Bill's Reaction – Chapter 14
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Joseph heard the distinct sound of someone chopping wood. There was a steady, rhythm-like movement to it. Given the season, it was unusual for someone to be preparing for winter, when Fall hadn't even arrived yet. His curiosity got the better of him and he decided to follow the sound.
Before long, Joseph found himself in the Grant backyard, where Nathan was furiously chopping wood.
Joseph called out to him, "Hello Nathan, I see you are planning to keep very warm and toasty this winter! At the rate you're going, do you think we're in for a harsh season?" The pastor chuckled.
Nathan also laughed and replied, "Yes, you never can tell how much wood you will need to get through winter in Hope Valley!" He continued with, "Actually Pastor, whenever I have something on my mind, this is how I gain perspective."
Joseph looked at the large quantity of wood Nathan had already chopped and replied, "Nathan, you either have a powerful lot on your mind or you're fixing to prepare for the winter of all winters!"
Nathan glanced at the amount of wood. Joseph was right; there was enough wood here to last two winters. Nathan put his axe down in a safe spot and invited Joseph to join him sitting on the back porch.
As the two men sat down, Joseph inquired, "Nathan, is there anything I can help you sort through?"
Nathan quickly replied, "To be honest, I have been thinking about last Sunday's sermon on forgiveness."
Joseph looked surprised. Nathan was one of the kindest, gentlest souls around. As their lawman he was Hope Valley's protector. "Other than forgiveness from the Lord for the sins we all commit, who would you need to ask forgiveness from?"
While awaiting Nathan's reply, Joseph silently reminded himself of the secret Elizabeth shared with him, earlier that same day. This is the one area of pastoring he struggled with – how to properly guide two or more parties who were at odds with each other without betraying a confidence.
He had an idea of what Nathan was going to say, but Nathan had to feel comfortable in sharing his most private thoughts, if Joseph was to be of any help to him.
Joseph snapped back to the present, when Nathan started speaking, "I am really struggling with a couple of things regarding forgiveness."
"How does one overcome being hurt so deeply that it reaches the very core of one's soul? And, how does one guide a bright young girl to still look for the good in people and not hate someone for their hurtful actions?"
Joseph was quite taken aback with Nathan's honest, raw emotional reply. From what little he knew about Nathan this was a highly unusual reaction. Then again, this was a highly unusual situation.
Nathan sensed he had surprised the pastor, so he apologized for being so blunt.
Joseph countered back with, "No Nathan, don't apologize. Those are heavy questions. Would you care to provide some more details? If I know more about your situation, perhaps I can be more helpful to you."
Nathan raised his arms partway and dropped them, replying, "I don't really know where to start."
Joseph told him to start at the beginning and so he did. Nathan shared his heart with the pastor. He told him the condensed version of how he was disciplined at Fort Clay, how Jack Thornton replaced him as the Training Officer (and was ultimately killed) and how he came to be Hope Valley's Mountie. He further explained he inadvertently fell in love with both Elizabeth and Little Jack and found himself unwillingly part of a love triangle, with Elizabeth and Lucas. Finally, he shared in detail the words that Elizabeth had said to him in the jail, that she loved him but was not "in love" with him. He was forced to watch as she very publicly courted Lucas in what he knew was a horrible decision.
As Nathan unburdened himself to Pastor Joseph, he felt a heavy weight release from him – a weight he didn't even realize he was carrying. It was cathartic to let go of the hurt and pent-up anger.
He further explained, "I have replayed the last three years in my mind so many times and I still don't understand how I could have completely misjudged Elizabeth's thoughts and feelings. I've been trained to be a good judge of people; it goes along with what I do for a living."
"I was so certain she felt the same for me as I do for her. I was planning on building a life with them. I had decided to buy Bill's land and build us a bigger home to share. I even bought a ring."
He just shook his head in disbelief.
"It would have been unusual to start married life with a teenager and a toddler, but there would be a lot of love." His eyes were glassy as he stood up and walked away from Joseph in an attempt to hide his heartbroken expression.
When he regained his composure, he continued, "It hurt to find out she only sees me as a stand-in for her late husband. I'm in love with her and lost my heart to her, yet I mean nothing more to her than any other Mountie wearing the serge." Nathan grimaced.
He grabbed several pieces of wood and stacked them on the woodpile. Joseph sensed he wasn't finished and remained silent.
Nathan blinked his eyes clear, looked directly at Joseph and said, "Pastor, as I said it's not just me. Allie has ached to have a mother-figure in her life for a long time. Elizabeth was a perfect fit. She always showed a special interest in Allie, nurtured her and helped shape her future. Now, Allie can barely even tolerate Elizabeth. She's courteous only because I have told her she has to be polite – in school and out. It broke my heart again when my young daughter told me she would be civil, even though she hates her. I have never raised her to hate anyone."
Pastor Joseph, himself with tears welling in his eyes, asked Nathan, "Have you made it clear to Allie that you do not hate Elizabeth?"
Nathan looked shocked and replied, "Of course I have. Allie feels things very strongly; she knows I am in love with Elizabeth and that I wound up hurt in the process. I am afraid when Elizabeth rejected me, Allie took it as hard as I did. The difference being, I am an adult. Allie is still maturing."
Pastor Joseph carefully considered the next question, wondering how personal he should get. He decided to proceed with caution. "Nathan, as you know, God commands us to forgive one another. I would like you to consider these rhetorical questions – you don't have to answer me, unless you want to. This is just something for you to prayerfully reflect upon."
Nathan nodded for him to proceed.
Pastor Joseph continued with, "How would you respond if Elizabeth came to you and asked your forgiveness for how she treated you? Could you forgive her? Could you ever be friends again?"
Joseph paused a moment and felt the Spirit's prompting to also ask this last question. "Could you ever feel more than friendship again with Elizabeth?"
Pastor Joseph encouraged Nathan to search his heart for answers. Not only for himself, but for Allie's healing, also. At this point, he excused himself and left Nathan alone with his thoughts.
Now sitting by himself, Nathan thoughtfully considered the questions and prayed for answers. He stood up and worked on stacking the remainder of the chopped wood.
As he worked away, his mind recalled Ephesians 4:32, "And be ye kind one to another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, even as God for Christ's sake hath forgiven you."
He marvelled at God's goodness having him recall this Scripture passage. Love Forgives.
He had his answer – of course he would forgive Elizabeth. How could he not forgive her? Despite everything that had happened, he was still in love with her. As for becoming more than friends, only God held that answer.
Nathan stopped what he was doing and offered up a silent prayer to the Lord, asking for forgiveness for carrying any bitterness and anger in his heart towards Elizabeth. He also asked God to soften Allie's heart to forgive as well. Life is far too short to spend it being bitter, hurt and angry.
Finally, he prayed for strength, God's direction for their lives and happiness.
Back at Jack's Land
Elizabeth had spent the day searching her heart and praying that God would soften Nathan's heart to accept her apology to him. She also asked God to give her the words to say to make her apology both heartfelt and sincere. Nathan deserved nothing less.
She had already humbled herself and received God's forgiveness.
Now, it was time to plead with Nathan for his.
Special thanks to MamaBethany for beta reading and for making this story better.