My Father's Thoughts

by Bella Gracelyn Prentiss

It's been seven years since Derek killed himself. While working on her senior project, 17 year old Elodie is searching the attic and finds a journal that Derek wrote in his last year on Earth. How does Elodie react to finding out of how her father really felt about life in the months leading up to his suicide?

7. Chapter 7

I woke up the next morning with a throbbing headache and Amy dumping out all my beer and alcohol. She was even more determined than yesterday.

Amy even called Addison who put my son on the phone so he could talk to me. She said she did it because she loved me, but I can't believe Amy would stoop that low.

After I talked to Quinten, I left to get some air. I never came back though, because I had made a decision. I had finally decided that today would be the day I ended it all.

I just couldn't take it anymore. All the pain I was putting my family through. Killing myself would be an act of mercy for myself, and for them.

Elodie let out a heavy sigh, feeling disheartened reading those words. Pausing briefly, she stared at the page, eyes filled with tears. Elodie turned the page, hoping to find just one more entry before it would be the end.

And there it was - Derek's suicide note.

To my wife,

I know in the end I wasn't a very good husband. I'm sorry for everything I put you and the kids through. I'm sorry for leaving and for cheating on you. The problem was never with you, it was with me.
I wish I could change the way things ended between us. I wish I would have put in more work to try and salvage our relationship. No matter what I may have said or how I acted, I did love you. I still do. I think a part of me will always love you. I wish this wasn't goodbye, but it's for the best.

Goodbye, Addie.

And to my kids,

I'm sorry. You deserved better.
In the end, I wasn't a very good father.
Just know that I love you. Forever and always.

Goodbye. Love, Daddy.

"I miss you, Daddy." Were the last words that Elodie uttered before shutting the journal.

Suddenly everything became clear. With everything that Elodie learned about her father in the year before he killed himself, the most important thing that she learned was that his suicide was not her fault. In addition to that, she realised that she had blamed him and hated him for the decision he made to kill himself. But now she doesn't anymore. She just wishes that he was still here. She discovered that even now at seventeen she still needed her daddy.

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