Bill's Reaction – Chapter 23
Hope Valley – Tuesday afternoon
Bill agreed to cover Nathan's Mountie duties for the afternoon. He had a couple of gruff questions but was satisfied enough once Nathan explained Elizabeth was not only aware that Allie would ride Sargeant, but it had, in fact, been her idea in the first place. Nathan chuckled as he left the judge's office and headed for home with a bounce in his brisk pace.
By the time Nathan had reached home, he was looking forward to finding Allie. He was not disappointed – she was inside reading a book.
"Hey Allie, what are you doing inside on a beautiful day like today?" Nathan asked her.
"Oh, Hi Uncle Nathan!" Allie plopped her book down next to her on the couch when she saw him. "I'm bored. I don't have switchboard duty today. The housework is done and I've read this book five times already." Then she realized. "How come you are home so early?
Nathan was beaming and about ready to burst. "Well, I have a surprise for you." With a big smile on his face, he motioned for Allie to follow him as he bounded up the stairs. Like only Allie could, she trudged up the stairs, rolling her eyes behind her uncle's back. "OK, so we're upstairs in our own house. What's the big excitement?"
Nathan gave her the lopsided grin she knew so well and said, "Well, I thought you might like to change into your riding clothes, but if you don't want to go riding…"
Allie's eyes widened and she squealed with delight, "Really, Uncle Nathan? Are we really going riding, now?"
He smiled and said, "As soon as we both get changed, we can head back to the livery."
It didn't take long for either of them to change, be out the door and on their way.
Once they arrived at the livery, Allie automatically started to get out the tack to prepare Newton for the afternoon ride.
She was surprised when Nathan stopped her.
He said, "Allie, I have another surprise for you. You're not riding Newton today. You're riding a different horse but first, I have to go over a few things with you. Okay?"
Allie heard the undertone of a lecture in his voice, and felt a little disappointed that she was about to get a lecture on riding, before going riding. She was tempted to roll her eyes, but she caught herself and nodded her head.
Nathan noticed her change of attitude and was hopeful at this sign of maturity. In response, he paused and decided to hold off on the instructions for the moment. He opened Sargeant's stall and leaned against the rail, gesturing toward the large black Mountie horse that had once belonged to Constable Jack Thornton.
Allie slowly approached, peeked around the corner, and looked inside. She froze. She was used to being around Newton, and Sargeant was the same size and build; but Sargeant was held in very high regard, almost awe, to all of the town children, in large part because he had been Mountie Jack's horse.
Sargeant sniffed Allie's hand and let out a soft whinny to greet her, his dark brown eyes meeting her light brown ones. Allie's expression softened as she silently introduced herself.
Allie was drawn by Sargeant's invitation and carefully approached him. He rubbed his nose on her chest and she reached up to pat his cheeks. Sargeant's ears were relaxed and he lowered his head, leaning his neck slightly against the girl's side as Allie stroked his neck.
Nathan watched in silence, a tender smile pulling at one side of his face. Horses reacted differently to different people, and it seemed that Sargeant was going to form a fine connection with Allie. That would help a lot.
Allie looked back at Uncle Nathan, an uncertain look on her face. "Uncle Nathan? What's going on? Mrs. Thornton doesn't let just anyone ride Sargeant…"
Nathan nodded once and said "You're right, Allie. I was talking to Mrs. Thornton on Sunday and she made the suggestion that you ride him. She's willing to trust you. Also, you need a horse to ride and Sargeant needs the exercise, so it works out well for everyone."
"Allie, Mrs. Thornton and I know that you will ride this horse responsibly. I know you'll care for him afterwards, including cleaning his stall. I also know you will never try to ride him alone," he paused with his eyebrows raised before adding, "right?"
"Yes, Uncle Nathan," Allie said with a smirk. They were both thinking of the day that Robert had mounted Sargeant without permission, ended up on an out-of-control ride and had to be rescued by Mrs. Thornton on Newton.
Now, Allie would have the privilege of riding Sargeant with Mrs. Thornton's blessing.
Nathan took the red Mountie issue saddle blanket and handed it to Allie, who managed to get it up on Sargeant's back with a bit of effort. She was growing taller but this was a bigger horse than she was used to riding. Nathan was proud of her for asking for his help in getting Sergeant completely ready for their ride.
After they had ridden a short distance on the road north of town, Nathan looked over at Allie. She really had superb posture on a horse. She was a natural horsewoman and he felt fatherly pride swelling in his heart. He could also see that she knew her skill limitations and wasn't likely to take Sargeant for a gallop when she wasn't ready. "How are you doing, Allie? he asked. "Are you feeling comfortable on Sargeant?"
Allie smiled broadly, not at all intimidated by riding the larger horse, "Uncle Nathan, he is a beautiful animal. Sargeant is a Mountie horse, like Newton, and it's nice to see them out together. Oh, Uncle Nathan, when can I learn to trot and gallop? Don't worry, " She looked at him wryly. "I know I'm not ready yet, but I can just imagine how wonderful it would be and I think Sargeant wants to do it too."
Nathan gave her a stern look to discourage the thought. "Not today. But," he said encouragingly, "maybe we could start trying next time we go out."
They rode comfortably in silence for a while. They veered off of the road now, towards a large hilltop meadow he knew of. It was one of those beautiful summer days you just wanted to last forever. It wasn't too hot, but the grass and the air smelled sweet. Puffs of dust flew up behind the horses feet, but the riders were not bothered by it. They swayed with the movements of the animals, becoming more relaxed with each step. Occasionally a breeze blew across them, making Allie's hair float into her eyes. She brushed it away without complaint.
Nathan prayed silently. He was hoping he and Allie could have one of their deep discussions, but he knew the results would be best if she brought up the difficult topics and not him.
By now, they had reached the meadow and the view was panoramic. They took it in for a few minutes, and then Allie stopped and dismounted, Nathan did likewise. They allowed the horses to graze on the sweet tender meadow grass while they sat on a large nearby boulder to continue their discussion.
"Uncle Nathan?" Allie asked. Her eyes had grown sad. "Was Sargeant with Mountie Jack when….when the accident happened?"
Nathan knew the answer, but it wasn't something he wanted to share with Allie, especially since he was pretty sure not even Elizabeth knew the answer. He deflected the question with another question.
"Are you wondering if Sargeant misses his partner?"
Allie pressed her lips together and nodded, silently.
"I guess we don't really know how horses feel when they lose a partner."
Allie went quiet, so he reached over and touched her arm and said, "Allie? Are you okay?"
She responded by looking at him and nodding her head. "Yes, Uncle Nathan, I'm okay. I was just thinking, it was nice of Mrs. Thornton to trust me with riding Sergeant. That's something she would have done before...well, you know what I mean. I'm really confused; it's like she is two different people. One is a super nice lady who truly cares about people. The other one is selfish, mean and hurtful and doesn't care about anyone but herself."
Allie looked away, not wanting Nathan to see the tears in her eyes. He saw them, but knew if he said anything, she would close off the discussion. This conversation was far too important.
She blinked back the tears before continuing, "Uncle Nathan, I barely remember my mom. After she died, I came to live with you – which I'm thankful for – but I never had a nice lady to do 'girly things' with. When we moved here, Mrs. Thornton seemed to take a real interest in me – in us. We did things together. Things that families do together. Things that mothers and daughters do together. I honestly thought you were going to marry Mrs. Thornton and it would be just like having a new mom. Then, out of nowhere, she changes into a different person, treats us very poorly and chooses to court Mr. Bouchard."
Nathan closed his eyes and took a deep breath, not wanting to think how hurt he had felt. Instead, in a soothing voice he replied, "I know it hurts. The whole situation is hard to understand." He paused while they listened to the sound of the horses munching and Allie found a more comfortable position, drawing her legs up to her chest.
"Do you recall a while back I mentioned about adults not handling life-changing events very well?"
Allie nodded at him and Nathan continued, "I think this might be an example of one of those times. When a person mourns the loss of a loved one, it can cause them to behave in a manner they normally would never think of doing. Grief can temporarily change behaviour, causing them to make poor choices or hurt people they really care about. I think Mrs. Thornton now understands how poorly she treated you and wanted to do something to show you how she really feels about you, so she suggested having you ride Sargeant."
Allie bit her bottom lip as she processed her thoughts before continuing to pour out her heart. "Uncle Nathan, I understand what you have said and I really want to forgive her, but I can't because I'm not sure I can totally trust her anymore. I know that's not what you wanted to hear, but…"
Nathan interrupted her with, "Allie, if it is the truth, then it is what I want to hear."
He reached over, put his arm around Allie's shoulders and gently pulled her toward himself before continuing, "Thank you for sharing your heart with me. I know you're still struggling – and that is understandable."
He paused in sympathy and then gently offered a challenge. "I would like you to pray about forgiving her. Forgiveness is not only pleasing to God, but it is freeing to you. Think of it this way, Allie. You won't be doing it for Mrs. Thornton so much as you will be doing it for yourself. When you forgive someone, it releases you from the past hurt and wrongdoing. Forgiveness allows you to move on. When you don't forgive someone, over time that anger and hurt can build up inside and make you bitter and unhappy. That is not what I want for you, Allie-girl. I want you to have a happy and peaceful life. Do you understand what I mean?"
Allie nodded her head in the affirmative. "Suppose, just suppose, I do forgive her. What about trust? Doesn't forgiveness and trust go hand in hand?"
Nathan closed his eyes and prayed for guidance. He needed to be honest, but also needed to find a way to soften her heart.
"Allie, no they are two separate issues. Forgiveness is like I explained before. It will have the effect of lifting a weight off of your shoulders. Forgiveness can be very freeing to the receiver, too."
"Trust" he continued, "is a separate issue. Earning trust moves beyond forgiveness. Once trust is broken, it has to be earned back. This is not always possible, but when it is, both parties have to be willing to work to restore the trust – the offending party has to show they are worthy of your trust; the injured party must offer that person a chance, and hope. If you ask Him, God can help you overcome this, too."
Nathan gently smiled at her and said, "I'm proud of you, Allie-girl, for thinking about these things. It isn't easy. If you have any more questions, I want you to know that I'm here for you, okay?" He gave her shoulders a squeeze before releasing her.
"Thank you, Uncle Nathan."
Allie looked at Nathan and said wistfully, "Uncle Nathan, just suppose I really forgive Mrs. Thornton. What then?"
Nathan looked puzzled, "I'm not sure I understand. Can you explain a little more for me?"
Allie looked at Nathan and bluntly asked him, "If I forgive Mrs. Thornton, will you marry her?"
Nathan looked at Allie. He was overcome with shock at that question. He started to answer her, but only his mouth was moving – there was no sound coming out.
Nathan silently prayed again for wisdom – he really didn't know how to answer this question to everyone's satisfaction, but knew he needed to respond.
"Allie, I can't answer that question. When two people discuss marriage, they need to be in the same place in a committed relationship. In the example of Mrs. Thornton & I, we would also need to consider not only the relationship we had with each other, but also the implications on both you and Little Jack."
He paused long enough to gather his thoughts and then finished with, "Allie, are you really asking me if I want you to forgive Mrs. Thornton so I will feel free to marry her? If that is really your question, I can neither say yes or no, because I don't know at this point."
"That sounds like you've given this a lot of thought, Uncle Nathan." She chewed on her lip like she always did when sorting through her feelings.
"Of course, I have given the matter some thought. When you reach a certain age, you begin to wonder about your future." Nathan wanted to end this discussion on a positive note, so he quickly added, "Allie, God is in control of my entire future – and that includes anyone I might marry. If I do marry, I will be fully committed to my wife, however, I will never forget the commitment I made to you, either. Do you understand that?"
Allie's eyes were dancing as she smirked at her uncle and said, "Does that mean I have a say in who you marry?"
Nathan, realizing she understood, replied back, "Um, nice try Allie-girl but no, that is not what I meant. Just to be clear, whoever marries me has to love and accept both of us, because you are my family. Okay?"
Allie nodded her head appreciatively, stood up and walked over to give Sargeant a pat on the neck and a whispered endearment - a clear indication the conversation was over. She gathered his reigns, and easily mounted him.
As Nathan stood up, he glanced down at the rock they had been sitting on. To his surprise he saw a heart chiseled into the rock with the initials J.T. + E.T. engraved inside. He briefly wondered to himself if the 'E.T.' was Elizabeth. Could it be they had spent the last while discussing Elizabeth on her own land?
He set the thought aside, mounted Newton and he and Allie started off riding again.
Before they knew it, they had ridden side by side over to Bill's land, just across the way from where they had stopped. This is where he had been planning to bring Allie all along.
Hamilton
Elizabeth was pleased to have a quiet day at home. She had a lot to think about. She knew Little Jack was having the time of his life with her parents, so she decided to stay in her room and catch up on some journaling. Whenever she was facing life-changing issues, journaling had always helped her find an answer. She had before her two very different life-changing issues requiring answers.
Elizabeth did something she hadn't done in quite some time. Before starting her journaling, she prayed.
She found herself petitioning God for something she never planned to ask for. In addition to requesting wisdom and grace regarding Superintendent Hargraves, she was surprised to find she also requested Him to help her find forgiveness in her heart towards Hargraves - the man who gave the orders sending her beloved husband, Jack, to his death.
Why should she forgive him? The Lord quickly brought to her mind how she had been forgiven when she had acted poorly towards her friends. Should she not extend the same grace?
Chief Superintendent Collins wanted her to disclose the identity of Constable Michaels, so he could add him to the witness list to testify against Superintendent Hargraves. Her dilemma here is whether or not she should identify Constable Michaels.
It was important that Hargraves be held accountable for the decisions he made. The orders Hargraves issued may have been lawful but, in her opinion, they were also unwise. His orders had such an impact on not only the people under his command, but they had a life-changing impact on their families, too. So many lives were changed that day and for what purpose? God has a purpose for everything that happens – we just may never know His reasons.
Then, realization struck her – without the incident at Fort Clay, she quite likely never would have met Nathan. From what Chief Superintendent Collins had told her, Jack would have always sought out the dangerous assignments. That's why he turned down the promotion. Reasoning took over. If Jack always sought out danger, it is quite likely he would have died under someone else's orders, if not Hargraves'.
As for Constable Michaels, she couldn't reach out via Mountie HQ, so she decided to reach out to the train company and see if he was posted to the passenger train. If she was able to speak to him, she would explain what she could and ask if he would mind being identified to Chief Superintendent Collins.
As she continued with her journaling, she came to the more important issue of her life and her future. She was thankful Edna Collins had kindly shared her personal story with her. Elizabeth could hardly believe the way Edna's story mirrored her own life. Elizabeth knew she had made progress with overcoming her fear and, thanks to Edna, Elizabeth now understood there were other ways to lose Nathan besides a Mountie-related incident.
Once again, she found herself wondering if she and Nathan could have a future together as a blended family. It had taken her a long time and many tears, but she finally realized she loved Nathan with all her heart – and she loved him for who he was – including being a Mountie.
At long last, she knew who was in her heart and the first private opportunity she got, she was going to tell him.
As always, special thanks to Mamabethany for her input. This is a far better story for all of her efforts.