"Carmine and His Lenses""Carmine and His Lenses"


(later that night after the big date/semi small reunion, Shirley walks in with a dreamy yet scared look on her face. Laverne drags herself out and looks at the clock)

Laverne: (yawns) Where were you Shirl? It's 3 in the morning.

Shirley: Oh, no where, just on my date.

Laverne: (perks up and looks at Shirl) So what did you and Carmine do on your date?

Shirley: None of your business. But Laverne, I'm worried about him. He's a horrible driver without his glasses. You shoulda seen the Angora Debs ........

Laverne: What about the Angora Debs?

Shirley: Oh, well we saw Haley, Jessica, Lindsey, and Stephanie at the movies and gave them a ride to the Pizza Bowl. I tell you, they were scared to death.

Laverne: Well what you gonna do about it? Glue the glasses to his face?

Shirley: I don't know! I guess something will have to happen to him to make him realize he needs them.

Laverne: Don't worry about it too much Shirl. Carmine's a smart guy and he'll wear them. In the mean time, it's 2 in the morning and we gotta work tomorrow. And you know what I look like when I don't get enough sleep.

Shirley: Alright, come on. Good night Vernie.

Laverne: night Shirl.

(a week later, Laverne and Shirley are cleaning up after dinner when Carmine walks in all bruised and cut [think the beginning of the ep: "The Dance Studio"]. Shirley and Laverne run over to him)

Shirley: What happened to you? Oh, Laverne, I told you we could get mugged in the same week.

Laverne: He probably wasn't mugged, he was boxing again, right?

Carmine: Neither, I got in a car crash.

(a big sympathy and shock sigh comes from the audience)

Shirley: How? I know how, but are you alright?

Laverne: Check if he has any broken bones.

(the girls start punching him and he winces in pain and grabs their hands)

Carmine: I just got some cuts and needed some iodine.

Shirley: (walks him over to the couch and sits next to him) I told you to wear your glasses. Are you convinced now that you have to?

Carmine: Yeah, now especially, unless you have enough iodine for every time I go to drive.

Shirley: C'mon, put on your glasses, I wanna see how you look. To prove that you look real smart.

(he puts them on and looks in the small mirror on the table)

Shirley: You look real smart.

(suddenly Lenny & Squiggy walk in with big black glasses [think "Date With Eraserhead" the big yellow sunglasses] and trip on the stairs)

Shirley: What are you doing with those things?

Lenny: Well we heard that girls like guys with glasses, so if you like Carmine with those little ones, we'll get all the chicks with these.

Squiggy: (sits next to Shirley and puts his arm around her) You feelin' frisky, Shirl?

Carmine: I may need glasses but I can still punch your lights out Squigg.

Squiggy: Come Len! Let's go to somewhere where they have smart girls. Like the Boys Club.

(they leave and then Shirley turns around)

Shirley: You know, I thought it would be harder to convince you to wear glasses. So I got these.

(she takes out a pair of glasses and puts them on)

Shirley: So we can be smart looking together.

(Carmine smiles and kisses her, then they start making out on the couch and we zoom out because too much smut ruins my script.)