd definitely like to see some stats about that.

Doing my thing,

Tony

Dear Jack,

I know my friendship with Daniel always puzzled you. You didn't really see what a linguist/archaeologist and a former fed had in common and I really didn't know how to explain it to you. It only took me another galaxy to figure it out: stories.

We've talked about my love of movies that grew from the happy times with my mom. Mom taught me the joy of losing yourself for a short time in a good movie - in a good story. Combine that with my freaky memory and it was the start of a framework for how I viewed the world. I not only see the stories in what happens around me but I'm fascinated by them. No matter how awful things are, I can look around and find story pieces that interest me. You know my wacky sense of humor (not unlike your own). I always find something funny even when it isn't the most appropriate thing at the moment. But whether it is funny or just interesting, I love a good story.

So the best thing about leaving NCIS (besides getting out of a dysfunctional mess) was the time I had to do anything I wanted. I started with the Smithsonian and every Tuesday I would go. There was no schedule and I could take as much time as I wanted. While tourists may spend a day or two in a particular hall, I literally took years exploring. There were some areas that I spent a lot less time in but other exhibits I returned to week after week. It was a priceless education - not just in information but in the stories told in the exhibits and the stories of the people visiting the exhibits.

So one day I'm visiting the aviation annex in in Fairfax and I'm standing there looking at the Enola Gay. There is this guy about my age standing nearby with this puzzled frown on his face so I ask if he is okay. He starts talking about the young crewman on that plane and if they could have even imagined the role they would play in history. That was the start of an afternoon of conversation that has never stopped. Daniel and I find our stories in different places but for both of us the story is what compels us. It draws us in. It shines a light on seemingly unrelated events happening around us. When I talk about movies or Daniel talks about an artifact or a linguistic anomaly, we are showing you the story filter that we see through. It's more than just babbling at you. We make connections through those filters.

Of course, Atlantis has been as helpful with my movies as she was about music. There is now a movie library on Atlantis and we have set up viewing rooms - one for up to a dozen people and the other that will hold ten times that many. The small room is only by reservation. The large room offers a daily showing and can also be reserved. The daily showings draw a crowd and I was surprised by the popularity of the classic movie nights. So it is good to have people around that can get my various movie references but that really isn't what this is all about.

But I've totally missed the point I was aiming for - the stories. One thing Daniel and I talked about often is that the stories told, regardless of medium, is most often told by the victors. In our world that means it is often told by straight white men. Yes, it has been changing but it has shaped so much of our perspective. I bring this up because I've become very aware that the current leadership of Atlantis is entirely white and male. Yes, you had two strong women in leadership but they were surrounded by testosterone all the time. Simply put, Atlantis needs more women.

Yes, there are some very capable women here. Teyla and Miko immediately come to mind. These are two people that you don't want to cross. Every department has brilliant, capable women but overwhelmingly they are surrounded by men and a predominantly male culture.
And yes, I do understand that personnel chosen by the predominantly male Air Force will skew toward male leadership but if you see Atlantis as a long term proposition then there needs to be more balance. The fact that Major Teldy and her female gate team is seen has an eccentricity and that the remarkable effectiveness of the team is often overlooked sums up my point.

You know I love classic movies. A lot of that is an emotional connection to my mother. Watching them evokes some of my best childhood memories. That said, as I've worked on my degrees, I've become more aware of the increased richness that has evolved in film as the diversity of the storytellers has increased. Diversity in gender, race and heritage, sexuality, age - the great stories of today are no longer being told by older white guys. Yes, they still tell the majority but slowly it is changing and it is a change for the better.

So far, the story of Atlantis has been written by old white men (no disparagement intended to the old white man I'm writing to). To get the richest, fullest story, more diversity is needed and, as always, it has to start in the leadership. Only one department (medical) is led by a woman now. As Atlantis grows and evolves, it needs different voices leading it. I'm not saying that the current leaders need to be displaced but as the city grows in this galaxy and more areas need expertise, you have to broaden the footprint of leadership.

I spent much of my education and law enforcement career in male dominated environments and I have to wonder how much fuller my personal and professional development would have been with more diverse environments. I think about Sam and Vala and imagine how they would have challenged my younger self.

Confession time - when the meetings around here get tedious, I imagine Vala reacting to the men around here. I think she would make some heads explode (in a good way).

I've rambled around a lot but I think you get what I'm trying to say. It's really about where you see Atlantis going. Right now it is a scientific/military expedition but it could be the seedling that grows into a new variety of Earth culture. I guess I need to ask where you see Atlantis developing. The IOA has kept Atlantis tethered but I don't think it has to be.

Rambling on,

Tony

Dear Jack,

I have no idea when you will get this since we've been unable to connect to earth this week. Since no one seems alarmed by this, I figure it is just something that happens occasionally. So on to the news: Atlantis has a basketball court.

Yes, Atlantis still loves me. Apparently, if I want it, the city will find a way to give it to me.

It was Tony's turn to be the pillow. He and John took turns being the snuggler and the snugee. John was sprawled across Tony's body completely boneless. A three day mission to a new gate address had been routine but John was glad to be back and sending an exploratory team for a more thorough evaluation of the planet.

He wasn't ready to say it but John had missed the nightly snuggle time. It was relaxing and not having any pressure to have sex was a relief. He knew it wasn't a forever thing because Tony would eventually want a sexual partner. Still, while it lasted, John would enjoy it.

"You ever play basketball?" Tony asked while playing with John's hair.

"Nothing formal but I've been known to shoot some hoops from time to time."

Tony nodded, "We need a space where we can set up a court."

"You got a plan?", John asked.

"No. Just be nice to have a place to have pick up games."

John gave it some thought, "We've really slowed down city exploration in the last year or so. Start with Chuck and Rodney to see if they know of a space."

"Why the slow down?" Tony wondered.

"We have enough space so it's no longer a priority."

"Seems a bit shortsighted," Tony observed.

"Yeah but we only have so many people," John pointed out. "The IOA wants gate exploration. Unless they stop requiring mission reports, I'm kinda stuck with their priorities. I have to choose my battles."

"Okay, I can appreciate that. Still seems a shame. Any idea how much is unexplored?"

"Less than half, I would guess."

"Wow . And we're not even filling up that much.". Tony thought for a bit. "So much possibility. Yep. So I'm thinking it won't be too hard to find a place to put up some hoops."

Damn you, Jack.

Tony knew that Jack O'Neill would never read this letter but still he wrote, pouring out his anguish and sorrow that he'd kept bottled over the last three days. He had barely slept and eating had been an automatic response every time someone had thrust a sandwich or piece of fruit at him.

It had started with the arrival of the Daedelus with a terse message from Caldwell, "Beaming one down." To everyone's astonishment it had not been the Colonel that had arrived but Samantha Carter, surprisingly dressed in civilian clothes.

Going straight to Woolsey, Sam leaned in and spoke to him quietly before heading up to the central conference room. Woolsey cleared his throat and asked for John, Rodney and Tony to join him and Carter.

The first thing Tony noticed was Sam's stiff posture. Despite the civilian clothing, she looked like she was standing at attention before a stern commander. As they all gathered round, she stepped over to the table and set a messenger bag on it. Opening the bag, Sam pulled out a manilla folder and handed it to Woolsey without a word.

Woolsey opened the folder and read the single sheet of paper it contained. "By order of General Jack O'Neill, Anthony DiNozzo is now Deputy Commander of the Atlantis expedition."

Tony blinked, the shock evident on his face, "I don't understand."

Sam reached in the messenger bag and drew out four additional folders. Handing the stack to Tony, she told him, "I think this will explain things."

Tony took the stack from her, opened the top folder and started reading. Slowly he backed up and almost fell into a chair as he continued to read.

Dear Tony,

The remaining folders contain letters for Woolsey, Sheppard and McKay. Whether you read them first is up to you.

I'm sorry to drop this on you. I had hoped to be wrong but still prepared for the worst. That you are receiving this from Sam means that my greatest fear has been realized and earth has been either devastated or destroyed.

I've spent the last six months setting up outposts filled with not only supplies but the people to help you rebuild. Sam has a list of all the locations where you will find the resources I've gathered. Once you have the list from Sam, I think my underlying goals will become evident.

You have letters for Woolsey, Sheppard and McKay. It will tell them what I've told you along with specific recommendations for each.

My guess is that Woolsey will initially fall apart. Let him. I know that you can jump in and hold together short term. Take the reins. By the time you need to hole up, Woolsey will be back on form. You and he will be a good team with your complementary temperaments.

Like you, Sheppard will push himself through the immediate crisis. He'll also set up backup. McKay will panic and rant but when he's needed he'll dig in and do whatever is needed. Just be prepared to occasionally intervene and force him to rest and regroup.

Sam has a list of Stargate Command personnel that can be integrated into Atlantis personnel. Along with Cameron Mitchell, Sam can advise how best to utilize the new staff.

On a personal note, thank you for the friendship you brought into my life. I'd like to think that if Charlie had grown into adulthood, he would've been the kind of man you grew into.

Always your friend,

Jack

Tony slipped the letter back into the folder, only peripherally aware of Rodney's grumbling. He looked up at Sam and felt tears fill his eyes. Keeping his eyes locked with hers, Tony quietly advised the others, "I think everyone should sit."

As everyone sat down, he silently passed the folders out to the intended recipients. Reaching over, he took Sam's hand and waited.

Rodney was the first to react, "What the hell!". He got up and started pacing the edges of the room and muttering, his hands reaching up to occasionally tug on his hair. John sat in stunned silence beside Woolsey who had tears streaming down his face.

I want to both hug you and scream at you. Hug you for everything you did to help rebuild a portion of Earth's population in the Pegasus galaxy. Scream at you for not saving yourself.

What you did was amazing. The amount of Earth culture you saved from so many diverse places is astounding. The cooperation you got from so many people is nothing short of miraculous. It will take months for the Daedelus to gather the people and assorted stores from everywhere you stashed them but it will take us equally long to prepare for them.

You were right about the various reactions. Woolsey fell apart immediately but was able to pull it together long enough to announce to all assembled both my promotion and news of Earth. Then I literally sent him to his room.

While McKay was pacing and ranting, Sheppard and I made the decision to immediately beam down SG-1 to do some logistics planning. I also called in Ronon and Teyla.

Unsurprisingly, Vala promptly asserted her role as my assistant. It was a bit disconcerting but having her at my side has made all the difference this week. I know you understand what it's like to see the absurd and ironic even in the worst of times. Sharing that with Vala and John made the overwhelming emotions bearable.

I asked Mitchell to aide Sheppard and Lorne. Between the three of them, order will be kept and they'll make sure able bodies are wherever needed. Vala assured me she would keep an eye on them. That alone may be enough to make sure they don't overdo it.

Carter, McKay, Zelenka and Kusanagi have divvied up the technical challenges. I tasked Ronon with looking after the science quartet. While that may seem an odd choice, I've noticed that he is very proprietary about the well being of a certain CSO. It is definitely something I'm willing to take advantage of.

Teyla, Daniel and Chuck are charged with helping the refugees integrate into Atlantis. Dr. Keller has been amazing in allocating personnel to get basic checks on the newcomers while assigning medical staff to each department to do regular wellness checks.

Just when I was starting to stress about the logistics of feeding and housing everyone, Vala came to me with a plan she had already cleared with Sheppard and McKay. The stood down gate teams will start to clear additional housing and the marines that usually accompany gate and exploratory expeditions are assisting food services.

So why am I pouring this out to you? It's another reminder of the depth of experience and capability surrounding me. Vala has become my liason to the working groups while Walter has become my … Walter. That man is a little scary but I'm so glad he is here.

I'm still furious at you. I don't expect that to go away anytime soon.

Tony

Dear Jack,

I am starting to feel like the staff mother. Emotions are running so high that there is a fake sense of urgency to every task. I have to regularly remind people that there is no need to skip meals or work through the night. Our task to integrate the refugees has to be done with an eye to repeating the process when the Daedelus returns.

One thing NCIS taught me is how to have an unhealthy work environment and I refuse to let this horror undo all the therapy that followed. So while I've had to pare things down a bit, I'm doing a short meditation session before breakfast every morning. Every day it is filled and I now keep tissues by the case in the room. Teyla is doing a meditation before lunch that is attracting a lot of the refugees.

To my astonishment, Ronon harries the science staff into a short session of yoga every afternoon. He has insisted that the top staff participate. He accepts no excuses. He keeps it short and light so there is no reason to worry about changing clothes. After, he gently encourages them to grab a snack. As much as they grumble at him, there has been a noticeable lessening of temper in the labs. Of course, I'm sure most are just glad he doesn't insist on sparring.

On the morning of the sixth day AE (after Earth), Woolsey came into the gate area, greeted everyone and then went into his office like any other work day. Naturally, I was curious.

Tony entered the office and stood in front of the desk, "Good morning, Mr. Woolsey."

"Good morning, Mr. DiNozzo."

Tony stared at him blankly until, with a half smile Woolsey said, "Have a seat and tell me what I missed."

Woolsey sat silently after the summary of what was being done and finally responded with, "Very good. Now what do you need from me?"

"Giant emotions aside, everything right now is logistics. I can handle that. It's what happens next that we need to consider. That's what we need from you. Do we stay on Atlantis? Do we find a new home planet? The Atlantis charter was never meant for this situation so what replaces it?"

" Very good, Mr. DiNozzo. I have been considering those very issues. I'm going to organize my thoughts on these issues and then after lunch I'd like to discuss with you how we address these things without disrupting everything else that needs to happen."

Tony nodded and then got up to leave. At the door he turned back, "I really prefer to still be called Tony."

"Very well. I prefer Richard."

We ended the day with more questions than answers. Still, it feels like an important beginning

Wish you were here,

Tony

Dear Jack,

I finally lost it.

"No, Col. Caldwell, you may not take Samantha Carter with you on your retrieval trips." Tony was on the edge of losing his temper. "Sam is retired and no longer obligated to meet the demands of the US Military, which, I might add, NO LONGER EXISTS."

"Tony, this isn't about the military. Sam is the best choice. She knows Atlantis. She knows the Daedelus. She can start the orientation process weeks before we get back. It'll make it easier on everyone."

Had he been thinking rationally Tony would have agreed but at the thought of one of his own leaving the safety of Atlantis, all reason fled. It wasn't just that he knew Sam from before even joining the expedition. All of the command teams had become his in a very personal way over the last two weeks. Taking care of them so they could take care of the city and its people had become a priority. He was not about to let one go flitting between galaxies no matter how much it made sense.

Tony took a breath and tried again. "You and your crew have been amazing. Between help with all the incoming supplies and reworking the Daedelus to better transport the refugees, you have gone above and beyond. But I cannot let you have Samantha Carter."

At that moment, Woolsey walked into the conference room. "Tony, if you could please wait in my office. I'll handle this."

So now I have three days of downtime. It is possible that I've become a tad over protective of the people around me. Is that unreasonable?

On a positive but not unrelated note, Atlantis and I created a teachers lounge. You remember back in school the special room that teachers had and the kids thought it was so unfair that they got couches? I realized that the command teams needed something similar - a neutral place to relax or nap or reconnect. Once again, I expressed a need and the city provided.

For now, I am taking the time to de-stress a bit. It is also possible that I am having a few good cries. Manly cries.

Still mad at you,

Tony

Dear Jack,

I so wish you were here. I could really use your advice. How do you handle falling for two people at the same time? Don't go denying it. I never said anything but how you felt about Sam and Daniel was obvious to anyone with eyes. It is equally obvious the depth of their grief. I don't know if you ever acted on it but you should have. As proven, life really is too short.

And there's my answer. I know there are differences but one lesson from all of this is that there is no certainty.

Tony stepped into the now named teachers lounge and saw Vala sitting in a corner of the massive sectional sofa. Crossing the room, he flopped on the couch and lay down with his head in Vala's lap, "Hey, Sweetheart."

"Hey yourself." She started combing her fingers through his hair and he hummed in appreciation. "So…..John Sheppard."

Tony groaned, "Is it that obvious?"

"Only to me," she answered. " But Jack said it. Two peas in a pod."

"No pea I'd rather be in a pod with," he answered while walking his eyebrows at her.

She smirked. "I remember. Which begs the question of you and Sheppard. That man is terrified of sex."

"I wouldn't say terrified," Tony answered thoughtfully. "It's more that he is baffled by everyone's fascination with it."

"Has he actually talked to you about it?"

"Not a word," Tony responded. "But it's as obvious to me as it is to you."

Vala tapped his shoulder and nudged him up. "I guess I better get to know John Sheppard then."

"You'd do that?", he asked wonderingly.

"Tony, no matter what else happens, we fit. I'm not willing to walk away from that. Are you?" She looked at him in challenge.

Tony smiled and a tension he didn't even realize he was holding relaxed. "No, it's not something I'll let go easily."

I have no idea how things will work out. A lot of conversations need to be had. Some of them will be really awkward but can it be harder than trying to forge a new society out of a thousand disparate parts?

Angry. hurting and a bit confused,

Tony

Tony walked into John's room and stopped when he saw Vala snuggled up to him on the bed.

"Hey kids did I miss a memo?" Tony asked.

"No," John said, `` you didn't miss it. We just haven't sent it yet."

"Well I'm here now." Tony walked over to the bed, slipped his shoes off and sat down facing John and Vala.

"John and I have been getting to know each other," Vala told him.

"And what have you learned?"

Vala smiled. "That we're both rather fond of you and we hate for you to have to choose between us."

"That's very considerate of you," Tony said. "So what exactly does all this mean?"

John looked at him, "Honestly, I have no idea but I figure somehow we'll manage."

"Sounds good to me," Tony said smiling.

It took six more months for the Daedelus to ferry the supplies and refugees to the Pegasus Galaxy. It did indeed go smoother with Samantha Carter along for the trip and after the first time Daniel joined her. By the time the ship arrived all that was needed was a medical check before being sorted into quarters.

The mechanics of integrating supplies and refugees almost became routine but it was difficult as everyone adjusted to a new normal. Each outpost in the Milky Way galaxy held a different mix of refugees and supplies. Some outposts held items of cultural significance. It seemed a few times as if Jack had literally managed to empty whole museums. Along with the art works, there were experts who could pass on traditions and histories. There were teachers from dozens of countries for every level of education.

On a practical level they were farmers, plumbers, electricians, carpenters, stone workers and mechanics. There was a notable lack of politicians; however, there were experienced leaders.

Woolsey spent every morning in meetings. Sometimes he met with individuals other times with groups of people. His afternoons were spent alone at his desk. Slowly he put together a new charter for an unaffiliated Atlantis. He also worked on a framework for a self-governing world.

At the end of the first month, Teyla and Rodney started identifying uninhabited planets. A few weeks later gate teams started exploring these planets. Many planets were easily eliminated while the remaining were tagged for deeper exploration. In the teachers lounge, the command teams debated the qualifications for a Home World.

Tony was torn. He didn't want to rush to find a new Home World but at the same time they needed the ability to raise their own food. Teyla led trade delegations while the botanists switched from exploring native Pegasus species to creating gardens that could produce crops on Atlantis.

One outpost contained crates of seeds as well as livestock. In addition to Caldwell's displeasure of live animals on his ship, the scientists were in a tizzy as they debated the benefits of having earth based food sources against the downside of introducing invasive species. Eventually they would compromise. Domesticated livestock would be raised planet side while earth based plants would be grown in the various gardens of Atlantis.

After the last of the supplies and refugees were in Atlantis, a week of mourning was planned. There would be one short formal ceremony at the start of the week. Areas of the city were set aside for private memorials. It wouldn't bring closure. That was impossible. It did help with the healing.

Tony continued to write Jack every week. Jack O'Neill had saved the world many times over and when that was no longer possible he saved a remnant of Earth for another galaxy.

Dear Jack,

John and Vala tell me that it is time to let you go. It's been over a year and it's time to look forward.

Most of the refugees have moved to the Home World. It eventually won out over other planets because there were so many intact structures. Many repairs were needed but it gave them a head start.

Woolsey worked tirelessly setting up the framework for a just society to grow and flourish. He is leaving Atlantis to be part of the governing council on the Home World.

One thing he insisted on was a permanent residence for the people of Atlantis. I don't even know what to call it except to say it is perfect. Rodney and John found it during one of the planet surveys. Any time someone mentions it, they immediately claim credit.

Sam and Daniel have finally built a relationship without you at its heart. It wasn't easy. You left a very big hole in both the hearts. The healing was slow but gradually they have moved on.

I honestly don't know how John, Vala and I work but we do. I think it is proof of cosmic irony that the two most sexual people on Atlantis ended up with a guy uninterested in sexual activity. Vala and I have insisted that if he is in the room when we make love, he is not allowed to make snarky comments.

Oh yeah, Sam and Vala are both pregnant.

I will always be grateful that you brought me to Atlantis.

Tony

Woolsey arranged his desk and sat back in contentment. Living on the Home World lacked the amenities of Atlantis but there was something deeply satisfying being here at the beginning.

Atlantis was now an independent city with a new charter. It was committed to science and exploration and instead of reporting to politicians it answered to a diverse ethics committee.

There was no longer a military force. Many became security forces for exploratory teams. A few were receiving investigative and law enforcement training from Tony. The former military scientists were now simply part of the science department.

The command teams that were established with the influx of refugees continued to work together. Tony had accepted the job of City Coordinator. With Vala's assistance, he maintained communications and worked to ensure a happy and healthy city.

From his first interaction with Stargate Command to leading Atlantis to serving on the Home World Council, Richard Woolsey had been on an extraordinary journey. While he really could never go home again, he now had a new home.