Cast Not Love Away

By Felicia Ferguson

Author's Note: Oh, SSD marathon, you have done it again. You tickled the muse with one little heartbreaking Shane moment, and it wormed its way ahead of the current novel and said, "Write me. NOW." And of course, the muse caved. Because it's Shane. And Oliver. And not only that, it's married Shane and Oliver. She can't resist them. But POstables, hold onto your hats because this one takes a deep dive into Shane's heart and history and the impact of both on their marriage.

This is part of the Between the Altars series and also includes ShOliver-married-life details established in Love and Tempests, In the Gloaming, Daybreak, and Family Ties. It is set four months after Family Ties. If you haven't read those at all, I would strongly recommend doing so first. But if it's only a matter of not having read them recently, then you should be fine to read this one without a refresh. Oh, and I do use the marriage relationship for Becky Starkwell established in Plans, Perceptions, and Providence even though that fic isn't part of the Between the Altars series (I just love PPP too much to ignore it completely!). But that one, you definitely don't need to read first. It has plotted out at six chapters (five of which, crazy enough, have been written in two days-I know I slept, I think I ate, not so sure about the dog though, and everything else is up for grabs! LOL!)

As always, I own none of the characters. They belong to the magnificent mind of Martha Williamson and the incredible talents of Eric Mabius, Kristin Booth, Yan-Kay Crystal Lowe, and Geoff Gustafson. And any dialogue you recognize from the movies is obviously not mine—it is used purely to enhance the story. I do, however, claim the non-canon backstory that I've created for Shane and all non-SSD characters related to it.

WARNING: Major married themes and conversations are included, but I believe this fic still falls under the T category based on the description provided.

Writer-Girl ponderings (as always, feel free to skip—especially if you don't want to be spoiled for the read): Prior to the marathon, I read a Martha interview with TV Goodness that released the day Vows premiered in the US in which she talks about her thoughts on future POstables storylines to explore. Here's the direct quote: "I've toyed with lots of ideas [like] Norman and Rita just opening up their house and becoming parents to 12 children, which I think would be hysterical," she laughs. "And I think Oliver and Shane are the ones who've been damaged so much that things are going to come up for them that will be helpful to other people watching who say, 'How do you get through this,' whatever that is." Funny enough, that's exactly how I hoped Martha would move forward with the two couples. (We are in concert!) So with that quote in the back of my mind, I began watching the Labor Day marathon.

And during From the Heart, Shane's plaintive question to Oliver after seeing him with Dale after choir practice broke my heart on a deeper level. Clutching his newly-found valentine, she glances over her shoulder then asks in such a tentative, almost childlike voice, "Am I too late for dinner?" The gut-wrenching look and tone hit me full force for some reason and made me seriously wonder, Who hurt you, Shane?

Then in Lost Without You there was her ash-white split-second panicked reaction to learning Oliver knew Dale's number by heart followed by her later question to Dale, "Am I safe?" (Shane-speak for are you a threat to me and my love for Oliver?) Now, this reaction and question, I've had a surface grip on. Shane felt threatened by Dale because of her long friendship with Oliver, their shared faith, and even the red hair (obvious call back to Holly). But Shane's "Am I safe?" combined with "Am I too late for dinner?" on top of Martha's interview quote made me realize Shane's relationship insecurity and wounding is much deeper and older than Oliver, Holly, and Dale.

But who could have done it? Not her dad. Yes, his leaving was traumatic and set her up to doubt men staying (paralleling Oliver's mom's leaving setting him up to doubt women). But these two questions have serious undertones of male-female relationship issues not father-daughter ones. And she develops a very secure father-daughter relationship with Joe (which, yes, is now on the list for exploration!). So Dad's out.

Then was it Steve? Not likely. She was too curious about his card (and she kept it!), too self-possessed when she saw him again in Impossible Dream, too open to even contacting him in the first place (despite her penchant for sacrificing herself for the greater good), and too willing to leave the country with him for work for their breakup at Montaldo's to have this kind of lasting impact. Plus, she ended that relationship.

So, that leaves this mysterious guy she mentioned in From the Heart. The one who didn't say he couldn't live without her which led her to crying in the bathroom on that Valentine's Day. Even with so few details, based on her pained, but soured words, I'm thinking he's the culprit.

Putting all that together, I realized there is still a canon thread that needs to be tied up, and it's Shane's own abandonment issues. So, yeah. We're going to go there. And yes, I would dearly love to see what Martha does with this "when" we get new movies. But it's bugging the muse enough to make me break my self-imposed rule and go further into the ShOliver future to write my take on the situation now. I would say, Enjoy, but this is going to be another "hurt so good" fic, so do with that what you will, lol!

Chapter One

Thursday

Shane watched code scroll down the window of her bot search as it hammered away at Drummond Auction House's firewall. In an attempt to once again try and clean out the unattached items box, Oliver had selected an antique gold coin from the myriad of options.

Since Serge was no longer at the pawn shop, Igor, his twin, specialized in pottery, and Norman had no other potentially helpful cousins, Oliver had agreed to Shane's offer of hacking auction houses for leads. Unfortunately, those searches had proven less than fruitful. Drummond was her last shot. And it looked like it would be at least another day until the bot broke through.

An email banner flashed across the corner of her screen, snagging her attention away from the columns of letters and numbers. With a sigh, she clicked out of the search window and onto her email.

As always, her inbox was full of queries for letter searches, group emails from other departments, and even notices of upcoming sales on designer shoe websites. But the latest email furrowed her brow. It was not only marked 'urgent' it was also specifically addressed to Oliver, from their boss.

Sender: Rebecca Starkwell Robbins

Subject: For Oliver O'Toole

Shane pursed her lips as she studied the entry. Given Oliver's lack of an email address and his preference for handwritten communication, she'd always coordinated the communication with Becky on her special project known as the Denver Dead Letter Office Task Force.

But not only that Shane was his wife. A relationship Becky was overjoyed about and even subtly encouraged during her initial visit three years ago. She had to know that whatever Oliver knew would rather quickly become something Shane knew. So why cut out the middle woman? Was it a personnel issue or a possible transfer? Surely Becky wouldn't transfer anyone out of the department—especially not with their success rate.

Shane sighed and sent a prayer heavenward that whatever news was enclosed would be for the good. She turned her gaze to Oliver where he sat behind his desk absorbed in memos from Glynnis Rucker, the Denver Main Branch supervisor. Shane licked her lips, then said, "Oliver, Becky sent you an email."

His gaze didn't move. Instead, he flipped to the next memo in the stack. "What does it say, Ms. McInerney?"

Despite their easy touching and her sneaking the occasional kiss to his cheek, Oliver still wouldn't use any name other than Shane or Ms. McInerney while they were at work. And really, Love, his preferred nickname for her, was a bit too intimate for the workplace—at least the way he said it anyway. Shane closed her eyes and savored the memory of his last use of it that morning. They'd made it to work in time for his department meeting. Barely.

She smothered the wayward thoughts and pulled her attention back to Oliver. He still sat engrossed in the local postal updates.

"Oliver?"

"Hmm?"

She sighed. Sometimes one had to pull the big gun out of the arsenal. And judging by his deep contemplation of the memos, this was one of those times.

"Darling." She layered the word with knowing amusement alongside the usual adoration and waited for its impact.

Oliver's eyes jerked up from his study and flicked around the DLO. Norman and Rita were back in his lab and Charley had gone to Expediting, but concern still flickered in his gaze.

When his eyes returned to her, Shane grinned. Made you look.

Oliver lifted his gaze to heaven even as a small smile twitched about his lips.

Attention now fully hers, she shot a pointed look to her screen then back to him. "Becky sent you an email."

Oliver nodded once, finally understanding her insistence, then rose from his chair and joined her behind her standing desk. Shane just stopped herself from leaning up and kissing his cheek. That act coupled with the endearment would be too much blatant PDA at work for her very proper husband. Instead, she flashed him a warm smile then clicked open the email, stepping aside and giving Oliver the privacy Becky seemed to insist was required.

A moment later, Oliver's gaze found hers. "It appears Mrs. Starkwell Robbins is expanding her special projects."

Shane crossed her arms over her stomach, her head tilting as she replayed Oliver's words. "Why would that be such a secret? She made a USPS-wide memo for when she took us on."

"I don't know. But perhaps her choice of projects isn't popular? Or perhaps she's had her postal discretion curtailed?"

Shane's lips twisted in consideration. Knowing Becky, there was likely a third or even a fourth option. "What is the project?"

Oliver tucked his hands behind him and rose on his toes. "She will be adding the Miami branch DLO to our federal task force. Due to our success and their own recent Dark of Night award, she feels establishing an east coast branch is a priority. And the section leader will be joining us for two weeks of training."

Shane let her arms fall to her sides as she rejoined him behind her desk. Unable to help herself, she ran her hand along his arm, pride radiating from her. "That's quite a coup, Mr. O'Toole, Becky wanting you to train this new addition. Congratulations."

Oliver's ears pinked as his lips spread into a wide grin.

"So when will all this start?"

"Samantha Morris, the Miami DLO section leader, will arrive Monday and will begin training then."

Shane blinked then skimmed the email. "Two weeks? But she's already a section leader and won a Dark of Night award. Shouldn't she already know the basics?"

Oliver's head dipped, acknowledging her point. "Yes, but we have Norman's lab and chemical solutions, not to mention your hacking skills, in addition to the usual position requirements. It will take time to properly impart that knowledge in order for it to be used effectively."

Shane nodded. That made sense. They were, after all, uniquely gifted postal workers with a license to deliver.

Oliver glanced over his shoulder toward Norman's lab just as Charley pushed through the DLO doors behind a rolling cart. "I believe it is time to alert the rest of the team so we can begin to prepare."

Shane's lips widened in a fond grin before she headed off to rally Norman and Rita.