AN: This story was written during the 2022 Write-A-Thon. Thanks to everyone who participated and especially to my writing group partners Snooky-9093 & Sunshineofthe60s. Along with my amazing beta, Honu59, all of your input made this a better story.

A General Affair

Colonel Wilhelm Klink was not known around Stalag Thirteen for an being an inspiring or even competent leader. Yet, Colonel Hogan mused that his presence still had a small effect as his late-night absence had the camp running even more inefficiently than normal. Not that he was complaining, mind you. Leaning against a bunk, the officer sipped from a cup of weak coffee and watched as his men enjoyed the quiet evening.

"Two please," LeBeau said as he discarded part of his hand. "And I want the two from the top of deck, you English cheat."

Newkirk smirked. "You sure? There might be better options elsewhere."

"Yeah," Kinch chuckled, "like the ones up his sleeve."

Carter raised an eyebrow. "You're just bitter because you're losing."

Suddenly, the door to the barracks slammed open and a large and weary guard stepped inside. "Lights out!"

Hogan protested, "Schultz, do you ever knock?"

"No, he barges in like a barbarian," Carter said. "A gentlemen would see that we are in the middle of a game."

Schultz groaned then said, "Gambling is verboten! Colonel Hogan, please, tell your men to go to bed. It is much too late for monkey business."

"You mean it's way past our bedtime," Hogan countered. "It was supposed to be forty minutes ago."

"Shh," Schultz said, his eyes wide. "You mustn't tell the big shot that we were late. Please, Colonel Hogan, it would be my life!"

"Why?"

A confused looking Schultz echoed back, "Why?"

"Yes, why?" LeBeau asked. "If you haven't noticed, Klink is not in camp tonight."

Then Newkirk grabbed the guard by the shoulders, guided him into a seat and handed him some cards. "Sit down, relax, take a night off. Klink is. Leaving you guards to slave away all night while he gets off with some bird. That's not fair, that is."

"Like any girl would spend time with him," LeBeau said.

As his men bantered, Hogan noticed a familiar car pull into camp. He debated warning the others, but quickly decided that it would be more entertaining to let things play out.

"I don't know," Carter mused. "I think I know a girl back home who would be perfect for Klink. She's-"

"Imaginary for one thing," Kinch interrupted.

"What is imaginary Sergeant Kinchloe?" Klink asked, his frame filling the open doorway. He had a tight grip on his swagger cane and his jaw was clenched in a concerning way.

"Our dreams of escaping, Kommandant," Hogan replied without missing a beat.

Klink didn't respond with his usual platitudes and instead shouted, "Schultz! I leave camp for one night and I return to lights still on and find you playing poker in the barracks with the prisoners!"

"No, Herr Kommandant! I mean, I'm sorry, Herr Kommandant. I told them to go to bed, but they wouldn't listen."

"Convince the prisoners to listen or you'll be listening to new orders on the Russian front." Then without another word, Klink turned on his heel and stormed across the compound.

Newkirk whistled. "Somebody had a bad date."

"Wonder what happened?" Carter asked.

Hogan grinned. "Let's find out." He stepped outside then jogged to catch up, not wanting any potential trigger-happy guards to get any ideas. Klink opened the door to his quarters and then turned to block the entrance.

"Colonel Hogan, I do not have time to listen to your complaints."

"I wouldn't dare complain to the Iron Colonel," Hogan replied as he slipped inside. "I know it would do no good. No, I came to learn about your date. With no women in camp, my men live for tales of your exploits. It's the only thing that keeps us going some days."

Klink flopped onto the couch. "Colonel, Colonel, Colonel. Do you know, Hogan, that I am the only man in my class who hasn't made general? And everyone in the two classes behind mine have been promoted to general as well?"

Oh, no. Hogan had a bad feeling about where this was headed. He poured German a glass of schnapps then handed him the drink. "Berlin just doesn't appreciate your genius, sir."

Klink downed the drink in one gulp. "She dumped me. Said she found a new man. A general."

Hogan winced. Bad enough that Klink had been shot down again, but for the cause to be the already touchy subject of his current rank… If he didn't do something quick, Klink would be in a touchy mood all week. "Rough. But, don't worry, your secret is safe with me. I'll tell the boys you dumped her like a rock. That she wasn't worthy of our Kommandant. Only a fool wouldn't see that your record here at Stalag Thirteen means only good things in your future."

Klink straightened in his seat. "You know, Colonel Hogan, I think you are right. I am too good for her. No one disrespects the might of the Iron Colonel."

"Here, here," Hogan said as he sipped a glass of his own. "Now if you will excuse me, I have to get back to my men."

Klink waved him away and Hogan returned to the barracks and gathered around the table with his men, all too eager to hear the story of Klink's latest embarrassment.

"Figures," Kinch mused, "Klink can't woo a girl to save his life."

"I know," Carter said, "why don't we set him up with one of those nice Underground girls?"

LeBeau gasped. "Never! They are too good for likes of Klink."

Hogan held out a hand to stop further speculation. "Gentlemen, this a problem we will never solve. Three things are certain in life: death, taxes and Klink will never be promoted to general."

General Burkhalter was normally an unhappy man. The only times that Hogan had seen him smile were when he was delighting in tormenting his underlings. And he wasn't smiling today. Something big was happening and hopefully what was bad news for the Germans would be good news for the Allies.

After bursting into Klink's office, Hogan started speaking immediately. "Excuse me, General, but, Kommandant, I must protest-"

Klink slammed his hands down on his desk. "Hogan, get out!"

"He may stay," Burkhalter said as he sat down.

"Hogan, stay!"

"If I have to suffer, he can suffer, too."

This was going to be interesting. "Now, General, torture is against the Geneva Convention."

Now Burkhalter was usually an open book with easily readable facial expressions, but Hogan struggled to find the meaning of his current one. Something weird was going on and he didn't like it.

Even Klink was beginning to sense something was wrong so he asked timidly, "General, surely it isn't that bad? Unless… did we surrender?"

"Dummkopf! How dare you doubt the might of our illustrious forces!"

Klink gulped. "Of course not, Herr General, forgive me, Herr General."

Good grief. It was way too early in the morning to listen to this. Seeing how the Germans were mostly ignoring him, Hogan decided to risk sneaking a small glass of schnapps. As he poured, Burkhalter finally shared the reason for his unexpected visit. "While our forces are superior, some in Berlin appear to have taken leave of their senses."

"How? Did ole scramble brains shoot them or are you speaking figuratively, sir?"

"HOGAN!"

"Shut up, Klink. This is already difficult enough without listening to your inane chatter."

"Course, sir, shutting up, sir."

Rising to his feet, Burkhalter continued, "Berlin has taken notice of your record here at Stalag Thirteen and…"

Quivering with excitement, Klink couldn't help but interject. "Of course, no one has ever escaped from Stalag Thirteen!"

"I know." Then forcing himself to stand with full military bearing, Burkhalter said, "Colonel Wilhelm Klink, in recognition of your years of faithful service, it is my … it is…You've been promoted to General, effective immediately."

Liquid shot out of Hogan's month in a flash, spraying all over Klink's desk. No wonder Burkhalter was out of sorts. Had the entire command staff taken leave of their senses? Klink, however, was ecstatic. His eyes grew wide and his whole body perked up and he radiated joy. "General! Oh, General, thank you. Thank you."

Knowing that he had to say something, Hogan fell back on the familiarity of stroking of Klink's ego. It never failed, though he doubted it could inflate higher than its current level.

"Congratulations, sir. I always knew you had it in you." Then holding out the decanter of schnapps, he said, "May I propose a toast to the new general?"

Burkhalter nodded. "A drink would be nice."

Hogan quickly poured three shots, passed two to the others and then raised his glass. "To General Wilhelm Klink."

Burkhalter barely mumbled a reply before downing his liquor in one gulp. Hogan followed suit while Klink began a speech thanking them for being present for this momentous occasion. Or at least that was what Hogan thought Klink was saying; he was too busy pouring another round to pay attention too closely.

After drinking another glass, Burkhalter held out his empty. "You have anything stronger?"

Klink gleefully clapped his hands together. "Certainly, sir, I have a bottle of champagne I've been saving for this very occasion."

Drat, was that one of the bottles Newkirk had swiped? Since its purpose was no secret, they all had assumed it would be safe enough. Perhaps he should volunteer to accompany Klink to the wine cellar. Surely, he could find something suitable. The only problem was that Hogan had no idea if he should be celebrating his enemy's stupidity or grieving his operation's demise. Because while none of what had happened today made sense, one thing was very clear: General Wilhelm Klink had not been promoted to continue serving as the Kommandant of Stalag Thirteen.

Hogan stumbled out of his bed and immediately started regretting his life's choices. How much did I have to drink last night? His memory was fuzzy but he definitely recalled that after the schnapps there had been a half a bottle of champagne, a flask of brandy and several glasses of wine.

BANG! Hogan groaned and grasped his head after the door to his quarters opened and bounced off the wall. Carter bounded in and turned on the lights and if Hogan had had any energy at all, he would have killed the man.

"Sorry, sir, but you need to wake up," Carter said. "A car is pulling into camp and it looks official."

LeBeau pressed a mug into the officer's hand. "Here. Drink this. You'll feel better in no time."

Hogan took a sip and the warmth felt good, but the dominant favor of onions surprised him. "LeBeau, is this onion soup?"

"French onion soup; its why French people are never hung over."

"It's a bloody old wives' tale if you ask me," Newkirk scoffed. "Eat this. Nothing like a full English breakfast to sop up the mess in your system." Hogan looked at the plate which consisted of a fried egg, a fried piece of burnt bread, and half of an obviously stolen sausage which had also been fried."

"The Colonel can't eat that. It's not even food. Where're the herbs, the favor?"

"And what's nasty onion water going to do, give him bad breath?"

"Gentlemen, please, my head." Then to try to please both, Hogan took a sip of the soup and then picked up the sausage and took a bite. But any relief was short-lived as Kinch hurried into the room, helped his CO to his feet and then started to guide him out the door.

"Sorry, sir," his second-in-command said, his deadpan face a sure sign that the man was worried. Though whether his concern was directed at his CO's current state or the situation outside remained to be seen. "You're needed." Then pressing a flask into the officer's hand, he ordered, "Drink."

Grateful to be finally given a proper hangover cure, Hogan took a swing of the hair of the dog and stepped outside into the camp. In normal circumstances, he would have cursed what the bright sun's rays were doing to his sensitive eyes, but he would have gladly stared directly into the sun to avoid the horror of the scene in front of him. Klink, with a newfound swagger in his step and new insignia on his shoulders, greeted a stout little man standing next to a very familiar figure in a fur coat.

"She came for me!" LeBeau shouted and immediately started waving.

"Oh, no!" Carter gasped.

"Great," Newkirk said, "just great. First, Klink gets promoted and now she's here!"

"You don't think she could be behind Klink's promotion, do you, sir?" Kinch asked.

"Of course, she is," Hogan replied as Marya turned her gaze upon the watching POWs and gave a knowing wink. "No one else is insane enough to suggest such a thing. But what I need to know is why."

Marya was best described as a whirlwind; an overpowering force of nature that swept through wherever it went with no thought to the chaos left its wake. Hogan shuddered to think what crazy mission she had planned this time while he walked into the office where Klink and Burkhalter were gathered with her latest victim.

"Hogan, darling!" Marya declared, flinging her arms out into the air. "Looks like I missed some party. Promise you'll make it up to me."

Sidestepping the offered embrace, Hogan turned his attention to Klink, who looked like he had avoided any consequences from yesterday's celebrations. Though that was probably because he was too busy gloating to drink which meant that Hogan had to consume even more to tolerate Klink's bragging. It wasn't fair. "Morning, Kommandant, I must say I like the new look," he said while his eyes lingered on the new insignia on the officer's shoulders.

Klink puffed up with pride, completely forgetting that Hogan didn't have a reason to be here so Hogan continued, "Who's the new guy?"

"Colonel Hogan, meet Dr. Gustaf Jaeger," Burkhalter replied. "He's one of our best scientists and he will be setting up his new lab at Stalag Thirteen under the command of…" the officer stumbled, the words still difficult for him to say. "General Klink."

Marya clapped her hands together. "Wonderful! See, Gussi, didn't I tell you that you would get your general? Nothing is too good for my little genius."

"Not if the project he's working on violates the Geneva Convention, he isn't," Hogan said.

"So?" Burkhalter asked. "Who's going to tell? A prisoner?"

Right on cue, Klink added, "There's never been an escape from Stalag Thirteen. So, have no fear, Doctor, your secret is safe at Stalag Thirteen. I'll have my guards escort you to your new workspace."

Jaeger, who had been sitting in a chair, looking bored by the whole affair, simply looked at Marya, who quickly took over. "Nonsense. Gussi can't work now. He needs his rest after such a long journey. Don't you, Gussi?"

Gussi didn't give a response that anyone else in the room heard or saw, but she kept talking like he had. "He agrees! Where is our room?"

Klink walked over to the door, opened it and hollered, "Schultz, show Dr. Jaeger to the guest quarters."

"Guest quarters? How dare you insult one of the brightest minds in the entire Third Reich? You can't expect Gussi to perfect his invention while living like a peasant!" Then placing a hand on the scientist's shoulder, she used the other to stroke his check. "Don't worry, I won't let them insult you this way."

Hogan wanted to gag. "Living like a peasant would be an upgrade for this hovel, I tell you."

"Doctor, Fraulein, don't listen to the prisoner. I assure you that our accommodations are quite nice. Why, I would even sleep there myself!"

"Perfect! Gussi will take your room and you can stay in the guest quarters. Think of it, Gussi, you'll sleep in a bed fit for a general!"

Klink lost some of his luster as he struggled for the right words to say. "I…um…General?"

Burkhalter rose and gave Klink one of his best nasty looks. "Surely the General doesn't need my advice for such a minor issue."

"Of course not, Herr General. It will be taken care of, Herr General."

"Good. Jaegar's happiness and productivity are now your responsibility, General. Now, I must return to Berlin. I will await word of your success."

Klink gulped as Burkhalter left. But he was smiling again when he said, "Doctor, please follow me."

"Perfect," Marya purred, meeting Hogan's eyes. "Now Gussi and I will unpack our things and in twenty minutes, he will settle down for a little nap. I will be relaxing on the couch. It was such an arduous journey."

Hogan wanted to scream; subtlety was a skill Marya had never bothered to learn. And even though his body warned him of the folly, he was very tempted to find another drink.

"Hogan, you came!" Marya shouted as the American officer climbed out of the tunnel into Klink's living room.

"Sshh! Keep it down, will ya? Jaeger or the guards will hear us."

"Gussi, wake up? Never. He's out like a log." Marya stood in front of him and swayed her hips as she entwined her hands behind his neck and pulled him close. Trust me!"

Hogan pushed her away and rubbed his still aching head. "That's the problem, I don't trust you."

Marya walked over to her suitcase across the room. "Hogan, darling, this hangover does not become you. You are much too grumpy. But you are in luck, I know just what you need." A jar appeared in her hands. "Pickled cucumbers."

"What good is that going to do?"

"Don't ask me how it works, it just does. Trust me."

"Not as far as I can throw you," Hogan said as he grabbed the offending jar. Its contents did not look appetizing, but he was at the point where he'd give anything a try. While nibbling on a cucumber, he asked, "How'd you end up with Jaeger? He not's your typical type. Does he even talk?"

Marya flopped onto the couch beside him with a sigh. "Tell me about it! Even Klink is better looking. But it was all worth it, Hogan," she said, resting her head on his shoulder, "to bring me back to you."

Hogan shrugged and turned in his seat to face her directly. "Worth it? I can't think of anything worth making Klink a general. Don't deny it. The whole idea has your fingerprints all over it."

"You noticed!"

"Of course, I noticed. No man in his right mind would ever promote Klink. So, what were you thinking?"

Marya sighed. "Must we always start with work? Pleasure is much more fun."

Hogan didn't respond. He just stared emotionlessly at his opponent, making it clear that there would be no fun until he understood what was going on.

She traced a finger along his jawline and tapped him on the nose. "How familiar are you with bulletproof glass?"

"I know it works but is too thick, too heavy and too expensive to be used widely."

"What if I told you that Gussi is working on a formula to make it lightweight? Light enough to be used on a fighter jet?"

Hogan whistled. "That could change the war."

Marya adjusted her furs anf grinned in delight. "Now Gussi is a very particular person and once he convinced the Germans to fund his research, he insisted that only a general could be trusted to oversee the project."

"Gussi asked or you asked?

"Does it matter? It brought us here. No one was going to waste a real general on Gussi so I just reminded a few key people that Klink existed and here we are!"

"Let me guess. Our mission is to destroy the research and send Gussi on a one-way trip to London."

"Moscow."

"London."

"Fine, if you insist."

"Great. Just great. And what happens once we take care of Gussi? Berlin can't justify stationing a general at a prison camp. And without Klink, there goes my whole operation!"

"Details, details. We'll think of something."

"We will be doing nothing."

"But we work so well together." Marya moved so she was now sitting on his lap. "You can't deny the connection between us."

As much Hogan wanted to do exactly that, his body was telling him otherwise. So, when she leaned in for kiss, he didn't resist. While he knew he was running the risk of getting burned, he couldn't deny that he was drawn to her like a moth to a flame.

"I told you she was on our side!" LeBeau exclaimed once Hogan had related the information he had learned.

"She has a strange way of showing it," Newkirk argued.

Kinch shook his head. "I can't believe she made Klink a general."

"Well, I can," Carter said. He flinched when the others shot daggers his way. "What? We know she's crazy and promoting Klink is definitely the move of a crazy person."

"She's not crazy, she's a genius!" LeBeau insisted.

Hogan decided to ignore the doll-dizzy Frenchman and instead turned his attention to the other members of his team. "Kinch, Carter, were you able to examine the lab?"

"It wasn't easy considering they put the equipment right over the tunnel entrance," Kinch said, "but we got some good glimpses through the window."

"Boy, you should have seen the furnace. It's so hot it could melt almost anything!" Carter added.

"A furnace…" Hogan mused. "It shouldn't be too hard to arrange an accident."

"And burn down the bloody camp?" Newkirk protested. "I don't think so, sir."

"No, the building is freestanding so any fire would be easy to contain," Carter explained.

Kinch nodded. "We can put the others barracks on alert and have the fire brigade standing by."

"We'll need a key to get inside," Carter said. "The entrance is too exposed for Newkirk to pick."

"That won't be a problem," Hogan said. "Newkirk will borrow the keys for us."

"I will, sir? When? The bloody Gussi spends all his time holed in up in his lab or in his bedroom"

"During dinner tomorrow?"

"What dinner?"

"The French catered dinner Gussi is going to insist upon."

"What makes you so sure he will?"

"Marya turn down an invite to a fancy dinner? Never!"

LeBeau quivered with excitement. "Me? Cook for Marya? No problem, Colonel, I will serve the best meal you've ever had with asparagus, caviar, chocolate, champagne…"

Hogan rubbed his head. His headache was returning, but too much alcohol was no longer the cause. He did not want to hear about the aphrodisiac-laden menu his chef was dreaming up. "LeBeau."

"Yes?"

"Cold shower. Now."

"What? No!"

"Yes," Newkirk and Kinch said in unison as they grabbed the Frenchman by the arms and frog marched him to delousing station.

Colonel Hogan was rarely surprised anymore; he had done too much and seen too much in his role leading a sabotage and rescue operation in a POW camp. But when he walked into Klink's quarters, he almost froze at the sight before him. Marya was standing by the window with a cigarette in one hand while the other smoothed the side of a glittering silver dress that clung to her body in all the right places. It was accessorized with a beautiful mink stole that draped across her shoulders in a way that enhanced rather than hid them. It was the sight of a woman who understood how to use one of the best weapons in her arsenal and Hogan hated that it affected this much.

Wiping his palms on his pants, Hogan stepped forward. "Evening, General, Doctor, Ma'am."

Klink smiled. "Ah, Hogan, so glad you could join us. Come, take a seat. I have ordered LeBeau to make us one of his best meals to celebrate my promotion and the ultimate success of your mission, Dr. Jaeger."

"He is grateful, General," Marya replied. "I can't wait to see what my little small one has prepared."

A loud gasp from the kitchen told Hogan that the chef had overheard. Great, it was already going to be hard enough to keep LeBeau's head in the game. If Marya started flirting, all bets were off.

Newkirk stepped up to the table and began pouring champagne. When he reached Jaeger, he bumped into the chair and spilled a small amount onto the scientist's lap. "Sorry, sir, that was clumsy of me," Newkirk said while he wiped the German down with a napkin.

"Newkirk!" Klink hissed.

Newkirk straightened before Jaeger could push him away. "See, right as rain."

Good, Hogan thought, we have the keys.

When Newkirk disappeared into the kitchen, LeBeau came out with the first course. The cook had been complaining all day that Klink had only allowed him to prepare a three-course meal due to war rationing, but LeBeau had clearly made good use of Klink's new promotion to get higher quality goods from the black market. Even if some of his desired ingredients had thankfully been impossible to find.

"What is it?" Hogan asked as a flatbread looking dish was set down before him.

"Pissaladiere," LeBeau said. "It is a tart topped with anchoives, onion and olives."

"And it is very delicious," Schultz added from his position beside LeBeau.

Marya laid a hand on her companion's arm. "Gussi, don't worry. I know he's a prisoner, but trust me, he adores me and would never hurt us."

"And all our food is tested first by one of my guards," Klink explained.

"Jawohl, Herr Kommandant, I have tested everything and it is wunderbar!"

"The danger isn't poison," Hogan agreed, "it's whether Schultz leaves us with anything to eat."

Gussi looked skeptical but remained silent as he took the first bite. His eyes lit up with delight as he tasted the food. Upon digging into his own portion, Hogan was pleased to discover that LeBeau had certainly outdone himself this time.

Klink sipped from his glass then asked, "Dr. Jaeger, how did you become a scientist?

Marya laid a hand on Gussi's arm and smiled that disarming grin. "Gussi has always known that he was brilliant. Positively brilliant. So naturally when he received a full scholarship to the University of Göttingen, he went into the sciences."

"Ah, I went to the Military Academy at Potsdam myself. I debated going into the law, but I had the thrill of battle in my bones. I knew that one day I would be one of the best generals Germany had ever had."

Hogan coughed but quickly took another sip of his drink to cover his slip.

"How fascinating," Marya purred. "And what about Colonel Hogan? Surely, with a brilliant mind like yours, you must have attended school somewhere special."

"You know me. I'm just a boring colonel living in a prisoner of war camp. Nothing special to see here."

"Ha! You are a funny person, Hogan. Isn't he, Gussi? Now I've known Colonel Hogan for a long time and one would never call his life boring. Even in Stalag Thirteen, he finds a way to make things exciting."

What does she think she's doing? Hogan had thought the one saving grace of this mission was that Marya – for once – had not told her victim about their operation. But that was no relief if she blabbed now. "Look, I think I see LeBeau bringing out the main course."

Newkirk stepped forward with a bottle of pinot and poured their next round of drinks, while LeBeau set artistically perfect dishes in front of each guest. "Lady and gentlemen, I have for you this evening blanquette de veau with a side of potatoes dauphinoise."

"It looks delicious!" Marya exclaimed. Then taking a bit of her stew, she added, "I wish I could take you home with me."

"Me too. I would cook for you every night."

Good grief. Though, with the help of Newkirk, the chef was directed back to the kitchen – for now. No matter how good the food tasted, Hogan was beginning to dread desert. He should have found someone – anyone – else to cook.

"Gussi says this is the best veal he has ever had. How did you find it?"

Klink smiled nervously. "I have my connections; a privilege of rank, you know."

"Speaking of rank," Hogan said, "have you thought, General, about where you would like to be stationed after Dr. Jaeger finishes his invention?"

Klink furrowed his brow in confusion. "Colonel Hogan, I'm not sure what you mean."

"The General is much too modest. A man of his talents wouldn't remain a lowly camp commander for much longer. Not at his rank. No, they'll want him on the front lines. They'll probably send him to the Russian front."

"Russia!" Marya exclaimed. "You can help free my country from those horrible reds."

Klink gulped, unsure of how to respond.

"You're a braver man than I, Kommandant. Always striving to do better, to achieve a promotion. I have no doubt you will make a big difference in war before you are killed."

"Now, now," Marya said. "A man with Klink's administrative skills could wind up in Berlin."

"Certainly," Klink replied. "General Burkhalter has always thought highly of my talents. I trust that he will speak well of me."

Hogan sipped his wine. "If it were me, I'd prefer the Russian front. How many generals has Hitler killed this month?"

"Only a dozen," Marya replied.

"A dozen!" Klink squeaked.

Marya cocked her head. "Or was it two dozen? Gussi, do you remember?"

Hogan watched as the consequences of achieving his long-awaited dream began to sink in for Klink as the man teetered on the edge of fear and outright terror. Luckily, LeBeau picked the perfect moment to bring out the final course.

As Newkirk cleared their plates, Hogan watched the thief slip the keys back into Jaegar's pocket. Good, that meant the main job was finished. Though with Kinch's problem-solving skills and Carter's propensity for destruction, there had been little doubt that they would pull it off. Now he just had to wait.

LeBeau was grinning from ear to ear as he gestured at the delicate cake set before them. "Honored guests, it is my pleasure to present to you a dessert as lovely as the woman before me – opera cake. It consists of an almond sponge with flavors of chocolate and coffee."

Hogan was impressed. It looked like something straight out of the best Parisian restaurants and it tasted even better. And he wasn't the only one impressed. Because after taking only one bite, Marya declared, "Marry me!"

"I do!"

Gussi dropped his fork and Marya quickly shifted gears. "Oh, don't be jealous, Gussi. Think of all the fun he will be at parties. All the most important people in Berlin will come to see your inventions and eat his food."

Hogan was going to throw up if he had to listen to this much longer. Anytime now. Kinch? Carter?

Then as if perfectly on cue, the table shook and the glasses clinked from a deafening explosion that rocked the camp, causing alarms to blare.

Klink jumped up from his chair. "What is going on?"

Hogan rushed to the window. "Looks like a fire at the lab."

"My work!"

At first, Hogan struggled to place the voice and then realized that the normally silent Gussi had finally spoken.

"Klink," the scientist implored, "you must do something! Anything!"

Klink rushed outside, his arms flailing. "Guards! Guards! Put out the fire!"

"Don't worry, Kommandant," Hogan said as he strolled causally behind the panicked Germans. "My men are on it. Looks like they almost have the fire out already."

Hogan surveyed the scene with pride. Four barracks of men had rushed forward after the explosion and quickly doused the surrounding area to ensure the flames would not spread and then went to work on the burning building. "See, the camp is saved!"

"Who cares about your camp? What about my work?"

Marya patted Gussi on the shoulder. "There, there. You're a genius. You can recreate it all."

"But all my notes… my supplies…" Then turning on Klink, he said, "What is the meaning of this?

Hogan stepped forward. "Doctor, don't be too hard on Klink. After all, he's only been a general for three days."

"Three days! Marya, I said I needed a general, a real general. Not some wannabe."

Marya shrugged. "How was I supposed to know that he was incompetent?"

"Dr. Jaegar, please," Klink pleaded. "I'm sure this was just an unfortunate accident."

Jaeger turned his back on the officer and said, "I'm not sticking around here a minute longer to find out. Marya, we're leaving."

Then true to his word, the two visitors climbed into their car and drove through the gates.

Klink stood helplessly in the middle of the compound, smoke swirling around him, looking like he was trying to figure out where everything had gone wrong. Meanwhile Hogan gave approving nods to his men who had worked hard to contain the fire while breathing in the amazing burnt scent of victory.

"Klink, this is a disaster!" Burkhalter slammed his fist down on Klink's desk. "You have been a general for three days and already you have found a way to destroy the German war effort."

"Herr General, I assure you, it was an accident. No one-"

Sensing that Klink was about to stick his foot in his mouth, Hogan interrupted, "You can hardly fault Klink for placing a furnace that hot in a wooden hut when he was ordered to put it there. General, the General is right. The whole set up was a disaster waiting to happen."

"Perhaps," Burkhalter said, "but where is Dr. Jaeger and the Russian woman? Kink! Why did you let them leave camp?"

"I…I…"

"I think what the General is trying to say, General," Hogan said, "is that Jaeger stormed out of here before anyone could react. It was almost like he had it planned."

Klink nodded. "And that Russian woman isn't to be trusted."

"Klink!" Burkhalter shouted. "You are a general in the German forces. It is your duty to anticipate treachery and treason."

"A very good thought, sir. I will take note and ensure that it never happens again."

"That is unexpectedly bold of you. Assuming you have a future."

"Ha, ha, ha, always with your little jokes."

"Do I look like I'm joking to you?"

Things weren't looking good for Klink. And while he enjoyed a good German on German fight, Hogan needed to think fast to find a way to save Klink's life and, more importantly, his job. Thankfully, Schultz chose this moment to enter the room. "Herr Kommandant, General Burkhalter, we have found the Russian!"

"Well, don't just stand there," Klink ordered, "bring her in!"

Marya swept into the room and threw herself into Klink's arms. "It was horrible, absolutely horrible. Gussi, he drove a couple kilometers outside camp and then met with a group of masked men. They were brutal with me, brutal! They tied me up, left me in the car and took Gussi with them."

Klink pushed Marya off of him and helped her into a chair.

"Did Jaegar go willingly or was he forced?" Burkhalter asked.

"Oh, willingly. I think he was good friends with their leader."

"And these masked men, what did they look like?" Klink asked.

"How should I know? They wore masks. But they were rough; they brutalized me!" Then holding out her arms, she pleaded, "Hold me, help me, keep me safe in your arms."

Hogan knew overacting when he saw it but he had to admit that few did it better than Marya. Though the thought of Carter and Kinch being anything but perfect gentlemen while they abducted the scientist was a bit of a stretch. Either way, her dramatics were effectively distracting the German from asking the important questions which meant that it was time for him to take charge and provide an acceptable explanation. "Well, that makes things clear. Jaegar was a traitor who sabotaged his own work and now has defected to other side. Guess we can chalk that one up as a win for the good guys."

"Hogan!" Klink spun around to face the American. "If you had something to do with this…"

"How? The man never spoke. No, I was as surprised as you, Kommandant."

Burkhalter said, "That settles the official report, but I am not done with you, Klink. As a general, you are held to higher standards and so-"

"Sorry to interrupt, General, but is Klink really a general?"

"Of course, I am," Klink protested. "How dare you suggest such a thing?"

"Kommandant, we all agree that Jaegar is a traitor. And we all know that you were promoted to appease Jaegar. What if this whole thing was a plot to get rid of the most accomplished prison camp commander in Germany?"

"Ah, ha!" Marya shouted, jumping out of her chair. "Hogan, you are a genius. Jaegar was overly stubborn about only serving under a general and when he heard about Klink, he insisted that we come here and nowhere else."

"But, but…" Klink floundered; the news that his promotion was not earned shook the man.

"Tough pill to swallow, Kommandant, but it's not like they can take it back. You will still give a valiant last stand on the Russian front, won't you, sir?"

"Surely, I can remain in command here."

"A general as a keeper of prisoners?" Marya exclaimed. "Preposterous!"

"Marya is right," Burkhalter said. "As a general, you cannot remain here. You will receive word of your new station within the week."

"Goodbye, Kommandant, I will have to break the news to the boys, unless…"

"Unless what?"

"No, I shouldn't say anything."

"Hogan, I order you to speak."

"Since everything happened so quickly, I wonder… General, has the proper paperwork for Klink's promotion even been processed? I mean if everyone agrees that it was a mistake and if Klink is willing to forget the whole thing, I see no reason why that paperwork can't go missing and Klink goes back to being a colonel."

The room went silent while the Germans thought over Hogan's plan. Burkhalter spoke first. "That could work."

"Drat, I knew I shouldn't have said anything. It would be a whole lot easier to escape without the Iron Colonel around."

"Ha! You're planning an escape!"

"Only if you accept a combat assignment on the Russian Front. You must go, sir. Imagine the words 'General Wilhelm Klink' carved on your tombstone. That is, assuming they find a body to bury. But nothing will stop glory hounds like you from achieving your dream."

Klink gulped. "Tombstone? Ah, General, I believe there has been a mistake. It is only right that I receive my promotion when I have truly earned it."

"Agreed," Burkhalter said. "We will forget the whole matter. You are and have always been Colonel Wilhelm Klink."

Klink performed a perfect salute. "Thank you, Herr General. You won't regret this, Herr General."

"Then I should leave before I begin to."

Marya walked with a sway in her step and laid a hand on Burkhalter's arm as she battered her eyes at the man. "Would you be willing to give me a ride back to Berlin? I have an invitation to General Krause's party and I could get you in, too."

Burkhalter grinned. "That would be nice. This way, my dear."

An exhausted Klink collapsed into a chair as soon as their guests left the building. Hogan walked over to the side table and poured two glasses of schnapps. Handing one over, he said, "Sorry, about losing your new rank, Kommandant. I'm sure you'll make general someday. And when you do, it will be because Berlin recognizes your talents."

"You know, Hogan, I've always believed that I would be promoted to general, but now I think it would be best if my promotion waited until after the war."

And for the sakes of both of their armies, Hogan agreed.