p style="font-size: 16px; box-sizing: inherit; margin-bottom: 1rem; margin-top: 0px; caret-color: #212529; color: #212529; font-family: -apple-system, system-ui, BlinkMacSystemFont, 'Segoe UI', Roboto, 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, sans-serif;"strongHello again! So this is basically one huge ass character study for one of my WWDITS Ocs because I'm trying to get back into the swing of writing again. I have roughly 4 parts planned, but that might change or grow depending on how busy I am and also editing might cut things down. Feedback is hugely appreciated!/strongbr /br /Gaius was going to bring honour to his family. A legion soldier for the family Atria,and he was certain of making his mother and father proud. The eldest son was going off to war for the first time, a first conquest across a land that would later become known as Italy. He'd got through gruelling training for the promise of rather poor pay, but to bring glory to such an empire as the Roman one? Now that was an honour. /p
p style="font-size: 16px; box-sizing: inherit; margin-bottom: 1rem; margin-top: 0px; caret-color: #212529; color: #212529; font-family: -apple-system, system-ui, BlinkMacSystemFont, 'Segoe UI', Roboto, 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, sans-serif;"Another honour was getting to meet Adrianus. This was an unexpected one because Gaius did not expect to meet someone who could make someone like him feel quite so shy, especially not in the barracks of his first assigned outpost. It wasn't because Adrianus was cruel or unpleasant to be around, quite the opposite in fact. He was witty and quick, always had a response and Gaius wondered how he managed not to fumble with his words. He was a man of fewer words and his comrade seemed to be able to tie him in knots when it came to banter. He simply found it difficult to think around him and it was frustrating but in the most wonderful way. /p
p style="font-size: 16px; box-sizing: inherit; margin-bottom: 1rem; margin-top: 0px; caret-color: #212529; color: #212529; font-family: -apple-system, system-ui, BlinkMacSystemFont, 'Segoe UI', Roboto, 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, sans-serif;"Sentry duty at night was when they were able to quietly talk and get to know each other a little better. Conversation came naturally and even the silences in between had a strange comfortable nature to them. It was just easy. By torchlight they would speak of far away lands, hypothetical battles, family and everything in between, the backdrop being a star spattered sky and the humming creak of crickets. The pair were small cogs in a huge machine but for two young men it was like having the world laid out before them, waiting for oppurtunity. Waiting for the final call of battle to spill blood. /p
p style="font-size: 16px; box-sizing: inherit; margin-bottom: 1rem; margin-top: 0px; caret-color: #212529; color: #212529; font-family: -apple-system, system-ui, BlinkMacSystemFont, 'Segoe UI', Roboto, 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, sans-serif;"They had inside jokes eventually too. Gaius was curious about a rather vicious looking scar on his comrade's forearm. It wasn't neat like a slash from a sword, but messy and twisted, the scar tissue running deep and a pale pink tone compared to the rest of his tanned skin. He would ask and he'd get a different answer every time, always said with a lopsided grin that he couldn't help but find charming. It was always 'My sister' or 'a gorgon' or 'a lion' or 'a wolf'. /p
p style="font-size: 16px; box-sizing: inherit; margin-bottom: 1rem; margin-top: 0px; caret-color: #212529; color: #212529; font-family: -apple-system, system-ui, BlinkMacSystemFont, 'Segoe UI', Roboto, 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, sans-serif;"Their first skirmish that they ended up partaking in was their first true taste of war, and it was only squashing a group of civilians who have some rather questionable views of the emperor. It's not as easy as it seems. They may have been civilians, but there's a whole lot of fight in them. Gaius tried not to be afraid, not to show it, stay calm like he was renowned for, but it was like Adrianus just knew. Throughout the entire thing he stayed right by his side, he covered his back and was merciless with anyone and anything that threatened Gaius' life. /p
p style="font-size: 16px; box-sizing: inherit; margin-bottom: 1rem; margin-top: 0px; caret-color: #212529; color: #212529; font-family: -apple-system, system-ui, BlinkMacSystemFont, 'Segoe UI', Roboto, 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, sans-serif;"But even with such a keen eye, accidents are bound to happen. Gaius didn't quite realise how much blood he had in his body until he'd taken a sword that buried itself deep within his forearm. But as he watched Adrianus butcher the man responsible he felt like later on it was justified to say his behaviour was like that of a beast. A force of nature. It was said all with good intent but there's something in Adrianus' eyes for a second that almost seems fearful. Gaius wondered if he'd said something wrong and fiddled a little with the rag wrapped around his forearm. /p
p style="font-size: 16px; box-sizing: inherit; margin-bottom: 1rem; margin-top: 0px; caret-color: #212529; color: #212529; font-family: -apple-system, system-ui, BlinkMacSystemFont, 'Segoe UI', Roboto, 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, sans-serif;"What he didn't expect was the kiss. How gentle he was despite having such chapped lips, the feeling of his hand resting softly against Gaius' face There was a declaration that Adrianus feared losing him. And one thing led to another and they both fell into a post skirmish domestic routine. They both went along and did as they were asked, carried out their duties, but Gaius was certain that this was what it was like to fall in love. Time spent together was precious. Maybe it was that feeling that made him not question why every once in a while, Gaius and Adrianus would meet for sentry duty, and he would be asked for the favour of doing it alone. He would pry a little, try and get some answers, but it was always vague and eventually he just assumed his partner had been assigned some secret night time messenger duty. /p
p style="font-size: 16px; box-sizing: inherit; margin-bottom: 1rem; margin-top: 0px; caret-color: #212529; color: #212529; font-family: -apple-system, system-ui, BlinkMacSystemFont, 'Segoe UI', Roboto, 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, sans-serif;"He just always seemed so nervous, there would be this slightly wild look in his eye and he would glance up and the sky repeatedly. Gaius noted this was quite frequent but what he did not realise was this occurrence always seemed to take place on the day of Ides. What is known to everyone else as the full moon. The months passed and it just became a part of the routine. He stopped questioning style="box-sizing: inherit;" /br style="box-sizing: inherit;" /What he did begin to question however, was why one particular month, a week he didn't realise was prior to the day of Ides, why he ached so much. At times it felt like his bones were jumping under his skin and it was difficult to stay disciplined and not snap at his fellow soldiers. The sky was annoyingly bright, he was frequently aware of everyone's breathing at night which drove him to insanity and his teeth were throbbing in his gums like something was threatening to push through. Adrainus seemed to be becoming more and more attentive, more worrisome and Gaius couldn't help but find it suffocating. He knew it was because he cared, it wasn't anything Adrianus wouldn't do normally but this time it was getting on his style="box-sizing: inherit;" /br style="box-sizing: inherit;" /It was sentry duty that night and he'd barely said a word, bitterly wondering if his partner was going to abandon him to do whatever he insisted on doing on nights where he asked to be let go. Looking back on it now he wished he'd been less snappy, more like his usual self. But how was he to know this would be the last time Adrianus would grace his presence? He lacked graciousness and that would keep him up for many nights after the style="box-sizing: inherit;" /br style="box-sizing: inherit;" /When Adrianus left towards the grove of trees in the distance, Gaius avoided the look he was shot, just as the other man paused just before the treeline to gaze back at him. He couldn't have read what expression the man was wearing even if he wanted to, it was too dark for that. So now he was alone, staring out across a moonlit landscape. It was peaceful enough but the dull ache of his skull was starting to ramp up as his ears began to ring. That ringing evolved into a splitting headache that had Gaius reeling, dropping his spear but not being aware of the clunk as it hit the ground. Who knew blood made a sound? It was in his ears, the sound of his speeding heart as his chest was stabbed with palpitations. As if a penny had suddenly dropped, deep within a new kind of agony rose up from his stomach, leaching through every capillary, ligament and bone in his style="box-sizing: inherit;" /br style="box-sizing: inherit;" /Gaius hadn't broken a bone in his body yet, but he was now certain this is what it felt like. The last thing he remembered was dropping to his knees, catching a look at his style="box-sizing: inherit;" /br style="box-sizing: inherit;" /Something dark and pointed was pushing up from underneath his bleeding fingernails. Something was causing his joints to pop and stretch. Something was causing dark hair to spread down his forearm like a /br /-/p
p style="font-size: 16px; box-sizing: inherit; margin-bottom: 1rem; margin-top: 0px; caret-color: #212529; color: #212529; font-family: -apple-system, system-ui, BlinkMacSystemFont, 'Segoe UI', Roboto, 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, sans-serif;"What happened between that point and Gaius waking up was something that he'd only ever catch snippets of in his darkest nightmares. Like some outer body experience. For the longest time he'd try to convince himself that it wasn't him, he couldn't have done something like that. But weapons or not, every soldier is capable of style="box-sizing: inherit;" /br style="box-sizing: inherit;" /He was first aware of warmth. Sunlight on his bare legs. The quietness of camp. Thank god for it being so quiet. The pain was gone, his headache was gone. He opened his eyes, squinting in the sudden brightness, his head having been angled down as he was sat up against a wooden pillar of the camp. His eyes flew open, his first sight being his legs. Firstly he questioned where his uniform was- then it was the viscous semi-dried blood against his skin. A panicked yelp involuntarily left his mouth, legs scrambling as if it were possible to back away from himself. He jolted the spear that had been driven with venom through his left shoulder, pinning him to the base foundry. The pain was enough to make any man cry bloody style="box-sizing: inherit;" /br style="box-sizing: inherit;" /His sudden movement prompted sudden scared yells. Demands to keep still, keep still or die. When Gaius looked up, the shock in his own eyes was met by the fear in the very eyes of his friends and comrades. What was left of them. Three men in a camp that'd once been bustling. Three men pointing weapons at him, putting space between themselves with heavy shields. Three men who looked very battered, tired and style="box-sizing: inherit;" /br style="box-sizing: inherit;" /"Gaius what are you?" The voice of one man rang out as he shifted on his feet, angling the spear towards him, the other two backing away a little. His face was creased with battle induced rage, spitting each syllable like an accusation. Gaius stammered many answers. He was Gaius? a soldier? his friend? a man? but he knew, deep deep down, he was none of those things anymore. At least not to them. Something fundamentally had changed forever. Humanity was something that Gaius would hold onto desperately like a mother hanging onto a newborn baby that was going to be taken at any given moment. But this was not something he was ever going to have style="box-sizing: inherit;" /br style="box-sizing: inherit;" /He didn't need to look around camp for long to reel from horror at his surroundings. So many dead. Some without faces, replaced with shredded skin and flashes of white skull peeking through the flesh. The smell of copper was overwhelming, the dull drone of flies feeding on bodies in the cooler morning sun. One man's chest and stomach cavity had been ripped open, and Gaius was suddenly aware of dried blood across his face and matted into his dark hair. br style="box-sizing: inherit;" /br style="box-sizing: inherit;" /"This has to be the gods-' One man said to the other. 'You know? King Lycaeon? Cannibalism?"br style="box-sizing: inherit;" /br style="box-sizing: inherit;" /"But…it's Gaius?" Another stammered, a flash of doubt in his eyes. Gaius found himself at a complete loss for words. The situation was too bizarre, too horrid, to be real. He could have tried to kid himself that this was a nightmare and that he'd wake up, maybe even somewhere nice like next to Adrianus if he was lucky, but the truth was he knew that this was all real. There was no waking style="box-sizing: inherit;" /br style="box-sizing: inherit;" /He seemed to notice the footsteps thundering across the dry Italian soil before the others did, but slowly turned his head. The breeze was coming into camp, bringing a scent he shouldn't have been able to recognise from so far away. To think it'd brought him so much comfort before. He could smell blood and guts and gore entwined with it but he knew none of his former comrades would recognise style="box-sizing: inherit;" /br style="box-sizing: inherit;" /Adrianus skidded at the entrance of the camp, facial expression nothing but sheer horror as he inhaled and exhaled, sweat dripping down his brow. His face changed when he caught sight of Gaius, a strange sort of look which Gaius could only really describe as one of sorrowful responsibility. It was the last time he saw his partner, but he knew that this was a curse they know both now style="box-sizing: inherit;" /br style="box-sizing: inherit;" /Gaius would be the only one paying for style="box-sizing: inherit;" /br style="box-sizing: inherit;" /He was no longer a free man. He tried his best to look up at the imposing court around him, but no eyes shone with any kind of sympathy. Trying to do the most honourable thing, owing up to it, had been difficult but he'd done it. There wasn't anything to deny, any reason to plead innocence. He'd done evil, evil, evil things and he knew he had to pay for it. It didn't stop him from being scared. There were thousands of awful ways to die in Rome, a torturous end for every crime you could think of. br style="box-sizing: inherit;" /br style="box-sizing: inherit;" /"Gaius Bruttius Atria' The judge began, the jury now coming to a still as a hand was held up to silence them. A decision had been style="box-sizing: inherit;" /br style="box-sizing: inherit;" /"You have pleaded guilty to the murder of fourty-five of your fellow soldiers. You have managed this case with the spirit of the soldier despite being one anymore yourself and the comrades you left alive have clearly stated your character before the incident"br style="box-sizing: inherit;" /br style="box-sizing: inherit;" /He'd tried not to think about the three left behind. The four left behind. Adrianus. He wanted nothing more than to curl up in a ball next to him and for all of this to not be real. To have someone there to tell him everything was going to be okay. His heart ached in the most pained, twisted way for his old life back. His family would act as if his sister was the firstborn from now style="box-sizing: inherit;" /br style="box-sizing: inherit;" /"However, I am judging you on the man that stands before me now and what he represents now. A soldier so desperate for blood can have as much as he wishes"br style="box-sizing: inherit;" /br style="box-sizing: inherit;" /Gaius' fists clenched quietly in the shackles that bound his style="box-sizing: inherit;" /br style="box-sizing: inherit;" /"Gaius Bruttius Atria, I sentence you to the gladiatorial amphitheatre until you die. I consider this a kinder sentence due to the fact that if you prove yourself to be an entertainer, you may gain sympathy from the emperor. However-" the judge looked him up and down. In his current state he wasn't exactly looking his best. "I highly doubt that"br style="box-sizing: inherit;" /br style="box-sizing: inherit;" /The colour had drained from his face. A style="box-sizing: inherit;" /br style="box-sizing: inherit;" /"Members of the court, you are hereby dismissed"/p
p style="font-size: 16px; box-sizing: inherit; margin-bottom: 1rem; margin-top: 0px; font-family: -apple-system, system-ui, BlinkMacSystemFont, 'Segoe UI', Roboto, 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, sans-serif;"-br /br /p
p style="font-size: 16px; box-sizing: inherit; margin-bottom: 1rem; margin-top: 0px; caret-color: #212529; color: #212529; font-family: -apple-system, system-ui, BlinkMacSystemFont, 'Segoe UI', Roboto, 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, sans-serif;"The roaring demands and chanting of the crowd made Gaius' ears feel like at any moment they could start bleeding. They bayed for blood, for the most violent, depraved and unkind ending any man could ever wish for. The helmet that he wore concealed his entire face, two round holes punched into the front served as his only line of rather limiting vision. He hoped he'd be up against another soldier, not some poor wretch who could hardly defend themselves. He had a shield at least, he could defend rather than be on the offensive. A voice in his head chided him for thinking so pathetically. em style="box-sizing: inherit;"He was a soldier. Rip them. Limb. From. style="box-sizing: inherit;" /embr style="box-sizing: inherit;" /It wasn't a voice he liked. Recently that voice, that insidious presence hadn't left him alone. It wasn't him, he was convinced that whatever this curse was, it had to be that. His hair on the back of his neck was standing on end, his mouth feeling dry. He fought for the empire, now he had to fight for himself. It was only recently that Gaius realised how much he didn't want to style="box-sizing: inherit;" /br style="box-sizing: inherit;" /The gate in front of him creeped suddenly, budging upwards. The winch was being pulled up quite quickly so he could see more of the sandy floor of the arena. The heat from the midday sun created a mirage, his opponent stepping out from the depths of the holding area. The other man had a strong walk and walked with his head held high. Maybe his prayers to fight a soldier had been style="box-sizing: inherit;" /br style="box-sizing: inherit;" /Gaius stepped out into the sunlight. The crowd cheered as the other man did a slow spin, arms outstretched as if he was bathing in their praise. Even encouraging them to shout louder and louder and louder for him. It was enough to make Gaius wince. His hearing had become so sharp of late and the cacophony from above was deafening and overwhelming. He could hear the other man's heart beat, only moderately faster than normal. This was a man with experience. He wasn't scared of style="box-sizing: inherit;" /br style="box-sizing: inherit;" /He should be. That spiteful voice was back. Lurking even in the back of his consciousness. He doesn't know what he's up against. His own frantic breathing was echoing, the sound bouncing off the inside of his metal style="box-sizing: inherit;" /br style="box-sizing: inherit;" /The other man turned his gaze to Gaius, holding a trident in one hand and a net in the other. The dance had begun. He took a step to the side, slowly. This was about entertaining a crowd. Gaius had forgotten to get the crowd to want to vouch for him. He had to make this a fight to remember. He had to drag this fight out long enough to be worth watching, but not so long it became boring. Be sportsmanly yet indisputably violent. em style="box-sizing: inherit;"Kill him. Kill him./embr style="box-sizing: inherit;" /br style="box-sizing: inherit;" /Gaius sidestepped, trying to match the slow pace of his opponent. He had a shield just in case the Trident was thrown at him; however if he wanted to hurt him he'd have to get closer. Suddenly the other man took an aggressive step forward, raising the trident as if the strike and making Gaius flinch, stumbling back a little to put space between them. The mocking look, that smug look that he was shot made Gaius bristle with simmering style="box-sizing: inherit;" How dare he./embr style="box-sizing: inherit;" /br style="box-sizing: inherit;" /The move had been done to rattle him. It worked. But not quite the fearful response that maybe he had hoped for, even with the hollering and jeering of the crowd. The calm collected demeanour that he was so renowned for and he tried so hard to keep, was slipping. The sun beat down on them both, the helmet Gaius was wearing trapping heat and making his head style="box-sizing: inherit;" /br style="box-sizing: inherit;" /Without warning Gaius lunged forward making a sweeping motion with a short sword he held in his right hand. The man with the trident stepped back maybe a mere inch. A sound of frustration escaped Gaius clenched teeth, shooting a rather dark look at the adversary as he cut vertically through the air again. The net the other man was holding was slowly beginning to be swirled, gaining momentum for a throw. In a matter of seconds that net was a swirling blur, thrumming in the air style="box-sizing: inherit;" /br style="box-sizing: inherit;" /With the release of the single hand that net was flying towards Gaius, the weight of it hitting his shield causing him to stumble forwards as the rope suddenly went style="box-sizing: inherit;" /br style="box-sizing: inherit;" /The thought of a fly in a web came to mind as three metal prongs were driven deep into his style="box-sizing: inherit;" /br style="box-sizing: inherit;" /The crowd went ballistic. Gaius left out an inhuman roar of pain as he fell backwards, the fall creating a small cloud of dust as he grazed his back on the floor. How pathetic it would be to die this way, within minutes of a battle. A trained soldier of all people. em style="box-sizing: inherit;"I don't have to die. br style="box-sizing: inherit;" /embr style="box-sizing: inherit;" /The other man raised the trident above his head, the golden colour of it glinting maliciously in the sunlight. The referee was standing up, hand held high. Either thumbs up or thumbs down. Don't give him the style="box-sizing: inherit;" /br style="box-sizing: inherit;" /em style="box-sizing: inherit;"Kill him./embr style="box-sizing: inherit;" /br style="box-sizing: inherit;" /That sound was back in his ears. Blood. His own heartbeat suddenly soaring. That sharp pain in the pits of his gums, the ear splitting pickaxe-through-the-head style headache. Just as that trident was driven downwards again, Gaius mustered the strength to rip that helmet from his head with a clang. For the first time his opponent saw his then it was when he realised his prayers to the gods had not granted him continued life. He looked like he'd seen a style="box-sizing: inherit;" /br style="box-sizing: inherit;" /A clawed hand reached up where Gaius' should have been and drove its hooked claws into the flesh of the gladiator, tearing downwards, the tight snap of severed tendons so sweet. The clatter of the trident to the ground and the scream was style="box-sizing: inherit;" /br style="box-sizing: inherit;" /Gaius didn't remember much from that point on, but apparently the severed head that was catapulted into the audience, ripped from the neck it was attached to, was talked about for years and years after, as would the creature, half man, half wolf, that feasted upon the style="box-sizing: inherit;" /br style="box-sizing: inherit;" /Against his will Gaius was catapulted into fame. The wolven gladiator of Rome became a figure of awe and intrigue, disgust and horror. The nickname 'Son of Lycaon' became inescapable. At the beginning there was a point where Gaius decided that maybe it was best he was slain. At least it would save others and save himself the knowledge that he was eating fellow man. His disgusting rampage through amphitheatre after amphitheatre would end. But it didn't let him. Even if he Practically threw himself at an opponent, offering of an easy kill and the right to live another day, that monster inside him would save itself by rearing its ugly head. The results were style="box-sizing: inherit;" /br style="box-sizing: inherit;" /There were some days where Gaius didn't even know why he deserved to live at all. Why high-ranking officials seem so excited to see him, to meet him. Why potters began to depict the slaughter on decorative jars and on tile murals. Why some fathers offered their daughter's hand in marriage if he were to survive the next six years. The job offers. None of it made style="box-sizing: inherit;" /br style="box-sizing: inherit;" /But it didn't have to make sense to that voice inside him. It wasn't that it had started wanting to kill, but rather it needed to not die. But at this rate he felt that both him and it had become so damaged by everything that they'd done together, that it craved that blood. It wanted to hurt the guards that poked and prodded it, sneered and mocked it when it was chained and caged on a full moon. It wanted to kill the men that threatened it in the arena. But it also craved something other than this life. And maybe that was the one thing both it and Gaius could agree on. /p
p style="font-size: 16px; box-sizing: inherit; margin-bottom: 1rem; margin-top: 0px; caret-color: #212529; color: #212529; font-family: -apple-system, system-ui, BlinkMacSystemFont, 'Segoe UI', Roboto, 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, sans-serif;"Eventually and numbness settled over Gaius. He stopped trying to let his opponents kill him. He started to play the game. The audience's Cheering always peaked when he threw down his weapons, staring across at men who kept a steely disposition but were clearly so afraid. They knew what was coming next. He never remembered the end of a fight until it came creeping into his dreams at night, prompting him to wake up in a cold sweat./p
p style="font-size: 16px; box-sizing: inherit; margin-bottom: 1rem; margin-top: 0px; caret-color: #212529; color: #212529; font-family: -apple-system, system-ui, BlinkMacSystemFont, 'Segoe UI', Roboto, 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, sans-serif;"He started to be hit by sudden swathes of strong emotion at night. He never realised how much rage you could fit inside one man. He never realised how much he'd miss his family. That deep deep craving for genuine connection and love, to see his father and mother and sister again. Adrianus. Sometimes at night he'd fantasise about him coming to get him and they'd run into the mountains together. They'd run through the night, not a person in miles who could be hurt and they could be free and together. Even if he was hurt and angry and confused as to why this was a curse his partner had shared with him, the feeling of not being alone was always stronger. The pain was unbearable. /p
p style="font-size: 16px; box-sizing: inherit; margin-bottom: 1rem; margin-top: 0px; caret-color: #212529; color: #212529; font-family: -apple-system, system-ui, BlinkMacSystemFont, 'Segoe UI', Roboto, 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, sans-serif;"The constant stress took a toll on his physical body too. The stress he felt led to clenched fists and teeth that had been grinded to the point they were uniform in his mouth. The splitting headaches were the worst part, causing to lash out at his fellow imprisoned men during training. The man he'd become was not a man he liked, no matter how many others seemed to clamour after him. /p
p style="font-size: 16px; box-sizing: inherit; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-top: 0px; caret-color: #212529; color: #212529; font-family: -apple-system, system-ui, BlinkMacSystemFont, 'Segoe UI', Roboto, 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, sans-serif;"The colosseum was Gaius' final stage, his performance having elevated itself to some kind of legend, a frenzied story amongst the people of Rome. Apparently the emperor himself, whichever one it was Gaius couldn't remember, attended one fight. To think he would have once dreamed of even having his name known to the emperor. br style="box-sizing: inherit;" /br style="box-sizing: inherit;" /After six indescribable years, on a spring morning, Gaius found himself presented with a wooden sword. A Valdis. A gift from the emperor. He had done it. He was free. His life was his own again. br style="box-sizing: inherit;" /br style="box-sizing: inherit;" /And he followed that dream, and despite how quickly people tried to pin him down, keep him for themselves…Gaius fled to the only place he imagined he would ever be safe. Where others would be safe from style="box-sizing: inherit;" /br style="box-sizing: inherit;" /To the mountains./p
p style="font-size: 16px; box-sizing: inherit; margin-bottom: 1rem; margin-top: 0px; caret-color: #212529; color: #212529; font-family: -apple-system, system-ui, BlinkMacSystemFont, 'Segoe UI', Roboto, 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, sans-serif;"Another honour was getting to meet Adrianus. This was an unexpected one because Gaius did not expect to meet someone who could make someone like him feel quite so shy, especially not in the barracks of his first assigned outpost. It wasn't because Adrianus was cruel or unpleasant to be around, quite the opposite in fact. He was witty and quick, always had a response and Gaius wondered how he managed not to fumble with his words. He was a man of fewer words and his comrade seemed to be able to tie him in knots when it came to banter. He simply found it difficult to think around him and it was frustrating but in the most wonderful way. /p
p style="font-size: 16px; box-sizing: inherit; margin-bottom: 1rem; margin-top: 0px; caret-color: #212529; color: #212529; font-family: -apple-system, system-ui, BlinkMacSystemFont, 'Segoe UI', Roboto, 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, sans-serif;"Sentry duty at night was when they were able to quietly talk and get to know each other a little better. Conversation came naturally and even the silences in between had a strange comfortable nature to them. It was just easy. By torchlight they would speak of far away lands, hypothetical battles, family and everything in between, the backdrop being a star spattered sky and the humming creak of crickets. The pair were small cogs in a huge machine but for two young men it was like having the world laid out before them, waiting for oppurtunity. Waiting for the final call of battle to spill blood. /p
p style="font-size: 16px; box-sizing: inherit; margin-bottom: 1rem; margin-top: 0px; caret-color: #212529; color: #212529; font-family: -apple-system, system-ui, BlinkMacSystemFont, 'Segoe UI', Roboto, 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, sans-serif;"They had inside jokes eventually too. Gaius was curious about a rather vicious looking scar on his comrade's forearm. It wasn't neat like a slash from a sword, but messy and twisted, the scar tissue running deep and a pale pink tone compared to the rest of his tanned skin. He would ask and he'd get a different answer every time, always said with a lopsided grin that he couldn't help but find charming. It was always 'My sister' or 'a gorgon' or 'a lion' or 'a wolf'. /p
p style="font-size: 16px; box-sizing: inherit; margin-bottom: 1rem; margin-top: 0px; caret-color: #212529; color: #212529; font-family: -apple-system, system-ui, BlinkMacSystemFont, 'Segoe UI', Roboto, 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, sans-serif;"Their first skirmish that they ended up partaking in was their first true taste of war, and it was only squashing a group of civilians who have some rather questionable views of the emperor. It's not as easy as it seems. They may have been civilians, but there's a whole lot of fight in them. Gaius tried not to be afraid, not to show it, stay calm like he was renowned for, but it was like Adrianus just knew. Throughout the entire thing he stayed right by his side, he covered his back and was merciless with anyone and anything that threatened Gaius' life. /p
p style="font-size: 16px; box-sizing: inherit; margin-bottom: 1rem; margin-top: 0px; caret-color: #212529; color: #212529; font-family: -apple-system, system-ui, BlinkMacSystemFont, 'Segoe UI', Roboto, 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, sans-serif;"But even with such a keen eye, accidents are bound to happen. Gaius didn't quite realise how much blood he had in his body until he'd taken a sword that buried itself deep within his forearm. But as he watched Adrianus butcher the man responsible he felt like later on it was justified to say his behaviour was like that of a beast. A force of nature. It was said all with good intent but there's something in Adrianus' eyes for a second that almost seems fearful. Gaius wondered if he'd said something wrong and fiddled a little with the rag wrapped around his forearm. /p
p style="font-size: 16px; box-sizing: inherit; margin-bottom: 1rem; margin-top: 0px; caret-color: #212529; color: #212529; font-family: -apple-system, system-ui, BlinkMacSystemFont, 'Segoe UI', Roboto, 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, sans-serif;"What he didn't expect was the kiss. How gentle he was despite having such chapped lips, the feeling of his hand resting softly against Gaius' face There was a declaration that Adrianus feared losing him. And one thing led to another and they both fell into a post skirmish domestic routine. They both went along and did as they were asked, carried out their duties, but Gaius was certain that this was what it was like to fall in love. Time spent together was precious. Maybe it was that feeling that made him not question why every once in a while, Gaius and Adrianus would meet for sentry duty, and he would be asked for the favour of doing it alone. He would pry a little, try and get some answers, but it was always vague and eventually he just assumed his partner had been assigned some secret night time messenger duty. /p
p style="font-size: 16px; box-sizing: inherit; margin-bottom: 1rem; margin-top: 0px; caret-color: #212529; color: #212529; font-family: -apple-system, system-ui, BlinkMacSystemFont, 'Segoe UI', Roboto, 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, sans-serif;"He just always seemed so nervous, there would be this slightly wild look in his eye and he would glance up and the sky repeatedly. Gaius noted this was quite frequent but what he did not realise was this occurrence always seemed to take place on the day of Ides. What is known to everyone else as the full moon. The months passed and it just became a part of the routine. He stopped questioning style="box-sizing: inherit;" /br style="box-sizing: inherit;" /What he did begin to question however, was why one particular month, a week he didn't realise was prior to the day of Ides, why he ached so much. At times it felt like his bones were jumping under his skin and it was difficult to stay disciplined and not snap at his fellow soldiers. The sky was annoyingly bright, he was frequently aware of everyone's breathing at night which drove him to insanity and his teeth were throbbing in his gums like something was threatening to push through. Adrainus seemed to be becoming more and more attentive, more worrisome and Gaius couldn't help but find it suffocating. He knew it was because he cared, it wasn't anything Adrianus wouldn't do normally but this time it was getting on his style="box-sizing: inherit;" /br style="box-sizing: inherit;" /It was sentry duty that night and he'd barely said a word, bitterly wondering if his partner was going to abandon him to do whatever he insisted on doing on nights where he asked to be let go. Looking back on it now he wished he'd been less snappy, more like his usual self. But how was he to know this would be the last time Adrianus would grace his presence? He lacked graciousness and that would keep him up for many nights after the style="box-sizing: inherit;" /br style="box-sizing: inherit;" /When Adrianus left towards the grove of trees in the distance, Gaius avoided the look he was shot, just as the other man paused just before the treeline to gaze back at him. He couldn't have read what expression the man was wearing even if he wanted to, it was too dark for that. So now he was alone, staring out across a moonlit landscape. It was peaceful enough but the dull ache of his skull was starting to ramp up as his ears began to ring. That ringing evolved into a splitting headache that had Gaius reeling, dropping his spear but not being aware of the clunk as it hit the ground. Who knew blood made a sound? It was in his ears, the sound of his speeding heart as his chest was stabbed with palpitations. As if a penny had suddenly dropped, deep within a new kind of agony rose up from his stomach, leaching through every capillary, ligament and bone in his style="box-sizing: inherit;" /br style="box-sizing: inherit;" /Gaius hadn't broken a bone in his body yet, but he was now certain this is what it felt like. The last thing he remembered was dropping to his knees, catching a look at his style="box-sizing: inherit;" /br style="box-sizing: inherit;" /Something dark and pointed was pushing up from underneath his bleeding fingernails. Something was causing his joints to pop and stretch. Something was causing dark hair to spread down his forearm like a /br /-/p
p style="font-size: 16px; box-sizing: inherit; margin-bottom: 1rem; margin-top: 0px; caret-color: #212529; color: #212529; font-family: -apple-system, system-ui, BlinkMacSystemFont, 'Segoe UI', Roboto, 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, sans-serif;"What happened between that point and Gaius waking up was something that he'd only ever catch snippets of in his darkest nightmares. Like some outer body experience. For the longest time he'd try to convince himself that it wasn't him, he couldn't have done something like that. But weapons or not, every soldier is capable of style="box-sizing: inherit;" /br style="box-sizing: inherit;" /He was first aware of warmth. Sunlight on his bare legs. The quietness of camp. Thank god for it being so quiet. The pain was gone, his headache was gone. He opened his eyes, squinting in the sudden brightness, his head having been angled down as he was sat up against a wooden pillar of the camp. His eyes flew open, his first sight being his legs. Firstly he questioned where his uniform was- then it was the viscous semi-dried blood against his skin. A panicked yelp involuntarily left his mouth, legs scrambling as if it were possible to back away from himself. He jolted the spear that had been driven with venom through his left shoulder, pinning him to the base foundry. The pain was enough to make any man cry bloody style="box-sizing: inherit;" /br style="box-sizing: inherit;" /His sudden movement prompted sudden scared yells. Demands to keep still, keep still or die. When Gaius looked up, the shock in his own eyes was met by the fear in the very eyes of his friends and comrades. What was left of them. Three men in a camp that'd once been bustling. Three men pointing weapons at him, putting space between themselves with heavy shields. Three men who looked very battered, tired and style="box-sizing: inherit;" /br style="box-sizing: inherit;" /"Gaius what are you?" The voice of one man rang out as he shifted on his feet, angling the spear towards him, the other two backing away a little. His face was creased with battle induced rage, spitting each syllable like an accusation. Gaius stammered many answers. He was Gaius? a soldier? his friend? a man? but he knew, deep deep down, he was none of those things anymore. At least not to them. Something fundamentally had changed forever. Humanity was something that Gaius would hold onto desperately like a mother hanging onto a newborn baby that was going to be taken at any given moment. But this was not something he was ever going to have style="box-sizing: inherit;" /br style="box-sizing: inherit;" /He didn't need to look around camp for long to reel from horror at his surroundings. So many dead. Some without faces, replaced with shredded skin and flashes of white skull peeking through the flesh. The smell of copper was overwhelming, the dull drone of flies feeding on bodies in the cooler morning sun. One man's chest and stomach cavity had been ripped open, and Gaius was suddenly aware of dried blood across his face and matted into his dark hair. br style="box-sizing: inherit;" /br style="box-sizing: inherit;" /"This has to be the gods-' One man said to the other. 'You know? King Lycaeon? Cannibalism?"br style="box-sizing: inherit;" /br style="box-sizing: inherit;" /"But…it's Gaius?" Another stammered, a flash of doubt in his eyes. Gaius found himself at a complete loss for words. The situation was too bizarre, too horrid, to be real. He could have tried to kid himself that this was a nightmare and that he'd wake up, maybe even somewhere nice like next to Adrianus if he was lucky, but the truth was he knew that this was all real. There was no waking style="box-sizing: inherit;" /br style="box-sizing: inherit;" /He seemed to notice the footsteps thundering across the dry Italian soil before the others did, but slowly turned his head. The breeze was coming into camp, bringing a scent he shouldn't have been able to recognise from so far away. To think it'd brought him so much comfort before. He could smell blood and guts and gore entwined with it but he knew none of his former comrades would recognise style="box-sizing: inherit;" /br style="box-sizing: inherit;" /Adrianus skidded at the entrance of the camp, facial expression nothing but sheer horror as he inhaled and exhaled, sweat dripping down his brow. His face changed when he caught sight of Gaius, a strange sort of look which Gaius could only really describe as one of sorrowful responsibility. It was the last time he saw his partner, but he knew that this was a curse they know both now style="box-sizing: inherit;" /br style="box-sizing: inherit;" /Gaius would be the only one paying for style="box-sizing: inherit;" /br style="box-sizing: inherit;" /He was no longer a free man. He tried his best to look up at the imposing court around him, but no eyes shone with any kind of sympathy. Trying to do the most honourable thing, owing up to it, had been difficult but he'd done it. There wasn't anything to deny, any reason to plead innocence. He'd done evil, evil, evil things and he knew he had to pay for it. It didn't stop him from being scared. There were thousands of awful ways to die in Rome, a torturous end for every crime you could think of. br style="box-sizing: inherit;" /br style="box-sizing: inherit;" /"Gaius Bruttius Atria' The judge began, the jury now coming to a still as a hand was held up to silence them. A decision had been style="box-sizing: inherit;" /br style="box-sizing: inherit;" /"You have pleaded guilty to the murder of fourty-five of your fellow soldiers. You have managed this case with the spirit of the soldier despite being one anymore yourself and the comrades you left alive have clearly stated your character before the incident"br style="box-sizing: inherit;" /br style="box-sizing: inherit;" /He'd tried not to think about the three left behind. The four left behind. Adrianus. He wanted nothing more than to curl up in a ball next to him and for all of this to not be real. To have someone there to tell him everything was going to be okay. His heart ached in the most pained, twisted way for his old life back. His family would act as if his sister was the firstborn from now style="box-sizing: inherit;" /br style="box-sizing: inherit;" /"However, I am judging you on the man that stands before me now and what he represents now. A soldier so desperate for blood can have as much as he wishes"br style="box-sizing: inherit;" /br style="box-sizing: inherit;" /Gaius' fists clenched quietly in the shackles that bound his style="box-sizing: inherit;" /br style="box-sizing: inherit;" /"Gaius Bruttius Atria, I sentence you to the gladiatorial amphitheatre until you die. I consider this a kinder sentence due to the fact that if you prove yourself to be an entertainer, you may gain sympathy from the emperor. However-" the judge looked him up and down. In his current state he wasn't exactly looking his best. "I highly doubt that"br style="box-sizing: inherit;" /br style="box-sizing: inherit;" /The colour had drained from his face. A style="box-sizing: inherit;" /br style="box-sizing: inherit;" /"Members of the court, you are hereby dismissed"/p
p style="font-size: 16px; box-sizing: inherit; margin-bottom: 1rem; margin-top: 0px; font-family: -apple-system, system-ui, BlinkMacSystemFont, 'Segoe UI', Roboto, 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, sans-serif;"-br /br /p
p style="font-size: 16px; box-sizing: inherit; margin-bottom: 1rem; margin-top: 0px; caret-color: #212529; color: #212529; font-family: -apple-system, system-ui, BlinkMacSystemFont, 'Segoe UI', Roboto, 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, sans-serif;"The roaring demands and chanting of the crowd made Gaius' ears feel like at any moment they could start bleeding. They bayed for blood, for the most violent, depraved and unkind ending any man could ever wish for. The helmet that he wore concealed his entire face, two round holes punched into the front served as his only line of rather limiting vision. He hoped he'd be up against another soldier, not some poor wretch who could hardly defend themselves. He had a shield at least, he could defend rather than be on the offensive. A voice in his head chided him for thinking so pathetically. em style="box-sizing: inherit;"He was a soldier. Rip them. Limb. From. style="box-sizing: inherit;" /embr style="box-sizing: inherit;" /It wasn't a voice he liked. Recently that voice, that insidious presence hadn't left him alone. It wasn't him, he was convinced that whatever this curse was, it had to be that. His hair on the back of his neck was standing on end, his mouth feeling dry. He fought for the empire, now he had to fight for himself. It was only recently that Gaius realised how much he didn't want to style="box-sizing: inherit;" /br style="box-sizing: inherit;" /The gate in front of him creeped suddenly, budging upwards. The winch was being pulled up quite quickly so he could see more of the sandy floor of the arena. The heat from the midday sun created a mirage, his opponent stepping out from the depths of the holding area. The other man had a strong walk and walked with his head held high. Maybe his prayers to fight a soldier had been style="box-sizing: inherit;" /br style="box-sizing: inherit;" /Gaius stepped out into the sunlight. The crowd cheered as the other man did a slow spin, arms outstretched as if he was bathing in their praise. Even encouraging them to shout louder and louder and louder for him. It was enough to make Gaius wince. His hearing had become so sharp of late and the cacophony from above was deafening and overwhelming. He could hear the other man's heart beat, only moderately faster than normal. This was a man with experience. He wasn't scared of style="box-sizing: inherit;" /br style="box-sizing: inherit;" /He should be. That spiteful voice was back. Lurking even in the back of his consciousness. He doesn't know what he's up against. His own frantic breathing was echoing, the sound bouncing off the inside of his metal style="box-sizing: inherit;" /br style="box-sizing: inherit;" /The other man turned his gaze to Gaius, holding a trident in one hand and a net in the other. The dance had begun. He took a step to the side, slowly. This was about entertaining a crowd. Gaius had forgotten to get the crowd to want to vouch for him. He had to make this a fight to remember. He had to drag this fight out long enough to be worth watching, but not so long it became boring. Be sportsmanly yet indisputably violent. em style="box-sizing: inherit;"Kill him. Kill him./embr style="box-sizing: inherit;" /br style="box-sizing: inherit;" /Gaius sidestepped, trying to match the slow pace of his opponent. He had a shield just in case the Trident was thrown at him; however if he wanted to hurt him he'd have to get closer. Suddenly the other man took an aggressive step forward, raising the trident as if the strike and making Gaius flinch, stumbling back a little to put space between them. The mocking look, that smug look that he was shot made Gaius bristle with simmering style="box-sizing: inherit;" How dare he./embr style="box-sizing: inherit;" /br style="box-sizing: inherit;" /The move had been done to rattle him. It worked. But not quite the fearful response that maybe he had hoped for, even with the hollering and jeering of the crowd. The calm collected demeanour that he was so renowned for and he tried so hard to keep, was slipping. The sun beat down on them both, the helmet Gaius was wearing trapping heat and making his head style="box-sizing: inherit;" /br style="box-sizing: inherit;" /Without warning Gaius lunged forward making a sweeping motion with a short sword he held in his right hand. The man with the trident stepped back maybe a mere inch. A sound of frustration escaped Gaius clenched teeth, shooting a rather dark look at the adversary as he cut vertically through the air again. The net the other man was holding was slowly beginning to be swirled, gaining momentum for a throw. In a matter of seconds that net was a swirling blur, thrumming in the air style="box-sizing: inherit;" /br style="box-sizing: inherit;" /With the release of the single hand that net was flying towards Gaius, the weight of it hitting his shield causing him to stumble forwards as the rope suddenly went style="box-sizing: inherit;" /br style="box-sizing: inherit;" /The thought of a fly in a web came to mind as three metal prongs were driven deep into his style="box-sizing: inherit;" /br style="box-sizing: inherit;" /The crowd went ballistic. Gaius left out an inhuman roar of pain as he fell backwards, the fall creating a small cloud of dust as he grazed his back on the floor. How pathetic it would be to die this way, within minutes of a battle. A trained soldier of all people. em style="box-sizing: inherit;"I don't have to die. br style="box-sizing: inherit;" /embr style="box-sizing: inherit;" /The other man raised the trident above his head, the golden colour of it glinting maliciously in the sunlight. The referee was standing up, hand held high. Either thumbs up or thumbs down. Don't give him the style="box-sizing: inherit;" /br style="box-sizing: inherit;" /em style="box-sizing: inherit;"Kill him./embr style="box-sizing: inherit;" /br style="box-sizing: inherit;" /That sound was back in his ears. Blood. His own heartbeat suddenly soaring. That sharp pain in the pits of his gums, the ear splitting pickaxe-through-the-head style headache. Just as that trident was driven downwards again, Gaius mustered the strength to rip that helmet from his head with a clang. For the first time his opponent saw his then it was when he realised his prayers to the gods had not granted him continued life. He looked like he'd seen a style="box-sizing: inherit;" /br style="box-sizing: inherit;" /A clawed hand reached up where Gaius' should have been and drove its hooked claws into the flesh of the gladiator, tearing downwards, the tight snap of severed tendons so sweet. The clatter of the trident to the ground and the scream was style="box-sizing: inherit;" /br style="box-sizing: inherit;" /Gaius didn't remember much from that point on, but apparently the severed head that was catapulted into the audience, ripped from the neck it was attached to, was talked about for years and years after, as would the creature, half man, half wolf, that feasted upon the style="box-sizing: inherit;" /br style="box-sizing: inherit;" /Against his will Gaius was catapulted into fame. The wolven gladiator of Rome became a figure of awe and intrigue, disgust and horror. The nickname 'Son of Lycaon' became inescapable. At the beginning there was a point where Gaius decided that maybe it was best he was slain. At least it would save others and save himself the knowledge that he was eating fellow man. His disgusting rampage through amphitheatre after amphitheatre would end. But it didn't let him. Even if he Practically threw himself at an opponent, offering of an easy kill and the right to live another day, that monster inside him would save itself by rearing its ugly head. The results were style="box-sizing: inherit;" /br style="box-sizing: inherit;" /There were some days where Gaius didn't even know why he deserved to live at all. Why high-ranking officials seem so excited to see him, to meet him. Why potters began to depict the slaughter on decorative jars and on tile murals. Why some fathers offered their daughter's hand in marriage if he were to survive the next six years. The job offers. None of it made style="box-sizing: inherit;" /br style="box-sizing: inherit;" /But it didn't have to make sense to that voice inside him. It wasn't that it had started wanting to kill, but rather it needed to not die. But at this rate he felt that both him and it had become so damaged by everything that they'd done together, that it craved that blood. It wanted to hurt the guards that poked and prodded it, sneered and mocked it when it was chained and caged on a full moon. It wanted to kill the men that threatened it in the arena. But it also craved something other than this life. And maybe that was the one thing both it and Gaius could agree on. /p
p style="font-size: 16px; box-sizing: inherit; margin-bottom: 1rem; margin-top: 0px; caret-color: #212529; color: #212529; font-family: -apple-system, system-ui, BlinkMacSystemFont, 'Segoe UI', Roboto, 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, sans-serif;"Eventually and numbness settled over Gaius. He stopped trying to let his opponents kill him. He started to play the game. The audience's Cheering always peaked when he threw down his weapons, staring across at men who kept a steely disposition but were clearly so afraid. They knew what was coming next. He never remembered the end of a fight until it came creeping into his dreams at night, prompting him to wake up in a cold sweat./p
p style="font-size: 16px; box-sizing: inherit; margin-bottom: 1rem; margin-top: 0px; caret-color: #212529; color: #212529; font-family: -apple-system, system-ui, BlinkMacSystemFont, 'Segoe UI', Roboto, 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, sans-serif;"He started to be hit by sudden swathes of strong emotion at night. He never realised how much rage you could fit inside one man. He never realised how much he'd miss his family. That deep deep craving for genuine connection and love, to see his father and mother and sister again. Adrianus. Sometimes at night he'd fantasise about him coming to get him and they'd run into the mountains together. They'd run through the night, not a person in miles who could be hurt and they could be free and together. Even if he was hurt and angry and confused as to why this was a curse his partner had shared with him, the feeling of not being alone was always stronger. The pain was unbearable. /p
p style="font-size: 16px; box-sizing: inherit; margin-bottom: 1rem; margin-top: 0px; caret-color: #212529; color: #212529; font-family: -apple-system, system-ui, BlinkMacSystemFont, 'Segoe UI', Roboto, 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, sans-serif;"The constant stress took a toll on his physical body too. The stress he felt led to clenched fists and teeth that had been grinded to the point they were uniform in his mouth. The splitting headaches were the worst part, causing to lash out at his fellow imprisoned men during training. The man he'd become was not a man he liked, no matter how many others seemed to clamour after him. /p
p style="font-size: 16px; box-sizing: inherit; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-top: 0px; caret-color: #212529; color: #212529; font-family: -apple-system, system-ui, BlinkMacSystemFont, 'Segoe UI', Roboto, 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, sans-serif;"The colosseum was Gaius' final stage, his performance having elevated itself to some kind of legend, a frenzied story amongst the people of Rome. Apparently the emperor himself, whichever one it was Gaius couldn't remember, attended one fight. To think he would have once dreamed of even having his name known to the emperor. br style="box-sizing: inherit;" /br style="box-sizing: inherit;" /After six indescribable years, on a spring morning, Gaius found himself presented with a wooden sword. A Valdis. A gift from the emperor. He had done it. He was free. His life was his own again. br style="box-sizing: inherit;" /br style="box-sizing: inherit;" /And he followed that dream, and despite how quickly people tried to pin him down, keep him for themselves…Gaius fled to the only place he imagined he would ever be safe. Where others would be safe from style="box-sizing: inherit;" /br style="box-sizing: inherit;" /To the mountains./p