Chapter 2: reality
Dumbledore enters after a quiet knock sounds on the door. I am not able to speak or stand to open the door. I just sit there on the window seat. He brings the desk chair closer to the window. He's trying to understand what the right thing to do is. I try to say I'm fine, but nothing comes out. He tells me he's going to help me through this time. I continue to stare out the window. I don't have the energy to eat, shower, or continue the basic routine of a normal person. I am not normal anymore. I can't be the person I once was. I continue in this depressed state while Dumbledore checks in on me. I am sure he knows that I can't do much and that the depression is all consuming as the days go by. He helps, he spells the potions into my stomach so that I still get some nutrients, he uses a charm to help refresh my teeth and body since I can't get out of bed. At the beginning he would leave easy food to digest like soup and oatmeal with water on the desk but quickly he realized that I lacked any appetite. He tried to get me to talk and express any emotion. I just sat there like a shell though. Some days I'd sleep too much and other days not at all.
Then it hit me that they are never coming back, and I must live with it. So, when Dumbledore came round, and he talked I responded. I knew he was shocked after weeks of no emotion it happened. He asked how I am feeling. I just said I'm going to take a shower. He showed me to the guest bathroom and accio'd a towel. He said he'd have lunch ready when I was out if I wanted to join him in the dining room. I turned on the faucet and looked at my reflection. My face lacked emotion; it was gaunt. My whole body was undernourished, and you could count every bone. I let the warm water cascade down me. I still didn't have full energy but enough to use the lavender scented body wash and wash my hair with the matching shampoo.
I dried off and walked back to the guest room where there was a sweater, joggers, and undergarments on the bed. I walked down to the dining room where there was a lunch of bread, salad, and soup on the table. Dumbledore sat next to Minerva McGonagall, and I sat opposite both. I was able to stomach some lettuce but just sat there and moved the food around as I still wasn't very hungry. It was quiet as we ate but then I surprised them and even myself a bit by saying "when can I go to diagon ally to get my books for the term?". They looked at each other than McGonagall said she can take me before the term starts in a week and a half if I am feeling up for it. I said that works and asked if there is anything I can do while I am here. Dumbledore advised that I should focus on getting better and even start speaking to a mind healer before going back to Hogwarts. I said that I am fine and asked to be excused from the table.
I am not sure what came over me that I practically ran back to the guest room. Dumbledore spoke to McGonagall "I think she is not over the incident at all and is choosing to repress her processing of the event. She seemed to dislike the idea that she needs to recover from her depressive episode and the traumatic event of the death of her parents and seems to be wary of a mind healer". McGonagall replied "maybe moving on is how she is trying to cope with all that has happened. We shouldn't push her if she is not ready to face everything".