There's a line here from The Last Five Years. See if you can spot it ;)
Day 424
June 2019
Fiyero stood by her door, pacing back and forth. He was wearing his tux and his hair was waxed.
She was still in her loungewear.
They were already fifteen minutes late.
"Fae, will you just please put your dress on, so we can go?"
Elphaba sat on her couch, staring into nothingness and blinking back tears.
"Fae?" he called out.
She didn't move.
"Elphaba, PLEASE!"
She jumped in her seat at his sudden outburst but insisted on staying still. "I'm not going," she whispered.
"What?"
"I'm not going," she said a bit louder.
"And why not?"
She couldn't bring herself to speak anymore.
From the side of her eye, she saw him clutching his hair in frustration as he made his way up and down the space between the front door and her living room. She could hear him breathe deeply as if he was trying to calm himself down—as if he was suppressing his mouth from saying—
"Why can't you just support me? For once, Elphaba! For once, can't you be happy for me?"
They've had this argument countless times before. Fiyero would burst; Elphaba would burst. He'd absorb her rants; she'd feel guilty the next day but would not apologize. But sometimes it would be the other way around. And for some reason, she felt that these times were happening more frequently lately. But she didn't know what made them lose his usual composure and her signature determined will.
Frequently, he would get mad at her for not speaking; she would try to open her mouth but fail every time. He would say she never supported him; she would attend more of his events and let more of his forgotten promises slide. He would push her and encourage her in her work; she would feel pressured and even more disappointed in her progress. But it was the first time she refused to go with him to an event. It wasn't like any of the people there cared for her, anyway. It was too much. She was drained.
She loved him. She was sure of that.
He loved her. There was no question in that, too.
But why did it feel so…tiring?
Was their love too little or too much? Did they have different expectations of each other? Why were there expectations? Did she expect anything of him? She liked to think she didn't. Did he expect anything of her? She didn't know.
They went on a redundant cycle—like the arms of a rowing sailor, round and round until the destination was reached. But what was their destination? Were they following the same map? The same compass? Across the months, she felt like the fatigue of the incessant arguing and chasing was wearing her off.
Just as much as it did for him, she realized.
She thought back to the first time she came to the city—she wore the hope of a fresh start like a new coat, but as the years went by it began to wear out. Until he came, and she got to experience a whole new world with him. She got to see life through a whole new lens.
They created a world together—exclusively for them—in the fields of time. And their relationship bloomed. It was beautiful. She was never one to fall helplessly; she was never one to act before she thought of the multiple possibilities that surrounded a decision. But with him, she let herself secretly leap around their created world—everyday, carefree. She would marvel at the flowers of moments and trees of memories in their land. And she would watch him do the same.
Until one day, she could no longer see him. And the moments they planted began to be corrupted.
Weeds that grew from doubt and fear destroyed their field, engulfing their blooms in dark voids of anger and frustration.
It felt like a dream.
But it wasn't.
Soon, the vision became consistent. She would keep running after him, but he kept running farther away from her until she could no longer catch up. His career skyrocketed; his peers praised him; more girls surrounded him and flirted with him. He was moving on to a new field, while she was quickly being left behind in theirs.
But still, she kept running.
She ran until her legs grew tired and her feet were sore.
She ran until she could no longer.
She ran until all she could do was to watch him slip away from her grasp and step onto another path.
It was time for their timelines to part.
And it took too long for her to realize.
"I won't fail so you can be comfortable, Elphaba," he said. "I won't lose because you can't win."
He was kneeling in front of her, forcing her to look into his eyes. But she kept her head low.
"But I will keep supporting you until you do," he continued. She thought she heard his voice break but she still couldn't bring herself to look at him. "Will you at least do the same for me?"
Silence.
"Elphaba."
"I'm sorry," she said at length.
Finally, she looked up. And for a moment, time seemed to stop, even as the clock continued to tick. Their eyes met, and she knew that it would be the last time they did.
He stood and left the apartment; the door slammed shut behind him.
She let the tears fall as she watched him walk into the horizon and disappear to another field in time.
The line was "I won't fail so you can be comfortable [Cathy]. I won't lose because you can't win." Jamie, the male lead, was the one who said that. It was so heartbreaking and painful. I just had to put it!
The Last Five Years is a great musical but so underrated. If you haven't, I highly recommend you to watch it (heart emoji)
Please review and let me know what you think of the story so far! :)