An Asshole Assignment

Nile knew he was fucked when he got called into a full board meeting. As a general rule, Scorpia operatives met the full board rarely. Most operatives met the full board twice in their career. Once after graduation and once when they retired. He was already nervous before he was called in.

"You're fidgeting."

Nile looked at Sekhmet. She wasn't the greatest at emotional support, but she was what he had. "A full board meeting is never a good sign. Either I'm in trouble or I'm getting stuck with a very expensive and micromanaged project."

Sekhmet rolled her eyes. Nile let out a huff. He continued clicking his clicky pen. His phone buzzed in his pocket.

Get in here.

Nile let out a sigh. He walked up to the door and knocked softly. The door was pulled open on his second knock. "Welcome, Nile! I'm sure you're very eager for your next assignment."

Nile had forgotten that Mrs. Rothman was the current chair. He raised his gaze to meet hers. He just wanted to get this over with so he could get his heart rate down. "Yes, Mrs. Rothman."

Nile knew that she hated being called that, but he wasn't going to risk using her first name in a formal setting. Her hand grazed his chest as she swept back into her chair. Nile watched her carefully.

"As you know, Yassen was recently killed on assignment. This means that we need a different elite operative to supervise Invisible Sword than we had originally planned."

Oh, no. Fuck. Fuck. No. No. No. No. Nonono. Not the batshit clients! Nile raised an eyebrow. "And…you're choosing…me."

Nile was the guy they sent when Scorpia absolutely, positively, needed something destroyed by the next sunrise. Yassen was the stabby subtle guy. They had established this. Multiple times. The board members were all nodding earnestly at him. Well, except for Doctor Three and Major Yu. Nile hadn't ever been popular with those two.

"I'm sure you'll perform admirably."

Nile was amazed sometimes at how Major Yu could sound both entirely sincere and could ooze insincerity at the same time. If he knew Yu, the man probably was lining up the poison darts for when he inevitably fucked up. "What exactly would this assignment entail?"

Nile felt his brain slowly begin to melt under the onslaught of information that was thrown at him. The science portion behind the nanorobotics made him want to cry. Fuck. He was going to die. This was some sort of plot to-

"Do you have any questions before you receive your files?"

Nile cleared his throat. Right, focus on getting through the meeting. "No, sirs."

Nile could get people to help him. He wasn't Yassen. Nile was the guy everyone liked despite the disasters he caused. There was probably some sucker in logistics that he could get to help him with the shipping shit. Who based a vaccine operation for Britain in Italy?! "You are dismissed."

Nile slunk out. He shut the door behind him and let the lock engage before letting out a sigh of relief. His phone buzzed again. A glance told him that it was an encrypted email. Sekhmet poked him in the shoulder. "What's the deal?"

Nile gave her the look of doom. Sekhmet rolled her eyes at his dramatics. "We got Yassen's last contract."

Sekhmet released him and put her face into her hands. Nile patted her on the shoulder. "Fuck. Do we at least get Yassen's level of fee-charging?"

Nile gave her an amused look. This was why he liked her. Smart. Ruthless. Interested in money only. "The board's still got me under contract, so they're taking a chunk, but yes."

Sekhmet looked moderately cheered by that. Nile couldn't blame her. Yassen-money was fucking fantastic. Nobody was quite sure how he weaseled the sheer amount of charge sheet charges, fees, and triple-charges on the obscenely rich clients. Nile was pretty sure half of the fees on the contract were completely made up by Yassen for that specific client.

Sekhmet let out a sigh while reading it. "Alright, what batshit plan do we have going on? Everyone knows that Yassen only charges triple for the clinically insane."

Nile blinked and began adding the numbers up. Sekhmet was right. He laughed a little bit. "He really did charge fucking triple."

Sekhmet whacked him. Nile rubbed his neck. She hit hard. "Erm, well, the client wants the Elgin Marbles returned to Greece and also the dissolution of the US-UK alliance. So, the board decided that the best approach was…"

Sekhmet's eyebrows went increasingly higher as Nile described the plan. He pulled up the files on his encrypted phone. She began blinking very slowly. Nile wondered if she was about to start typing up her resignation so she could ditch the pure insanity that was the board's ideas. To her credit, she didn't immediately say anything. Nile could tell that she was still digesting the pure clusterfuck that the board had dropped on them.

Sekhmet sighed. "You'll need to watch the factory. The file says that the assets there are not considered trustworthy. We all know what that means."

Nile knew full well that meant 'kill them all.' Sekhmet drummed her fingers against the table. "Logistics can handle the delivery and the squad and I can supervise our end."

Nile hated splitting up. It never ended well. Grumble, grumble, grumble. "Alright. Let's get this shitshow on the road. Invisible Sword, more like Invisible High Blood Pressure."

Sekhmet smacked him. Nile gave her a pouty look. "What was that for?"

Sekhmet glanced around before answering him. The words were barely hissed above a whisper. "Nile. We are right outside a board meeting."

Nile shrugged. The board knew what he was like under stress. Typically, they were the cause of it. "Right. We'll meet up in the morning. Also, we're still running security for Mrs. Rothman's party."

Sekhmet let out a groan. Nile gently patted her on the shoulder. "Just think of the beach house you've always wanted to buy and all the billable hours we're going to get between the two contracts."

Sekhmet glared at him balefully.

Nile decided it was time to make a hasty exit before she remembered that she could resign. "See you tomorrow!"

Sekhmet let out an incoherent noise that mostly sounded like a grunt. Nile all but ran out of the room. Sekhmet would fix it for him.

Fin

Based on a prompt by Zyzyax (see story summary). This is the 249th work in the Winds of Change 2022 Alex Rider Prompt event, where a new prompt (plus a short 1-3K work) is posted every day. For more details, see the AO3 collection. We have an index of all the prompts used in this event so far and going forwards - join the discord to get access to the online index (and to take part in our events, chat about everything and anything, and meet a load of awesome people!