Mari & Ilna-you're the best.

McRollers-thanks for reading.

Inspired by the song Bad for Me by Meghan Trainor

Bad for Me (1/1)

"I think we should practice the old hidden ball play this weekend and put it in a game some night next week." Danny rubbed his hands together in anticipation as he and Steve sat in Steve's office late Friday afternoon finishing up a few last bits of paperwork in advance of what both hoped would be a quiet, work-free weekend.

Steve cocked an eyebrow. "You wanna try a trick play in a Little League game with 8 and 9 year olds?"

"Sure. Why not. The other team will never see it coming."

"And you accuse me of being too competitive and taking games too seriously."

Before Danny could defend his idea Steve's phone rang.

"McGarrett."

Suddenly, it was as if all the air was sucked out of the room.

Danny's senses went on alert and he immediately looked at Steve who shook his head, indicating that no one was hurt or in trouble, before turning his full attention back to the phone.

"I know the place."

Danny held his breath.

There was something in Steve's reaction to whoever was on the other end of the phone that he hadn't seen from his partner in a very long time.

"Fine. 20 minutes. I'll be there."

Steve hurriedly closed the files on the desk in front of him and shoved his phone into his pocket. "I gotta go."

"Who was that?" Danny asked. "Is everything ok? What's going on? Who are we going to meet?"

"Not we." Steve checked to make sure the desk drawer that held his backup weapon was locked, as he always did before leaving the office. "Just me."

"No way." Danny leapt to his feet immediately. "If Catherine ever found out I let you head off to some clandestine meeting alone she'd have my head."

"This meeting isn't dangerous," Steve insisted. "Well … not physically dangerous."

"What are you talking about?" Danny crossed the office and stood in front of the door. There was something unsettling about the look on Steve's face. He knew that his best friend could toss him aside effortlessly if he was truly determined to go alone, but he hoped it wouldn't come to that. "I have no idea where you're going but I'm coming with you."

"I promise you, I don't need backup for this," Steve said impatiently. "But you know what? If you wanna come along, be my guest. It'll give you a chance to say hello to an old friend."

Danny stepped aside and the two men exited the office wordlessly and started across the bullpen. They moved in silence until Danny's curiosity got the better of him.

"What old friend?" he asked once they cleared the glass doors of 5-0 HQ.

Without missing a beat Steve replied, "Doris" before turning to descend the stairs to the lobby.

Danny froze with his hand on the railing.

"Oh shit."

"Did she say what she's doing in town?" Danny asked as Steve weaved his way through the pre-weekend traffic towards the warehouse district.

"Nope."

"Is she on an assignment? Does she need a favor?" Danny shifted uncomfortably in the passenger seat. "Because … I mean I hate to say anything. I know she's your mother. But every time we get mixed up in one of her cases I almost end up dead. So I just want to be prepared."

"You know as much as I do," Steve said, never taking his eyes off the road.

"You didn't even have a hint she was in town? No warning at all?" Danny asked incredulously.

"This is Doris we're talking about," Steve pointed out. "She likes to make a grand entrance."

The rest of the trip passed in relative silence followed by a brisk walk across a deserted parking lot and into a run down, tin-roofed structure.

"It's just like you to set up a meeting in some poorly lit warehouse in a questionable part of town," Steve said as he and Danny entered the cavernous space lit only by a few dust-covered windows high up near the roof line. "I think Gracie would describe it as 'on brand'."

He couldn't see Doris, but he was sure she was there.

"Oh stop being so dramatic," She stepped out from behind a large wall of boxes. "Come over here and give your mother a hug."

Steve approached her and, after a moment's hesitation, did as requested. It felt strange hugging her again. Being this close to her after all the time that had passed since he saw her last.

He was surprised, shocked even, to hear her voice on the phone. Instinctively, he waited for the swirling maelstrom of emotions that always followed contact with her. Equal measures of love and anger with a healthy dose of frustration thrown in for good measure.

But this time, for the first time in recent memory, they didn't come.

He felt oddly calm.

"Nice to see you again, Danny," Doris said as Steve pulled away. "It's been a while."

"It sure has," he said through tight lips. "You should have called ahead. I would have had time to make sure my body armor is in good shape."

Doris smirked. "Still have that razor sharp sense of humor, I see."

There was so much more he wanted to say to her. He wanted to ask where she'd been. How she could have stayed away for so long. Why she came back now when everything in Steve's life was going so well. He wanted to tell her that if she was here to wreak havoc then disappear again she was going to have to go through him first. But he held his tongue. This wasn't the time.

Steve crossed his arms over his chest, his tone even. "What are you doing here?"

"Wow. Right to the point," Doris said breezily, trying as usual to avoid any real discussion of her reasons and motives. "Not even a 'how have you been' or a 'you look good'?" She waited for a reaction but got none. "These boots are new." She held up her foot revealing a forest green leather ankle boot.

"You look good, mom," Steve acquiesced. "Now what are you doing here?"

Doris inhaled deeply.

This wasn't the way she wanted this reunion to go. She wasn't kidding herself. She knew they wouldn't rush into each other's arms with tear-filled 'I love yous' but she was hoping for … well, she wasn't sure exactly what she was hoping for. But something more that she was getting for sure.

Still, she was trained to think on her feet and adapt to any situation.

She locked eyes with Steve.

"Can't a mother just want to see her son?"

"We both know that's not the way it works with you," he replied flatly. "There's always more to it."

There was something unnerving to her about Steve's calm demeanor.

"Maybe I've changed," she snapped back defiantly.

He refused to take the bait and be drawn into the same old circular argument where he tried to get answers about how and why his young life had been thrown into such turmoil and she stubbornly insisted she had no choice and couldn't explain why.

He glanced around the warehouse.

"Who owns this place?"

They stared at each other for what felt like an eternity but was really only about thirty seconds before she finally spoke.

"It belongs to a friend," she said noncommittally.

Steve noticed she was unable to meet his eyes.

"You know I can find out who owns this place in a matter of seconds, right?"

Danny pulled out his phone as if he was about to place a call to get the information Steve wanted.

"Fine. It was part of my cover for an old assignment," Doris admitted. "I haven't used it in ages but I keep it on the books just in case I need it someday."

"Take it off the books," Steve demanded.

"It's just an old, empty warehouse," she shot back. "It's not hurting anything. You never know when it might come in handy."

"You're not going to need it." Steve's eyes darkened. "You will not be running any operations on this island."

"You don't know that," Doris huffed.

"I do." Steve's voice didn't rise at all but his tone left no doubt he was deadly serious. "I will not allow the chaos that always follows in your wake to get this close to my family. I will blow your cover myself if I have to."

Danny saw Doris wince, almost imperceptibly. He knew she was trained never to react emotionally but it was clear her son's words had an impact.

Her voice quivered slightly. "I'm your family too."

"You're my mother," he replied evenly. "And despite everything that's happened over the years … in my own way I love you. I will always want what's best for you. But over the last few years I've come to realize … we're better off at a distance. This hit and run thing we've had going on … it's … ." He stopped for just a second. To his surprise he felt as if he was finally able to say something he had wanted to get off his chest for a very long time. "It's bad for me."

"I only stayed away because I know that my being close is dangerous for you," Doris argued. "I did it for your sake."

Danny braced for impact, but none came.

The Steve of 10 years ago, hell even 5 years ago, would have exploded at those words.

But not this one.

"I know you probably believe that," he acknowledged. "And it might even be partially true. But there's a big part of you that doesn't come back because you don't want to deal with … and I mean really deal honestly with … some of the decisions you made in the past."

Doris toed the ground. "We've talked about those things. Like I said …"

"No." Steve cut her off. "We've talked around those things. Since the day you reappeared in my life, after dad died, you've never given me one straight answer."

Doris was clearly growing frustrated. "There are things I can't tell you right now."

"So you say." Steve's tone was resigned. "You are who you are, mom. We all make choices. You've made yours. And I've made mine. Which is that I won't allow you to put my family and friends in danger. And I won't allow you to appear and disappear from our lives on a whim."

Doris took several deep breaths, gathering her thoughts. "You know I would never intentionally put you, or anyone you love, in danger."

"Unfortunately, in your line of work it's unavoidable."

"I might not be in this line of work forever."

Steve looked skeptical. "You're thinking of quitting?"

She squared her shoulders and stuck out her chin. "Well no … not right now … but maybe someday."

He exhaled heavily. Dealing with his mother was exhausting. It had been that way for all of his adult life. But now he had more than just himself to worry about. Catherine would argue, rightfully so, that she could take care of herself, but he would not allow Doris to bring disappointment and confusion into Angie and DJ's lives.

They had reached an impasse and they both knew it.

"I do love you and Mary," Doris insisted.

Steve nodded.

"I heard about your wedding." She waited to see his reaction before adding, "And the children. I can't believe I'm a grandma."

He bit his tongue.

He wanted to tell her that it takes more than a blood tie to make a grandma. It takes love, patience, time, and the ability to care about someone else more than you care about yourself. It's about giving a child a safe, comfortable, reliable place to fall. Whatever else Doris achieved in her life, she would never be a real grandma. But looking at the tinge of sadness in her eyes, he realized there was nothing to be gained by pointing that out. Deep down she knew. She didn't need to hear it from him.

"Catherine and the kids are great," he said. "My life is good." He wanted her to know he was happy. That the past is the past and he'd found a way, with Catherine's help, to let go of the anger and hurt. "I'm happier than I ever thought I could be."

Doris smiled. "I'm glad to hear that."

She'd done a lot of thinking about the past over the last few years. About how her life would have gone if she'd made different choices. If she had walked away from her career and devoted herself to being a wife and mother. No matter how hard she tried to picture that life, she couldn't. She loved working for the CIA. The challenge. The excitement. Matching wits with some of the most devious minds in the world. She had finally accepted that she was cut from a different cloth than most people. In her own way she loved her husband and children. But a settled life on the island would never have been enough for her. It was a painful truth, but one one she had come to embrace nonetheless.

"I don't suppose you'd entertain the idea of introducing me to the kids?" she asked hopefully.

She knew the answer before the question left her lips.

"No."

"Will you at least tell Catherine I send my regards?"

"That much I can do."

"Thanks." Doris pretended to check her watch. She actually didn't need to be in Mexico City for her next assignment for a few days but she could read a room and knew it was time to go. "I have to run. I'm really glad to see you're happy, Steve. That's all I ever wanted for you."

"It's what I want for you too, mom," he said quietly.

She took a few steps forward and wrapped him in a hug, which he returned.

As she headed for the door he called out, "Mom."

She turned around.

"Stay out of LA, too."

He didn't need to say anything else.

She knew what he meant.

Stay away from Mary.

As much as it hurt her to hear, she was glad to know the two of them had gotten close again and that he was looking out for his sister.

She nodded.

"Take care of yourself," she said. "And your family."

"I will," he promised.

"Maybe I'll see you again sometime."

He forced a smile. "Maybe."

But they both knew it was unlikely.

He watched until she disappeared from sight.

"You alright?" Danny asked.

Steve nodded. "You know what? I think I am."

"Good. Then what do you say we get out of here?"

This day, this conversation, had been a long time coming, and even though he believed that Steve really was ok with how things had gone, he knew his partner needed some time to process everything. He wouldn't want to discuss his feelings right now. That would happen later when he was alone with Catherine.

With his emotional wingman duties completed for the time being, it was time to lighten the mood and keep Steve from brooding.

"We better get moving." Danny headed towards the door opposite the one Doris had gone out. "We have practice in an hour and the thing you need to remember about the hidden ball trick is it's basically a sleight of hand..."

THE END

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