Fandom: Victorious
Title: Cade One-Shots
Subject: Road Trip
Point of view: Cat Valentine
A/N This one-shot was requested by BellSC. Thank You for the lovely reviews; your enthusiasm motivates me to keep writing for Cade. Follow me on Twitter and IG if you want to hang. Mileycfan4eva
2012
"Can we share a room when we get to the hotel, Jadey?"
"I suppose, Cat, it would be cheaper, and I know you are afraid to sleep in the dark, and you get lonely."
"So do you, Jadey."
"NO, I DON'T!"
Jade screams directly into my face, causing me to shriek and fall back against the passenger seat of her Jag, grabbing the handles and feeling my heart increase in speed. "Don't yell at me!"
"Don't shrink me, Catarina! I'm not broken!"
"I'm not shrinking you! I know you're not broken, Jade!"
Both of us have raised our voices toward each other. My mind races with worry, seeing how dangerously fast Jade is driving on the highway. The road is nothing but a blur. "I'm under my bed!" I mumble, pulling my knees to my chest and checking to make sure the seat belt is fastened. "Under my bed, under my bed."
"No, you are not, Cat, you're in the same car I am, and we're on a road trip going to the pageant you've been dreaming about since we were ten years old, so stop pretending you're under your bed; it's not real."
"Why are you screaming at me?"
"I don't know!"
"Well, stop it; I hate loud voices; they scare me, and it's making me have to pee; ugh, now I have to pee, Jade; thanks a lot!"
"Cat, you have the bladder of a chipmunk."
"Aw, I love chipmunks! My brother once had a chipmunk; he named him gerbil; he was Grey and brown and so fluffy he ate bugs. One day my brother forgot to lock the cage, and gerbil, the chipmunk, got out my chinchilla; Rat ate him."
You had a rat as a pet? Excellent; how did I not know this? We've been friends since birth."
"No, silly, my chinchilla's name was Rat, and I wasn't allowed to tell anyone I had Rat; Lenny made me promise."
"Why?"
"Because he told me the voices would hurt him and anyone who told because they knew where he got Rat and what he did. Can I tell you a secret, Jade?" She nods, keeping her eyes on the road. So I lean closer to her, breathing in her sweet scent of vanilla and spice. "My brother's a little weird."
"Yeah, Cat. I know he's not the only one."
"Hey, I heard that; oh, Jade, pull over; I need to pee!"
"Do not pee on my new leather seats, Cat, or I swear to God I will kill you and dump your body in the wasteland!
"You wouldn't, Jadey."
"Ooh, I would." Her voice drops lower, scaring me even more; the pressure gets terrible on my bladder, forcing me to cross my legs, tapping my fingers on the door. Knowing we are in a deserted part of the highway late at night with no visible cars or buildings does not help me feel safe. Jade's creepy music makes the hairs on my arms stand straight, frozen in fear.
"Blood red skies, I feel so cold
No innocence; we play our role
The wheel embodies all; where are we going?"
"Jade, why do you play such awful music?"
"It's not awful, Cat; the shit you listen to is ear-curdling. My music speaks to me."
"It is not; it's happy! Fun! Oh, you have voices speaking to you too through music, outstanding I thought I was the only one; I felt strange."
"You are strange." I gasp but remember Jade's warning. Part of me thinks she would kill me and leave me in a nasty wasteland, so I stay quiet. I am relieved and frightened when I see her pull over to the side of the road, eyeing her as I throw open the door. "the voices aren't telling you to leave me, are they, Jadey?"
"Maybe they're telling me to sacrifice you to our gods; it's almost time for salvation. I hear the Gods are craving redheads this month."
"I'm a redhead!"
"Ohh, I know." Squeaking out in fear, I run away from her to find a spot to relieve myself in a hurry, keeping my eyes on Jade, who leans against the car, filing her nails. Leaning against the vehicle, Jade looks soft and elegant in a pair of skin-tight black skinny jeans and a Harajuku black cropped sleeveless vest with a mesh black flare sleeve shirt over it. Her spiked choker gives her an edge, hanging down across her amble 35 d chest. She's also wearing a silver skull necklace with the middle finger sticking up. Dangling from her ears are skull & sword stud earrings.
Heading back to her once I finished, I felt my eyes water a little, remembering our younger days before Jade became so dark. It hurts me to see the change in her, not only her looks but also her personality. "Don't you have to whaz?" "Ew, no." How do you not have to go, Jade? You drank five coffees!" "yeah, so? Whazzing is gross, so I don't do it!" "Liar, you're human. We all have to, whaz?"
"Who said I am human? Who is spreading such lies? Is it Vega? I'll kill her!" Jade growls as we get back into the car. I hold on to the door handle, watching her.
"No one told me, Jade. You forget I was at every birthday party your mother threw for you, so I saw the video of your birth."
"Oh, right, I forgot she recorded it for father dearest, who couldn't be bothered to leave his mistress to show up to the birth of his firstborn."
"He's a jerk, Jade."
"Yeah, he is Cat." Jade is silent for a while, focusing on driving, so I stay silent as well, not wanting to distract her, knowing the memories of her broken childhood haunt her. Jade tells everyone she isn't broken, but she's lying; her heart has been smashed and tangled so many damn times she doesn't even know what it feels like to have a heart full of love. To her, being broken is normal.
"I wonder if he ever loved me, Cat."
"He's a fool, Jade." I slip my hand into her right hand, squeezing it tightly. "Maybe I am the fool, Cat, for thinking I deserve to be loved, according to everyone. I am a gank."
"They don't know you, Jade; their theories are based on the persona you allow them to see, but they don't know you inside your core like I do, baby. You've shown me your true self: kind, funny, smart, hard-working, and talented sometimes; you feel things so deeply it makes you wiser than your years. When you've been forced to be braver, stronger, and tougher than your actual age, it makes it hard to relate to your peers, so you retreat to a safe place; it makes you more mature; losing your innocence so young makes you have less time for petty bullshit, like high school drama."
Jade's head whips around to look at me; her eyes widen in shock, smiling tightly. She is speechless; I feel my heart quicken in pace, feeling sadness drag me down like a drug knowing she's thinking, damn, Cat for you, that's deep. "Somehow, at our tender age, I've learned a lot about pain, loss, and strength, things no school prepares you for. It leaves you with many doubts & fears, a puzzle with missing pieces to compete. I've turned to Jesus for most of my questions; he came to me in my dreams, Jade. It sounds like a made-up load of phooey, but it isn't. Jesus taught me that for us to walk free, the key is love, our flaws, and each other. Once you realize love is the only way, it's divine and liberating. I feel wiser than my years, but I am only sixteen, so it's heavy, you know?"
"I'm tired, Jade. How much longer till we get to Redding?" Silently Jade answers by squeezing my hand, allowing me to feel her pain deeply.
"About twenty minutes. You can go to sleep, Cat. I'll wake you when we get there."
"No, I'm okay, Jadey."
"You said you were tired two seconds ago, baby."
"Yeah, I am, but so are you; if you can wake up at three am, attend eight hours of school, rehearsals after school, and now drive all night, I can stay awake to keep you company."
"You don't have to, Cat." "I know, but I want to; let's play a game." Clapping my hands excitedly, Jade growls. "I hate games, Cat." "Yeah, but you love me." I bat my eyelashes at her, flashing my best adorable smile. "Plus, I know you will love this game!
Before she can reply, I kiss her cheek, leaving her stunned and touching her cheek, hissing, but I see the curiosity in her gorgeous, azure eyes. "Fine, what's the game?" "Song connect one person starts a song, the other has to start their song by using something to connect the previous song, a word, the subject, the same artist or another artist who did a duet with them."
"Well, I don't hate it, Cat." Giggling, I feel myself smiling wider. It's her roundabout way of complimenting me. "Yay, okay, I'll start!"
"I lose my way
And it's not too long before you point it out
I can not cry
Because I know it's weakness in your eyes
I'm forced to fake a smile, a laugh
Every day of my life
My heart cannot break
When it wasn't even whole to start with."
Arching an eyebrow, Jade nods; she hates Kelly Clarkson; she thinks she's a whiny squeak-box with no talent who sold out to achieve fame. Jade hates many things, though, so it doesn't stop me from admiring Kelly; I chose Kelly to make it hard for Jade since she knows nothing about her except she hates a person she's never met.
How you hate someone you've never met and only know through their music, TV, or movies seems strange to me. Until you think about it in reverse, how do you look up to someone you don't know in real life? People always say I love this singer or I love this actor. How do you love them? I look at Jade, who I can tell is pondering what song to challenge me; every day in school, I hear the girls fawning over actors they've never met in person. Their conversations play inside my brain: "I love him so much it feels suffocating; if I don't see his face for one day. Whether it's a photo or a video. Every day I miss him until I don't realize the tears have flooded my cheeks. When I see his face, his smile, or hear his voice, I feel butterflies in my stomach. My heart beat faster for real. I love him if I miss him. Until I have no interest in other men in real life."
How? What do you even know about this person except what you read in magazines or see online? Most of it is fake, as is Trina's talent. You can't be in love with someone unless you actually know them. I don't consider myself in love unless I've spent time in the physical presence of that person.
You're infatuated with fantasy when you have a celebrity crush on someone you've never interacted with. You don't actually love them because you do not know who that person is when they're out of the limelight. You're in love with a performance, not a person.
I admit I admire Kelly, and I love her music, but I could never say I am in love with her or that I hate her; all I could say was I hate her music, or how she talks, I hate what she represents, but I can't love or hate, her per-say.
Jade's voice startles me as she sings. Her depth of emotion is chilling, and her style is unique, so rich in soul when she sings, it makes me feel like I am living in the 1920s at a bar sipping a martini and watching a powerful jazz singer.
"See, my old man's got a problem
He lives with the bottle; that's the way it is
He says his body's too old for working
His body's too young to look like this
My mama went off and left him
She wanted more from life than he could give
I said somebody's gotta take care of him
So I quit school, and that's what I did."
Touche, Jade, I see what you did there in Kelly's videos; the dad had anger issues, and in fast car, Tracy Chapman talks about the dad having an alcohol issue, so she's connecting the daddy issues, clever, okay, I got ya, baby.
"I don't wanna die young, too young, too young
Counting bands, hallelujah, lujah, lujah
I don't wanna die too young.
I've been grinding way too long, too long, too long."
I connected the songs by using the words too young, throwing her off a little. "Ugh, Cat really rap?" I throw my hands up in the air. "Cause you know I'm flossy, flossy, and you ain't ready for my flow; I'm the queen of dis game, so if you're coming for my throne, ya better bet on your ass. I'm gonna be flossy, flossy."
"Girl, sit your ass back and quit trying to be Fergie."
"Aw, don't hate Jade. I promise I'll have you as my number one when I am a big pop star selling out every arena on all the coasts and worldwide."
"Promise Cat? Cause it's going to happen to you. I know you have the raw talent and beautiful personality that fans will go crazy for; someday, you will be the pop princess you dream of today. You won't forget about me, will you?" "Never, Jadey. You're my best friend forever." I hook my pinkie with hers and squeeze it tightly. Jade surprises me by singing the last part of Glamorous.
"Damn, it's been a long road, and the industry is cold
I'm glad my daddy told me so; he let his daughter know."
I see daddy issues are back into play; I guess I might as well not fight it anymore. Jade isn't the only one with daddy issues either; even I have troubles with mine. She's obviously going through something real tonight.
"Go ahead and cry, little girl
Nobody does it like you do
I tried to write your name in the rain.'
But the rain never came
So I made with the sun
The shade
Always comes at the worst times
Crazy what you'll do for a friend."
"Good one, Cat. I'm going to go with a throwback, little girl."
"Let's make the headlines loud and true
Say you love me, and I'll say I love you too
I wanna tell the world; I'm giving it all to you
Just remember what simple words can do
Let's make the headlines loud and clear
All that I have I give to you, my friend
The best things happen when you are here
Just remember, friendship never ends."
"I hope it's true, Jade because I love you; I really do. You are more than my best friend; you are my sister forever. Do you remember how we used to dress up as the spice girls and dance around in platforms pretending we were worldwide megastars?"
Jade laughs deeply, a rich laugh with meaning, something scarce for her these days. She turns to me, and I see her old sparkle back, even if it's only for a minute. It makes me smile because I am the only one who knows how to unlock the beautiful glow of happiness from her. Not even Beck could ever get a genuine smile or laugh from her. "Yeah, Cat, I do. We were so unbalanced we always fell; how we didn't break our ankles was amazing. Man, they were good times, just the two of us innocent little girls screaming and shouting, believing this crazy ass dream our big imaginations allowed us to conjure up."
"Yeah, and because we had these imaginations, Jade, we are now enrolled in one of the most elite schools to get the training we need to chase these crazy-ass dreams when we grow up. Even when your dad told you they were worthless, I was by your side, encouraging you and pushing you to believe in yourself, and you had always supported me when my brother's illness threatened my sanity, health, and finances. You made sure I had everything I needed to keep going; now we're seniors, Jade! We're almost there, baby, and ain't nothing going to stop us now!"
She falls silent again; I wish I could get through to her and make her understand I am here for her. She can talk to me. I am a safe space. She doesn't have to battle these demons alone. The miles pass by in a blur of yellow lines, trees, and cars whizzing by us even though she's doing eighty-three. "I love you too, Cat." Her voice is tight. I can hear the rattle inside her chest, making it difficult for her to breathe, so I place my hand on her knee. Its shaking concern creeps up inside my soul. Why is Jade so upset? Does she think I'll leave her? I would never dream of leaving her behind, no matter how famous I become.
"We never dreamed you'd go your own sweet way." Those lyrics drift into my mind. The spice girls never thought Geri would leave the band, yet she did, and it started the downfall of the Spice Empire. I was barely four or five when they broke up, too young to understand anything or even remember it now, but I know the meaning of friendship is trust, which is arduous for Jade. She's had no one to show her the meaning of the word. Her mother left her when she was six and moved back to Ireland. Now Jade barely hears from her, and she's constantly breaking promises to Jade. Jade's father has made it clear to her she was a mistake he regrets. She isn't talented or beautiful, and she's a burden he has to live with now that her bitch of a mother has left them. Mr. West drinks all the time, can barely hold a job and cares more for his wealthy wife and their seven-year-old son.
Jade's darkness and anger make it hard for her to make friends, except for me; and Andre Harris, our longtime friends since elementary school; Andre is also best friends with Jade's ex-boyfriend Beck Oliver, so his loyalties have been strained lately since their last breakup three weeks ago. I squeeze her knee again. It's warm and trembling, but I hold tight, so she understands my friendship is here to stay.
The mood is so heavy it clings to the seats and creates a temperature rise. We need to liven this road trip up, so I sing obnoxiously loud.
"I'm giving you everything
All that joy can bring
I swear, and all that I want from you is a promise
You'll be there."
Jade squeezes back, joining in, signing with me.
"Oh, say you'll be there, ow
If you put two and two together
You'll see what our friendship is for, oh, oh
Ah, won't you sing it with me?"
Turning off the highway, Jade has to stay focused on finding the address she's looking for since it's pitch black outside and a little foggy.
"Make it last forever; friendship never ends
If you wanna be with me, you have to give
Taking is too easy, but that's the way it is
I wanna, ha, I wanna, ha, I wanna ha."
Pulling up, she parks at the hotel, and seconds later, the back door opens. "It's about time, geese, Jade. Did you take the wrong exit? It's not nice to keep your friends waiting."
Trina Vega whines the second she climbs into the car, followed by her younger sister Tori and Andre. "you're not my friend, Trina. No one likes you!"
"Aw, Jade, so cute, but denial ain't just a river in Nigeria."
"There is no river named De Nile in Nigeria; it's a river in Egypt!"
"Yeah, that's what I said, duh; Jade, do you have a hearing issue and a slow-poke issue?" Flicking her finger against Jade's ear, Trina rolls her eyes. I sense Jade's upcoming explosion even before she screams. "DON'T TOUCH ME!" Andre and I leap, grabbing Jade's shoulders and screaming. "Jade, down, no! Bad girl! DO NOT BITE TRINA!"
As Andre holds her, I jump out of the car, race to the driver's side, fling open the door, and pull Jade's arm, yanking her out of the vehicle. "Jade, time for a mental health break. Don't bite; you know what happens when you bite people!"
"I'll take the jail cell! Let me go, Cat!"
"No! Jade, calm down; the police don't know you here; they'll book you for assault."
"It's not assaulting; it's a mercy kill!"
"Jade, stop; that's not a legal defense."
Pushing Jade inside the lobby, I glance back at Andre, who nods. I'm thankful when Jade stops fighting me and makes a beeline for the ladies' room, reinforcing my earlier statement that Jade is human and pees like the rest of us. I take a moment to relieve myself as well. When I come out, I see Jade standing in front of the wall-length mirror, checking herself out. Her hands slide over her hips and turn her face to each side.
"Ugh, what chance do I have to win anything in this stupid contest? What the fuck was I thinking?"
"You have every chance, Jadelyn Aisling West; you are gorgeous!"
"No, I am not, Cat. I'm fat and ugly inside and out; look how I treated Trina."
"You mean driving three hours from home to pick them up after Trina's car was stolen."
"it's on our way to Clearlake."
"You didn't have to stop, but you did. Because you are a great person. Beauty is beyond skin-deep, Jade, and you are beautiful in both ways. Let me shine a light on the Jade I know for a minute."
"The girl I know hides behind plastic smiles, denying her true self-worth, but when you slip away from the masquerade, the illusions are shattered, and you are left with the truth staring back at you like a reflection in the mirror. Love causes pain, so you hide the pain in lies and bitterness, but I know you are the girl who encouraged me to believe through the difficulties, the girl who showed me authentication is the key to success, the one who held me when I kissed a girl at thirteen and was rejected, leaving me confused and hurt; Jade, you told me love is love. Fuck the haters, be yourself, Cat."
"Jade, you taught me to laugh at other people's opinions because we all have them like butts, and shit pours out both ends, but shit can be flushed, so why let ourselves drown in someone else digestive issues?"
"Jade, do you remember when you told me? Cat, you are mine to command, protect, and control? You will give yourself to me; well, Jade, guess what? I give myself to protect, control and love, but by giving you the pieces of my soul, I also give you my trust, and it's a two-way street. So trust me when I tell you all the beautiful things about yourself."
"You are fire
You are Light
Beautiful and rare."
"A girl who volunteers at nursing homes because the elderly generation paved the way for us to carry on the legacies they built, and it breaks your heart to see them discarded when they can no longer fend for themselves."
"Jade, you are the girl who did a history project in the fifth grade on the holocaust, not because death was cool to you back then or because you are Jewish, but because you connected with Anne Frank through her book. You felt her pain of isolation, her fear of being killed, and the suffering of being silenced. The kids in our class called you a freak, twisted, sadist, and mentally ill, but you stood your ground, Jade, because you believed if history was not taught, the knowledge passed down to each generation, then history was never learned and will repeat."
"First, they came for the socialists, and I did not speak out—because I was not a socialist.
Then they came for the trade unionists, and I did not speak out—because I was not a trade unionist.
Then they came for the Jews, and I did not speak out—because I was not a Jew.
Then they came for me—and no one was left to speak for me."
"Well, I am here to speak for you because you were too young to consent to your dad's fists or your mom's abandonment, but we are not children anymore, and I fucking know better about who Jade West is inside than you do, Jade."
"You fight for justice with courage, and you've held onto a good moral compass worked hard, you are generous when people earn your trust, patient with your friends, honest with no faults, you forgive and only occasionally get the revenge you show an interest in others which is thoughtful, and you show gratitude, Jade you are my one consistent you keep me humble show me grace, integrity, acceptance, oh, and by the way you aren't fat."
"Your body is perfect in my eyes, unique like your personality. I can't save you from your demons, Jade, but I will go down fighting to help quite the demons if it means saving you from yourself. Walk your own path, dance with the demons, but don't ignore my voice reminding you, babe, you are worth the fight. I love you, and I see you, Jade. You matter to me."
"Holy, Fuck. Cat."
"I know deep, huh?"
"No, I mean, yes, I never noticed how beautiful your eyes look when you are fired up about something."
"You think I am beautiful?"
"No." Jade's voice drops as she steps closer to me. Her hands rest on my cheeks. I feel her warm, minty breath breeze over my nose. My legs tingle, and my knees quiver; a dry rush overtakes my mouth; suddenly, the desire to kiss her is so paramount a slick perverseness lingers on my lips. Jade isn't bisexual, and she just broke up with Beck; there's nothing worse than a rejection except being used; even if she kisses back, how do I know it's genuine and not confusion or boredom?
"I think you are gorgeous, Catarina. I think you should stop going by Cat and let everyone hear your full name, Catarina; it's beautiful; at the very least, maybe change your nickname to Ari because Cat sounds like a little girl, and you are all woman."
"Yo, what's taking so long? Even Robbie whizzes faster than you two slow-pokes!" Trina slips inside, scaring us both. We jump back. I'm slightly embarrassed, shoving my hands into my pockets. Jade brushes her against her jeans, looking around, sighing; her face is bright red.
"NO ONE LIKES YOU, TRINA! GO AWAY!"
"Bite me, gank!"
"No, you're too plastic; you'll hurt my teeth and give me constipation."
"I'm not plastic; all this is Au-naturel."
"Yeah, right, it's as fake as your talent."
Andre and Tori join the three of us as I push them into the lobby. Tori grabs her sister, and Andre tapes her mouth shut, throwing her over his shoulder while I push Jade out to the car. Trina kicks out and hits his shoulder, screaming through the tape, which thankfully muffles her sound. A few people look at us strangely. One lady's mouth drops open as someone else calls the police on their cell. We hightail it to the car, throw Trina in the backseat, and Andre sits on her for twenty minutes until she passes out.
"Let's play a game," Tori suggests an hour into the ride; I'm half asleep, so the idea perks me up. Taking off her gag, Andre prays. She doesn't scream, which, thankfully, Trina only glares, pouting. Looking at Jade, I see she's struggling to stay awake, so I hope the game livens her up. Her eyes look tired. Dark circles underline her trim, her cheeks are hollow, and there's a dull gaze inside her eyes.
"What game Tori?"
"Would you rather."
"Fine, Vega, you start." Jade yawns. Tori grins, clapping happily. "Cat, would you rather be forced to sing every song you hear or dance to?"
"Hmm, dancing seems exhaustion." "It is." Andre cries out. "Hammer-time." Jade laughs, remembering the time she made Andre and our friend Robbie Sharpie dance to that song every time she said the words Hammer Time. "Okay, Tori." I return her question. "Would you rather find true love today or win the lottery next year?"
"Ah, easy peasy lemon squeezy love today. Money comes and goes, but love is forever even after you break up or lose someone; their love lingers in your heart as long as you draw breath."
"Aw, how is dreamland, Vega? Is it nice and comfy up there because that's a bunch of bullshit? My dad stopped loving my mom!" Tori squeals loudly in fear as Jade barks at her, jumping back into Andre's arms. He holds her, laughing. "Gank." All three of them mutter in the backseat, referring to Jade. "She's not a gank, Tori." I wake up tired of hearing them label Jade when she's nice enough to drive all of us to no sleep. "Well, she ain't' charming, Cat."
"You don't know me, Vega; I'm friendly to the people I like."
"Okay, Andre." Jade grins. "Would you rather be royalty in the Renaissance times or today?"
"Ren times, people paid you mad respect, not today. They laugh in their faces."
"Trina." "Yes, Andre?" "My question is, would you rather scream your ex's name in the middle of sex or have him scream his mommy's name?"
"Ew, gross. My ex-dud. I ain't got time for no mama's boy."
"Jade. I got one for you." Trina wickedly grins. I suck my breath, praying she doesn't get revenge on Jade for threatening to kill her multiple times earlier. I can't seem to swallow every time I try; it feels like the saliva gets stuck in my throat and chokes me. "Would you rather sleep with Sinjin if the sex was off the charts or a hot dude, but the sex was mediocre?"
"Ugh, God, Trina, that is awful. Sinjin makes me want to vomit. However, I don't care how amazing the boy-toy looks; if he can't make me orgasm, he's gotta go."
"Boytoy? Why you gotta objectify us men like that, girl, that is so wrong."
"Cat, I got one for you." Tori ruffles my hair, which feels good; leaning my head back against the seat, I close my eyes, enjoying her stroking my hair. "Aw, you're purring, Cat."
"Meow."
"CAT!" Jade screams, smiling up at her, feeling very sleepy; I sweetly purr. "Yes, Jadey?" "NEVER CALL ME THAT IN FRONT OF PEOPLE!"
"Hey, Tori!" Trina squeals happily, high-fiving her sister. "We got called people by Jade! Not freak show, or the spawn of the freak."
"Oh, yeah, we're moving on up in the world. We're going to make it shine!" "Cat, would you rather risk kissing Jade and tell her the truth of your feelings and be rejected or keep it all inside and never tell her but keep her friendship?"
I can feel Jade's eyes on me, waiting for an answer. I can feel my cheeks burning in horror. When I was drunk, I told Tori my deepest secret and trusted her to keep those words guarded forever. How could she say that out loud?
"Cat, what feelings?" Jade's voice is soft, very un-Jade, making me feel worse.
"What the fuck are these assholes doing?" Jade's voice rises as she looks up ahead. I snap my neck forward and feel my jaw open, but no scream comes out; two cars are racing at full speed toward us, going down the wrong way. Their engines are so loud the street vibrates. I see Jade's hands tighten on the wheel as she panics, trying to figure out how to avoid them, but their cars have us surrounded. She slams on the gas pedal and swerves to avoid the one on the left coming the fastest and closest. There's no time for any of us to breathe or blink. I see the car speeding towards us, a blur of yellow and blue. Jade jerks the wheel to the right, but the roar of the other car reverberating on the road tells me the car is closer than we thought. I finally scream as the bright headlights blast me full force in my eyes. "Everyone, hold on to something! We're going to…."
Jade jerks the car to her left at break-necking speed. The tires squeal in deafening sickness as the car lurches forward; I feel the car scratching the earth with its side. My body jolted with the sporadic movements of the vehicle. Metal crunches against metal, screeching as the cars collide with a loud bang. Our vehicle meets the median and keeps spinning; no matter how hard Jade tries to control it, the car purges forward and plows through the concrete bridge wall.
With my eyes sealed tight, I could feel my body float off the car seat as the wheels seemed to have forgotten how to grip the road. We're airborne and spinning. I grab for Jade's hand, but my hand comes up empty with only air. I'm afraid, petrified. Tori, Andre, and Trina are screaming so loudly. I wish they would stop screaming; it hurts my ears and head. In a matter of moments, I feel the life fall from my eyes; where am I going? Why am I flying? I never agreed to this flight. My hair swung onto my face like a whip. I am burning up my checks, and my eyes are stinging.
Suddenly the screaming stops, and there is only the sound of silence. Have I drifted off to sleep? Jolted back into consciousness. I wonder how many minutes have passed? The darkening sky is tranquil and soft, and I find it beautiful to watch the last glimpses of stars and the crescent moon sink below the horizon beyond the gentle, rolling mountains. The smell of gasoline and electric fires gives off an acid, oily stink that overwhelms me. I'm cloaked in a sea of black, choking, enveloping mist.
Bright blue and red lights light up the pitch black sky, and the ear-piercing sound of sirens disturbs the silence. Police officers, firefighters, and paramedics quickly rush along. I can hear their voices and see their reflections in the illuminations of the bright lights lighting the darkened pavement aglow. All these echoes surround me like I am floating above it all, watching but paralyzed to take part. My body feels frozen. I'm slipping on the edge of consciousness, wondering how I ended up in whatever fresh hell this currently is; what did I do wrong? I've always been a good girl.
Glass from the smashed windows and car pieces scatter aside my body, but I can't move or speak. My chest is really tight the pain smashes across my rib cage. The car lies smashed to my right side, but it no longer looks like a vehicle, only a pile of bent metal destroyed by the impact of the collision.
Right, we were in a car accident.
I can hear music playing, but I don't know the song. My head hurts badly; sheering pain jabs me from every side on every body part. Why can't I move? "Get the double jacket! The car exploded! We got two girls trapped inside!"
I can hear the firefighters shouting, smell the smoke, and hear the sounds of fire popping and cracking. "hurry, they're burning alive!" Who is inside the car? Where am I? Why is it so damn cold? This is Los Angeles. We don't have cold spells. We have massive heat waves that have heat wave babies. I'm so confused. I struggle to open my eyes, but the pain and the flashing lights make it hard to keep them open.
I want to start tonight over again and take back whatever possessed us to drive all night to a city we've never visited before. I want to scream so badly, but no matter how hard I try, I can't seem to cry; where is my voice? I've made mistakes, but haven't we all? Suggestion to Jade we drive to Clearlake for some stupid beauty pageant was one of those mistakes. Does one mistake mean I never get another chance?
"Oh, my God, they're babies! They can't be older than seventeen, Severide." A female's voice calls out to someone else; I presume a firefighter. It's getting so hard to breathe; why can't I breathe? I feel my chest sucking air, yet I can't find the strength to inhale or exhale. My eyes feel heavy. Is it raining, or am I crying? My checks feel wet.
My body screams in white hot unbearable pain, but it's a struggle to cough; the pain is beating between my breasts, letting me know I am alive, a reverberation soaring up to my collarbone, squeezing my broken ribs, which hurts like bloody hell. A low steady hiss echoes past my lips; I can taste iron. It's nasty and makes me gag, blood, my blood. I am tasting my blood as it chokes me.
Am I going to die?
I don't want to die! I am only sixteen years old. Sixteen is too young to die. How can I die? My mom is going to be so mad at me. I left in a hurry and never made my bed this morning. Wait, I have a math test on Monday. I could fail my senior year if I don't pass this test. I'm just a baby; this woman is right; Jesus, please stay by my side.
I'm too dizzy to move, and I can't turn my head without the pain slicing me from every direction. My nails are in the cold hard soil, bleeding and in pain; the last thing I remember is Jade's eyes,
Jade, where is Jade?
"Ma'am, can you hear me?"
A woman kneels beside me, shining a bright light into my eyes. I am so scared. I want my mom! Why isn't she here? All I want is for her to hold me and tell me she loves me and that it will be okay. "Ma'am, my name is Sylvie Brett; I am a paramedic of the CLFD. Can you tell me your name? You've been in an accident. My partner, Leslie Shay, and I will stabilize you and get you to the nearest hospital."
"Her name is Cat Valentine."
Andre's voice is stern. I feel him drop to his knees before he takes my hand. "Lil' Red, don't speak or move. You've been hurt badly." My chest squeezes as I feel the blood sneaking up my throat, making me gag horribly.
"Sylvie, I got the backboard. Count to three; we will turn her and get her on; the police say the boy driving the mustang was drunk. His blood alcohol was 0.15; the other teenager was texting, they were both speedings doing almost 100 m.p.h."
My body is shaking. What the fuck were these jerks thinking? Speeding after drinking and texting. "Looks like the driver of this car turned the car at the last minute, so she took the direct blow. She might have saved her friend's lives."
"J..a..d...e."
I want to ask them why she isn't by my side. How hurt is she? "Cat, hey, listen to me. Jade is in the ambulance, and they have her restrained. She tried to come to your side, but she was hurt, so they tied her to keep her safe. She's worried about you, but I'm worried about what she'll do to those other paramedics if she doesn't see you soon. So can you let these ladies do their job, stay calm, and they'll take you to see Jade?"
"Yes, Andre."
"Good Girl."
"Brett, Shay, how is the redhead girl?"
Footsteps approach or leave, I can't tell. I can hear one woman talking, though. "If we don't move fast, the girl with the red hair will die. She's bleeding internally and going into shock."
I have red hair.
It's getting so damn hard to breathe. The paramedics place a neck collar on me and strap me to the board. A blood pressure cuff goes on my right arm. The stretcher is lifted slowly as they climb the rocky, slippery hill. My view is still limited, but it's more apparent than when I was on my back. Jade's car is ripped in half; the front smashed into the rocks below us, the back is on fire, twisted metal into the front end of the blue and white car. The Blue and white car is totaled, windows were blown out, and the damage to the car was horrendous. Someone is moaning, but I don't know whose moan it is. I can hear a strange pinging sound like water hitting hot metal. The firefighters are using the jaws-of-life on the back of Jade's car, trying to get the victims out. Everything looks like it's out of a lifetime after-school movie or a construction scene. A teenage girl stands on the side of the road by the third car, a red honda which is smashed into the bridge. She's crying hysterically while another friend holds her up, frozen in fear and disbelief, to cry herself. The police have a teenage boy in custody. He's swearing up a storm, proclaiming he's innocent and not drunk; he can walk a straight line. Another teenage boy is beating his hands against the police cruiser, hollering in agony. "I'm sorry. Oh my fucking God, I didn't mean to do it. I am so sorry!"
The officer looks at him in repulsion, shaking his head gruffly and muttering. "Sorry, ain't going to cut it this time, Miller. You messed up for the last time."
When we get to the pavement, I finally see the emergency vehicles. There are so many I can't even count them all. Fire Engines, Police, and ambulances line the streets for miles. Yellow caution tape blocks off the area. My throat tightens when I see four white body bags lining the street. For centuries, white has represented purity in many parts of the world. The presence of young people at funerals, whether as dead, mourners, or participants, is often marked in white as a symbol of innocence and purity. White body bags allow the spirits to leave peacefully and to keep the atmosphere calm during the funeral.
Pure means we haven't sinned because we are too naïve and innocent.
If these boys had gone to church more often and paid attention to the bible or the teachings of their parents, maybe there wouldn't be four white body bags covering the bodies of four precious babies who would never come home because of their sins. I spot the news vans a block down; the vultures are already swarming in to check out the wreckage of the carnage. No fucking respect.
Under those bags are the sons and daughters of unsuspecting parents who are about to hear the worst news of their lives. News every parent dreads, my heart breaks for each set of parents; shattered dreams.
Andre?" My voice is barely a whisper, but he hears me. "I'm right here, babe." "If I die, take care of Jade for me. Don't let her blame herself, please. Promise me."
"Cat, relax; you're going to make it. I promise I've never lied to you, and I won't start now. We're all going to be okay." My eyes are feeling very heavy, and I am getting dizzier. I don't want to sleep; I want to see Jade. She is screaming. All I want to do is hold her and tell her she'll be okay, but the heaviness is taking over me, and I can't fight it anymore, so I squeeze Andre's hand.
Ten years later, 2022
"Ari...Ari!"
Standing onstage on the last leg of my fifth world tour, I have an immense rush of gratitude as I see the arena, which is filled with my adoring fans, 20,000 plus, all jumping up and down, clapping, and waving signs. I'm sure the noise level is insane, but thankfully my earbuds prevent me from hearing any of it. All I can listen to is my band's music; I can feel their excitement and love vibrating the stage.
Stepping back for a second, I am overwhelmed by all the love; looking around; I smile at my six dancers and my three backup singers. My eyes scan the signs being held up by my fans. We love Ari Valentine; Ari is our hero, God is a woman, and her name is Ari. It's all so sweet. Their love brings tears to my eyes. So many emotions overcome me that my hand flies to my mouth as I try to stop myself from crying. Pull yourself together, Ari; this isn't your first rodeo, girl. You've been doing this since you were nineteen and twenty-six. Act like a professional, not a little child. Lifting the microphone to my lips, I take a deep breath. "LA, how are you feeling tonight?" the spotlight flies over the audience, which screams enthusiastically.
"Thank you so much, God; you are all amazing. Your support and energy deeply touch me. Wow." I bow to my fans, laughing and blowing out kisses as the corners of my lips twist into a beautiful smile. Watching myself on the big screen, I am amazed at how happy I look. Damn, I look so different. I have grown a little since I was sixteen, but I am still only 5'1, so I'm wearing ten-inch platform shoes to give me some needed height. Almost as much height as my 32-inch ponytail that sways back and forth with the swish of my hips. Shiny and beautiful. Now a light brown, it's my pride and joy and something my fans all try to copy.
"Honestly, thank you all sincerely; without your love and support over these crazy years, I could not do what I love to do, which is create meaningful songs, perform them for you, and make a difference with the riches I have been blessed with, thanks to your support." I take a deep breath, waiting for the audience to calm down so I can continue. "Tonight is a treat for me because while I have been grateful to travel the world, see so many amazing countries, explore the culture and meet so many adorable fans, nothing beats performing in my hometown. Growing up here in La, it was always my dream to entertain. I even went to Hollywood Arts, where I met some amazing friends who helped shape my life. I wasn't always confident in myself, but that gift of friendship was priceless. My crew always stuck by me, picked me up when I was down, and encouraged me to believe in myself."
"Tonight, I would like to perform for you a new song. It's never been recorded before, but it's been a song I have been trying to write for almost ten years, along with one of my very best friends, who I would like to bring out to help me perform. Please help me welcome five-time Grammy award winner and legendary songwriter/producer Andre Harris."
As excepted, the crowd completely loses their mind. Andre comes jogging out, blowing kisses and doing a funny little dance that makes everyone laugh. Coming up to me, he reaches over and pulls me to his chest, hugging me tightly. "Thank you for that super sweet introduction, Lil red." I smile sadly at the nickname I haven't used in almost ten years. He takes over for me but doesn't let go as he talks to the audience. I fall into the warm embrace of his hug, relishing the feel of arms that haven't been able to hold me in almost two years between our busy schedules and a worldwide pandemic that has been crazy.
"Ten years ago today, Ari and I and three of our friends were on a road trip to Clearlake, Ca; we were singing, playing games, teasing each other, and having a wonderful time." My throat tightens as the memories of that awful night come back to me in fragmented wreckage. "Then, two cars came towards us, going down the wrong way on the highway. One of the teenage drivers was drunk, and the other was texting as they raced."
"Mommy!"
I look up from Andre's chest, seeing my beautiful eight-year-old daughter racing over to me, being chased by her father, my husband, Robbie. He's mouthing sorry over and over to me. He's supposed to keep her distracted backstage, so she doesn't do this, but our daughter's beautiful wild spirit will not be held down or told no—the audience ripples in a sea of awe. Taking my hand, my daughter smiles at me and whispers. "Don't be sad, mommy, for Jesus is on our side, and when he sees you are struggling, he will hold you, so there's no need to be sad; Jesus will take away your pain and make it into hit songs."
Laughter fills the arena, and my little girl looks at me in confusion. She does not know what she said, which could be funny; she's deadly serious. I kiss her forehead. She smells sweet, like peaches. Running my hand through her hair, I feel my strength slightly renewed. Robbie picks her up and holds her, joining us onstage. Taking the microphone, he continues to tell what Andre started. "Six teenagers died on this night, ten years ago; six precious lives have forever gone even after all these years; the pain weighs down on all of us like a heavy coat. Andre and Ari survived, but they have been wrecked with guilt for years. Why did they live when six others died?"
"Tonight, to honor those who didn't make it because of two teenagers who made terrible choices, we are asking all of you here to tweet and post your photos and videos on all social media platforms with the hashtags #EndDrunkDriving #ItCanWait, In honor of these six teenagers who paid a price no teenager should ever have to pay.
Joey Miller-16
Rory Lane-17
Lynda Lee-15
Bryce Walker-16
Breathing deeply, I take over for Robbie, who holds my hand as I read the last two names.
"Tori Vega-16
Jade West-16
"Tonight, all proceeds will go towards the foundation the three of us, along with our friend Trina Vega, have created. To tell you more about the foundation, please welcome our friend, Trina."
Running onto the stage, Trina turns to the screen, stroking her hair, checking herself out from every angle, and grinning. "Wow, I look hot!" Waving to the audience, Trina smiles. "Hello, all you beautiful people. My name is Trina Vega; some of you may know me from my radio show hangouts with Trina every weeknight on boom radio from 7 to 12; some of you may also know me from my YouTube channel. Why do butts talk? If you don't, what is wrong with you
? Tune-in!"
"Most of you don't know that I am also the president of Jori-SADD, the foundation we created in honor of my little sister Tori and our friend Jade. Jori combines their names, and SADD stands for Sisters Against Drunk Driving. In 2019, almost 2,400 teens in the United States aged 13–19 were killed, and about 258,000 were treated in emergency departments for injuries from motor vehicle crashes. That means about seven teens die daily from motor vehicle crashes, and hundreds more are injured. In addition, motor vehicle crash deaths among teens 15–19 years of age resulted in about $4.8 billion in medical and work loss costs for crashes that occurred in 2018."
"Tori and I fought as all sisters did, but she was my star, even though I never told her. No matter how hard we fought, she was my biggest cheerleader; sometimes, in secret, but she would always have my back. Tori didn't discover her love for performing until she was fifteen. All due to me, you're welcome, Tor-o; once she discovered her passion and talent, she fought hard to perfect it and learn everything she could. When she joined HA, she made friends with these crazy cats who always had her back, even when they fought. I miss Tori every day. It's hard to wake up knowing I lived, and she didn't. We were both in that car when it was burning, yet somehow I survived, and she didn't. I've questioned God every damn day why when she was so gifted, so sweet, and so ambitious. I'll get no genuine answers, but I wake up every day with one mission to make sure all teenagers are aware of the deadly cost drinking, driving, and texting can have on their lives if they don't wake up and pay attention."
Robbie nods as he speaks. "So please, if you are at a party and see a friend too intoxicated to drive, take their keys; if you are that friend, use common sense, give someone your keys and call someone to come get you. Most states suspend your license for varying lengths — sometimes up to a year. Multiple convictions typically equal a revocation of a license. Some states require mandatory jail time— even for a first offense — as well as fees and fines. You may be required to install an ignition interlock device on your car; if it detects alcohol, it will prevent you from operating the vehicle. A single drunk driving conviction may lead to job loss or restrictions on operating company vehicles. Higher insurance rates almost always accompany drunk driving convictions. If you caused an accident while drinking and driving, punitive damages might be claimed against you. Many states will not allow liability insurance to pay for punitive damages, so you may be exposed to such damages. Those are the legal consequences, but no one talks about the emotional ones, the scars which will never heal in your heart or your mind if you are the one who takes a life."
Taking over, I step forward, trying to control the tremble inside my voice as I feel my heart race. "Words can't express the permanent hole left inside my heart when my best friend, Jade, died, so did a part of me, the thought of her dying alone on the side of a cold dirt road miles from home, scared and in pain, kills me. Jade risked her life by spinning the car to save me; she showed me the ultimate act of love. Jade was thrown from the car after her seatbelt was ripped in half by the metal of her car twisting and crushing her; she landed fifty feet away from her car. Her spine was broken, her legs shattered, and she suffered a traumatic brain injury."
"Jade didn't deserve to die. She was sure as fuck didn't deserve to suffer for minutes or hours as her brain swelled and her spine snapped in half. Jade was compassionate, brave, fierce, beautiful, and smart; she should have gotten the chance to graduate high school, go to college, fall in love, get married, have children, and chase her dreams. Meet my daughter, her namesake, Caroline Jadelyn Shapiro. Jade isn't a statistic. She was my best friend, my true love, my sister, my soulmate, my fucking everything! She had a life that mattered, but because two teens, Thomas Murphy and Ethan Miller, made selfish choices, her heart was stopped; it wasn't an accident. They made deliberate choices, and their choices murdered six teenagers. Thomas got six years, and Ethan got two years because the judge felt fucking sorry for him because his brother was one victim he killed; it was a slap in the face to all of us who lost our loved ones and never got justice. My friends and I got a life sentence; our lives will be spent forever missing Jade and Tori growing up and experiencing all our milestones without them by our sides. So please think before you act because your actions could be someone else final act." "Tonight, we are giving you all a first listen to the song road Trip, which Andre helped me write." Andre nods and heads over to the piano while Robbie and Triana take their places by me.
Road Trip
Verse One
Gone but never forgotten
My best friend, oh, forever young
I fall to my knees and question why
How can this be? My world shattered in seconds with the smashing glass.
Chorus
Ohh, how can an ordinary day
Turn so cold in the blink of my eyes?
I never got to say goodbye; why did the time go by so fast?
Laughing, joking, cryin' singing' to our favorite songs on our road trip.
We took it all for granted.
I never dreamed it would be our last time together
If I had known, I promise I would have never wasted another second
To tell you
I love you
Bridge
Baby, you were my everything.
Now I am left with an empty heart
Why did you have to go?
When you were the one who always believed in me,
I would trade it all if I could
Money, fame, and hit songs. They mean nothing without you here by my side.
I'm grateful for the love of my fans. Please don't take me wrong.
But baby, you were my biggest fan, and I am so cold without you
Lost my faith in humanity because who wants love when the risks are losing everything?
And all we are left with are memories.
Verse Two
Ten years have gone without hearing your voice or feeling your touch.
Some days it feels like yesterday when I was hearing
The girl in red is going to die
It should have been me, baby, not you
Cause you were my everything.
Somebody, please tell me, how am I even breathing?
Life was so beautiful. I had it all opportunities, love, and the craziest adventures.
We took it all for granted; we never dreamed one road trip would change our lives.
Young, thinking time was always on our side
Now we're putting flowers on your graves
Planning a future without you by our sides
Hey, can you hear me in heaven?
Repeat Chorus
Verse Three
I want you to know
I love you forever; I will never forget you.
Pinkie promise
Friendship is forever
You, my friend, are unforgettable
Purely original
It's not good enough for me to be here without you. Oh, oh, oh.
I can't understand living without my everything
You belong here by our sides, not in heaven
I can't lie. It's hell going on without my best friends.
My heart breaks every fucking day, and all I feel is fear
Why did Jesus take you? How am I supposed to breathe?
When the ones I love are lost?
Death leaves a pain inside the heart which never heals,
Loss is the price we pay for loving even one-day
Would I trade it all to have you by my side?
Or would I sacrifice those days of bliss if it meant I would never have fe
lt this unbearable pain?
No, cause as much as this sucks, loving you and knowing you taught me the most significant gifts.
One taught me patience, and one taught me faith, but you both taught me, unconditional love.
I am who I am because I knew you both.
Yeah, so I guess pain is the price we pay for these lessons and these fantastic memories.
So thank you for being my friends.
If you can hear me in heaven, hear my message in this song
Thank You until the next time we meet again; I love you.
A/N: Song Lyrics belong to these bands and their writers.
Paradise Lost- Within Temptation
Because Of you- Kelly Clarkson
Fast Car- Tracy Thompson
Glamorous- Fergie
Daddy Issues- The Neighbourhood
Headlines, Wannabe, and Say You'll Be There- The Spice Girls
Road Trip- Cherie Friedman