This is a sequel to my fanfiction 'Oh Mother'. It's mostly about Elodie discovering how her father felt in the moments leading up to his suicide.
17 year old Elodie was searching the attic for her mom's old anatomy stuff. She's working on her senior project - making a model of a normal brain and the brain of someone with bipolar disorder - when she finds a journal. Not just any journal. It's her father's, from right before he committed suicide.
'What a nice way to say he killed himself?' She thought
Elodie opened the journal and started reading from page one.
It read:
Addison told me she wants a divorce today. I understand that I've been kind of a jerk lately. My whole life is falling apart, and it's my fault. If I hadn't abandoned my kids, Elodie wouldn't hate me. Then I never would have cheated on my wife, and Meredith wouldn't be pregnant.
It kills me inside knowing that my daughter hates me. Especially because I love her so much. I made my princess feel broken, and if I could go back, if I could change and fix all my mistakes I would.
I left my children because my daughter was diagnosed with bipolar disorder and I couldn't handle not being able to fix her. At first I blamed myself. I thought it was my fault. Like I wasn't a good enough father. Logically I know that her diagnosis doesn't mean she's broken, but her life is going to be much harder as a person with bipolar disorder than if she...neurotypical.
Elodie sighed as she closes the journal. She had been in so much pain and felt so much anger back then, and apparently her father had been equally as tortured. 'No wonder he killed himself.' She thought, but she also knew that she couldn't let her brothers and sister see this journal. They wouldn't be able to handle it. She barely could.
Elodie continued searching for her mom's old anatomy stuff, and when she found it, she took both it and the diary back to her room where she started working with her clay to sculpt a model brain.
That night as Elodie was laying in bed, she decided she wanted to read the next entry in her father's diary. She opened it to page two, which read:
Addison and I told the kids about Meredith's pregnancy and that the baby is a boy. Quinten is excited for a brother. Elodie wants nothing to do with the baby. She won't claim him as her brother, and she said she never will. She wished that he never existed.
I wish there was something I could do. Not to help her accept the baby. That should come on her own terms.
I don't know what I want to do. Or even what I should do. I just feel so helpless. I have a baby on the way and I feel like I've lost everything.
Elodie hates me.
Addison hates me. Even though she's accepting the baby and will welcome him into our home, she's doing it for Meredith and the innocent baby who didn't ask for a cheating father. She's not doing it for me.
At least Quinten and Finlee still love me. That should be enough, but for some reason, it's not. I just feel like nothing I do is good enough. Like I'm not good enough. I never deserved to have a family.
Quinten and Finlee should hate me, but they're young. They don't understand. I'm no good for my family, and maybe I never was. Maybe I was just good at pretending.
Elodie yawned, before closing the diary and placing it in the drawer of her nightstand. She rolled over to her left side, closing her eyes as she tried to sleep, but her father's written words plagued her mind.
Hope you enjoy. Comments are greatly appreciated.
What would you like to see happen next?