Ch.2: No going back

It had been a week since the battle. Elrohir was still getting used to his Choice. One thing that stood out was that his senses seemed duller and more vibrant at the same time. His hearing, eyesight and reflexes were still much better than any mortal's, but to Elrohir it felt like he was living entrapped in a casing of sticky syrup.

Everything seemed to happen faster too as though his body had suddenly realized it didn't have an eternity to experience everything. The rain was wetter and colder while the fire seemed to blaze brighter and hotter. He could feel the cold affected him more now than before.

His eyes drifted over to where Elladan rode, a little ahead and to the right. His wounds were still grave, but not mortal. Even now, with the rapid healing of the Eldar, Elladan could ride unassisted for almost half the day. Because of that, they now were almost home.

Home.

Elrohir grimaced at that thought.

Home meant family.

One thing that plagued Elrohir was how he was going to tell his family of what had happened and his choice. Arwen would doubtlessly be supportive, though she would grieve. Elrond and Elladan were a different challenge. Ever since his wife had sailed, Elrond had kept a fearful eye on his children, worried that he might loose them too. The more he thought about it, Elrohir decided that it would be easier to tell Elrond would he had chosen to commit suicide.

Elladan would be angry. The twins had always discussed what they would do with their Choice. They always came back to one thing: they would choose together. For Elrohir to go ahead and choose for not himself but also his twin would push Elladan to wrath. Now that the heat of the moment was gone, there was a part of Elrohir that bitterly regretted his Choice. He should have let Elladan go. Instead he was a coward and now their paths would never finish together.

Elrohir found himself vaguely wondering how long he could keep his Choice hidden. He grimaced as several painful and explosive coughs tore from his chest. He was thankful that due to the continued downpour, no one else noticed.

Elrond was pacing in worry. Something had happened. His awareness of Elladan had been forcefully severed then shoved back in his mind while his awareness of Elrohir was slowly going silent.

He felt his breath stolen from him when his sons passed the boarder guard and a message regarding Elladan's near-fatal wound arrived. He nearly fell over with relief when both his sons rode through the arched gateway on their own, conscious and lucid. His joy was quickly quenched as the twins dismounted. Elladan was stiff as a wounded should be but Elrohir stumbled for no apparent reason.

Elrond rushed forward to his sons. Elladan accepted Elrond's embrace and probing fingers. After a minute though he swatted Elrond away. Elrond embraced Elrohir next and was rather startled when the younger twin fiercely returned the gesture, something he didn't normally do. Elrond pulled back to look at him.

Up close, Elrond could now see that there was a frailty about Elrohir that had not been there before. In fact Elrond didn't know better, he would have guessed that Elrohir had been the one injured, not Elladan. The change was subtle and easily missed, but Elrond saw it nevertheless and knew without a shadow of a doubt what had happened. Elladan, on the other hand, remained blissfully unaware of the change.

However, Elrond had no time to question Elrohir. The healer in him needed to know that Elladan's wounds were healing well. Elrond gently steered his firstborn with a hand on the back of his neck. Elladan reluctantly allowed himself to be taken to the halls of healing. There Elrond assessed his wound. It had been deep, but it was healing nicely. Elrond shuddered to think how close he had come to loosing one of his sons. It was only after he was done that he noticed Elrohir has slipped away. Elrond frowned.

"Can you talk with him ada?" Elladan asked quietly. He had seen his father's worried face and known what Elrond was thinking.

"That was my plan."

"Good," Elladan nodded, "Something's wrong with him, but he won't let me examine him. I think he may have been wounded as well. That, or, well..."

"Well what?"

"I won't make light, ada. I made a stupid decision and was wounded pretty badly. I almost died and I think it really scared Ro," Elladan grimaced as he rubbed the back of his neck in shame.

Elrond prayed that Elladan was right, but deep down he knew what had happened. Elrond cornered his son after the evening meal. Elrohir had gone straight to bed and Elrond followed him after a moment. Elrond knocked softly on Elrohir's door.

"Elrohir?" he called hesitantly. He received no response. Worry gripping his heart, Elrond pushed the door open. The room was dark and it took the lord of Rivendell a moment to spot his son. Elrohir was curled up in a small ball against the headboard, silently sobbing. That was all the confirmation Elrond needed. He quickly settled next to his son, reaching over to thread his fingers through Elrohir's dark hair, massaging his scalp. Elrohir's body relaxed at peaceful motion and the crying slowly subsided. Elrond finally spoke:

"You made your Choice." It wasn't a question. Still curled in a tight ball, Elrohir gave a slight nod.

"I had to. I couldn't let him die just like uncle Elros couldn't let you die," Elrohir's voice was choked and thick with tears. Elrond felt his gut clench as his youngest son voiced out loud some of his deepest fears: Elros had given up immortality to save him and Elrohir had just done the same for Elladan. Their fates would forever be sundered. In his shock, his hand stilled in Elrohir's hair. The younger twin took it as a sign of displeasure and shrunk further against the headboard.

"Do you hate me?" Elrohir suddenly sounded very young. Elrond's heart broke.

"No ion-nin, I could never hate you. You are loved more than you could ever know, no mater your fate," Elrond gathered his son into his arms like he was an elfling. Elrohir buried his face in his father's shoulder, the sobbing starting anew. Elrond felt his robes quickly become damp with tears. Elrond's voice caught in his throat and he had to clear it several times before he could speak again.

"Does Elladan know?"

"No." Elrohir's voice was muffled against Elrond's shoulder. He sounded miserable. Elladan, ever the master of horrible timing, popped his head in at this moment.

"What don't I know?" Elladan grinned. His teasing expression faltered at the grim look his father and twin were wearing. He slowly frowned. Something was wrong. Elladan looked closer at the tableau before him. Elrond looked grieved and weary as he cradled the younger twin. Elrohir looked... oh, Valar! Elladan could see it now.

"Ro, what did you do?" Elladan demanded in a panic, his voice hoarse and unforgiving.