I never knew what it was like to live in slavery. What is it like when the boiling, fiery ocean of your own emotions overflows, whipped by a huge storm, and turns everything upside down. When the chains forged by your own humanity bind you, bringing to the surface what was hidden inside you, and it would have been better if it stayed like that forever... Now I know. I feel. If only I had never done what I did on that fateful day! I was wrong. I made the biggest mistake of my life so far, which has now brought me to my knees. Before that, no one believed that I would ever be able to think like this... I didn't think so myself. But unfortunately I can't change the past. What has happened has already happened. I have to bear this burden. And here I am now, struggling with my own shadow. With the shadow of my emotions. I know I can't do anything about it and my strength is running low. I don't know how long I can control them.
It all started on what seemed like an ordinary day. It was summer. At the university, the break started just then, although in my case this was not true in many ways. Since I had to finish my thesis, I saw little chance of real rest. But that was my minor problem. I was much more worried about my friends who had left on a mission to the Spice Islands a week ago. The Chief wouldn't let me go with them. I still don't know why, but I always trusted his decisions. I don't even know what the others' tasks were. But that's not any surpris for me... Although he usually trusts us, I still understand the secrecy. This is also necessary. In my case alone, I do not think that the people around me would be overjoyed to find out who, or rather what, I really am. No. Just as me being a demon cannot be revealed, neither can be our missions. It's better if the world doesn't know about it. I don't know why, but every time I think about it, I feel pain in my heart. Pain because there is no one to talk to honestly. I am surrounded by lies that make me lonely. It's easier for my friends in this respect... They never kept secrets from their loved ones.
When I finally got home, I closed the door behind me and threw the keys on the table. As soon as I entered the living room, I heard a loud chirping sound. Since I was writing my thesis about the behavior of canaries, I acquired some for observation purposes. They are really noisy little creatures, but you can silence them with a little food. I quickly sprinkled in some seeds and opened the cage door to let them move around a bit. At that moment, the bell of the front door rang. I opened the door a little surprised, but when I saw my friends, I smiled. They finally came back! However, someone was still missing. The last member of the team, the one who has almost become my brother, Hiei, was not there. After I questioned them a bit about the task, they told me that he still had some things to do, so he would arrive a few days late. However, despite my best efforts, I could not extract many meaningful words from them. Yusuke, that eternal child who was always fooling around, could only talk about two things: his glorious actions and the stupidity and unnecessaryness of the mission. However, this is the basis for him. He hasn't changed much over the years, unlike Kuwabara. He used to be just like Yusuke, but he got a lot more serious during his university years. He's almost unrecognizable.
We talked for long hours, and my friends suddenly jumped up. I looked up and the grin on Yusuke's face immediately gave me a bad feeling. Every time he's made this face, I've always paid for it. I almost got kicked out of school because of his last little rant. He drank a little and threw a firecracker into the building, unfortunately into the chemistry lab. Of course, I was taken as the one found at the scene. In short, even then, this smile only meant bad things. I knew it wouldn't be any different now... At first, I politely listened to his idea, which was about a "small" party after a long day at some festival organized by the university, where Kuwabara attends, and then gently but firmly sent him to a warmer climate with his idea. Of course, this did not deter him from his goal of taking me with him. The balance of power was unequal, and unfortunately the main force was not on my side. If Yusuke and Kuwabara team up, you don't stand a chance. You really can't seriously argue with them. I didn't want the situation to escalate, so I chose passive resistance. That didn't work either. It was his last sentence that really stuck with me and lodged itself in my mind. "Come on Kurama! Without you it's not the same." He didn't speak to me in his usual nonchalant tone, it was more like a gentle plea. I don't really like such events, but I let myself be persuaded. At the time, I had no idea how big of a mistake I was making...
Soon we started towards the designated building. From the outside, it looked completely ordinary. At first glance, no one would have guessed that up to two hundred people could fit in there. There weren't too many people, so we easily found a quiet corner next to the parquet floor. A strange peace and silence reigned in my soul. I didn't really understand... I should have been much more tense, but I wasn't. I was deathly calm, it almost hurt my consciousness. It was like the huge intake of breath before the great plunge, or the silence before a raging summer storm. And then, suddenly, a beam of light split the darkness that had prevailed until then, illuminating the small platform that served as a stage. At first, I was completely blinded by the brightness as soon as it caught my eye, then it slowly became suspicious. That's when I saw Her for the first time...
She walked to the middle of the floor, elegantly, like a mistress. Her steps were soft and quiet. Her loose, Turkish dress rustled softly, like leaves when the cool breeze blows on them. Her long, silky-shining, reddish-brown curls cascaded down her waist like a soft waterfall. A man appeared on the other side, dragging a huge wicker basket. He turned to her, and at that moment the music started. A very soft, yet challenging and passionate sound filled the room. She threw down the veil covering her face, then pointed at the man and started a bewitching dance. She danced around him, then hovered towards the edge of the stage, so she came quite close to us as well. Her gaze was like that of a demonic temptress. So beautiful and evil at the same time. The brilliance, mystery and magic that surrounded her entire being cannot be put into words. She was completely mesmerizing. I couldn't turn away from Her. A strange feeling came over me. I had changed beyond belief in those few moments I had looked at her face. I felt a wild burning desire to touch her. For her skin to touch mine. This immense raw desire almost split my head. Soon, however, she turned her back on us and danced back to the man, who in the meantime dragged the large basket to the center of the platform, then, taking off its cover, pulled out his instrument and began to play. As she moved away from me, I was partially relieved that her gaze had released mine, but at the same time, the lack of her proximity drove me completely insane. A boa slowly crawled out of the braids. Its huge body tensed in an arc, his gaze followed the movement of the instrument the man was playing. The woman moved closer and closer to the giant snake, then caressed its body with sensually delicate movements until it began to relax. With passionate, soft touches, she soon managed to get the animal to trust her. It crawled up onto her arm, then wrapped its body around her slender neck and waist. The woman continued to dance, this time with the snake on her body. She moved faster and faster, more and more fiery. She half-closed her eyes, surrendering herself completely to the lead of the melody. She started to approach me again, but as I smelled the intoxicating scent of her perfume again, I started to feel dizzy. My strength left me in an instant, and the world began to blur, until finally the images merged into one in the heat of my passion...
I opened my eyes and found myself in my room. I couldn't remember how I got there. The events were completely off. The last thing that dawned on me was the dancer's face and her approach, then a touch. I don't know whose it is, but I'm guessing it's Her. From then on, however, neither picture nor sound. I wandered into the living room. A loud chirping noise from the corner signaled my late awakening. My little birds must have been complaining about the missed breakfast and exercise. However, as soon as I stood up from the side of the cage and looked to the side, I thought I was going to faint. I saw the figure of the dancer approaching me, but after a few blinks it became a blur. I was getting really scared. Would she really have driven me that crazy? I didn't dare say anything for sure anymore. This may not be the reality. Just a dream. However, the pain cut into me too sharply for that, when the kitchen knife made a thin, deep cut on my finger. My blood immediately drained from the wound. I can not believe. This has never happened before. Since that day, I have made mistake after mistake. Maybe because of Her. I don't know... But I can say one thing for sure: if his image haunts me for a long time, I will really go crazy.
Soon Yusuke stomped up to me. The word about the past day also came up. I cautiously asked what happened because I didn't remember anything. My friend came up with some very strange facts. Supposedly, when Aryana – as I learned from him that was the name of the dancer and it was her first solo performance within their school society – touched me, my eyes turned red and I almost shifted to my demon form, so my friends quickly cut in front of me before it got any worse. At that I ran out, then disappeared around the building. When they found me, I was about to sneak back, but they rendered me harmless with a strong blow. Hmm. That explains the slight pain in the back of my head. However, I was shocked to hear what happened. At first I didn't want to believe it. It sounded so absurd! And the red eyes... I didn't know I had such a side. I didn't know then. This side of me has always existed, just hidden inside me, but now it has surfaced.
After that, I wanted nothing but solitude. I went for a walk, but who knows how, maybe with subconscious help, I ended up at the location of the previous day. Now the walls yawned empty and dead. I stared blankly in front of me for a long time, then an intoxicating scent gradually invaded my mind. It embedded itself in my every cell, dulling my thinking. I took a deep breath and then looked towards its source. I recognized Aryana in a passing shadow. The feeling of desire, same as the day before, captured me again. I felt an irresistible temptation to follow her. Unfortunately for me, she looked back, so she noticed me, but she didn't seem surprised by my presence. Like she was counting on me. She didn't even try to get away from me. In fact... It almost seemed like she was rather luring me. Or maybe I just saw it that way? I cannot know for sure. It took all my self-control to prevent a repeat of the events of the past day. With the last of my strength, I averted my gaze and headed in the opposite direction. I tried to get away as fast as possible, but every part of me was rebelling. Why? Because I am also made of man, and I wanted that woman with all my heart. Her image did not leave me alone for a minute. She was constantly haunting me, following me everywhere. It was then that she really started to drive me crazy…
That night I dreamed of Her. She danced again, but now she was walking around me, charming me with her touches. I felt myself gradually losing control over my body. I reached out to touch her now. To finally hold the colorful butterfly in my grip... Before my fingers could wrap around her wrist, a dull pain ripped through my back, and then the woman's image disappeared from my sight. I woke up. My blanket was wrapped around my body and I was lying on the floor next to the bed. My back still hurt a little. I pulled a hardcover book out from under me which I most likely fell onto. I threw the volume away and buried my face in my palm. But as soon as I closed my eyes for a moment, Aryana's figure appeared in front of me again. Desperately, I jumped up to walk to the balcony to get some fresh air. The beautiful silver light of the Moon illuminated the landscape. I stared at the celestial body for a long time, thinking how I could get rid of that burning desire. While I was deliberating like this, I smelled that intoxicating scent again, but this time not near me. Much further away. My consciousness began to dull, the feelings took over me. I couldn't control my movements... Unconsciously, I stepped on the railing to follow the scent to reach Her, when a loud clatter cut into my mind. The flower pot on the balcony broke into pieces, but this sound finally pulled me back to my senses. I stepped back and fell back on the bed tiredly, but no dream came to my eyes.
Even now, I often think about how strange this feeling is. And what a cruel joke of fate at the same time. I never thought such a side of me existed. An emotion forged from my human nature, which my demon being amplifies almost to infinity and holds me like a chain through the image of the woman. It would have been better if I never found out about it... If it remained hidden inside me forever. But Aryana not only lured the snake out of its hiding place, but also my wildness and instincts. For the first time in my life, I don't know which side will win in the battle between emotions and reason. The two sides are pulling in two directions, but I don't know which way I will lean. Because I'm not at all sure that I'll have the strength to resist... How easy it would be! How easily I could use my power for my own purposes this time. I could make sure she remember me for a lifetime. I would be able to seduce her and even control her. But I can't do this to her against her will. That would also be a crime against myself. It's all weird... She's so weak and fragile compared to me. Even if she wanted to, she wouldn't be able to oppose me. I could do whatever I wanted with her. And yet… She's the one who brings me down to my knees. The one who wins. Yes, she defeated me. From the very first moment. Her image is haunting me everywhere. I can't take it anymore. My strength is slowly fading away.
Even now I see Her… I feel Her. But maybe it's not real. Maybe it's just my imagination playing tricks on me again. As usual... Yes. This is the final frontier. I feel like I've completely lost my sanity. And why all this? Because of a woman I've only known for a few days. The silver light of the Moon shines persistently on me at the edge of the forest. The trees rustle softly in the eerie twilight. Soft winds play around me. I wanted to be alone… Completely alone. Far from society and from that intoxicating scent that I can already smell from miles away. I was hoping for peace out here in nature, but I didn't get it. Even in the light of the stars I can see the brightness of Her eyes. Even the breeze seems to carry Her touch... The eerie, narrow shape of the Moon also reminds me of Her. I close my eyes, but all I see are painful images. Pictures about her. The swaying rhythm of long legs… a slim waist… her whole body is perfectly proportioned. The skin on her narrow face is like freshly fallen snow... a defiant smile plays on her red lips. Her reddish-brown curls fall sensually. That mystical, magical radiance that surrounds her... And my God, those eyes... Nothing can compete with that charm. The most beautiful and seductive demon of the hells was embodied in her. This woman is a real witch…
A thought echoes in my mind over and over again. "How about I invite her here? What if I lured her to me now?" I'm afraid to admit it, but I want her more than anything. I take a deep breath to calm myself, but the fire continues to burn every part of me. I move unconsciously, then slowly stand up. Now I am guided by my instincts, I spread my arms, and for the first time in my life I use my power for my own purposes. I can't think anymore... After a while, a soft rustle comes from beside me. Strange… She couldn't have been far if she got here so soon. However, as soon as I look towards the noise, I immediately come to my senses. "Oh my God, what have I done?! This shouldn't have happened. Why did you have to…?!" I turn away scared, but she follows me. Why? Why won't she leave me alone? Why can't I get her out of my head? Why can't I resist the temptation? I desperately look for a way to escape, but then I feel arms around my body. A heat washes over me. I feel the urge to pull her close. No! Not allowed! However, my demon side is starting to overcome me, my eyes are already burning red. I'm on the verge of madness... I put both hands on my ears, so I don't even hear her breath, but it's all in vain... I grip my hair painfully, a soft, anguished cry leaves my lips. She touches my face as I turn around and grab her by the waist. She leans back in my arms and then looks up at me. Her gaze isn't misty, as if I'm manipulating her. Challenging and captivating as always. I don't know anymore, I'm controlling Her or She's controlling me... I lean over her before she closes her eyes for a moment. A shiver runs through me as our bodies touch. "It's not allowed!" A small voice in my head shouts. She is only a few inches away from me. I scan her face for a few more seconds, then my hand tightens on her wrist...
The End
Written by: SilverBird
In 2009 A. D.